Here I am writing on my blog and reading other blogs predominantly authored by men who claim that they are or desire to be submissive to their wives or a woman partner. I was thinking that most of these are overtly sexual in some way.
For example, in this post, subservienthusband talks about doing the ironing and he has sexualised it and gets an erection and drips precum doing the ironing. Later in the same posting he talks about wearing feminine clothing and so on.
Likewise I want my relationship with my wife to be one overt submission with a strong at least in private sexual aspect to it. An emphasis of female power in the bed room. The bed room being a place where things can be taken to greater extremes in public. Spanking, tease & denial and so on.
So far this post has been about my thoughts and I guess what I desire out of it.
The difficulty is in extracting my wife's thoughts. Finding out what she wants.
Now on the other hand there is I think another sort of non sexual submission that is I think very common although of course we do not know what goes on behind closed doors. I think there are many men who just do as their wives tell them. In a way for a long time this was our relationship. My wife controlled the social calendar and I just went along with it. She said "we are doing...." and that is what we did.
In the bed room though, it seems that my wife wants me to lead. So I have this juxtaposition in my brain. In so many areas of our life, she leads but in the bed room she wants me to romance and woo and stimulate and SERVE HER. So in a way that is very very consistent. She wants to respons rarher than lead. She wants me to work on her.
Somehow we need to work out common ground. I think what I would love, given she is not going to turn into a dominatrix, is where I do work on her and romance her and so on but at the same time, it would be great if she were to control when I cum or something like that.
Gotta go.
Will think and write more later.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
Natural Family Planning Abstinance
Well the wife was out last night and I was feeling a little moody. So unproductive. I did the washing up and I fixed a music stand for her. Putthe kids to bed.
Then I got on the net for a hit of dopamine. Naughty me.
I went looking for information on abstinance and chastity in married couples.
It would appear that there are people who do this in a serious as in non kinky fashion. Some of these people come from a catholic persuasion.
Here are a couple of interesting links:
"How do help our husbands endure periods of abstnance"
http://moxiewife.com/2012/11/question-from-a-reader-how-do-we-help-our-husbands-endure-periods-of-abstinence/.html
and a wife wondering if her husband having a wet dream "resets the clock". I gather they go for a period of abstinance
http://innergold.com/igcforum/index.php?topic=305.0
There seem to be some very dominant women in that formum intent on "fixing" their "Weak" or "Broken" husbands. I note mention of "LDS" in one post but I thought LDS were very male dominated but this form seems very female driven. Odd.
and here is another more flr related
http://toy4her.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/better-spouses-punishment/
The bizzare thing is that some of that "help" from my wife might be just what I need.
When my wife came home I confessed I had gone looking for stuff about abstinance in marriage. One key post that I cant refind basically had a couple of key dot points that I think apply to my wife and I.
So I am thinking I may send some of this information to my wife.
We did discuss a bit last night and she said "she just wants me to be happy".
Well thats nice but having release just makes me feel weak but if I don't get release I do acknowledge I get grumpy and so I think she feels go for the release thing.
Then I got on the net for a hit of dopamine. Naughty me.
I went looking for information on abstinance and chastity in married couples.
It would appear that there are people who do this in a serious as in non kinky fashion. Some of these people come from a catholic persuasion.
Here are a couple of interesting links:
"How do help our husbands endure periods of abstnance"
http://moxiewife.com/2012/11/question-from-a-reader-how-do-we-help-our-husbands-endure-periods-of-abstinence/.html
and a wife wondering if her husband having a wet dream "resets the clock". I gather they go for a period of abstinance
http://innergold.com/igcforum/index.php?topic=305.0
There seem to be some very dominant women in that formum intent on "fixing" their "Weak" or "Broken" husbands. I note mention of "LDS" in one post but I thought LDS were very male dominated but this form seems very female driven. Odd.
and here is another more flr related
http://toy4her.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/better-spouses-punishment/
The bizzare thing is that some of that "help" from my wife might be just what I need.
When my wife came home I confessed I had gone looking for stuff about abstinance in marriage. One key post that I cant refind basically had a couple of key dot points that I think apply to my wife and I.
- If the husband knows then then there will be no orgasm then he does not get moody when it does not happen.
- She no longer feels the pressure to 'perform'. (My wife has said that she sometimes has that feeling).
- Wet dreams are the body's natural way to obtain release.
- With sexual intercourse off the agenda, the husband and wife have to turn to other intimate activities to keep the relationship special. Kissing, touching including running hands all over the others body (but not groping), hugging, sitting together, going to romatic places together (My wife would like that one). I took from this that husband and wife had to make an extra special effort to look after each others needs and to validate each other. It sounded a little like rekindling the behaviours that lovers do when they can't have sex.
