Sat night

It is now almost a week since my last release. Again I have this strange feeling of "will I ever be able to do it again" I guess in a way this maybe "withdrawal" type feelings. There is this real feeling of inadequacy, impending something. At the front of my chest up high on each side above my nipples sort of inside my shoulders has this caved in feeling and I have to sort of shake and rub my shoulders every now and then. Weird.

Last night the wife went out early for dinner with some of her girlfriends. I organised dinner for my eldest son and myself. The younger kids were at various friends places for sleepovers. My eldest and I then went and met up with my wife and the group of girl friends who had all had dinner together. We went to a concert together.

I smiled as I sat by myself in the row behind my wife and the group of girls. Funny how they had organised a single seat for me. The only male. (My son met with some friends of his and they had a group of 4 or 5 seats that had been bought separately in a different part of the auditorium). I mused as I sat there behind the group of girls. Normally I would have felt quite out of it. But it was fun to think about it in this different way. Luckily also there was a nice girl beside me and we exchanged a few pleasant words at half time to which I was able to mention that my wife had organised this seat to for me.

I have had a couple of good conversations with my wife recently.

I said to her that its not that I don't want to cum. I really do. I want sex and I want to cum but I want her to cum even more.

Its like if I cum, I get maybe 2 or three minutes of groping her followed by ten seconds of Ecstasy. Then I come down. I feel down because she has not cum and I feel inadequate. I told her that by only cuming when she both cums and when she tells me to cum it is firstly like having a week long foreplay. Providing she touches me on the penis and teases me from time to time (which she does) and especially if she asks verbally how I am going then it is like having a week long foreplay. Then if she cums, I get great satisfaction. If she tells me when to cum, its fun and then after I feel good. A whole lot of positives.

I wrote her a message explaining that I do not see physical pain to be bad per se.

I have acknowledged to her that a light spanking is a turn on for me but that I really wish that she would whip me when I loose it and speak nastily to her. I emphasised that it was not a mother and child thing. A child does not ask for punishment. She is sort of warming to this I think.

At one stage she said "I do not want to be your psychologist" and that she did not want to hear all my thoughts. A pity because I would really like to tell her all my dreams and fantasies and so on but I think this would freak her out. So you guys who read this, get it all instead.

I think one thing I would love to get to though is where she recognises the authority she has and that she recognises how she organises me anyway and then have some fun with that by bossing me around in a more direct overt kind of way.