A conversation

We had a refrshing conversation last night.

Quite wide ranging but mostly about submissivness and sex and love.  Maybe she is getting some more idea about how I enjoy it when she cums.  But also I guess I have to understand that she seems to also enjoy it when we cum together.

We do not own a vibrator.  She says she is worried that she might like it too much.  The submissive side of me said I would find it hot if she used it while I watched.

She did raise the topic of an extended period of abstinance.  It was along with statements by both of us along the lines that guys like challenges and goals and targets.

I said that I did not like to be asked "is that long enough" or if she is spanking, "have I had enough".

So we will see where we go from here.

Dance for me

wow,
Just when I think its all a bit hum drum, she come out with something exciting.

I had taken off most of my clothes and put them in the hamper in the bath room and walked back into our bedroom in my underwear.  She was lieing on the bed.  She whisteld to me and then when she had my attention she said dance.  So I gyrated a little.  Felt really awkward.  Take them off slowly and sexually she said refering to my underpants.  So feeling really odd / strange / out of place, I attempted to slowly remove my underpants.  Attempting probably not too successfully to be sexy, twirled them around my finger and sent them through the air to the corner of the room.  Keep dancing she said.  Gee I was feeling weird.  But I tried. 

Then she said I could hop into bed.
I was both turned on and felt uncomfortable.
We cuddled.
She said to put on a condom.
Then she got on top and worked herself on.  wow.  usually she gets me to come in from ontop and then rolls us over.
Then she moved herself up and down and it was not long before she came.

She lay on top of me.
I had my hands on her bottome (which she likes) After a while I said are you going to cum again.
"no" she said.
"Can I cum" I asked.
"no" she said.
and pulled off and lay beside me on her back and went to sleep

plastic pants again

She is not wanting sex.
I put on plastic pants and wore them all night and then she rubbed me to climax.
???????????????????

plastic pants

Got into bed.  Hinted at sex.  She said she did not want to do sex because her marina (IUD) is overdue for replacement.

comment: Kind of disapoints me what little priority she gives to things sexual.

She said "put on some plastic pants"

Comment: well that was a pick up.

So I put on plastic pants with a drop of baby oil and then my pj pants and hopped back into bed.  Naturally I was very very turned on and she rubbed me and that was good.  I asked if I would be allowed to cum and she said "maybe".  I love it.  Then she asked "what would I do if the positions were reversed".  I actually don't like that.  Makes me feel uncomfortable and it makes me feel disapointed that she needs to hear it again or something.

So I figured I would say what I wanted to her.  I said "Well I would tease by rubbing gently but not allow me to cum"  I included a statement along the lines of how good the tease was and how much more attentive I was when I needed to cum. 

Somewhere along the line I asked her to cane me.  She was not really interested but eventually she agreed and I went and got the cane and she did some half hearted whacks.  She was not enjoying it.

Gave up.

She rubbed me some more and said I could cum.  I did.  That was the end of it.

I ended up feeling a bit down.  Frustrated that she just does not get into things sexual.  She has no understanding of kink.  It seems nothing turns her on.

Men desire it, women control the supply

Sex

Guys apparantly think about it all the time and that certainly is the case for me.  Ever since puberty.

Read an interesting article on the net
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2008/11/20/hookinguprealities/sex-men-desire-it-and-women-control-the-supply/

Some key points for me in this were

Men are biologically programmed to want sex with a variety of women. It’s in their DNA. Their purpose is to inseminate as many women as possible to produce children. When a man is monogamous, he is giving up something he wants.
 

ie men are already willing to sacrifice in order to get....

Because women control the sex supply, men have sought ways to please women through romance. In the hookup culture, guys are receiving the message that girls are satisfied with hooking up, and have no expectations of them. In sending that message, girls forfeit the most powerful leverage they have over men: controlling the supply of sex. If girls demand love and kindness in return for sex, they will get it.

 

Today, the market value of sexual access has plummeted. Sex is so readily available that men are not willing to give up much of anything to get it. Women need to start behaving in such a way as to increase the market value of sex to level the playing field and regain some control. The only way to achieve this is to restrict the supply. 

 A powerful message that resonates with me.  If women restrict the amount of sex men get then it increases the value.  And it increases the value for both the man and the woman.

This resonates with my personal experience.  If I get sex whenever I want it (and there are times when it is that way) then at the end I am left feeling down.  A similar feeling that accomanies masturbation.  If on the other hand I have had to work for it then it is an achievement.  A reward.  The feelings after are positive.

So in a way, men are preprogramed to be submissive to women in the sense of serving them in order to get sex.  So the idea of a submissive male is in keeping with the general way men are. 

For myself and others we are obviously making or wanting this to be a bit more extreme or a bit more front of the brain thing. 

I would suggest that my desires are in a way completely natural.  I want sex and I want valuable sex. 

Take a financial example.  I want a thousand US dollars much more than a thousand pesos.  We know the dollars are far more valuable.

So if my wife restricts sex then the value of sex goes up.

But also so should the benefits.  The most obvious benefit is we should enjoy the act more and before that we should see the benefits of my efforts to get it.  These would manifest themselves in things like helping out around the house, buying her presents and reacting to her needs.

Sex

Well we are doing ok.
This morning we engaged in some intimate sex.
I was hard and on my back and she got on top and she positioned herself so that the tip of my penis did not enter her but was used to stimulate her clitterous.  Such a turn on.

At one stage when I was getting very close she said 'don't cum'.  That was fun.

We discussed teasing and denying and I suspect she is hesitant to try this because she can not tell when I am too close.  I wonder how she could learn that.  ?

Taking the lead & Communication

 I have read a number of guides aimed basically at women who believe or at least are parts of religious communities where the expectation is that the man lead but then they go on to talk about [the women] need to let the husband lead or the wives need to put the husband on a pedestal and serve him and so on.  Who is taking the lead there?

In this post,
http://queenandknight.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/what-i-enjoy-about-our-flr.html
the wife talks about taking the lead out of necessity for her husbands well being.

When I actively lead my Knight his whole outlook seems to change - he becomes more confident in everything he does. That confidence even carries over to his work and his writing. He stresses and worries less, he is less moody, and almost nothing rattles him. When I lead him, my Knight is much less forgetful. His projects get finished. When I lead, my Knight knows exactly what he can do to "please me" and so he doesn't follow me around like a lost pup.

http://femdom101.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/humiliation-reward-or-punishment.html

I know these things about my man because we talk. Every night there is the special time we talk to each other. We talk as husband and wife, mistress and slave. John kneels at my feet, and there he tells me the secrets of his soul. There's no television, radio, or music.

The key in all these situations is COMMUNICATION

Something I my wife and I do not do well.