- Husband has to do physical tasks and exercise to take his mind off the pressure.
- Wife has to acknowledge the effort the husband is putting in.
- Wife has to be strong and not give in.
- Wife has to tell him when to get out of bed and do one of those cool off distracting activities.
- Husband not to grind against the wife or the mattress.
- There was some discussion with some people saying the wife should dress frumpy to quieten the husbands desire (men are visual) and others who said that the women should dress sexually as it makes the husband feel validated when his wife dresses to please him. (that's me)
- One person mentioned relacing the physical reward of an orgasm with another physical act and that she and her husband had experimented and found that physical pain helped him feel loved and validated. She said she would dig her fingernails into his erect penis or grip his nipples and squeeze as hard as she could. (Wow that would be wonderful for me)
So I am thinking I may send some of this information to my wife.
We did discuss a bit last night and she said "she just wants me to be happy".
Well thats nice but having release just makes me feel weak but if I don't get release I do acknowledge I get grumpy and so I think she feels go for the release thing.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Journalling
Mr Subservient Husband has an interesting article here
http://subservient-husband.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/the-truth.html
where he says " I do find journaling to be a therapeutic exercise, but only if I am open and honest. That is my continued goal"
and that I think is very true for me too.
I use this blog as a place to pour out my heart which maybe is why it is probably a bit negative.
I also write my opinions and thoughts. I often wish for more feedback but that it appears is not reality. However I do really really appreciate the feedback that I do get.
http://subservient-husband.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/the-truth.html
where he says " I do find journaling to be a therapeutic exercise, but only if I am open and honest. That is my continued goal"
and that I think is very true for me too.
I use this blog as a place to pour out my heart which maybe is why it is probably a bit negative.
I also write my opinions and thoughts. I often wish for more feedback but that it appears is not reality. However I do really really appreciate the feedback that I do get.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Expressing Love Language
Now just to recap on this. There is a book called the 5 love languages. A book I would suggest that everyone reads. The jist of the message is that we each experience love in different ways and author has proposed that there are basically 5 different ways.
1 Physical touch
2 Words of encouragement
3 Acts of service
4 Receiving gifts
5 Quality time.
As I understand it, we can consider our marriage in two phases
1 The time when we are attracting our potential partner through to a year or so into th emarriage
2 The marriage after the excitement has gone.
During the first phase, when we try to attract our partner, we end up doing all the 5 of the love languages.
We do it because we are driven. We want that person. We are in love and lust and no effort is too much effort. So we buy preseents, we spend time with them, we say nice things, we hug and kiss and we do things for them.
Then time passes and we get busy. Work, kids and so on and so do our partners
Little time together anymore. (Gone is Quality Time)
We are too busy to do the things we used to do for them. (Gone are acts of service)
We stop buying those silly little "I love you gifts" or flowers. (Gone is receiving gifts)
Words of encouragement become words of criticism.
Physical touch becomes a peck on the cheek or a grope in bed.
and lets assume both partners are human then of course neither is feeling loved.
I believe that we end up only expressing our love language. So in my case that is "Physical Touch" and so for me a grope or a spanking or pretty much anything physical is received by me as love. My wife's love language is Acts of Service and so me expressing my love language by groping her is not perceived as a loving gesture - funny that - yet that is exactly what I want her to do to me.
Now her love language is "Acts of Service".
For me I can not fathom how "Acts of Service" is going to lead to sex.
I guess that she can not fathom how spanking me is is a communication of love.
So where are we.
Well I am going to keep trying the theory anyway by doing acts of service.
I am also trying a different tack and that is to try and suggest that even though she does not understand that whipping me is transmitting love, if she considers it an act of service then maybe that will help her understanding and give me that feeling of love that I need. Problem is that too seems a cop out to me. I just want her to know it somehow.
I mused this morning as I was in the shower, she came into the bath room and took my towel off the hanger and placed it on the chair right beside the showe. An Act of Service. That is her expressing her love language. To me a wast of effort. If I had not know acts of service was her love language I would not have taken anything from it. Of course what would have worked for me would have been if she took the towel and told be to turn round and she flicked me with it so that it whipped my bum. But that is just a dream.
1 Physical touch
2 Words of encouragement
3 Acts of service
4 Receiving gifts
5 Quality time.
As I understand it, we can consider our marriage in two phases
1 The time when we are attracting our potential partner through to a year or so into th emarriage
2 The marriage after the excitement has gone.
During the first phase, when we try to attract our partner, we end up doing all the 5 of the love languages.
