Update on abstinance

So last night went really well.
We are into the 6th week of abstinence and have moved to minimising sexual contact.

I went to bed and she kept working.
She came to bed.
There was no groping.  Just a quick hug and kiss and off to sleep.
I hope that has opened space for her.

This morning I woke at 5am.  I could not remember what time she wanted to be woken.  She stirred I said it's 5am I forgot what time you wanted to be woken.  She said that's fine.  I hugged her and we lay in bed.  I said "may I touch your breasts" and she said "No remember what we are practicing this week"  agh I said.  She said "intimacy with hugs and kisses like can be done in public"

We had a short discussion.  Mentioned overt leadership and that I wold like her to tell me to do things not just ask.
During it I said I felt I should be whipped for forgetting what time she wanted to be woken.  Not really expecting her to do it and she didn't but just to communicate to her that I want to be focussed on her.
That discussion was all over in a couple of minutes as the day had begun.
Now I am at work.

-------------------------------------------|||----------------|||---------------------------------------
Rape

I understand that legally a woman can say "no" at any time during sex and if the man continues after that then it is rape.

I recall reading that in the paper once and thinking 'how unfair'.  I envisaged a situation where she wants him.  She entices him and she gets him in bed and then once he is inside her she says 'no' he keeps going and she cry's rape and he gets arrested.  I felt that was so unfair. 

I was just thinking about that the other day and while in the context of our current legal environment his going to jail I do not think is an appropriate punishment, I now think that men should approach sex knowing that the woman is in charge and that they should only ejaculate if she expressly gives permission and that she can call on him to stop at any moment and that he should comply.

Imagine if boys were taught this.  Taught to respect and to look after the needs of women.  taught that sex was primarily for her pleasure.  Imagine if boys learned to control those physical urges.  What a better place the world would be.

A very useful engine
I love that phrase from Thomas the tank engine.
I want to be a very useful engine.
Mind you I want my wife to be the controller but I would rather she not be the "Fat controller".  BTW she isn't.  Fat that is.  Hopefully becoming more controlling.

Memories
I wonder how far back.
When I think back I am sure that I was kinky and submissive as far back as I can remember.
Memories include
Wearing very short shorts and feeling quite exposed.  even though short shorts were in for boys in the 70's, my mum had bought me a pair of dress shorts.  They had a belt.  they were light blue and white checks.  had basically zero leg length.  I recall taking a deep breath each time I wore them.  I was 15 at the time.
From as young as I can remember being fascinated by kids that wet the bed.  I would always (I guess that makes in an obsession) check my friends beds to see if they had a plastic mattress cover.  This was pre the days of pull ups but I found several kids who wore plastic pants and one friend who's parents used to at 14 and 15 make him wear plastic pants when they went out as a family.  I was so jealous secretly but shocked and sorry for him all at the same time.