Braces fetish

Radom surfing the net.  Found that there are people who have a fetish for braces on their teeth.  Fascinated.  Turned me on.  I think I will add that fetish to my repertoire.

http://everyoneweb.com/braces
http://video.geotitles.com/

When I find some more links, I will post them here for fun

Caning

To be honest, I was feeling frustrated.  Life in general as well as sex life and husband - wife relationship.  A discussion along these lines with my wife.  Some points I raised were that on the one hand she does not want to be "dominant" and on the other not "submissive" and there was some discussion of a book we had read a while back called the "diary of a submissive".  I also noted that she did not seem to want to flirt with me nor indicate what that I was doing was good for her and what was not. 

I guess I felt like we were going no where.  Not making an effort.  Not communicating.  Not thinking of the other.  A lot of "not".

On the other hand I know that when I do not have orgasm, that I have more energy and more motivation to help around the house and to turn her on.  The frustration was partially along the lines that she did not seem to want to be turned on even though I was doing what I thought were the right things - house work as preparatory atmosphere setting and gentle stuff in the bed room.

I have in the past encouraged her to cane / spank / whip me and tried to communicate to her that physical pain is not all bad.

Anyway that night she said to me put a plastic bag on and lie face down on the bed.  This means slip a plastic bag with a little baby oil in over my penis.  It's a way we have to engage in mutual masturbation without messing the bed.  She got the cane from where it lies mostly unused behind the dresser and brought it down across my bum.  Wow!

Again and again.

What to do I thought.  Luckily for me she did exactly the right thing.  The treat continued.  In a submissive mindset for me anyway is that I do not want questions.  I just want to be told.  She said "This will continue until you cum"

What a treat.  The pain of the cane and sometimes she would stop and run the end of the provocatively along my inner thigh.  As I would hump up and down on the bed it was interesting that normally I could cum in a second thinking about such a caning but in that moment the pain seemed to stop me from being able to cum.  I was drenched in sweat, humping away and the cane was swishing down and cracking on my bum and the pain was both exquisite and terrible at the same time.  But I could not cum.  (getting old I guess).

Finally she said "I'm getting tired, put your hands down and cum or there is nothing for a month".  I put my hands under me around my penis.  The cane came down hard a few more times and I finally managed to mentally deal with the confusing signals and explode in to the plastic bag. 

Drenched in sweat I lay there.  She lay beside me.  I rolled over.  Kissed her gently on the lips and thanked her.  We lay there on our backs hand in hand and drifted off to sleep. 

A submissive mindset

OK I would like her to be a dominatrix.  Demanding and sexy but unfortunately that aint gonna happen.  Mind you it would be interesting.  I suspect though the risk is what happens if I didn't like it anyway.

I find though that having a submissive mindset is for me a good happy place to be.

Even though she is not sexually dominant, she is effectively controlling.  Some of the practical outcomes of having a submissive mindset are firstly to simply accept and go along with any decision or direction she makes.  There is a childish behaviour that I have to watch simply out of being respectful.  That being to almost accept sulkily.  So if she makes a decision and I accept it with a snyd comment or more noticeably if she asks my opinion and I respond with "I don't care" or similar.

Now it could be that I really don't care but I have to consciously choose words that convey that in an adult way.

How can FemDom work?

I am not sure how to title this but I was thinking things like
What is in it for her?
Why should she put the effort in to dominate him?

Both of these are interesting

http://im-hers.blogspot.com.au/2014/11/its-95-on-her.html

http://femdom101.blogspot.com.au/2014/11/domestic-discipline-part-1.html

I suspect that my wife when she engages in somewhat dominant behaviour is doing it because she wants me to be happy.

If we flip back to the traditional male dominated relationship, I doubt too many men took a dominant position in order to make the woman happy.  I bet most guys were basically self motivated.  Having a submissive wife basically meant that their needs - food, clothing, sex, everything were taken care off.

So given in my case at least that my wife's motivation would be more to make me happy then maybe I need to be more direct in talking about what makes me happy.  The down side is that this may cause her to freak out.

The convienience of a nappy

I have a fetish for want of a better word with wearing a nappy.  No desire to poo in it.  Perhaps it is a security thing.  I don't wear one all the time but I do a lot of the time.  When I am wearing them I go in cycles.  I will simply wear one effectively as underwear and not use it.  These are disposables but they don't tend to last long before they fall apart if not used.  If I am careful then I will get a week out of one.  Sometimes I go through phases of wearing plastic pants over the top.  This is useful if toward the end of the week and to a small degree provides additional security in the event that I need to use it.  Just occasionally I will be in a situation where it is handy.

