Just another day

I feel like I am becommimg a sexless being.
Abstinance combined with old age I guess. Maybe it's use it or loose it.  Anyway no hard on this morning.  Not aroused now.  Actually a bit of mild depression.

A weekend goes by

It's now Monday and the weekend went by.  No sex as was to be expected.

Weirdly I'm kind of relaxed about it.  There is still a dull but less ache but interestingly also I think no morning erection.  certainly once I was fully awake through to mid morning here at work no erection and weirdly, I'm not worried. 

I do hope I have not lost the ability but weirdly I'm not worrying about it.

As MrBill commented on my previous post, I would love for my wife to regain her libido.  I would love to lie on my back with an erection and have her ride me and for her to orgasm and me to have to not orgasm.  Some pain like nipple clamps or a whipping before would be great.

I have been more overtly saying to her that when Easter comes and my abstinance period is over that I would be open to continuing.  I've said that i really would prefer sex to be when she wants it and is turned on and not just something she does because she thinks I "need relief".  Sex like that just makes me feel weak.

All day ache

Balls aching all day.

The weird thing is that I don't any longer have that feeling of worry about never being able to "do it" again.

I had a conversation with my wife last night asking whether she would let me cum once we had gotten to the end of lent.  She kidnly said "We'll see".

I said I was scared

she asked why and I said that I was worried she might never let me cum again.

She said something referring to the NFP men who have to abstain.  I said that I admired their strength.  She said well you may get your wish.

We also talked about only getting to cum on special occasions like my birthday, our wedding aniversery and christmas.

I said that what I would really like is for her to be (and I forget the exact words) but that she be on board and enthusiastic and intentional whichever way.  If she wanted me to have sex with her all the time and not abstain then I wanted her to want that.  What I don't want is a "take it or leave whatever don't care" atmosphere. 

So I am aprehensive because that could mean abstaining for another couple of months.

But also It's something I'd like to do in a weird masochistic sort of way.  It would be interesting to connect with other men who abstain for extensive periods of time.  I'm hardly likely to get onto facebook and say "hey guys, which of you gets no sex and loves it"

And ache they do

Sitting standing driving.
A dull ache

It's kind of nice in a way but I'd rather something else now.

It's also fun in a abandoned sort of way in my mind to think I've now abstained 4 weeks.  I know it's a petty thing but in a way I feel like a bit of a failure in life.  Even though objectivly I think others would say I've done OK.  House paid off, kids are happy and healty, at school or uni and doing well.  But my wife is detached.  No libido.  No spark of sexual energy.

The balls ache

So my balls are aching.

I mentioned this to my wife who said well it's past two weeks.  I guess my gut feel is that the testosterone has dropped thus reducing the feeling of urgency to have sex but maybe the engine is still producing and storing seamen. My assumption is that with extended abstinance that that will drop off.

Asked the wife this morning, when it comes to touching her, and remember she is not a physical touch person
would she like me to never touch her,
wait to be invited to touch her,
ask to rouch her or
just touch her

She said just touch gently.  OK.

She likes the space

I'm trying very hard to not sub from the bottom and not to get grumpy.

The wife is
a) not sexual
b) Very self centred and feels she must be in control
c) does not listen to me or the kids.
d) does not talk about her feelings

But I think she is trying to be a bit more engaged.

Each morning recently she has been a bit more physical.  Hugging cuddling and so on.

On the kinky side, I assume as a result of now 3 weeks abstinance, my balls ache.

The other fun thing this morning was that when we were cuddling, I got turned on and started to rub against the materass and she said "Stop!".  It was nice to hear her be so definate.

Just another day

Pretty relaxed today.
Maybe the testtosterone is dropping off.
4 weeks or so to go until the end of lent which is how long I am abstaining for.
My wife has been nice and definite in resisting my desires for sex.

Research into Abstinance

Spent some time searching for information on sexual abstinance

The Natural Family Planning and Catholics seem to be the most serious or vanilla about this.  Obviously plenty of fem dom stuff but I was kind of more interested in stuff that would hopefully be less likly to be the dreams of old men.

