Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Frustrating conversations
CONVERSATION #1
Here is a conversation between my wife and I
When we talk, I try to ask open questions but when Iu don't answer then I try to guess.
Me: "What colour car do you like best?"
Wife: (long pause)
Me: "I think you like red cars?"
Wife: "Well if you know what I like, why did you ask"
Me: "I don't know what you like. When you did not answer, I tried to prompt an answer by being a bit more specific."
Wife: "You told me what I like:
me: "I didn't tell you what you like I said 'I think' you like a certain colour"
Wife: "See you get angry when we talk. That's why I don't say anything"
Me grr gave up. because now I was angry.
CONVERSATION #2
In the morning.
Wife: "What would you like for tea tonight?"
Me: "Well steak is my favourite but I am happy to have whatever you would like"
(In the above sentence, you can see the submissive side of me in the second half of the sentence)
Wife: "I was thinking a chicken casserole would be nice"
Me: "Sure that's fine. Chicken is your favourite"
Time passes.
In the afternoon, I am taking kids to sport and my wife prepares dinner.
Setting the table. I carry the plates from the kitchen to the dining room. As I pick each one up, she says who it is. Soon all places are set except hers.
Me: "Where's yours?"
Wife: "Oh I'm having a juice detox"
grrr I think to myself. Chicken is your favourite meat and Steak is my favourite meat. The rest of us are eating chicken when we could have eaten steak. We could even have all gotten on board and had a detox together and supported you. But you decided to do a detox and not tell anyone. The whole thing made me feel like crap.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
intimacy
My observation about "kink" is that if you have no kink then any kink is bad. I suspect that members of the BDSM community have a acceptance of difference / empathy that others in the community lack.
Being submissive or wearing diapers or plastic or spanking to me are all intensely personal. Remember in that movie "Pretty Woman" Julia Roberts told Richard Gere that they could have vaginal sex but no kissing on the lips because kissing on the lips is too personal. I think that this kinky stuff is like that. It is so intensely personal.
I am married and my wife has absolutely no idea of the intense feelings associated with this. She has said many times go and find someone to play out this stuff with. The kicker here is that she sees it like going to a prostitute for sex. You may have heard that wives often forgive their philandering husbands because they were just using the woman for sex and they don't see that as a challenge to their emotional bonds to their husband.
Yet for me it is an even more intensely personal connection than kissing on the lips if you like. Certainly far and a way more personal than plain old sex.
So in a way her saying "go find someone to play this out with" emphasises her complete lack of appreciation of the emotional intensity of kink.
Even so, I would love to find a play partner. A female it would have to be to share this intimacy with. The marriage is cold enough that if it were to break completely well in the end that may the best for both of us.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Glimpses of what is possible
Every now and then I get glimpses of what is possible.
We had sex last night. Long and slow. I was very attentive and she stayed awake.
Pardon my sarcastic negativity but I think she is lazy when it comes to sex and disinterested when it comes to me. So she has a tendency to fall asleep on me.
As it progressed I was aroused and so was she. Gentle touching and even some talk on her part. She guided my hand to just touch but not stroke her bottom. I asked if she would like me inside her and she said yes. At this stage I was on top. I gently pushed. She asked me if I like lube. I told her that for me it makes no difference either way but that I observed that with her that in the past she seemed more likely to reach orgasm if we did not use lube.
Now I don't know whether using lube meant that it was more of a quickie for me.
There is this balancing act as I see it in that without lube she can suffer some pain and we sure know she is not into pain. Perhaps no lube forces us to go slow. Perhaps it forces her to engage. Perhaps even she actually has to endure a little pain in order to get aroused. I know that sounds odd and at odds with present societal views but maybe.
Anyway I'm on top and in and I ask if she would like to roll over and she says yes and we do. Got that :)
Now again in the last few years pretty much the only way she reaches orgasm is with her on top. She is not into talking during sex so I stay quiet and she does cum. She relaxes on top of me which I love. After a few minutes and a minute is a long time. I feel her move from that after glow relaxation to just slightly more alert and so I start to move insider. Sometimes she will cum a second time. One advantage of me holding off is that she does get that opportunity for a second cumming :)
I ask if I can come and she smiles and says "not tonight". Well I almost blew off then.
She said leave it. Its time to sleep.
This morning the love continued and we had sex again. This time when I asked she said "imagine you cum now and not for the next year" Wow that brought me on in a nanosecond.
I sit here writing this feeling good. No depression. A feeling of apprehensive sexual tension.
I will enjoy the feeling while it lasts.:)
We had sex last night. Long and slow. I was very attentive and she stayed awake.
Pardon my sarcastic negativity but I think she is lazy when it comes to sex and disinterested when it comes to me. So she has a tendency to fall asleep on me.
As it progressed I was aroused and so was she. Gentle touching and even some talk on her part. She guided my hand to just touch but not stroke her bottom. I asked if she would like me inside her and she said yes. At this stage I was on top. I gently pushed. She asked me if I like lube. I told her that for me it makes no difference either way but that I observed that with her that in the past she seemed more likely to reach orgasm if we did not use lube.
