My wife and I do not talk as much as I would like. I do not think she understands me and I know I dont understand her. I think she has no idea about kink. I suspect that she is not into self reflection. Where I have a kink and I spend time on self reflection.
So it came as a refreshing change when last night she initiated a conversation about sex and she did it in a very direct way. She said "lets talk about sex".
We had this great talk about how I enjoy it when she cums and she said that she enjoys it when I cum inside her but also we talked how she enjoys it when I simply hug her and when I rub her to orgasm. And I also enjoy it when she cums like that and I do not think she really comprehends that.
By that I mean, she will indulge me because I like something but she herself does not get enjoyment per se from the activity whereas when I rub her to orgasm or lick ker or simply hug her I get enjoyment or reward from that.
We talked about how I had an interest in chastity and I repeated my position that men do not NEED release. If their body needs release then they have a wet dream. Nature has taken care of that. I talked about how when I have not had sex that I really really want sex and that motivates me to do nice things for her. And that after sex I can have a range of feeling from contentment to actually feeling a bit down especially if I have received orgasm as a way to stop me being grumpy. Its a sort of negative reinforcement of bad behaviour and at the same time a feeling of failure the same as I would have after masturbating.
She seems uncomfortable with all sorts of things that I like such as rewarding good behaviour with sex. I think it is too cut and dry for her or perhaps makes her feel a bit like a prostitute.
She is certainly not excited about whipping me.
I think she sees tease and denial as cruel as opposed to fun / flirting / titilation which is the way I see it. So she sort of does it but I do not think her heart is really in it.
I repeated that it is not that I do not want sex. I want more sex. More intimacy. More connection. More physical interaction. I saw orgasm as just one part of sex.
Anyway at the end she smiled and said that she was going to let me orgasm but in light of the conversation that as it seemed to suit me that she would keep me chaste a bit longer. Then she had me put on some lube and push gently in and then move and then she rolled us over and rode me and she came and then lay there tightening on me and then she got turned on again and then a third time. In light of the conversation there were a few times when I had to say stop I'm sorry or I will cum and she smiled and said "don't you cum tonight".
When she finished, she said get up, don't clean yourself, put on plastic pants, come back to bed, don't rub yourself and don't wake me up by tossing and turning. Well that jsut got me so hard and happy. My side of the bed has a plastic cover under the bottom sheet and so I ended up sleeping in plastic pants and every time I moved there was the slippery sensation inside the plastic pants and the crinkle of the plastic sheet and only a cotton sheet between my otherwise naked body and the plastic sheet.
In the end we both fell asleap contented. (I did wake a few times sweaty but that is the cost of having a kink I guess it's like an adiction)
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
the crinkly plastic sheet
It's fathers day this weekend and I wonder if that was my wife's motivation for putting the crinkly plastic sheet on the bed. On my side only mind you. But it is something I like. Obviously I am kinky but the noise it makes, the slippery feel under the bottom sheet, perhaps conotations of childhood or bed wetting I dunno. The challenge of sleeping. Sweating. Anyway she know I like it and she hates it and so I figure she is doing it for me.
:)
:)
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Back in the nothing much happening category
I have been a bit moody lately. Somewhat depressed. Over reacting to things about me and feeling generally not in control of my life.
She said to me that she thought this was because of abstaining from orgasm.
I said what I need is a jolly good whipping. One where I do not get to choose how many or how hard. Those decisions would be made for me. But it should be jolly hard and many strokes. She just said "um".
In bed at least I got some physical attention where she gripped my penis and dug her nails in. I was hard as and it hurt like hell.
Slept well.
She said to me that she thought this was because of abstaining from orgasm.
I said what I need is a jolly good whipping. One where I do not get to choose how many or how hard. Those decisions would be made for me. But it should be jolly hard and many strokes. She just said "um".
In bed at least I got some physical attention where she gripped my penis and dug her nails in. I was hard as and it hurt like hell.
Slept well.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
On yr bike son
My wife and some friends took the kids and went to a park for lunch. I was to join them after I had done a few things.
When I was ready I texted to let them know I was coming in case they had forgotton something.
I received a text back that said <female friends name> says you should ride so I (wife) can have some more to drink.