We do it because we are driven. We want that person. We are in love and lust and no effort is too much effort. So we buy preseents, we spend time with them, we say nice things, we hug and kiss and we do things for them.
Then time passes and we get busy. Work, kids and so on and so do our partners
Little time together anymore. (Gone is Quality Time)
We are too busy to do the things we used to do for them. (Gone are acts of service)
We stop buying those silly little "I love you gifts" or flowers. (Gone is receiving gifts)
Words of encouragement become words of criticism.
Physical touch becomes a peck on the cheek or a grope in bed.
and lets assume both partners are human then of course neither is feeling loved.
I believe that we end up only expressing our love language. So in my case that is "Physical Touch" and so for me a grope or a spanking or pretty much anything physical is received by me as love. My wife's love language is Acts of Service and so me expressing my love language by groping her is not perceived as a loving gesture - funny that - yet that is exactly what I want her to do to me.
Now her love language is "Acts of Service".
For me I can not fathom how "Acts of Service" is going to lead to sex.
I guess that she can not fathom how spanking me is is a communication of love.
So where are we.
Well I am going to keep trying the theory anyway by doing acts of service.
I am also trying a different tack and that is to try and suggest that even though she does not understand that whipping me is transmitting love, if she considers it an act of service then maybe that will help her understanding and give me that feeling of love that I need. Problem is that too seems a cop out to me. I just want her to know it somehow.
I mused this morning as I was in the shower, she came into the bath room and took my towel off the hanger and placed it on the chair right beside the showe. An Act of Service. That is her expressing her love language. To me a wast of effort. If I had not know acts of service was her love language I would not have taken anything from it. Of course what would have worked for me would have been if she took the towel and told be to turn round and she flicked me with it so that it whipped my bum. But that is just a dream.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
men and girls clothing
We have seen over the years that women and girls can wear what have traditionally been mens clothing but the reverse has not happened.
With the exception of scottish kilts and pacific islander togas and the like men effectively do not wear skirts.
To me there seems to be a few issue to be considered
First when women start to wear mens clothes it is not sexualised. They I guess would claim that they wear pants for practical reasons and likewise with bike pants. So yes they look good but they wear them almost in a way so that they can perform an activiy modestly. Yet when men wear womens clothing it seems that it is sexualised.
In blogs and articles about submissive men that end up being dressed in womens clothing - panties and the like there is not only a sexualisation but also I believe a pulling down of women. The inference often is that they are weak or somethinng. Yet at the same time we are implying that FLR is strong.
I would think that in a FLR relationship that both the man and the woman are strong. The woman must be strong to take the lead and keep it. The man likewise must be strong to be able to exist in that relationship. Unless he is beaten down (and in every blog I have ever read, the husband wants FLR) then it will take a strong man to live under the authority of a woman.
So where does that get us or me anyway.
Well guess is that men will never end up dressing in beautiful what I would describe as sexy ball gowns, dresses high heels and the like.
My suspicion is that men may end up wearing kilts. My suspicion is that with women in charge that they will select to have their men wear what I think I would refer to as "tough guy skirts". I think the only real example of that that I have seen are the bag pipers wearing kilts. I have on occasion been close to them performing and the whole thing reeks of power, performance and testosterone. So not wossy skirts at all. So my suspicion is that men will end up wearing kilts, possibly even sort of denim skirts but with bike pants under them.
But you never know. We may find men wearing tights and high heels. I know some men would love this. But I doubt that will become common. My suspicion is that men will always wear clothing that lets them toss a football round or jump up a ladder and so on. So this won't preclude skirts but they will be teamed with bike pants or similar.
Hmmm
I came back and added this bit after searching goodle for "feminine mens clothing" and maybe we will end up with dresses, heels, tights, makeup.
---update---
Today a colleague at work tells me that her niece who is at university has a "onsie". I am thinking thats a bit odd, kinky etc. So I ask do tell more. Turns out it is an animal character of some kind and the girl is quite happy to not just wear it to the odd university party but also on occasion to a lecture. Obviously for a laugh but an indication of how times and clothing change. Maybe we will all revert to wearing traditionally baby clothes. ???
With the exception of scottish kilts and pacific islander togas and the like men effectively do not wear skirts.
To me there seems to be a few issue to be considered
First when women start to wear mens clothes it is not sexualised. They I guess would claim that they wear pants for practical reasons and likewise with bike pants. So yes they look good but they wear them almost in a way so that they can perform an activiy modestly. Yet when men wear womens clothing it seems that it is sexualised.
