Glimpses of what is possible

Every now and then I get glimpses of what is possible.

We had sex last night.  Long and slow.  I was very attentive and she stayed awake. 

Pardon my sarcastic negativity but I think she is lazy when it comes to sex and disinterested when it comes to me.  So she has a tendency to fall asleep on me. 

As it progressed I was aroused and so was she.  Gentle touching and even some talk on her part.  She guided my hand to just touch but not stroke her bottom.  I asked if she would like me inside her and she said yes.  At this stage I was on top.  I gently pushed.  She asked me if I like lube.  I told her that for me it makes no difference either way but that I observed that with her that in the past she seemed more likely to reach orgasm if we did not use lube.

Now I don't know whether using lube meant that it was more of a quickie for me. 

There is this balancing act as I see it in that without lube she can suffer some pain and we sure know she is not into pain.  Perhaps no lube forces us to go slow.  Perhaps it forces her to engage. Perhaps even she actually has to endure a little pain in order to get aroused.  I know that sounds odd and at odds with present societal views but maybe.

Anyway I'm on top and in and I ask if she would like to roll over and she says yes and we do.  Got that :)
Now again in the last few years pretty much the only way she reaches orgasm is with her on top.  She is not into talking during sex so I stay quiet and she does cum.  She relaxes on top of me which I love.  After a few minutes and a minute is a long time.  I feel her move from that after glow relaxation to just slightly more alert and so I start to move insider.  Sometimes she will cum a second time.  One advantage of me holding off is that she does get that opportunity for a second cumming :)

I ask if I can come and she smiles and says "not tonight".  Well I almost blew off then.

She said leave it.  Its time to sleep.

This morning the love continued and we had sex again.  This time when I asked she said "imagine you cum now and not for the next year"  Wow that brought me on in a nanosecond. 

I sit here writing this feeling good.  No depression.  A feeling of apprehensive sexual tension.

I will enjoy the feeling while it lasts.:)