perspective

I keep relearning that I think Men and Women have a different perspective on the idea of "submissive".

I fantasise about my wife giving orders and reinforcing dominance with a whip.

I think when it comes to submission, she sees it differently.  She wants me to submit without the force.

The question of orgasm control and chastity came up.
She would say things like "This is what you want" and "I do not want to be your mother"

I personally think neither of us associate submission with weakness or girlieness.  By that I mean that sometimes I come across blogs where the submissive man is put in women's panties, tights, skirts and so on. 

I think what she wants is for me to be physically strong and fit. To be happy positive. 

The idea of submission I think equates to looking after her.  Going with her when she organises things but being willing and competent to organise things for her.

over a month abstinant

Over a month without orgasm.
On the one hand I cant stop thinking about sex.
About her.
About how different men and women are.
How we see sex in every situation.

For example as a family we watched the movie the Goonies on TV a few nights ago.  Basically this group of kids having an adventure running from bad guys through underground tunnels.  One character is a girl who is wearing a white miniskirt and a few times you see her undies.  For me amazingly erotic.  I mentioned to my wife and she just dismissed it saying the girls character was a cheerleader.

Sometimes I just wish she would whip me

Sometimes I just wish she would whip me.

Right now I just feel abandoned and un loved.  Frustrated and disappointed in myself.  lacking in self control.

I like to know the rules.
If A do B and so on.

I know it sounds weird but I would love her to tie me face down on the bed and lay into me with the whip across my backside.  To me the pain says love.  It says she cares.  It is both a punishment - ie get back on track and a expression of love.  Sounds weird but that's it.

It feels like I have drifted off course.  A taking on of an annoyance here.  A nasty word to her there.  A less than full support of her in the house work.  A feeling of the family becoming disconnected.

Selfish maybe.  probably.  A lack of self control - sure I admit to needing external control.