plastic pants

Got into bed.  Hinted at sex.  She said she did not want to do sex because her marina (IUD) is overdue for replacement.

comment: Kind of disapoints me what little priority she gives to things sexual.

She said "put on some plastic pants"

Comment: well that was a pick up.

So I put on plastic pants with a drop of baby oil and then my pj pants and hopped back into bed.  Naturally I was very very turned on and she rubbed me and that was good.  I asked if I would be allowed to cum and she said "maybe".  I love it.  Then she asked "what would I do if the positions were reversed".  I actually don't like that.  Makes me feel uncomfortable and it makes me feel disapointed that she needs to hear it again or something.

So I figured I would say what I wanted to her.  I said "Well I would tease by rubbing gently but not allow me to cum"  I included a statement along the lines of how good the tease was and how much more attentive I was when I needed to cum. 

Somewhere along the line I asked her to cane me.  She was not really interested but eventually she agreed and I went and got the cane and she did some half hearted whacks.  She was not enjoying it.

Gave up.

She rubbed me some more and said I could cum.  I did.  That was the end of it.

I ended up feeling a bit down.  Frustrated that she just does not get into things sexual.  She has no understanding of kink.  It seems nothing turns her on.

Men desire it, women control the supply

Sex

Guys apparantly think about it all the time and that certainly is the case for me.  Ever since puberty.

Read an interesting article on the net
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2008/11/20/hookinguprealities/sex-men-desire-it-and-women-control-the-supply/

Some key points for me in this were

Men are biologically programmed to want sex with a variety of women. It’s in their DNA. Their purpose is to inseminate as many women as possible to produce children. When a man is monogamous, he is giving up something he wants.
 

ie men are already willing to sacrifice in order to get....

Because women control the sex supply, men have sought ways to please women through romance. In the hookup culture, guys are receiving the message that girls are satisfied with hooking up, and have no expectations of them. In sending that message, girls forfeit the most powerful leverage they have over men: controlling the supply of sex. If girls demand love and kindness in return for sex, they will get it.

 

Today, the market value of sexual access has plummeted. Sex is so readily available that men are not willing to give up much of anything to get it. Women need to start behaving in such a way as to increase the market value of sex to level the playing field and regain some control. The only way to achieve this is to restrict the supply. 

 A powerful message that resonates with me.  If women restrict the amount of sex men get then it increases the value.  And it increases the value for both the man and the woman.

This resonates with my personal experience.  If I get sex whenever I want it (and there are times when it is that way) then at the end I am left feeling down.  A similar feeling that accomanies masturbation.  If on the other hand I have had to work for it then it is an achievement.  A reward.  The feelings after are positive.

So in a way, men are preprogramed to be submissive to women in the sense of serving them in order to get sex.  So the idea of a submissive male is in keeping with the general way men are. 

For myself and others we are obviously making or wanting this to be a bit more extreme or a bit more front of the brain thing. 

I would suggest that my desires are in a way completely natural.  I want sex and I want valuable sex. 

Take a financial example.  I want a thousand US dollars much more than a thousand pesos.  We know the dollars are far more valuable.

So if my wife restricts sex then the value of sex goes up.

But also so should the benefits.  The most obvious benefit is we should enjoy the act more and before that we should see the benefits of my efforts to get it.  These would manifest themselves in things like helping out around the house, buying her presents and reacting to her needs.

Sex

Well we are doing ok.
This morning we engaged in some intimate sex.
I was hard and on my back and she got on top and she positioned herself so that the tip of my penis did not enter her but was used to stimulate her clitterous.  Such a turn on.

At one stage when I was getting very close she said 'don't cum'.  That was fun.

We discussed teasing and denying and I suspect she is hesitant to try this because she can not tell when I am too close.  I wonder how she could learn that.  ?

Taking the lead & Communication

 I have read a number of guides aimed basically at women who believe or at least are parts of religious communities where the expectation is that the man lead but then they go on to talk about [the women] need to let the husband lead or the wives need to put the husband on a pedestal and serve him and so on.  Who is taking the lead there?

In this post,
http://queenandknight.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/what-i-enjoy-about-our-flr.html
the wife talks about taking the lead out of necessity for her husbands well being.

When I actively lead my Knight his whole outlook seems to change - he becomes more confident in everything he does. That confidence even carries over to his work and his writing. He stresses and worries less, he is less moody, and almost nothing rattles him. When I lead him, my Knight is much less forgetful. His projects get finished. When I lead, my Knight knows exactly what he can do to "please me" and so he doesn't follow me around like a lost pup.

http://femdom101.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/humiliation-reward-or-punishment.html

I know these things about my man because we talk. Every night there is the special time we talk to each other. We talk as husband and wife, mistress and slave. John kneels at my feet, and there he tells me the secrets of his soul. There's no television, radio, or music.

The key in all these situations is COMMUNICATION

Something I my wife and I do not do well.

Plastic pants

Just as I begin to dispair that she is not interested in sex or in me then she will suddenly do something for me.

She knows that I am turned on by plastic.
I knows she hates plastic.  Any mention of it and guaranteed thats the end of any sexual play or possibilites.