Sounds like a plan.
I have never ridden my bike anywhere near the distance required.
So I pack a sweater and a drink bottle.
Hop on my bike and start peddling.
When I was ready I texted to let them know I was coming in case they had forgotton something.
I received a text back that said <female friends name> says you should ride so I (wife) can have some more to drink.
Sounds like a plan.
I have never ridden my bike anywhere near the distance required.
So I pack a sweater and a drink bottle.
Hop on my bike and start peddling.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
No expectation of orgasm
Being a guy I love challenges.
Climb every mountain.....
I am finding it both tough and interesting living without orgasm.
I do get this sort of tense feeling in my shoulders from time to time & have to shrug it off literally.
I do get hard very easily. See a woman and it gets hard.
I do have more energy & stay awake better in the evenings.
I do do more house work.
I do I confess have a tendancy to get grumpy / moody / short tempered. I want to work on [reducing] this.
It is good though coming at it without the expectation of orgasm. I know from past experience that if I think I am going to have sex / orgasm and she is not interested then I get angry /
I do find it a real turn on to have sex where I do not get to orgasm.
Climb every mountain.....
I am finding it both tough and interesting living without orgasm.
I do get this sort of tense feeling in my shoulders from time to time & have to shrug it off literally.
I do get hard very easily. See a woman and it gets hard.
I do have more energy & stay awake better in the evenings.
I do do more house work.
I do I confess have a tendancy to get grumpy / moody / short tempered. I want to work on [reducing] this.
It is good though coming at it without the expectation of orgasm. I know from past experience that if I think I am going to have sex / orgasm and she is not interested then I get angry /
I do find it a real turn on to have sex where I do not get to orgasm.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Show day
The show is on here and we went in with another two families. Husbands, wives and kids everywhere.
It was very obvious that the mothers were in charge and the husbands were just there to carry things and watch children.
At one stage we were all standing around while dinner (as specified by the wives) was purchased and one of the wives said to me go and find us somewhere to sit. I said "there is really no point in me doing that because you ladies will simply change whatever I select anyway".
In hindsight that sounds somewhat petulant which was not the intention at the time. What I was trying to verbalise was that us husbands recognised that the wives were very much in control.
I think also there was a bit of a feeling like I am happy to do whatever you want but it does frustrate me if I do it for no purpose.
Actually as I write this, I think I should have gone and done exactly what was asked of me and not even worried that they would over rule me and do their own thing anyway.
As I have written this, I wish that I could go home, confess and be whipped.
Bizzare arnt I.
It was very obvious that the mothers were in charge and the husbands were just there to carry things and watch children.
At one stage we were all standing around while dinner (as specified by the wives) was purchased and one of the wives said to me go and find us somewhere to sit. I said "there is really no point in me doing that because you ladies will simply change whatever I select anyway".
In hindsight that sounds somewhat petulant which was not the intention at the time. What I was trying to verbalise was that us husbands recognised that the wives were very much in control.
I think also there was a bit of a feeling like I am happy to do whatever you want but it does frustrate me if I do it for no purpose.
Actually as I write this, I think I should have gone and done exactly what was asked of me and not even worried that they would over rule me and do their own thing anyway.
As I have written this, I wish that I could go home, confess and be whipped.
Bizzare arnt I.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Fem dom
Some generalisations. I think these are true not just in the fem dom mind but generally true across the world.
- men are turned on visually.
- Men find womens bodies & clothes attractive
- Women may find some attraction to mens bodies but not to the same extreme as men do of women.
- Women dress to impress other women.
Young Women (as a generalisation) fall in lust with a man and will dress to a degree the way he wants.
Yooung women (as a generalisation) may have sex with the man because they think that is what he wants and that by giving it to him, the man will somehow be connected to her.
Imagine if
- girls had the self confidence to not give the guys sex.
I grew up active in a Christian church where sure there was the idea of men in charge and women to be submissive but there was also the idea of purity / chastity until marriage. The expectation was that young hormone ravaged men could control it. And they did. In my case they did and in the case of others they did too.
I believe that with this commitment, it gives the girls security. They should be secure in knowing that they will not be raped.
