A text from my wife

This morning I sent my wife an email similar to the previous post.

She sent a reply agreeing.

Then she sent me a text instructing me to sort out an insuance issue with one of our cars.

I have just received a text that reads

"Do I have your blessing to go to this new exercise class tonight at the gym. I will be home just after you put the kids to bed."

There is a subtilty with the wording.  You may note it appears that she is asking my permission but there is a sort of a catch here.  Firstly if I sulk and complain that she is out and I am lonely then she will say that she asked me and I was ok with it.  The next thing is if I say 'no' then she has a different engagement that would have resulted in her being out anyway.

Next I note the implied instruction that I will put the kids to bed.

And finally what is not obvious is that it is implied that if I am going to get my fix of 15 minutes of physical attention tonight then by the time  she gets home I must have done all of the following

• Kitchen & dining room table cleaned and
• washing up done or had the kids do it but that usualy means I do at least the last bit.
• Supervised kids home work.  (No TV allowed during the week).
• School uniforms ironed and ready in each kids bed room.
• Children bathed and in bed.
• I have put a glass of water beside her bed.

If any of this is not done, then she will do it when she gets home and that means that even though I will get attention it will not be for ages as as well as doing whatever I did not do, she will do other things and she will go and check her email.  on the plus side, If I do it, she will be happier and there is more chance of something exciting happening.  So guess we all know what I will be doing tonight. 

Incidentilly she took the TV out of the lounge room so if any of us want to watch TV there is a lot of rigmorole involved in bring it in and connecting it up.  So you can see how she controls things even in a non sexual way.

On the plus side, as a hang over from when I was more dominant and as a result of her christian upbringing and the idea that women should look feminine etc etc, there is a very good chance that she will wear her sexy short sports skirt to the gym.  It has built in lycra undies and I very much enjoy seeing her in it.

Recalibration of bedroom expectations

Last night <wife> came to bed very late.


From experience not a good time or thing.
<wife> tends to fall asleep and I tend to get cranky.
(Last night ended up like this.)

<wife> said something along the line of not being too keen on the dominant and submissive thing and (I think with a smile she said) that she could direct me to not be submissive but that was as we both recognised (with a smile) as being dominant anyway.


Then I asked "well what do you want.  What would your ideal husband be"
and the discussion tanked.


My thoughts are:
a) If <wife> is tired, she should be able to go to sleep.
b) I would like some feeling of being loved - ie my love language of physical touch.
c) Late at night in bed is not a good time to discuss things.


A potential solution for your consideration:
a) If you want to go to sleep, then simply tell me "That's it I (<wife>) am going to sleep.  Lie still and don't disturb me" - This panders to my desire to have you boss me around.  It also removes ambiguity of expectation (otherwise I may expect you to respond to questions and feel miffed that you have fallen asleep).
b) When you come to bed we spend an agreed time say even 15 minutes hust hugging, touching and being physical.


How would that be?


xo

Bit me on the tit

I am amazed.

Last night she hops into bed and bites me on the breast.
wow.
It hurt
It stimulated

Most of all though she did it with out being asked.


In other news (& thoughts musing and all that mind stuff),

We have not done her waxing yet as she was out at a meeting until late and we did not get into the bed room until after 10pm.  On a non work night maybe one could do something but when I have to be up at 5:30 and taking a child to a school thing leaving just after 6am

Its now 2 weeks for me with no orgasm.  She has come a couple of times.  We have spent much much more time cuddling and just being together.  So the benefits outweigh the costs.
I do have moments of grumpyness but trying to control those.  Wish she would whip me for them.
I find from time to time a feeling of "will it ever work again" sort of thing.  Hard to describe.

I am sure I am addicted to ... sex

Blogging

Is it porn when one goes looking for blog postings about submissive husbands and dominant wives?

Is it just too weird when I prick up my ears when I hear a mother or wife laying down the law to husband or child.  When wives / mothers set rules, take control and so on.

she came on top

I received an interesting surprise.  My wife has decided to get a brazillian.  Now many years ago we did this at home and she also went to someone hand had it done at one stage.  So twice in her life.