A mexican stand off.  (Why is it called Mexican I wonder).

This morning I got out of the shower, towled off and walked into our bed room.  She met me at the door and said "I would like you to wear plastic pants today".  There on the bed I could see my plastic pants that have sat in the bottom of the bottom draw.  Un mentioned for months. 

Wow.
So now I am at work.
Wearing plastic pants.  Feeling the plastic against my skin.  I know its weird, kinky , strange whatever.  But hey.
And I am thinking of her.

Thinking of her positively.  Not bemoaning my fate or sulking over her apparant diinterest in sex or me ....

But I do wonder why there are those few ladies who do seem to have self motivated interest in things sexual.  Who do make the effort to engage sexually with their husbands.
Who tease them
Train them
and I suspect in the end both are happy.
Husbands get attention.
Wives get served.

musing on this and that

I was thinking as I do about submission and kink.

These are random thoughts in no particular order.

I am I suspect both but are they one and the same.  Is submissive a kink could a man be genuninely submissive

I have a male friend who has in recent times had bouts of depression.  I do not know if he is being treated or just gets down a bit (as I do).  Both our families were on a bit of a day trip recently and we parked in a tricky spot.  Steep, narrow road and a very tight parking spot which required a bit of finesse to get in and out with the help of someone to wave and give advice.  When it came time to go, him and I packed the cars while the women took more photos, looked at the view and so on.  naturally I sexualised it and saw it as being a servant.  No idea what he did.  But then his wife came over and said "He's not driving I don't trust him".  Wow I felt for him.  To me a huge kick in the guts.  No wonder he gets down.  To me being submissive is strength but I suspect he is just beaten down verbally.

I wonder how much is driven by sexual drive. 

Dancing Boy

One of my wifes friends came over.  She has a boy the same age as one of our sons and they are friends at school.  The boy came with her.

There is no father around from what I can see.

There was interstingly a girl at our house at the same time playing with my daughter.

The strange thing was that both visiting kids had the same name. 

Next interesting thing is that the mother has the boy do dancing.

I wonder as the feminine influence increases whether we will see dancing and other traditionally female activities become more common for boys.

Plesant

After a surprising weekend of sex, Monday was simple and pleasant.

In the bathroom on Monday morning and I see my wife putting a pad in her panties.  Ah that time of the month.  That explains why we had sex on the weekend.  Historically she seems to get turned on more just before her period.  I suspect that we could build a rythm in our lives where there would be no sex and no pressure to have or engage in sex for three weeks and then sometime in the days before her period then she might get excited and turned on.

One of her objections to chastity of me is that she feels then that there is an obligation on her to have sex and for her to reach orgasm.  So we would still I think have to deal with that.  There has to be a way.

Anyway, Monday seemed to just flow.  Got home in the evening.  Everone seemed in the groove.  Wife went out for a while.  a couple of friends (F) dropped in to borrow some things and chatted while they were here.  I made them tea.  It was kind of fun to wait on them. 

I saw an interesting posting here
http://queenandknight.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/getting-back-into-swing-of-things.html
A couple of points got my attention.

Firstly this statement

a lot of woman I grew up hearing, "nice girls don't do that", and "oh.. honey, you can't tell a man what to do, he'll resent it." And of course there is an overwhelming amount of tv, literature and what-have-you that shows women to be either submissive to their man, or manipulating him to get what she wants.

As I guy, I would feel anoyed, resentful at being manipulated.  I would and I suspect many guys (forget even the idea of sub males for now) would when asked by a woman, who pretty much anything.  Manipulation would not be required.  certainly for me.  If a woman asked me straight out to do something, unless it was grossly illegal or compromised my relationship with my wife & family, I would do it enthusiastically and to the best of my ability.  So I wonder why women have developed this idea of manipulating men when I suspect that men being what they are that the direct approach woul yield results quicker and better.  For starters, I suspect that men just don't get hints so they are for more likely to get it right if given clear and specific directions.

and this statement

During our FLR break we were both miserable. My Knight was depressed. He felt like I no longer wanted him around at all

I often feel like my wife is lazy when it comes to our relationship.  Her lack of perceived effort translates in my mind to she does not love me, she cant be bothered and so on.  I suspect that she just does not understand but I do not know how to communicate that to her.  For me expending effort and and energy on my kink has been a part of me for like forever.  But as she is in no way kinky and not overtly sexual I suspect that she just can not relate to that idea.  It's just not front of her brain stuff.

Some great sex

We had sex on the weekend.

In hindsight a great weekend of intimacy.

Saturday Night -
In bed and was wearing her short denim dress that I find very sexy.  I was turned on gently rubbed her bottom and so on.  Started slow and gently and got the feeling she was enjoying it.  It progressed and she suggested I unbutton her dress.  This was a good sign.  Her bra still on under it.  Usually she just takes everything off and puts on her nighties.  This was so much more fun.  I gradually worked my fingers toward her clitterous.  It is a difficult thing in a way because I am not sure how fast to go.  Take too long and she seems to cool off and too fast and she does not warm up and I suspect feels rushed.  I would like more verbal feedback and direction from her - touch here, pat there and so on.