It also creates a sexual tension. I believe that sexual tension is hot.
Imagine if after marriage, this sexual tension continued.
Imagine if the girls did not feel like they had to give sex whenever he wanted it.
Imagine if they were confident to continue keeping the boy chaste and only allowed the men to cum when they wanted. It might be as a reward or perhaps simply to create children.
Another random thought
have you heard the phrase "she dresses like a prostitute".
Now not having met a prostitute, I can not verify how they dress but I take that phrase to mean that "she" is dressing in a way to attract men.
I like that.
I would like that women would dress to attract men. Dress sexy.
To me dressing dowdy is demeaning to the woman.
I can envisage a society where
- The women all dress sexilly, skimpy, flirty -> looks good & Keeps the boys attention.
- Men serve the women because they are attracted.
- men rarely get orgasm. They get attention, hugs, kisses, touch, tease & denial, love. But no orgasm.
- men are turned on visually.
- Men find womens bodies & clothes attractive
- Women may find some attraction to mens bodies but not to the same extreme as men do of women.
- Women dress to impress other women.
Young Women (as a generalisation) fall in lust with a man and will dress to a degree the way he wants.
Yooung women (as a generalisation) may have sex with the man because they think that is what he wants and that by giving it to him, the man will somehow be connected to her.
Imagine if
- girls had the self confidence to not give the guys sex.
I grew up active in a Christian church where sure there was the idea of men in charge and women to be submissive but there was also the idea of purity / chastity until marriage. The expectation was that young hormone ravaged men could control it. And they did. In my case they did and in the case of others they did too.
I believe that with this commitment, it gives the girls security. They should be secure in knowing that they will not be raped.
It also creates a sexual tension. I believe that sexual tension is hot.
Imagine if after marriage, this sexual tension continued.
Imagine if the girls did not feel like they had to give sex whenever he wanted it.
Imagine if they were confident to continue keeping the boy chaste and only allowed the men to cum when they wanted. It might be as a reward or perhaps simply to create children.
Another random thought
have you heard the phrase "she dresses like a prostitute".
Now not having met a prostitute, I can not verify how they dress but I take that phrase to mean that "she" is dressing in a way to attract men.
I like that.
I would like that women would dress to attract men. Dress sexy.
To me dressing dowdy is demeaning to the woman.
I can envisage a society where
- The women all dress sexilly, skimpy, flirty -> looks good & Keeps the boys attention.
- Men serve the women because they are attracted.
- men rarely get orgasm. They get attention, hugs, kisses, touch, tease & denial, love. But no orgasm.
Awareness
This is a bit of a random ramblings.
On the radio this morning they had people phone in and talk about times when they had tried to be sexy and it had backfired.
One woman phoned in and described how she had dressed up - Tights, corset, high heel boots. She came out and her husband just laughed and pushed her out of the way so he could watch the football on TV.
Another guy phoned in to say that he had gotten home from work early, stripped off and ran into the house totallu nude. To find her sitting at the table with her parents.
What do we learn here
young men are dumb.
On the radio this morning they had people phone in and talk about times when they had tried to be sexy and it had backfired.
One woman phoned in and described how she had dressed up - Tights, corset, high heel boots. She came out and her husband just laughed and pushed her out of the way so he could watch the football on TV.
Another guy phoned in to say that he had gotten home from work early, stripped off and ran into the house totallu nude. To find her sitting at the table with her parents.
What do we learn here
young men are dumb.
sleepy drunk
Abstaining from orgasm gives me energy but even a glass of wine sends me to sleep.
Last night a couple of friends dropped in and were invited to stay for dinner. I had two glasses of wine and ended up being pretty useless.
After they left, I lay on the couch & Slept. My wife had to do pretty much everything.
Wasking up, cleaning up, helping kids with home work, getting kids showered, into bed and anything else that had to be done.
Now I feel guilty.
The pity is that is as far as it will go.
What I wish is that she would punish me.
So that next time I have a glass of wine I would be weighing up the consequences.
I wish that she would
- Tell me verbally that she had to do everything while I slept. To me communication is important and that it would be great of she could say that. It should not be an argument. Just a statement of fact.
- Tell me that she felt that I had not at the very least carried my fair share.
