Challenge

She still has not let me cum.

It's weird isn't it. 

I could jump in the shower and masturbate.  But I don't.

It's weird isn't it.

I asked her to do this.

Gosh I want to cum.

But I do enjoy the challenge.

BBQ

We went to a friends house for a BBQ on saturday night.

BBQs are a man thing.  The girls sit around and chat and the guys cook. 

The particular BBQ was one of those ones which has a solid plate for half and then a grill for the other half.  On the grill side, some fat that had come out of the meat caught fire.  There were some very spectacular flames.  Well the poor fellow wife was so derogatory making negative comments about burning the meat and so on.  As an interesting aside, the meat was the best tender steak I had had in quite a while.

It was nice to consider that putting people down just does not help.  It showed a lack of trust on her part.  Here he was serving her and she just had to be lets be honest a bitch.  To me there is a big difference between taking control and putting down.

Another interesting observation.  At the end of the night another big masculine fellow got into the kitchen and started on the dishes.  My wife whispered to me that I should join him.  That was fun.  In I went.  It was so not 1950's.

sexual tension

It is still ages since I last had orgasm.
I did go through a gloomy patch as you would have seen in my recent post and I still wish to converse with others.
Right now feeling good.


As you would have seen I was feeling a bit bla.  This lead to a conversation with my wife and I realised that she does a lot of things for me that I do not realise are efforts made on her part.

Not sure where I am going with this line of thought.

Funny to feel good when you want sex but your wife says "no".
I think a great deal of how one (well me anyway) feels is in how the ther other person says it and why.
If she were to ignore me then I would feel bad.
If she says "no" because that is what I want then that is good.  Frustrating but good.
If she says "no" because she does not want sex then that is good and bad.  It is good because in a way that is what I want.  By that I mean not that she does not want sex but because she has the confidence to say "no".  On the other hand, part of my wish is that she would want sex more and that in order to get it then I have to make the atmosphere conducive for her to want it.  If that makes sense.

Now in a recent post, I asked for discussion.  Now one of the things that I am not good at obviously is stimulating discussion.  Posing a question or a problem in such a way as gets discussion going.

So I am asking for your help here in terms of suggestions on how I should do this.  There is an uncanny parallel between my virtual life here and my life in the real world esp when it comes to communication.

So chip in with some suggestions if you can.

Thanks

cvrying out in the silence

I feel like no one understands me.

I am sure that my wife just does not "get it" when it comes to kinky stuff.

I write here and there are few readers and no conversation.

I would love to chat with people.  Converse.  But it seems that I am destined to do this life alone.

Sorry to my few readers to sound negative.  Just feeling a little down right now.

Caned

She has been reading a book called "Diary of a submissive"

In bed she talked a bit about what she had read and mentioned that there were special points where the effect of the cane was special.  I don't remember the words exactly.

You could cane me.

She said "go and get the cane"

I said "before we do that lets talk about the other person- The dominant person"

We had a discussion where I basically said I felt I was playing both parts.  Initiating the caning was taking the dominant role and then receiving it was being submissive.

I still don't think she really gets it.

Anyway she ended up caning me a few strokes and then sat beside me on the bed all quiet.

I said what are you doing and she said I cant hurt you.  Oh well I thought.  A pity but I don't know what to do.

I said something along the lines of "don't worry I'll tell you if there is a problem but we are here and lets try it
  So she hit me a few more times.
She said is that enough and I said go round to the other side of the bed and try it that way.  Do it as hard as you can and don't ask me if it is enough.  Just do as many as you like.  Its that challenge thing.

So she did and it hurt and there were a couple of welts on the tops of my legs too.

Then she stopped and lay beside me.  She pulled back my undies and then started to say she was sorry.  I said don't be.

A pity but she just does not seem to get it and is too concerned with hurting me.

But it was nice and thanks for trying.

There is a reward

I was so turned on as we lay beside each other.  I ran my hands over her.  After a while I asked "could I cum" to which she replied "no".

I pleaded with her and she said "no we both know you like a challenge".

I asked "when"
and she said "that knowledge would just spoil it lets wait and see"
pause
"could be christmas"
pause
"maybe next year"
oh god I thought.

I had a look back over my blog and I see that the last time I orgasmed was 2-Nov.
No onder I was feeling alert and turned on.

So its a love hate thing.

Diary Of A Submissive

The lady author of 50 shades of grey has written a book that I understand is a sort of autobiography called "Diary Of A Submissive".

My wife has bought a copy.

Maybe we are both submissive?
Maybe she will get a clerer idea of dominance and submission.

A very exciting development. 

I told her I want to read it too.

We wait and see.

I can't wait.

:)  (What the emoticon for grin?)

A conversation

We had a refrshing conversation last night.

Quite wide ranging but mostly about submissivness and sex and love.  Maybe she is getting some more idea about how I enjoy it when she cums.  But also I guess I have to understand that she seems to also enjoy it when we cum together.

We do not own a vibrator.  She says she is worried that she might like it too much.  The submissive side of me said I would find it hot if she used it while I watched.

She did raise the topic of an extended period of abstinance.  It was along with statements by both of us along the lines that guys like challenges and goals and targets.

I said that I did not like to be asked "is that long enough" or if she is spanking, "have I had enough".

So we will see where we go from here.

Dance for me

wow,
Just when I think its all a bit hum drum, she come out with something exciting.

I had taken off most of my clothes and put them in the hamper in the bath room and walked back into our bedroom in my underwear.  She was lieing on the bed.  She whisteld to me and then when she had my attention she said dance.  So I gyrated a little.  Felt really awkward.  Take them off slowly and sexually she said refering to my underpants.  So feeling really odd / strange / out of place, I attempted to slowly remove my underpants.  Attempting probably not too successfully to be sexy, twirled them around my finger and sent them through the air to the corner of the room.  Keep dancing she said.  Gee I was feeling weird.  But I tried. 

Then she said I could hop into bed.
I was both turned on and felt uncomfortable.
We cuddled.
She said to put on a condom.
Then she got on top and worked herself on.  wow.  usually she gets me to come in from ontop and then rolls us over.
Then she moved herself up and down and it was not long before she came.

She lay on top of me.
I had my hands on her bottome (which she likes) After a while I said are you going to cum again.
"no" she said.
"Can I cum" I asked.
"no" she said.
and pulled off and lay beside me on her back and went to sleep

plastic pants again

She is not wanting sex.
I put on plastic pants and wore them all night and then she rubbed me to climax.
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