In blogs and articles about submissive men that end up being dressed in womens clothing - panties and the like there is not only a sexualisation but also I believe a pulling down of women. The inference often is that they are weak or somethinng. Yet at the same time we are implying that FLR is strong.
I would think that in a FLR relationship that both the man and the woman are strong. The woman must be strong to take the lead and keep it. The man likewise must be strong to be able to exist in that relationship. Unless he is beaten down (and in every blog I have ever read, the husband wants FLR) then it will take a strong man to live under the authority of a woman.
So where does that get us or me anyway.
Well guess is that men will never end up dressing in beautiful what I would describe as sexy ball gowns, dresses high heels and the like.
My suspicion is that men may end up wearing kilts. My suspicion is that with women in charge that they will select to have their men wear what I think I would refer to as "tough guy skirts". I think the only real example of that that I have seen are the bag pipers wearing kilts. I have on occasion been close to them performing and the whole thing reeks of power, performance and testosterone. So not wossy skirts at all. So my suspicion is that men will end up wearing kilts, possibly even sort of denim skirts but with bike pants under them.
But you never know. We may find men wearing tights and high heels. I know some men would love this. But I doubt that will become common. My suspicion is that men will always wear clothing that lets them toss a football round or jump up a ladder and so on. So this won't preclude skirts but they will be teamed with bike pants or similar.
Hmmm
I came back and added this bit after searching goodle for "feminine mens clothing" and maybe we will end up with dresses, heels, tights, makeup.
---update---
Today a colleague at work tells me that her niece who is at university has a "onsie". I am thinking thats a bit odd, kinky etc. So I ask do tell more. Turns out it is an animal character of some kind and the girl is quite happy to not just wear it to the odd university party but also on occasion to a lecture. Obviously for a laugh but an indication of how times and clothing change. Maybe we will all revert to wearing traditionally baby clothes. ???
Domestic duties
The wife and daughter are out shopping. Just received a MMS showing them in a chaning room somewhere in matching dresses.
Son and I are home cleaning.
:)
Son and I are home cleaning.
:)
Saturday, February 2, 2013
All for her
Well Friday night and the last free friday night for us. The net many weeks one or other of us is busy on Friday night. Mostly helpin with our church youth group or other activites already pencilled in on the calendar.
In the aftenoon I trade texts with my wife and invite her out to dinner and a movie. I find some of our kids are going to a sleepover. She accepts the invitation and we are away.
I book tickets at a theatre that has tables within the theatre and you eat as you watch the film. Feel kind of guilty having two glasses of wine while watching the filem "Flight". I suspect it was written by alcoholics anonomous. Go see it and you will see what I mean.
Home at a reasonable hour and chase the remaining kids to bed. And amazingly we are in the bed room before 10pm.
It is not long before I am in my undies and she is still in her short denim dress that she wore to the movies. We are touching and kissing and I am being very careful not to go straight between her legs. Gentle touch on her legs, back and bottom. While lying on her tummy she says "run your hand up my leg and under my skirt" and I do and I feel new frilly panties. Oh so sexy.
We continue and I am enjoying the panties and she is getting more and more turned on. I can sense this and I move closer and eventlyally stroke her clit through the panties and then slide a finger into the leg hole of the panties and stroke her clit and she cums.
We lie back and relax and she starts to drift off to sleep.
Is that all I think and can feel myself getting anoyed. Try to hold it together.
It starts to rain. She says there is washing on the line. I take this as a hint and get up and go and start getting it. It's quite cold & fesh and just a bit titilating being outdoors in the back yard wearing only my underwear and taking the clothes off the line. I wonder if the neighbours are watching. Of course I sexualise it by imaginging men being expected to do the washing in their underwear.
She comes and helps. This is good. It has woken her up. With the wind picking up, we close windows and make the house safe for the impending storm and then it is back to the bed room.
I lie in and she does a strip tease. Nice and slow.....I have been trying to encourage her to tease me and finally.....It is fun. Stimulating.
She is in her balck bra and frilly panties and that is as far as that went and she hops into bed. We are lying ontop of the sheet because it it pretty warm still even though it is raining outside.
At one stage she said something about whipping me and I said "when it comes to love we need to speak each others love language and that means that do unto others does not follow" (As it we don't want them to do unto us what they want we want them to do what we want. What turns me on is what I want and what turns you on is what I should do). I am hoping that she will pinch my nipples or whip me or in some way inflict some pain on me or be direct and bossy with me. Apart from a gentle twist of one nipple that is all that happens in that department.
