on hold

For a while, just giving up on the overt submission thing.
Have suggested to the wife that we get some marriage counselling.
She has made a booking.  I was keen for her to select the counsellor.
I would love to be submissive to her but it needs to be in a context of building the relationship not just doing it because it is the only avenue left to get any intimacy from her.

Basically I feel that her attention is elsewhere.  I have donated my sperm and provided a house.  My usefulness is over.

I feel she needs to have some attention on family and especially our personal interactions.  But there is never any time for that.  She has her life so totally filled up with good and important commitments that there is no room for me.

I do not see submission as equating to weaselling.

I see submission as strength and I am prepared to put in a lot of effort but I need to see some degree of engagement from her.

So we will see how we go.

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Obviously there are "subs" who journal their lives on the internet and these seem to be mainly those who get a sexual kick out of submission (as I do).  But there are those who submit to others.  I am think here of typically some Christian wives.  Possibly from generations past.  I have had great admiration for some of the older women in churches who have devoted / read submitted themselves and dedicated their lives to supporting and being submitted to their husbands.  Respected by their husbands.  Admired by their husbands.  But a cost to their personal ..... freedom, time and so on.  Times when they have had to sacrifice their own personal aspirations in order to go with their husbands. 

Now swap the sexes round.  I am prepared to submit to my wife.  To put aside my personal aspirations but simply to be ignored or in order to fight for attention.

getting into a submissive headspace and other musings

Following on from recent posts, sort of freewheeling at the moment.  The wife and most of the kids are away on holiday and I am home with one of the kids.

So not much practical submission or submissiveness going on.

So this blog positing of more of a philosophical thinking out loud kind of thing that I may add to during the day.

Submissive Role Models
It seems that submissive role models fall into the fallowing groups

1. People who submit based on religious conviction.  For example the 'traditional' idea that wives in the Christian church would submit to their husbands.
2. People who are submissive and get (sexual?) gratification out of being overtly submissive AND for whom being spanked ir otherwise physically punished is something they like.

Is there anything in between?
What about a person who does not get aroused by being spanked but is willing to be spanked or hit or suffer some kind of physical abuse? because that excites their partner.  ie their partner is a sadist but they themselves are not a masochist. ?

What about a person who is submissive in the sense that they are willing to do whatever their other half commands them to do but for whom the idea of physical punishment is totally wrong or even punishment at all per se.  ie they are willing to submit to instructions but take the view that one adult should not punish another?

Getting into a submissive head space
For me getting into a submissive head space is nice and I like that.  I feel comfortable in there.  I find that being spanked helps me get there.

Monday update

It is interesting to note that consistent with "panyslave's" comment against one of my recent postings that things tend to go a bit awry after an orgasm.

So I think as per previous comments of mine that when it comes to sex that my wife is not really driven that way.

So we have a bit of a disconnect.  My being a typical boy - sexually driven.  She on the other hand gets fulfilment from doing good works.  Sometimes I am the recipient of those good works and often others are and that creates a sense of abandonment for me.

So we will see where we go from here.

I guess not much of interest for those readers who come at this wanting the wife to be the overt dominatrix boss and the hubby to cower in the corner.

Have to work out how to communicate what I want anyway.

A moody night and sex again in the morning

Last night I awoke 3am ish.  Middle of the night.

I felt quite depressed & angry.
Had a bit of a mid night dummy spit.
Worried about lack of orders at work.
Frustrated at the wife's busyness.
bla bla bla.

Wife pointed out that I had had sugar the night before.  We have been quite conscientiously been trying to have our family on a low sugar diet but last night, chocolate pudding, cream and ice cream.  whamo.

Went back to sleep.

In the morning - cuddling including some painful nipple pinching that got me hard and eventually she said "put a plastic bag on".
Well a short delay while the cat was put out.  It had somehow found it's way onto our bed.
Then she said lie on your tummy.
This seems to have become a favourite of hers. she hopped on top and rubbed herself as I humped the bed.  Sounds weird / crude / childish (not sure how to describe it) when one writes it like that.
I got close and I asked permission to cum.
She said no then yes.
on the no I paused and she later told me that she was enjoying my movement and the pause meant that she may not have cum.

