We have been going to marriage guidance counselling.
As far as I can see she has no interest in me.
It seems any fetish = broken and unfixable.
For ages she has effectively withdrawn intimacy.
I wish I had never spoken with her about my fetish.
Now I have nothing.
My fetish does not get .....
Even "normal" vanilla intimacy is not enjoyed.
We both walk on egg shells.
He currently stated concern is that I "explode" unexpectedly.
I wonder why.
It seems to be that I do that out of frustration.
I think the sequence was
1. Tell her of fetish.
2. She decided I was weird or broken.
3. She recoiled & wanted be be away.
4. She withdrew intimacy.
5. I got frustrated that not even "normal" intimate activities occurred.
6. I would express that frustration.
7. She would take that as criticism and withdraw further.
8. I would see no response by her in response to my frustration.
9. I would get angry and "explode"
10. Loop continues at step 7.
So now it seems I have to
1. Not explode every.
2. Not question, criticise, or say anything even remotely negative.
3. Express unqualified approval for everything she says, wears and does.
Will try.
Interestingly in a way, you cant get more sub than that.
You finally have learned your place! You want more then give more, expect nothing. You are a submissive, then be the submissive partner she deserves. Lose the fetish, it isn't hers. She comes first, put her above all else. Be the best husband, the best father, the best provider for your family. Give in to her needs above all else. You can be submissive without anyone knowing. Open doors, do the housework, take care of the home and yard, maintain the cars. All these things are manly but done with submissive thoughts in your own mind can be rewarding. Bathe with her only twice a week, every Saturday and Sunday. Clean her and wash her from head to toe while she simply relaxes and enjoys the water and attention. Make no sexual moves unless she request it from you. Clean her first before yourself, step out before her and dry off. When she steps out then you dry her off. Get dressed and start the day, fix breakfast, do the dishes and household chores while she relaxes. Make the changes all the while keeping your thoughts on your submission to her and family. Nobody will know but you. Because you have expressed your fetish to her she will always suspect your motives. Slowly she will get used to the treatment, the new you, and she will open up to you more. Buy a cockring or chastity devise and wear it at all times except when she is going to see you naked. It helps with the submissive thoughts while doing these things. Don't let her see it as this could set you back to where you are now. Even if she knows your wearing it seeing it could kill her mood for your new changes. Lose the fetish, it isn't hers! Be submissive, live submission.
ReplyDeleteWorld's worst advice. Being "submissive" isn't about giving up your personality. I might add that characterizing your sexual needs as a "fetish" is self-demeaning. You are what you are, just like everybody else. There's no point in acting as if it's a perversion.
ReplyDeleteAnd speaking of which, if you mentioned to her what it is that you need, and your wife finds that unacceptable, then that is the very definition of "irreconcilable differences". It seems perfectly clear from the many years' worth of blogging here that the needs that you have are not some sort of silly "fetish" that can be cavalierly cast aside. "Lose the fetish, it isn't hers!" is idiocy. The second half is seemingly true enough, but the first half is a non-starter.
Now, naturally, we only have your side of the story, and maybe things would look different if we could hear her interpretation. But if what you say is so, then there is no way to square the circle. Trying to suppress your needs as "anonymous" suggests will simply cause you more anguish, will not solve the inherent problem, and even from her point of view will simply result in more unproductive "explosions" on your part. Not good for anybody.
You've clearly tried to sort things out, and it seems as if there is not "sorting" possible. If this is so, then you just have to cut the Gordian knot and be done with it. Sorry it's come to this, but sometimes there simply is no way to reconcile two completely incompatible views. I wish it weren't the case for you, but it certainly sounds like it is.
I agree with Not Anonymous. Life is too short to waste your time trying to be something you are not, and for enduring a relationship that does not give you what you need. Time to move on, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of femdom. However, I am skeptical that a healthy loving femdom marriage can exist in real life. Likewise, I am skeptical that a healthy loving male dominated marriage can exist.
ReplyDeleteSubHub,
ReplyDeleteI think you are finally getting it. Treat your wife like a beautiful Queen and be the SubHub you are capable of. After a few months, she will be in love with you all over again and treat you with kindness and respect. To put another way, once you stop being a selfish jerk, your relationship will flourish!
Scott
Couple's sex therapy was the best money my wife and I ever spent. If you both go into it with willingness to succeed you might surprise yourselves. Highly recommended.
ReplyDelete