The reason is that she gets a rash down there and she is hoping the lack of har will reduce the irritation.

Whatever..... I'm all for it.  :) 
Especially if I get to do it.  <grin>

So out came the wax & materials but they all said not suitable for genitals. 

So I figured some research was necessary and so we lay in bed together with my laptop and searched the net.  Interestingly finding diy info on brazillian waxing is not as easy as you would think.  I suspect youtube see it as porn.  hey....:) and many of the other articles on the net seemed to be product promotions.

Then we got distracted looking at funny photos.
All nice an romantic.

I then sugested that she might like sex and wonderfully she did.  I put on some lube, hopped on top, pushed in gently.  We then rolled over and she moved herself and stimulated herself and came.  Gave me imense satisfaction too.

No wanking. memories in the corners of my mind...

I posted a response to

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/aftermath.html?zx=eaf83ecca96f4c8

Thought it was worthy of its own post on my blog

When I was a lad.  You know 16, 17 and ravaged with hormones but interestingly struggling to resist masturbating.  I would latch on to comments to give myself strength. For example a sporting coach made what was probably an off the cuff comment that he wanted no wanking before the match because we should save all our energy for the weekend game.   Living in a school boarding house which had very little privacy actually helped as there was the constant fear of being caught.  But on top of all this I discovered that if I wore these really cheap nylon undies that if I rubbed myself then it would abrade my penis and make it red raw and so stop my from doing this.  Sort of like you boy and his 'damaged' dick.  I good way to cure someone of that self indulgent activity.

 I was able to go a whole term of 13 weeks or so without masturbating.  Wet dreams were common and a nusance in themselves as they tended to result in cum spurting right up my chest and making my pyjama top sticky.

In the holidays though, without the structure and fear of getting caught I would wank away.  But even though the thrill of orgasm was great there was the feeling of weakness that came soon after.  I actually used to look forward to the structure of the boarding house as it seemed that only within that structure could I have the feeling of success that accompanied resisting as opposed to the feeling of weakness or powerless ness that I felt at home.

The other thing that was a feature of the boarding house that helped me control myself was the fear of being labelled a 'wanker'.  My gut feeling is that those at the top of the social ladder could do what they liked.  But for those of us in the middle, the fear of sliding to the bottom was great motivator.  I valued being included from time to time in "in group" parties, illicit activities and so on.  'wankers' on the other hand were the lowest of the low. 

This dawned on me last night.  We lay in bed and had a chat.

I said: <wife> often talks about equality.

I asked her to think of our married friends.  For each couple who out of the couple is the dominant one.

Here are <wife's>answers and I agree 100%


Couple A - Wife
Couple B - Husband
Couple C - Husband
Couple D - Wife

<Wife> commented with words something like "I never knew I had to be submissive"

So what this says to me is that within a marriage,  Equality seems to not be the norm.  It seems that we end up with a dominant partner and a submissive partner.

Is that good or bad?
Don't know.

Maybe the problem we had was two dominant personalities.

 At the start of the marriage I tried to be the dominant one and hence her comment "I never knew I had to be submissive".

Initially I took on an overtly dominant position and forced myself on her and she resisted but capitulated from time to time.  Over time that took its toll on me.  She withdrew and busied herself elsewhere and I felt neglected.

When I look on the net, I find stories about how to keep a marraige together.

Irrespective of what type of marriage - Christian, secular, kinky, whatever the common thread is that both partners are very deliberate in expressing love for the other and both partners are basically in awe of each other.  They see their partner as the very best.  In our case I feel ignored or neglected.


Recently I have given up and basically taken the position OK you lead and I will be submissive. 

But I need to you lead.

A lovely evening and morning

She arrived home last night looking very sexy and young in a pair of denim short shorts.

I had spent the evening cleaning.  So the kitchen looked good.

It was late and she wanted a shower as she was a bit grotty.  With a smile on her face, she put her arms in that air and said "un dress me".  So I did.  Took it slow, kissed her and aletrnated between a top and a bottom.  Reisted the temptation to 'feel her up'.

She had her shower and I hopped into bed.  (Glass of water on her bed side table of course).