- Then I really wish for a whipping. To me it would physically hurt and that is a punishment and a reminder but it's also cathardic. A sort of cleansing. Ready to start again.
Then I would
- Thank her
- Apologise
- Offer to do everything tonight
- Actually do everything tonight.
But she still has, as far as I can see, some kind of in grained disaproval of physical punishment, physical pain. She still is not good in communication and so on.
Last night a couple of friends dropped in and were invited to stay for dinner. I had two glasses of wine and ended up being pretty useless.
After they left, I lay on the couch & Slept. My wife had to do pretty much everything.
Wasking up, cleaning up, helping kids with home work, getting kids showered, into bed and anything else that had to be done.
Now I feel guilty.
The pity is that is as far as it will go.
What I wish is that she would punish me.
So that next time I have a glass of wine I would be weighing up the consequences.
I wish that she would
- Tell me verbally that she had to do everything while I slept. To me communication is important and that it would be great of she could say that. It should not be an argument. Just a statement of fact.
- Tell me that she felt that I had not at the very least carried my fair share.
- Then I really wish for a whipping. To me it would physically hurt and that is a punishment and a reminder but it's also cathardic. A sort of cleansing. Ready to start again.
Then I would
- Thank her
- Apologise
- Offer to do everything tonight
- Actually do everything tonight.
But she still has, as far as I can see, some kind of in grained disaproval of physical punishment, physical pain. She still is not good in communication and so on.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Called home for lunch
My wife phoned me and asked if we could have lunch together so we could discuss various issues. Don't get your hopes us readers. Just mundane things that don't get discussed in the morning because everyone is busy getting to school & work and don't get discussed at night because of kids sport, cooking, washing up and then we are too tired.
I arrived home and she was wearing a short skirt and tights. She knows I find that attractive, sexy, nice. So it was nice to see and nice that she had made the effort.
There was no mention of sex and I figured I want her to lead so I should not push the sex thing although like a good boy it is always on my mind.
We had lunch and chatted and made lists and then each of us went and checked things on our respective computers. Prices for tickets, Potential birthday presents and so on. When everything on her list had a tick beside it, I said that I had better be on my way back to work.
She made a comment that she was hoping I might have time for a little extra.
Suddenly the need to go back to work was shall we say lessened.
We lay on the bed and kissed and she lay with her back to me so I could draw on it and run my hand across her bottom. Being gentle and just letting my fingers occasionally brush on the top back of her legs. I love the feel of the tights. Gradually between her legs as she started to move.
She made a comment about how she would like my fingers inside her but that there was something in the way. I asked if she would like me to take off her tights but she said that they were on for me. Which was nice.
I then decided to be a bit bold and put my hands in through the waist band of the tights, inside her undies and around to her clitterous. She made positive comments as I touched and pushed my fingers in. I like it when she tells me verbally what to do. She said work her clitterous from top to bottom.
She came.
We both relaxed. We had a little giggle because I had left my hand in her panties.
We rested.
She said "you seem to be enjoying the tease of not cumming?"
I said "It's a challenge that I am enjoying and I am enjoying helping you orgasm"
I said "I think about it all the time"
She said "You do not seem to be getting grumpy the way you used to when you did not get sex"
I said "Sometimes I feel moody and grumpy but I try to get over it without expressing myself to you"
She said "maybe we should continue like this for a while"
I said "Boys love a challenge"
I then asked if I could go ack to work.
Kissed her and left with a warm fuzzy feeling.
And a still very hard penis.
It's funny in a way. We somehow get this idea that men need to cum. I think I need intimacy. Hugging. Feeling wanted, loved, needed, relied upon. To cum is great but immediatly after there is a feeling that ranges between sort of nothingness through well thats the end of that for a while to maybe mild depression. Not cumming but with her involvement keeps me in that sexual energy high.
I arrived home and she was wearing a short skirt and tights. She knows I find that attractive, sexy, nice. So it was nice to see and nice that she had made the effort.
There was no mention of sex and I figured I want her to lead so I should not push the sex thing although like a good boy it is always on my mind.
