I got to thinking the other day about how this stuff should work for the husband and the wife.
In a recent response to one of my posts, MsNaydi said
"The happiness of his dominant should be the ultimate goal for the submissive."
My suspicion is that for a marriage to be successful, both the husband and the wife need to receive a pay off. Having said that though, I suspect that if one approaches it from the point of view of wanting a pay off then it will fail. It may sound strange but I suspect that one has to approach it from the point of view that "Everything I have I give to you".
So what then I muse. Because you can give it all and have no more to give. But what gets one into that frame of thinking? In some cases you can give and give and still feel good about giving some more. In the 5 love languages book, the author talks about refilling your love tank.
On the personal side,
Have been trying not to get grumpy. Staying cheerful. No sex mind you either.
On the fun yet practical side, my wife suggested that I do up a calendar chart that records when I have sex and when I get grumpy. So we will start that today. I will add a few extra parameters to it. Who knows maybe we find that the more house work I do, the less I get grumpy. That would be a case of "be wary of what you wish for". She might prescribe house work therapy.
In my recent posts I have thought a bit about feeding my kink as a sort of motivation. So in a way I am always looking for ways to feed the kink. Reflecting on my life, I think I have been kinky for as far back as I can remember. It seems that my wife does not see herself as having any kinks and that seems strange to me in its own way.
OK so back to the topic. What should be his - the sub's reward.
Should she take this idea on board and boss him around? He, meaning me, would enjoy that.
Should he just be a cook and cleaner?
I think his Wife's happiness is a reward in itself, but I hope his Wife will grant him some sexual pleasure too.
ReplyDeleteOne subs perspective. I believe Ken Adams explains it spot on for me in his book "Around Her Finger". As with any relationship, it is a two way street. For it to be fulfilling for both, satisfying the other's needs has to be a priority. The question is what are their respective needs. This is what Ken does so well in my opinion. His description of the needs of both the submissive husband and the Dominate wife is right on the mark for me. I get a great amount of satisfaction serving my wife and pleasing her. It is a vital part of my daily life. I have not come completely out of the closet to my wife at this time about my desire to be her sub but have slowly been assuming that role and working my way towards being more explicit about my desires. She is very vanilla, very conservative, yet very strong, bossy and take charge type of woman. I am wired to please, that is what I strive to do. I will always do that and seeing my actions and behavior please her is gratifying and somewhat satisfying. But when it comes to my needs, the fuel that I run on, I need to have them met by her. The fuel I desire from her is her bold acceptance of my as her sub. Her verbal expression of her acceptance of me as sub, her behavioral expression of her dominance over me by asking or directing me. Her correction or praise. For me, I believe that I will be frustrated and unfulfilled until and unless she comes to the realization that I am more than an attentive, more helpful than the typical husband, and to exercise her power over me is not a bad thing but it is what I long for.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion you have to adjust to the situation and live off of what you get for now which is probably like me, seeing your wife pleased, pampered, her life made easy and hope that she grows in her understanding of who she is, who you are (D/S)and eventually she will be able to respond to your needs.
I hope She will boss you around. I think the idea of a calendar to track your moods is a good one.
ReplyDeleteHi Guys,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments.
Hopefully she will boss me around. I think in the right bedroom context, she might. I don't think she wants to 'hurt' me but as yet our communication is probably not good enough for me to communicate that there are different types of hurt.
For now we shall try to keep the focus and enjoy life.