She came to bed and somewhere along the line I asked if I could put plastic pants on and she said only if you don't cum.  That was nice to hear and so I put them on.

We engaged in some intimate cuddling and then went to sleep.

In the morning again we cuddled but aso some nice talk.

She like cuddling and I thik in general finds it rewarding.  Like she likes orgasm but I think that requires the right head space and also it takes effort on her part whereas cuddling does not.

A big bonus we talked.

I decided to tell her that I had been looking on the internet for information about abstinance.  I said that there were all sorts of people and relationships.
I mentioned the catholic natural family planning people and said that I found it quite exciting in a way the way the women were talking about helping their husbands to abstain.

I think that taling with her that there were other christians where the wife was dominant sexually to a more or less a degree was interesting.

She suggested that she also abstain for lent.

I said to her that for me to abstain was hard but my observation was that for her to abstain was easy and therefore did not really sync with the lent idea.  I said that from my point of view what would be nice would be for us to use this time to build intimacy.  So if hegging was what she really liked that we should do more of that but it would be great to leave the path open for her to orgasm if she felt that things were right.

BTW I still had the plastic pants on and a few times I rubbed myself but did not cum.

I had mentioned to her when talking about the catholic NFP people that one wife had forbidden her husband to do any trusting or grinding. and that she had now been abstinant for several years.

She said that maybe we should try no plastic pants and no thrusting for a week and see how I go.  So we will see whether that happens.  I will find that quite tough as I have been finding having physical attention from her to be great.  In particular having her grab my hard penis and dig her nails in and also pinching and putting some clothes pegs on my breasts.  I think I use the physical pain as a way to get over the need to orgasm.  I suspect that as I get over the two week hump of pressure that the need for these distractions may be less and perhaps I could transition to no humping.  Or perhaps a variant is no humping but for her to inflict some pain.  We will have to experiment.

Anyway it was a wonderful start to the day.

Hard for her

She has reiterated that she is not comfortable with either person being dominant.

What she does not recognise is that even though she is not overtly dominiant in a bdsm sexual way she is effectively very controlling. 

One way she is controlling is in regard to the calendar.  Her calendar is always full of comitments.  She has control of that and of course her calendar is my calendar so my life is in many ways controlled by her. 

The second effect of this is that she does not have the time to be intimate.  Now this would be the case even if I did not allow my calendar to effectively be dictated by her.

The second thing is to me the crux of the problem.  Having a full calendar or being busy is not in its self a bad thing.  She is smart and is never going to be a sit around and wait for something to happen person but at the same time once upon a time she could find time for me but now....

So it seems to me that even though I may use my kinky side as a motivation to be submissive, that will have to be realised in a way that is seen as setting the scene or getting the environment right for her.

candles in the bedroom type of thing.

I mused this morning as I had a bit of a sulk that when we were married we said some vows.  Something like "To have and to hold..."  Humm I wondered how does one hold someone who is not there to be held.  But then I remembered a line from a song "love is a bridge that links our hearts.  Keeping us close when we are apart"

Not sure what this post is actually saying.
She is busy.
I am sulking
I am still abstaining.
I don't think she really cares
I suspect if I gave up she would just see it as (confirmation) weakness on my part.

Morning cuddle

Alarm went off early
We cuddled.
Mindful of her desire for more cuddling and less overt sex I did not grope etc.  Just hugged and some stroking of her back.

I was as hard as and my balls are aching.
Hopefull that will pass in a few days maybe.

Up and at the day.
I hope she enjoyed it and did not feel the need to perform.

Hurting her

I am about on a week into my 40 day abstinance from orgasm during lent.

My recollection from previous periods of abstinance is that it is in the second and third weeks that I get a bit edgy.

And yesterday morning I expressed some frustration to my wife.
Bad move.
It made me feel bad and later on I discovered that it had made her really feel bad.

So at lunch time I asked if I could come home for lunch.
I said I was sorry and I asked her to discipline me with the cane.