We therefore both came.
Lay beside each other holding hands (how nice)
Got up.
got to work late.  tut tut.

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So what is happiness?
How much behaviour should be forced and how much should be in response to others.

Do I feel better when being overtly submissive ala during my period of abstinence?
My wife does not seem to be overtly dominant (controlling - yes) but to some degree she plays at it to entertain me.  Topping from the bottom?

sex this morning

We had sex this morning.
She initiated it.  That was nice.  She started rubbing me and then pinched my breasts.  That got me interested.

She got on top.  Tried to get me inside her but I was dry.  I said there is lube in the draw.  At first she appeared to ignore me and I let it go.  I figured she knows and she does not need me to remind her.  I think she likes to take her time to work herself on.  But she eventually went for the lube.  With me inside her and her on top, she instructed me to put one hand on her back and the other on her bum.  She also said to move a lot.  So I did.  It was nice to know what she wanted.  She came and then relaxed on top of me.  Then she said she wanted me to cum.  She rolled us over so I was on top.  I came as instructed and enjoyed it.  :).

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Program on the radio discussing how kids get a good proportion of their sex ed from porn.
http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/lifematters/pornography-and-the-young-1/4605528

And the vast majority of porn is effectively male domination of women.

When one thinks about it, the "traditional" message that kids got was one of men put women first.  You know open doors, ladies first, give her your coat if she is cold and so on.  Abstain till marriage and then she has to give him sex whenever he wants it.  That message was one of sacrifice and respect.  The porn message is one of man drives harder and the woman somehow seems to enjoy it but turns out only on TV.  But that is the message the kids are getting. 

Free wheeling

Hmm feeling a bit directionless right now.

Had the orgasm.

With the benefit of hindsight over my life that is.  Not just the last 40 days.  I think that we put too much store on orgasm.  It is the KPI of sex and sex seems to have become the KPI of relationships.

Yet look at a good TV series.  That will have sexual tension and that keeps us interested.  Will X have it off with Y.  But once they do then .... well its all over.  The interest is gone and the series is over.

I look back on my sex life and I see boring.

Sounding a bit moody here.

If the expectations built on kids were ones of less orgasm and more flirting, more teasing, more working out what worked for the other person then maybe we would have a lower divorce rate.  More kids with two parents.  More adults who are used to working it out rather than whipping it out.

But these days the advice to kids seems to be there is no harm in wanking away.  Don't put up with physical pressure.  Give into that and when the going gets hard in all areas of life, just move to the easy ground, the things you as an individual like.  The kids grow up with facebook where people "like" them.  But they do not get paired up one on one and have to work out what works for each other.

Also interesting to look back on just the last 40 days and realise that I think during that time I became a lot more "submissive" in terms of just letting my wife's decisions just flow on.  Things that would once have really annoyed me I just let pass.  I note a couple of times in the last few days that I got angry once again.  So I am in a way out of that submissive head space.

OK had an orgasm

We went camping over the Easter Break.  Before we left she said to bring a plastic bag & a condom.  She had already said it would be Easter Sunday.

It was all a little clinical actually.  She was on her period.  I have never been into sex with er when she is on her period and I don't think she was too keen on it either.

Saturday night, actually sunday morning we got into our tent after midnight.  As we were walking toward the tent she made comment that it was Sunday.  So I had my hopes up.  Alas not to be.  She said she was tired and went off to sleep.  In the morning she said to put the plastic bag on.  I did of course.  Rubbed.  Came.  Well it was an orgasm.  Almost a let down actually.  There was no teasing.  Being in a tent limited opportunities so we had to keep it quiet.

Now we are back home.  She is sleeping.  I wonder where we will go from here.