intimacy

 My observation about "kink" is that if you have no kink then any kink is bad.  I suspect that members of the BDSM community have a acceptance of difference / empathy that others in the community lack.

Being submissive or wearing diapers or plastic or spanking to me are all intensely personal.  Remember in that movie "Pretty Woman" Julia Roberts told Richard Gere that they could have vaginal sex but no kissing on the lips because kissing on the lips is too personal.  I think that this kinky stuff is like that.  It is so intensely personal.

I am married and my wife has absolutely no idea of the intense feelings associated with this.  She has said many times go and find someone to play out this stuff with.  The kicker here is that she sees it like going to a prostitute for sex.  You may have heard that wives often forgive their philandering husbands because they were just using the woman for sex and they don't see that as a challenge to their emotional bonds to their husband. 

Yet for me it is an even more intensely personal connection than kissing on the lips if you like.  Certainly far and a way more personal than plain old sex.

So in a way her saying "go find someone to play this out with" emphasises her complete lack of appreciation of the emotional intensity of kink.

Even so, I would love to find a play partner.  A female it would have to be to share this intimacy with.  The marriage is cold enough that if it were to break completely well in the end that may the best for both of us.