We went into the bed room and I changed into my boxers.  The reason I do this is that I want her to hit me hard and I suspect that if she saw marks she would stop.  Our bed room is a bit small and so I knelt on hands and knees on the bed while she caned me.  It hurt and part way through I collapsed down. I apologised to her. Got myself together and raised my bum to receive some more.  When she was done I apologised again and she lay beside me and hugged me.

We had a discussion and there a number things that came out of this:

1)  The first was that she had really felt hurt in the morning and that this had made her feel bad/inadequate all day.

2)  The next thing that cae out of it was that hitting me makes her feel nearly as bad.  It is very hard for her and she does not like it.

Bummer.

3) I felt that I really needed her to be strong and strict with me over the next few weeks.

So the difficulty I have is wanting to abstain but not really being strong enough to do it on my own.

She on the other hand I think feels
a) that abstaining is not a big deal. 
b) That she just wants me to be happy and that I dont think she can rationalise that happyness comes from the struggle of abstinance.
c) I suspect she feels that there is something wrong with her and that I dont want to have sex with her.

So anyway we will see how we go.

Last night we did cuddle very affectionatly.

Part of my motivation to abstain is the challenge but another part is that I want to give her some room.  Some space.  But I notice that I have effectively demanded more physical (my love language) attention.

I am thinking I will suggest to her that we have some rules of behaviour.  I like rules that are clearly defined.

I was going to suggest
1.  That I not be allowed to ask for sex.
2.  I not touch her in a overtly sexual way
3.  That she agree to hug and kiss and touch for half an our each evening.  This hugging not lead to orgasm on my part of course.  The idea here is that with no expectation of orgasm then there will be no feeling of frustration on my part yet the physical time will speak my love language.
4.  If she starts to get turned on then we will continue as long as she likes and if she cums then that is great.  Obviously during this time, I would be touching her in a sexual way. 


An interesting problem (I think) is that as far as I can see she actually wants me to lead in the bedroom.  By lead I think she wants to be romanced.  She wants me to make the effort to set the scene.  Clean house, candles, kids in bed, kitchen clean etc.

So we see how we go

actions love languages and what works

Oh what a night,

Readers may recall that I had felt a bit torn two ways on the night of Valentines day.

Well in bed last night a few topics discussed and a few activites that were really quite exciting.

The first was to do with pain and y wife said she was uncomfortable with the idea of inflicting pain on me.  I pointed out that in the book she read recently that the submissive was aroused by pain.  So I think that as we talked she got more OK with the idea that pain is not all bad.

We discussed her love languages
Acts of service and Words of affirmation.
She pointed out that negative words even said in jest cut deep and when I get moody & grumpy and list out her failings then that cuts deep.  I agree with that.  She teaches and recently she did something that anoyed the cleaner and the cleaner spoke to her about it.  The cleaner also told the headmaster.  Now everyone with perhaps the exception of the cleaner knew whatever it was was trivial and that the cleaner was making a big deal out of nothing.  Anyway the headmaster had passed my wife in the corridor and had said and I believe jokingly "I hear you are in trouble with the cleaner".  I think my wife's initial reaction was almost zapping back to her as a school girl and here is the head master telling he she is in trouble.  Then of course her mature sensibiliyty kicked in.  The point being that one of her love languages being words of encouragement meant that her instinctive reaction is based on the words said.  So when I make a negative joke then her first reaction is negative.  So I need to keep those sort of smart ass jokes to my self and only say positive things.

We lay in bed and she got physical with me.  She dug her fingernails into my penis and that of course was painful but I liked it.  It turned me on.  Both the pain and it being my wife being physical with me.  Then she pinched my nipples.

We discussed that in the book "diary of a submissive" the dominant fellow makes the girl put pairs of chopsticks on her breasts.  I said we could try clothes pegs.  Then I said "go and get them"  Yes I know topping from the bottom.  So she got up and went and got some wooden ones and plastic ones and she put a wood one and a plastic one on and asked which was better.  That was fun. 

Then we had a very interesting discussion.  In the book "diary of a submissive" he the dom does all the work.

My wife said that she really appreciated tuesday night when I set up candles, massaged her with oil and let her go to sleep.