The touching and caressing continues and naturally I am enjoying the feel of those panties. Eventually we have her turned on again and my finger inside her panties and I suggest that I lick her and she accepts. She rolls on her tummy and together we remove her panties.
Then I get between her legs and lick and move my tongue around and I am there for quite a while and she says hoe good it is and how close she is and how stimulating this is and then she cums and I know that because she gets all ticklish and gigly and so that is the end of that.
Today I have a sore jaw.
The only down side was that I could not stay hard. I was at the start but after she had cum the second time she said she wanted me inside her and I could not perform.
On another topic, the power of mothers, There is a different standard attached to what mothers and fathers, men and women can do. At a kids sporting event today and standing with a group of parents. The rest were mothers and one of them had her just teenage (I guess) daughter there wearing a relativly tight top that showed smallish breasts. With girl there, three of the mothers started to discuss the daughters development. Now naturally my ears pick up. Dirty old man that I am I guess. When to illustrate a point that I missed the mother basically reached out and squeezes the girls breast. The other two mothers then each repeat the feeling up. Wow. If I guy did that they would be arrested if they were still alive after the mothers finished with them.
In the aftenoon I trade texts with my wife and invite her out to dinner and a movie. I find some of our kids are going to a sleepover. She accepts the invitation and we are away.
I book tickets at a theatre that has tables within the theatre and you eat as you watch the film. Feel kind of guilty having two glasses of wine while watching the filem "Flight". I suspect it was written by alcoholics anonomous. Go see it and you will see what I mean.
Home at a reasonable hour and chase the remaining kids to bed. And amazingly we are in the bed room before 10pm.
It is not long before I am in my undies and she is still in her short denim dress that she wore to the movies. We are touching and kissing and I am being very careful not to go straight between her legs. Gentle touch on her legs, back and bottom. While lying on her tummy she says "run your hand up my leg and under my skirt" and I do and I feel new frilly panties. Oh so sexy.
We continue and I am enjoying the panties and she is getting more and more turned on. I can sense this and I move closer and eventlyally stroke her clit through the panties and then slide a finger into the leg hole of the panties and stroke her clit and she cums.
We lie back and relax and she starts to drift off to sleep.
Is that all I think and can feel myself getting anoyed. Try to hold it together.
It starts to rain. She says there is washing on the line. I take this as a hint and get up and go and start getting it. It's quite cold & fesh and just a bit titilating being outdoors in the back yard wearing only my underwear and taking the clothes off the line. I wonder if the neighbours are watching. Of course I sexualise it by imaginging men being expected to do the washing in their underwear.
She comes and helps. This is good. It has woken her up. With the wind picking up, we close windows and make the house safe for the impending storm and then it is back to the bed room.
I lie in and she does a strip tease. Nice and slow.....I have been trying to encourage her to tease me and finally.....It is fun. Stimulating.
She is in her balck bra and frilly panties and that is as far as that went and she hops into bed. We are lying ontop of the sheet because it it pretty warm still even though it is raining outside.
At one stage she said something about whipping me and I said "when it comes to love we need to speak each others love language and that means that do unto others does not follow" (As it we don't want them to do unto us what they want we want them to do what we want. What turns me on is what I want and what turns you on is what I should do). I am hoping that she will pinch my nipples or whip me or in some way inflict some pain on me or be direct and bossy with me. Apart from a gentle twist of one nipple that is all that happens in that department.
The touching and caressing continues and naturally I am enjoying the feel of those panties. Eventually we have her turned on again and my finger inside her panties and I suggest that I lick her and she accepts. She rolls on her tummy and together we remove her panties.
Then I get between her legs and lick and move my tongue around and I am there for quite a while and she says hoe good it is and how close she is and how stimulating this is and then she cums and I know that because she gets all ticklish and gigly and so that is the end of that.
Today I have a sore jaw.
The only down side was that I could not stay hard. I was at the start but after she had cum the second time she said she wanted me inside her and I could not perform.
On another topic, the power of mothers, There is a different standard attached to what mothers and fathers, men and women can do. At a kids sporting event today and standing with a group of parents. The rest were mothers and one of them had her just teenage (I guess) daughter there wearing a relativly tight top that showed smallish breasts. With girl there, three of the mothers started to discuss the daughters development. Now naturally my ears pick up. Dirty old man that I am I guess. When to illustrate a point that I missed the mother basically reached out and squeezes the girls breast. The other two mothers then each repeat the feeling up. Wow. If I guy did that they would be arrested if they were still alive after the mothers finished with them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)