All day ache

Balls aching all day.

The weird thing is that I don't any longer have that feeling of worry about never being able to "do it" again.

I had a conversation with my wife last night asking whether she would let me cum once we had gotten to the end of lent.  She kidnly said "We'll see".

I said I was scared

she asked why and I said that I was worried she might never let me cum again.

She said something referring to the NFP men who have to abstain.  I said that I admired their strength.  She said well you may get your wish.

We also talked about only getting to cum on special occasions like my birthday, our wedding aniversery and christmas.

I said that what I would really like is for her to be (and I forget the exact words) but that she be on board and enthusiastic and intentional whichever way.  If she wanted me to have sex with her all the time and not abstain then I wanted her to want that.  What I don't want is a "take it or leave whatever don't care" atmosphere. 

So I am aprehensive because that could mean abstaining for another couple of months.

But also It's something I'd like to do in a weird masochistic sort of way.  It would be interesting to connect with other men who abstain for extensive periods of time.  I'm hardly likely to get onto facebook and say "hey guys, which of you gets no sex and loves it"