Now that seems to be a part of the WLM dynamic and that is that it is the sub male husband who has to do the detail of the work.  And thats ok but good to recognise.

We went to sleep.

In the morning some more close physical activity with her getting me to rub her.  I so wanted to cum.  I was so turned on.  I was taknful later that she had said that she did not want me inside her because she did not want to risk me cumming.  She said maybe sunday.

We discussed giving me the cane but she said she wanted to do that at night so that I had time to get over it.  Pity. smile.

So in conclusing
great physical activity.
She got to orgasm
I experienced some fun being submissive and some pain.
We both I think enjoyed it.

Valentines Day

Yesterday was valentines day.


Kids in bed.
I get some candles and light them and put them in our bed room.

She lay on her back naked on the bed and told me to get a washer and wipe her down.
I did this, returning to the bath room several times to wash the washer clean after doing parts of her body like feet.

All was looking good.

She lay down and I asked if she would like a massage.  She said yes and rolled onto her tummy.  Some massage oil and I rubbed her back and she went to sleep.

I got up.
Blew out the candles
Lay in bed.

I lay there thinking.  On the one hand I had served her.  On the other, apart from the requiremennt to wipe her down, there had been no dominant behaviour on her part.

I do confess to feeling a bit lonely, isolated....

No cuddling from her.

I dozed for a bit then got up and went to work.


It is hard to have a relationship with someone who goes to sleep whenever we get to bed.

Maybe I should just concentrate on the service I brought to her.  That at least was fun.

Midday Update:
Had a chat to my wife.  I feel much better now.  She really enjoyed being able to just go to sleep.  I tried to assure her that that was great for me.  I wanted her to feel no pressure and that I get great satisfaction from her enjoyment.

She had texted me that she was concerned about me abstaining.  I said that if she wanted me to orgasm I would but that what I was trying to do was give her space so that I could engage in intimate contact without the expectation of it leading to sex.  She said that she would like to just hug and kiss and I said 'exactly'.

Its valentines day - Ideas

In case anyone missed it, today is valentines day.

Anyone got any ideas.

It would be nice to suprise her with something more than flowers.

Don't be shy and don't worry about practicality or effort or money.  Lets dream a little.  What could I do?

Abstaining for lent

Well Lent starts today (Wednesday).
I had raised the idea of abstaining from orgasm with my wife but had not received much response.

She did say what are you going to do instead, will you (me) use that time for prayer.

I have to smile when writing this because the general consensus is that guys tend to be wham bang thank you mam all over in under a minute.  So trading orgasm for prayer would not be giving much time to God.

So initially I was somewhat disapointed that she did not do the dominatrix thing and insist on it.

I am going to try on my own and ask her to help and encourage me.

Doing it on my own requires a greater strength than doing it in her strength.

Maybe it will re energise me and maybe it will open space for her to express love.

Two types of submission for men

Here I am writing on my blog and reading other blogs predominantly authored by men who claim that they are or desire to be submissive to their wives or a woman partner.  I was thinking that most of these are overtly sexual in some way. 

For example, in this post, subservienthusband talks about doing the ironing and he has sexualised it and gets an erection and drips precum doing the ironing.  Later in the same posting he talks about wearing feminine clothing and so on.

Likewise I want my relationship with my wife to be one overt submission with a strong at least in private sexual aspect to it.  An emphasis of female power in the bed room.  The bed room being a place where things can be taken to greater extremes in public.  Spanking, tease & denial and so on. 

So far this post has been about my thoughts and I guess what I desire out of it.

The difficulty is in extracting my wife's thoughts.  Finding out what she wants.

Now on the other hand there is I think another sort of non sexual submission that is I think very common although of course we do not know what goes on behind closed doors.  I think there are many men who just do as their wives tell them.  In a way for a long time this was our relationship.  My wife controlled the social calendar and I just went along with it.  She said "we are doing...." and that is what we did. 

In the bed room though, it seems that my wife wants me to lead.  So I have this juxtaposition in my brain.  In so many areas of our life, she leads but in the bed room she wants me to romance and woo and stimulate and SERVE HER.  So in a way that is very very consistent.  She wants to respons rarher than lead.  She wants me to work on her.