Anyway before I got to those who practice long term abstinance, it seems that abstinance has been studied a bit.  There are conflicting opinions on whether it causes problems.  Prostrate issues is cited.  It seems though that opionions differ.  So my take was that really there is no statistically significant evidence that there is a problem with long term sexual absinance.

Next there were a few university studies where they had measured testosterone levels for a few weeks after an orgasm and while abstaning.  As I understood it, about a week after orgasm, the body goes into testosterone creation overdrive in an attempt to prompt the body into seeking sex and that about the two week point, the testosterone has dropped back to 'normal' and then if abstinance is maintained the level drops further.

Now that seems to correlate with my personal experience in regard to desparation or sex drive.  I'm now at or just past the 2 week mark and the physical pressure is definately less.

Onto the NFP people.  So they believe that one should not use condoms or other birth control. 

As a generalisation, it seems that the happily married couple start off with all good intentions where they track her cycle and he gets about a week of sex every month.  But that of course means he is facing that testosterone spike every month.  So every month he has to resist and go through the hardest emotional barrier.  It seems that either they give up or start using contraceptives or do something to provide releif or a small dedicated group stick with it.  Those tht stick with it tend to go for full or near full abstinance.  He might get a treat every so often maybe once or twice a year.

 I think that it is a mutually agreed decision but that the wives tend to be in the determined to support him category.  It seems that they are sensitive to the mans needs and give lots of encouragement but equally they kind of are very clear "no sex" baby!.

I guess my wish would be that my wife would be more engaged.  I have shown her some of the forums and pointed out the wives are proactive in being supportive and physically intimate.

At present my mariage is a bit cold.  The wife is not "engaged". she's always too busy and too tired and bla bla excuse excuse.  And I'm just not interested in sex with her while thats the dynamic.

Another day of abstinance

Deep breath.
There is a kind of feeling of "will I ever be able to do IT again".
I kind of tenseness.  I have to shrug and roll my shoulders.

I had a talk to my wife this morning asked if she was enjoying not having sex and she said "yes very much so"

I asked what she would like to do sex wise after lent and she said "oh a couple of times a week".  I said think about why.  We know I don't *need* it and we know your enjoying not doing it.  Maybe there are other options like we could do it if you felt like it but otherwise not do it.  Or we could continue with abstinance.  Yes I want sex but I also want you to not feel pressured.

Prostate pain

Last night got up and went to the toilet and did a wee.  It was a bit painful.  It felt like I still needed to wee.  Lay down in bed.  Got up went and wee'd again.  Back to bed.  Feels like I still need to wee.  Got up. nothing. Went and sat in the lounge. Up and down a few more times.  It was like a burning sensation at the tip of my penis that made it feel like I needed to wee.  Kept going in and a little would dribble out. 

went and put an adult nappy on that I keep "in case"

Got back into bed and lay there.  It was quite painful.  The need to wee was ever present. 

Now I had had a similar experience a few months ago that had had me laid up and off work.  I'd had a ultrasound that had shown a infected and swollen prostrate.  The doc had prescribed strong antibiotics.

So I was a bit worried.  My thoughts were that some urine may have gone back up the tube that connects to the prostrate and caused the infection.

So in the middle of the night my wife wakes and asks if I'm OK.  I explain the pain and that Ive been to the toilet about 10 times and it feels like the previous infection thing.  I ask if I could masturbate to push any urine back out the tube.

She said "No"

Normally she has a resonse like what do you think you should do and I find that frustrating.  Here she was very definate. 

She said if it's infection then it's already set in and mastubation isn't going to do anything.  See the doctor in the morning.

She rolled over and went back to sleep.

I eventually got to sleep.  Interestingly my adult nappy was slightly wet in the morning.

This morning all felt OK.  I got up and went to the gym.  Then straight onto work.  I noticed eventually a text asking if I'd contacted the doctor yet.  I did that and sent her one back thanking her for reminding me and also thanking her for being decisive and supportive.

So even though in a way, I'm leading from the bottom, she is more on baord with it.

Abstaining for lent

No orgasms for lent.

I suggested to her that maybe if she isn't thinking I want sex then maybe she'll relax and reconnect with me.

Who knows.