We had lunch and chatted and made lists and then each of us went and checked things on our respective computers. Prices for tickets, Potential birthday presents and so on. When everything on her list had a tick beside it, I said that I had better be on my way back to work.
She made a comment that she was hoping I might have time for a little extra.
Suddenly the need to go back to work was shall we say lessened.
We lay on the bed and kissed and she lay with her back to me so I could draw on it and run my hand across her bottom. Being gentle and just letting my fingers occasionally brush on the top back of her legs. I love the feel of the tights. Gradually between her legs as she started to move.
She made a comment about how she would like my fingers inside her but that there was something in the way. I asked if she would like me to take off her tights but she said that they were on for me. Which was nice.
I then decided to be a bit bold and put my hands in through the waist band of the tights, inside her undies and around to her clitterous. She made positive comments as I touched and pushed my fingers in. I like it when she tells me verbally what to do. She said work her clitterous from top to bottom.
She came.
We both relaxed. We had a little giggle because I had left my hand in her panties.
We rested.
She said "you seem to be enjoying the tease of not cumming?"
I said "It's a challenge that I am enjoying and I am enjoying helping you orgasm"
I said "I think about it all the time"
She said "You do not seem to be getting grumpy the way you used to when you did not get sex"
I said "Sometimes I feel moody and grumpy but I try to get over it without expressing myself to you"
She said "maybe we should continue like this for a while"
I said "Boys love a challenge"
I then asked if I could go ack to work.
Kissed her and left with a warm fuzzy feeling.
And a still very hard penis.
It's funny in a way. We somehow get this idea that men need to cum. I think I need intimacy. Hugging. Feeling wanted, loved, needed, relied upon. To cum is great but immediatly after there is a feeling that ranges between sort of nothingness through well thats the end of that for a while to maybe mild depression. Not cumming but with her involvement keeps me in that sexual energy high.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Moody
Cripes I am a moody bugger.
Perhaps born of frustration. A feeling of being unable to communicate to my wife nor understand her.
I read some sub blogs where they revel in being ignored as their wife goes off with another man. Thats not mee. For her to kiss another woman would be a turn on for me but partly because I would not see it as replacing me but rather as her exploring sexuality, branching out into something adventurous.
I also subscribed to some information from a Sarah Jamison and she makes the point that none of this will fix a marriage that has existing problems.
A bit of a conundrum (if thats the right word). I think for some and me included this sub thing is a way of trying to revitalise the marriage. To revitalise the relationship. Spice it up.
So at the moment, it seems we are in a bit of a trough and so I suspect my posts will be more philosophical and less descriptive because there is not much to describe.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
She does not want to hurt
This is all a bit negative so you may wish to go and read something else. :)
I got back from my work trip and when we hopped into bed, she immediatly started to rub my penis. I tried to caress her and so on. She said she was on her period and she know I do not want to penetrate her when she is on her period.
So we had a stalemate of sorts. If that is the right word for it.
There were all sorts of ways this could have gone that would have been positive for me but we ended up with me putting on a plastic bag with some baby oil in it. We have done this as a way of stimulating and masturbating without messing the bed etc for years. I ended up cumming and she did not even attempt to get turned on or respond.
So to me I had an orgasm - OK that's nice but in all other ways this was a somewhat depressing interaction.
It seems to me that she is either motivated to do something that she thinks I like -orgasm or she is wishing to reduce my sexual energy by having me orgasm because in the past I have become moody or grumpy if denied for too long.
So from my point of view any or all of the following would have made for a much better outcome.
a) Tease & Denial in any one of many forms - She could get me to put on the plastic bag and rub me or have me rub myself but tell me to stop when I get close to orgasm. Then repeat.
b) Simply tell me that she is on her period and so there will be no sex for me tonight.
c) Get me to rub her (through her panties and pad) until she cums.
d) Engage in kissing, cuddling, discussion on abstinance, love etc etc.
The only thing worse than what we did would have been for her to ignore me. That would have been emotionally painful.
I remember once hearing a girl say on fashion that wearing the wrong thing is bad but not being noticed is the worst thing possible.
I am not sure but somehow I believe it would be great if my wife could understand that physical pain is not bad. That abstaiance has benefits. That tease AND DENIAL is a challenge and so on.
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