Somehow we need to work out common ground.  I think what I would love, given she is not going to turn into a dominatrix, is where I do work on her and romance her and so on but at the same time, it would be great if she were to control when I cum or something like that.

Gotta go.

Will think and write more later.

Natural Family Planning Abstinance

Well the wife was out last night and I was feeling a little moody.  So unproductive.  I did the washing up and I fixed a music stand for her. Putthe kids to bed.

Then I got on the net for a hit of dopamine.  Naughty me.

I went looking for information on abstinance and chastity in married couples.

It would appear that there are people who do this in a serious as in non kinky fashion.  Some of these people come from a catholic persuasion.

Here are a couple of interesting links:

"How do help our husbands endure periods of abstnance"
http://moxiewife.com/2012/11/question-from-a-reader-how-do-we-help-our-husbands-endure-periods-of-abstinence/.html

and a wife wondering if her husband having a wet dream "resets the clock".  I gather they go for a period of abstinance
http://innergold.com/igcforum/index.php?topic=305.0
There seem to be some very dominant women in that formum intent on "fixing" their "Weak" or "Broken" husbands.  I note mention of "LDS" in one post but I thought LDS were very male dominated but this form seems very female driven.  Odd.

and here is another more flr related
http://toy4her.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/better-spouses-punishment/


The bizzare thing is that some of that "help" from my wife might be just what I need.

When my wife came home I confessed I had gone looking for stuff about abstinance in marriage.  One key post that I cant refind basically had a couple of key dot points that I think apply to my wife and I.

• If the husband knows then then there will be no orgasm then he does not get moody when it does not happen.
• She no longer feels the pressure to 'perform'.  (My wife has said that she sometimes has that feeling).
• Wet dreams are the body's natural way to obtain release.
• With sexual intercourse off the agenda, the husband and wife have to turn to other intimate activities to keep the relationship special.  Kissing, touching including running hands all over the others body (but not groping), hugging, sitting together, going to romatic places together (My wife would like that one).  I took from this that husband and wife had to make an extra special effort to look after each others needs and to validate each other.  It sounded a little like rekindling the behaviours that lovers do when they can't have sex.
• Husband has to do physical tasks and exercise to take his mind off the pressure.
• Wife has to acknowledge the effort the husband is putting in.
• Wife has to be strong and not give in.
• Wife has to tell him when to get out of bed and do one of those cool off distracting activities.
• Husband not to grind against the wife or the mattress. 
• There was some discussion with some people saying the wife should dress frumpy to quieten the husbands desire (men are visual) and others who said that the women should dress sexually as it makes the husband feel validated when his wife dresses to please him.  (that's me)
• One person mentioned relacing the physical reward of an orgasm with another physical act and that she and her husband had experimented and found that physical pain helped him feel loved and validated.  She said she would dig her fingernails into his erect penis or grip his nipples and squeeze as hard as she could.  (Wow that would be wonderful for me)

So I am thinking I may send some of this information to my wife.
We did discuss a bit last night and she said "she just wants me to be happy".
Well thats nice but having release just makes me feel weak but if I don't get release I do acknowledge I get grumpy and so I think she feels go for the release thing.

Journalling

Mr Subservient Husband has an interesting article here
http://subservient-husband.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/the-truth.html
where he says " I do find journaling to be a therapeutic exercise, but only if I am open and honest. That is my continued goal"

and that I think is very true for me too.

I use this blog as a place to pour out my heart which maybe is why it is probably a bit negative.

I also write my opinions and thoughts.  I often wish for more feedback but that it appears is not reality.  However I do really really appreciate the feedback that I do get.

Expressing Love Language

Now just to recap on this.  There is a book called the 5 love languages.  A book I would suggest that everyone reads.  The jist of the message is that we each experience love in different ways and author has proposed that there are basically 5 different ways.
1   Physical touch
2   Words of encouragement
3   Acts of service
4   Receiving gifts
5   Quality time.

As I understand it, we can consider our marriage in two phases
1 The time when we are attracting our potential partner through to a year or so into th emarriage
2  The marriage after the excitement has gone.

