So a few months have passed.
The September holidays over.
Term 4 over
Into the Summer (Christmas) holidays.
So what have I learned?
She is ho hum about this.
She has moved back into our bedroom but that was because of the detrimental effect her living in the spare room was having on the kids. There had been no fighting, no yelling, no bad words, no saying nasty things about each other to the kids or anyone. But the kids were affected my her being in the other bed room.
When she came back in, there was no discussion with me, She just moved in. She said "Better one person un happy (that's her) than the rest of the family unhappy. I asked her to go back to her room and only come back when she wanted to come back but of course she did not listen to me. So she is back.
But it is still cold.
At one stage we had a discussion about why she moved out. As we talked I listed reasons she gave at various times. Then I talked to her about how I should deal with each of these things. Here are some of them
Talking / grumping at her at 3am - Don't walk her up at 3am (OK)
And so since then If I wake up at 3am and feel angry I get up and go out of the room.
Talk about kinky stuff - Just don't.
And so since then I have not mentioned anything 'kinky'. For your benefit and so that I can mention it to someone that is Spanking, Plastic - being wrapped in cling wrap or wearing plastic pants, nappies of the adult kind, submission (we never really got into dominance)
Mention of short skirts - Just don't
So even when she has on occasion asked what I would like, I have said please do not ask that question of me because I can either lie (which I have a moral problem with) or I can say "Short skirt" in which case you will confirm that I am somehow bad.
Criticise her - just don't
Apparently I am a very critical person. Mind you I have asked others and it would seem this is not a universally held belief. But I have tried very very hard to only say positive stuff. I have ignored the mess and crap that clutters our house. When the kids complain to me I try to quietly suggest that they talk to mum about it.
Temper - Don't loose it
Apparently I have a hair trigger temper. So like with the criticism thing, I have tried to just let anything and everything that I dislike just pass. Nothing in our house will change the world so in a big picture way it does not really matter. The difficulty here is that it would appear that even being angry is seen as bad. So lets say something happens that makes me angry. So I quietly walk out of the room. Careful not to even show anger. No taking a deep breath or anything. Just walk calmly out and take a few minutes to calm down. Then later if we even discuss it, she will, with a bit of encouragement from me to express what were the negatives of the day, state that I got angry over whatever it was.
---------------------------------
I think both of us are on edge. I gather she feels that she has to watch what she says so as to not make me angry and I feel like I have to just show no emotion, be happy and smile and have no opinion lest it be seen as either criticism of her or an expression of anger.
So we drift along in this relatively surreal pleasant situation.
She though never talks about how she feels. When I try to find out how she feels, she turns the discussion round to how I feel.
Personally I don't think anything has changed from 1, 2 or even 5 years ago and I suspect that unless she is willing to talk about her feelings then I suspect that there will be another separation.
There is another sort of contradiction to all of this and that is that she has repeatedly said I should find someone else to explore my fantasies with. Now originally I interpreted that to mean that we would divorce and I would shack up with someone else. However now I think that she means just find a "Play Partner" and have fun. Including sex, spanking, and all things kinky.
That would be a very good outcome providing everyone was honest about their feelings and knew the deal. I wonder?