However I know that at the times when she does spend time working on me, I want her to do things not ask me and I suspect she also feels like she does not want to tell me what to do but wants me to make the effort.  Somehow we have to find a way to communicate without it feeling like .... At one stage I asked if she would like me to lick her or words to that effect.  But she did not ask and I did not go there.

She came and really seemed to enjoy it.  Then unfortunately I went limp.  I was as hard as while we here stimulating her then she was offerring me sex and I could not perform.  Somewhat depressing in a way.

Sunday morning-
By this time she was naked and when we awoke in the morning she was till naked.  Very sexy and possibly there is more to come.  I gently put my hand on her bottom which these days seems to be the way to start.  At one stage I asked if she would like me to lick her.  She respoded that she had thought I might have done that last night.  I figured she was open to the experience but that she was not going to ask and that she would like me to be proactive.  The dilemah is timing. Too soon as in she needs to be partially turned on or t will be a sure fire way to switch her right off.  The moring air was a bit cool and she had the sheets pulled up over her with just her head sticking out.  Not conducive to getting between her legs.  I suggested that perhaps she would like to put her nightie on so I could take the sheets down.  She said "how about one of your tee shirts"  This was sounding good (I don't know why - perhaps because it was a bit unusual).    I get her a tee shirt and she puts it on and then I pull the sheets back down and start on her legs.  Kissing touching starting at her feet  Trying hard to take it slow.  Finally I get down between her legs and start and she is getting really excited and I am licking and putting my hands up under the tee shirt and touching her breasts.  She starts too to touch her breast and my hand.  She makes comment about how this feeling could go on forever.  I say say between toungefuls yes yes it is such a good feeling.  She says would I like her to cum and I say yes enjoy.  She makes lots of positive comments and jerks and jerks and has what seems to me to be the most animated orgasm she has had in ages.

Great I am thinking.  Two good experiences of sex in 12 hrs.

She lies there and so do I.  I am thinking she has cum twice and me none and I have had the best time.  Then she says "time for you".  I actually am hard but the tension the foreplay is so good I actually would like to keep that feeling.  I say maybe we should have you on top and you might cum again.  She says "we'll see".   I get on top and gently start to push in.  I am pushing in and out and I am getting ver close.  She says "not yet".  Those words almost send me over the edge.  I lie still and compose myself.  We roll over and she starts to move.  She says she wants us to cum together but I seem to have lost it.  She keeps going and encourages me but she cums and I don't.  Then she says roll over (me on top).  She says stop thinking and go for it.  So I do.  I cum and it was good.  But now its over.

But a very nice way to start the say.
It's off to church, kids stuff and so on.

In the evening we go out for dinner (leave kids with baby sitter).  Very relaxed


Sunday night -
My hands were dry from some physical labour I had been doing and I asked her if she knew where the moisturising cream was.  Turned out we had an almost empty pump bottle in the bathroom.  I uncrewed the mechanism and shook some out.  Ended up with a blob.  Far more than I needed.  As I walked back into the bed room rubbing my hands together with far too much mosituriser I asked if she needed me to smooth her skin anywhere.  She kicked back the sheet and presented her feet and said just work your way up.  So I had a nice sub mindspace time as I lay there massaging mosituring cream into her feet and also up her legs.  Very sexy.

The power of wait

A person by the name of  Frank Partnoy has written a book called Wait - the art and science of delay.

In many circumstances the person who delays the longest is the one with the most power.

This resonated with me because I usually feel the need to immediatly justify my decisions by explaining them to someone.  In the family context, I would explain them to my wife.

Girls learn a bullying technique where they freeze someone out.  Wives of course can ignore their husbands indefinately - In light of this book, that is a demonstration of power. 

I on the other hand have never been able to ignore my wife.  I always want contact.  I want physical contact.  I want to talk with her.  I want to do things with her.  I feel the need to confess, apologise, discuss.  There have been times when I have been angry or sulked and tried to give her the cold shoulder treatment but I have not been able to keep it up.  Even for a day when I am at work.  I end up texting her an apology or going home at lunvh time with a bunch of flowers.

So I guess in a way, this confirms her as the more powerful person in the relationship and that is fine and actually nice to put a label on it.

But I suspect that there maybe some value in me waiting too.

For example anonomous in their comment on this post of mine pointed out that my frustrations have been going on for years and that "If your goal is to please her, it sounds like maybe you need to take some time to listen and figure out what she wants - which she probably won't tell you directly".
And that sounds like good advice.


and in a recent response to this post, subservetoher askes "Have you considered or discussed with your wife the idea of you going into chastity?" and again it seems that the idea of time or waiting frees up space in the relationship. 

yearning

The relationship has stabilised.  She seems more responsive and I am staying away from kinky topics.

Mind you my mind keeps yearning for her overt control.
A challenge.
I would love her to put me on a strict diet.
To force me to exercise
To whip me
To deny orgasm.

What I do not want is to be alone, ignored, no feed back and so on.

I do want sex.  Hot sex.  Exciting sex.  To me denying orgasm is not denying or avoiding sex.  It is a super tease.