During the first phase, when we try to attract our partner, we end up doing all the 5 of the love languages.
We do it because we are driven.  We want that person.  We are in love and lust and no effort is too much effort.  So we buy preseents, we spend time with them, we say nice things, we hug and kiss and we do things for them.
Then time passes and we get busy.  Work, kids and so on and so do our partners
Little time together anymore.  (Gone is Quality Time)
We are too busy to do the things we used to do for them.  (Gone are acts of service)
We stop buying those silly little "I love you gifts" or flowers.  (Gone is receiving gifts)
Words of encouragement become words of criticism.
Physical touch becomes a peck on the cheek or a grope in bed.

and lets assume both partners are human then of course neither is feeling loved.

I believe that we end up only expressing our love language.  So in my case that is "Physical Touch" and so for me a grope or a spanking or pretty much anything physical is received by me as love.  My wife's love language is Acts of Service and so me expressing my love language by groping her is not perceived as a loving gesture - funny that - yet that is exactly what I want her to do to me. 

Now her love language is "Acts of Service".

For me I can not fathom how "Acts of Service" is going to lead to sex.

I guess that she can not fathom how spanking me is is a communication of love.

So where are we.
Well I am going to keep trying the theory anyway by doing acts of service.

I am also trying a different tack and that is to try and suggest that even though she does not understand that whipping me is transmitting love, if she considers it an act of service then maybe that will help her understanding and give me that feeling of love that I need.  Problem is that too seems a cop out to me.  I just want her to know it somehow.


I mused this morning as I was in the shower, she came into the bath room and took my towel off the hanger and placed it on the chair right beside the showe.  An Act of Service.  That is her expressing her love language.  To me a wast of effort.  If I had not know acts of service was her love language I would not have taken anything from it.  Of course what would have worked for me would have been if she took the towel and told be to turn round and she flicked me with it so that it whipped my bum.  But that is just a dream.

men and girls clothing

We have seen over the years that women and girls can wear what have traditionally been mens clothing but the reverse has not happened.

With the exception of scottish kilts and pacific islander togas and the like men effectively do not wear skirts.

To me there seems to be a few issue to be considered

First when women start to wear mens clothes it is not sexualised.  They I guess would claim that they wear pants for practical reasons and likewise with bike pants.  So yes they look good but they wear them almost in a way so that they can perform an activiy modestly.  Yet when men wear womens clothing it seems that it is sexualised.

In blogs and articles about submissive men that end up being dressed in womens clothing - panties and the like there is not only a sexualisation but also I believe a pulling down of women.  The inference often is that they are weak or somethinng.  Yet at the same time we are implying that FLR is strong. 

I would think that in a FLR relationship that both the man and the woman are strong.  The woman must be strong to take the lead and keep it.  The man likewise must be strong to be able to exist in that relationship.  Unless he is beaten down (and in every blog I have ever read, the husband wants FLR) then it will take a strong man to live under the authority of a woman.

So where does that get us or me anyway.

Well guess is that men will never end up dressing in beautiful what I would describe as sexy ball gowns, dresses high heels and the like.

My suspicion is that men may end up wearing kilts.  My suspicion is that with women in charge that they will select to have their men wear what I think I would refer to as "tough guy skirts".  I think the only real example of that that I have seen are the bag pipers wearing kilts.  I have on occasion been close to them performing and the whole thing reeks of power, performance and testosterone.  So not wossy skirts at all.  So my suspicion is that men will end up wearing kilts, possibly even sort of denim skirts but with bike pants under them. 

But you never know.  We may find men wearing tights and high heels.  I know some men would love this.  But I doubt that will become common.  My suspicion is that men will always wear clothing that lets them toss a football round or jump up a ladder and so on. So this won't preclude skirts but they will be teamed with bike pants or similar.

Hmmm
I came back and added this bit after searching goodle for "feminine mens clothing" and maybe we will end up with dresses, heels, tights, makeup.

