Divorced

 Mid 2018 she left.

Mid 2019 filed for divorce

Sep 2019 divorce proclaimed.

Devastated.  It's now 2021 and I am still gutted.  Hurts like hell.

Gave up

Had a discussion with my wife.

There seems to be three groups of sexually abstinent men.
1. More sexually denied by disinterested wives. Non kinky.  Just marriages fallen apart but they are sill living together in a sexual desert.
2. Catholic or Natural Family Planning (NFP) couples.  Wives very supportive and in a vanilla way dominate the man as far as sex is concerned to ensure he stays abstinent.
3. Kinky couples sub man dom wife. 

In types 2 & 3 the men are basically happy and the women are overtly caring for the men.

My wife was "bla" when it came to this activity.  She just did not care.  She is just not into me.

So I figured what is the point.

Told her that and we had sex.  Pretty boring sex.  I think she sees it as her marital duty.  She certainly does not get turned on and does not seem to want to get turned on.

A concerned feeling

So yesterday I was really feeling quite concerned.  Maybe I'd never get to orgasm again.  Maybe once the three months is up I just wont be able to do it.  Luckily on this occasion my wife was quite firm in discouraging me from masturbating and she said no way to sex.

A worried feeling

Coming up to 3 weeks of abstinence.  The target is 3 months.  So today driving to work and sitting in traffic I had this feeling of dread wash over me.  I began to worry quite heavily maybe I will never get to orgasm again.  Maybe by the end of the 3 months, It will never get hard again.

awake in the middle of the night

Woke up around 12:30am.  Wide awake until about 2am.
I am assuming hormonal changes are driving this.

I am also wondering whether once everything settles down whether I should then try to limit getting aroused and hard.  Just being sexless / plutonic.  Seems to be what the wife is / wants.

Two weeks -ok

Two weeks in.
I suspect I am getting older because it's much more benign than last time.
I am pretty relaxed.  Some days I do not get hard at all.  Other days something - usually a good looking girl in a short skirt will get me rock hard.

I am wondering whether, once the initial pressure has stabilised, I should try to not even have an erection each day.  Try for a kind of sexless existence.

Moodwise I have been pretty OK.  I do though sometimes get depressed in the middle of the night.  When this happens I get out of bed and go and sleep in the spare room

a little ache

So it's about a week and a day into abstinence and I'm sitting at work and noticed my balls are beginning to ache.