I've begun to move into a much better head space.
Some self impose rules that are both to protect my mental space and also a bit of self indulgent 'mind fuck' for me.
These are all in the bedroom rules as that is where the grief seems to happen.
The rules are
#1 watch out if I am getting angry and if I am then don't continue the conversation.
#2 Don't ask what she is thinking. That always ends in grief. See rule #1. I ask the question, hoping beyond hope that just once the answer would have something to do with sex. never is. She always answers along the lines of something she has to do or organise.
#3 Don't ask for sex. It's just patetic.
#4 No masturbation.
#5 I will put my arms around her and hug her but I will be careful not to grope. I think she is OK with a squeeze of a boob but no hands between legs. Being careful here.
#6 No grinding or spooning. Trying to be consistent with #3 here.
This seems to be working. The atmosphere in the house is much nicer.
Certainly I am in a more positive head space.
And we had sex the other day. The only way she orgasms is to be on top. My observation is that the only time she gets turned on is in the week before her period is due. Anyway we ended up in bed. Hug, kiss & cuddle and she asked if I wanted sex and how would I like it.
Now, in a sub way, I actually wish she would not ask because there are two answers to that and neither of them seem to work for her. One answer is "Please don't ask me just tell me what you'd like or just do it but don't ask". Thats the sub me answer. The other, from the era of dominant me would be "Don't ask me, don't tell me, just do what I say and I'll satisfy myself my way and don't complain later" ie me being dominant rather than sub and that just leads to grief so I don't wish to get into that head space. I'd rather stay in sub mode.
Anyway she gets me to enter her from on top. Then we roll over so she is on top and then she starts to get aroused and cum and I try to cum at the same time. But after she came we stopped and she relaxed on top of me and I love that. then she started tightening her self over my still erect cock and that got me all turned on again. Then she rode me a bit plus she squeezes my breasts and that's painful but arousing. Not long and I came. That was great.
I'd gone over a month with no orgasm and that's a mind fuck in it's own way and then came with her on top. So nice.