---update---
Today a colleague at work tells me that her niece who is at university has a "onsie".  I am thinking thats a bit odd, kinky etc.  So I ask do tell more.  Turns out it is an animal character of some kind and the girl is quite happy to not just wear it to the odd university party but also on occasion to a lecture.  Obviously for a laugh but an indication of how times and clothing change.  Maybe we will all revert to wearing traditionally baby clothes.  ???

Domestic duties

The wife and daughter are out shopping.  Just received a MMS showing them in a chaning room somewhere in matching dresses.

Son and I are home cleaning.

:)

All for her

Well Friday night and the last free friday night for us.  The net many weeks one or other of us is busy on Friday night.  Mostly helpin with our church youth group or other activites already pencilled in on the calendar.

In the aftenoon I trade texts with my wife and invite her out to dinner and a movie.  I find some of our kids are going to a sleepover.  She accepts the invitation and we are away.

I book tickets at a theatre that has tables within the theatre and you eat as you watch the film.  Feel kind of guilty having two glasses of wine while watching the filem "Flight".  I suspect it was written by alcoholics anonomous. Go see it and you will see what I mean.

Home at a reasonable hour and chase the remaining kids to bed.  And amazingly we are in the bed room before 10pm. 

It is not long before I am in my undies and she is still in her short denim dress that she wore to the movies.  We are touching and kissing and I am being very careful not to go straight between her legs.  Gentle touch on her legs, back and bottom.  While lying on her tummy she says "run your hand up my leg and under my skirt" and I do and I feel new frilly panties.  Oh so sexy.

We continue and I am enjoying the panties and she is getting more and more turned on.  I can sense this and I move closer and eventlyally stroke her clit through the panties and then slide a finger into the leg hole of the panties and stroke her clit and she cums.

We lie back and relax and she starts to drift off to sleep.

Is that all I think and can feel myself getting anoyed.  Try to hold it together. 

It starts to rain.  She says there is washing on the line.  I take this as a hint and get up and go and start getting it.  It's quite cold & fesh and just a bit titilating being outdoors in the back yard wearing only my underwear and taking the clothes off the line.  I wonder if the neighbours are watching.  Of course I sexualise it by imaginging men being expected to do the washing in their underwear.

She comes and helps.  This is good.  It has woken her up.  With the wind picking up, we close windows and make the house safe for the impending storm and then it is back to the bed room.

I lie in and she does a strip tease.  Nice and slow.....I have been trying to encourage her to tease me and finally.....It is fun.  Stimulating.

She is in her balck bra and frilly panties and that is as far as that went and she hops into bed. We are lying ontop of the sheet because it it pretty warm still even though it is raining outside.

At one stage she said something about whipping me and I said "when it comes to love we need to speak each others love language and that means that do unto others does not follow" (As it we don't want them to do unto us what they want we want them to do what we want.  What turns me on is what I want and what turns you on is what I should do).  I am hoping that she will pinch my nipples or whip me or in some way inflict some pain on me or be direct and bossy with me.  Apart from a gentle twist of one nipple that is all that happens in that department.



The touching and caressing continues and naturally I am enjoying the feel of those panties.  Eventually we have her turned on again and my finger inside her panties and I suggest that I lick her and she accepts.  She rolls on her tummy and together we remove her panties.

Then I get between her legs and lick and move my tongue around and I am there for quite a while and she says hoe good it is and how close she is and how stimulating this is and then she cums and I know that because she gets all ticklish and gigly and so that is the end of that.

Today I have a sore jaw.

The only down side was that I could not stay hard.  I was at the start but after she had cum the second time she said she wanted me inside her and I could not perform.


On another topic, the power of mothers, There is a different standard attached to what mothers and fathers, men and women can do.  At a kids sporting event today and standing with a group of parents.  The rest were mothers and one of them had her just teenage (I guess) daughter there wearing a relativly tight top that showed smallish breasts.  With girl there, three of the mothers started to discuss the daughters development.  Now naturally my ears pick up.  Dirty old man that I am I guess.  When to illustrate a point that I missed the mother basically reached out and squeezes the girls breast.  The other two mothers then each repeat the feeling up.  Wow.  If I guy did that they would be arrested if they were still alive after the mothers finished with them.