Now I don't know whether using lube meant that it was more of a quickie for me.
There is this balancing act as I see it in that without lube she can suffer some pain and we sure know she is not into pain. Perhaps no lube forces us to go slow. Perhaps it forces her to engage. Perhaps even she actually has to endure a little pain in order to get aroused. I know that sounds odd and at odds with present societal views but maybe.
Anyway I'm on top and in and I ask if she would like to roll over and she says yes and we do. Got that :)
Now again in the last few years pretty much the only way she reaches orgasm is with her on top. She is not into talking during sex so I stay quiet and she does cum. She relaxes on top of me which I love. After a few minutes and a minute is a long time. I feel her move from that after glow relaxation to just slightly more alert and so I start to move insider. Sometimes she will cum a second time. One advantage of me holding off is that she does get that opportunity for a second cumming :)
I ask if I can come and she smiles and says "not tonight". Well I almost blew off then.
She said leave it. Its time to sleep.
This morning the love continued and we had sex again. This time when I asked she said "imagine you cum now and not for the next year" Wow that brought me on in a nanosecond.
I sit here writing this feeling good. No depression. A feeling of apprehensive sexual tension.
I will enjoy the feeling while it lasts.:)
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Depression Councillor and all that
Lets see.
While she was out that night sleeping at a friends house, I chucked out my kinky stuff.
Plastic pants,
Plastic mattress cover.
Butt Plug,
Two canes.
A length of electrical flex that she would sometimes whip me with.
4 lengths of rope that could be used to tie someone to the bed. And on a couple of occasions I tied her to the bed and once maybe she tied me down. But it was always such a half arsed effort. I basically figured she was disengaged and lazy when it came to sex.
A vibrating cock ring thing that incidentally she had bought.
Some balls that "we" had bought but she would never wear. Well she did once or twice but in later years there was always an excuse (not to wear them).
A corset that we had bought for her and that she had worn a couple of times but always ungraciously and seemed determined to be unhappy about. It was an elephant in the room in a way. I figured while it was there she would see it as a reminder of my kinky self or something.
Interestingly I had a chat to the couple where she slept the night and she arrived while the wife was out but with whom she had traded text messages and obtained permission to stay. She said nothing to the husband and went to the spare bedroom. In the morning she got up and left without saying anything to either of them. Sounds like she is depressed too.
I went and saw a counsellor. He diagnosed me as depressed. We wait to see how things progress there.
After a week of frustrating interactions with the wife, we finally had sex last night where both of us orgasmed. It involved plenty of foreplay touch that I love and she needs. So maybe, just maybe.....
I hope the councillor is kink aware and kink friendly. We touched briefly on sex but not much. I have resolved to be open and honest and try and get best value for my money. Its costing me around $100/hr and that's after medicare rebate. We wait and see.
While she was out that night sleeping at a friends house, I chucked out my kinky stuff.
Plastic pants,
Plastic mattress cover.
Butt Plug,
Two canes.
A length of electrical flex that she would sometimes whip me with.
4 lengths of rope that could be used to tie someone to the bed. And on a couple of occasions I tied her to the bed and once maybe she tied me down. But it was always such a half arsed effort. I basically figured she was disengaged and lazy when it came to sex.
A vibrating cock ring thing that incidentally she had bought.
Some balls that "we" had bought but she would never wear. Well she did once or twice but in later years there was always an excuse (not to wear them).
A corset that we had bought for her and that she had worn a couple of times but always ungraciously and seemed determined to be unhappy about. It was an elephant in the room in a way. I figured while it was there she would see it as a reminder of my kinky self or something.
Interestingly I had a chat to the couple where she slept the night and she arrived while the wife was out but with whom she had traded text messages and obtained permission to stay. She said nothing to the husband and went to the spare bedroom. In the morning she got up and left without saying anything to either of them. Sounds like she is depressed too.
I went and saw a counsellor. He diagnosed me as depressed. We wait to see how things progress there.
After a week of frustrating interactions with the wife, we finally had sex last night where both of us orgasmed. It involved plenty of foreplay touch that I love and she needs. So maybe, just maybe.....
I hope the councillor is kink aware and kink friendly. We touched briefly on sex but not much. I have resolved to be open and honest and try and get best value for my money. Its costing me around $100/hr and that's after medicare rebate. We wait and see.
Friday, January 16, 2015
She left me
We had what I thought was a disagreement. Not major. Not minor.
She said she was going to sleep the night elsewhere.
She took some stuff and left.
She came back in the morning but still the act was done. The line crossed.
She said she was going to sleep the night elsewhere.
She took some stuff and left.
She came back in the morning but still the act was done. The line crossed.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Pretty Quiet
Nothing much happening.
Wife is away but as a treat, before she went, she made the bed with a plastic sheet just under the bottom sheet. Quite crinkly. Its summer here so somewhat sweaty. A kinky turn on for me.
Wife is away but as a treat, before she went, she made the bed with a plastic sheet just under the bottom sheet. Quite crinkly. Its summer here so somewhat sweaty. A kinky turn on for me.
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