Today was such a situation except I have not been wearing for a month or so.  As part of my work I have to attend meetings and today I had several meetings in succession with no opportunity to go to the toilet in between and coffee at each meeting.  By the end of the last meeting I was in some pain. After the meeting which concluded with walking with client I was no longer really listening to them as I was totally focussed on my predicament.  We shook hands and parted and I went to my car.  I was bursting and the first thing to do was to drive to the nearest McDonalds and use the loo.

It however has reminded me of why I like nappies.  Time to buy some more I guess.

Should we rethink orgasm denial

Interesting discussion on a favourite topic
http://im-hers.blogspot.com.au/2014/10/should-we-rethink-orgasm-denial.html

Differences

We had sex on Sunday night.
Well mutual masturbation.
It was a very enjoyable time of cuddling and kissing and touching that resulted in me rubbing her and she was rubbing me.

During this she said she wanted us to cum together that she likes it more than anything if we cum together.

Highlights the differences.
I obliged and enjoyed.
But still really what would have been edgier would be if she had cum and had forbidden me. 

Highlights our differences.

Subservient Husband (to a loving wife) Virus warning

Whats the go with Subservient Husband (to a loving wife) I get a virus warning about a javascript Trojan?????

She is buying a house

She is buying a house.
Not us or we.  She is.
She wants a holiday house.  She goes to see the real estate people.  She goes to see the bank.  She talks to the accountant. 
Sometimes I get cc'd on an email.

Submission her way

I was away over the weekend with some mates.  Sunday night in bed and I stroke her back to see if she has any interest in sex.  Things progressed well and then she asked if I was still serious about this abstinence thing. 

What I wanted was for her to take a strong position and preferably one in which she had a raging orgasm and teased me but did not let me cum.

She said what she wanted was for us to cum together.

Bugger!.  But my thoughts were OK.  I like the submissive angle and so what I should do is do what she has expressed as her desire and that is that we orgasm together.

So things progressed and we had great sex.   We had a while with her on top and then we moved to me being on top.  She seemed to like that.  For me it is easier to hold off when I am on the bottom.  In the middle there was a fun submissive bit for me where I said I was getting close and she said not to cum that she wants us to cum together. When I was on top it was much harder to hold off and I enjoyed the challenge.  Finally she began to climax and I responded and we both came.

So in the cold light I day I think I did the submissive thing and that was to do what she wanted rather than engage in my personal sexual fantasy.

perspective

I keep relearning that I think Men and Women have a different perspective on the idea of "submissive".

I fantasise about my wife giving orders and reinforcing dominance with a whip.

I think when it comes to submission, she sees it differently.  She wants me to submit without the force.

The question of orgasm control and chastity came up.
She would say things like "This is what you want" and "I do not want to be your mother"

I personally think neither of us associate submission with weakness or girlieness.  By that I mean that sometimes I come across blogs where the submissive man is put in women's panties, tights, skirts and so on. 

I think what she wants is for me to be physically strong and fit. To be happy positive. 

The idea of submission I think equates to looking after her.  Going with her when she organises things but being willing and competent to organise things for her.

over a month abstinant

Over a month without orgasm.
On the one hand I cant stop thinking about sex.
About her.
About how different men and women are.
How we see sex in every situation.

For example as a family we watched the movie the Goonies on TV a few nights ago.  Basically this group of kids having an adventure running from bad guys through underground tunnels.  One character is a girl who is wearing a white miniskirt and a few times you see her undies.  For me amazingly erotic.  I mentioned to my wife and she just dismissed it saying the girls character was a cheerleader.

Sometimes I just wish she would whip me

Sometimes I just wish she would whip me.

Right now I just feel abandoned and un loved.  Frustrated and disappointed in myself.  lacking in self control.

I like to know the rules.
If A do B and so on.

I know it sounds weird but I would love her to tie me face down on the bed and lay into me with the whip across my backside.  To me the pain says love.  It says she cares.  It is both a punishment - ie get back on track and a expression of love.  Sounds weird but that's it.

It feels like I have drifted off course.  A taking on of an annoyance here.  A nasty word to her there.  A less than full support of her in the house work.  A feeling of the family becoming disconnected.

Selfish maybe.  probably.  A lack of self control - sure I admit to needing external control.

10days abstinant

10 days of sexual abstinence.
Of course all I can think about is sex.

Femdom101 has a bit of a discussion going on overt FLR.

Got me thinking.  (not on the sex thing per se)

Tell a man what to do and he will do it with focus and drive.  He will put effort into it.  She will be free to consider other things or simply relax.  He will feel good about a job well executed.  A good experience for both.

Tell a man what to do an how to do it and you will end up with frustration and a crap job.  The woman will be exhausted and the man will be annoyed.  The job will be poorly done.  A bad experience for both.

Another FLM WLM blogger has a couple of posts on masturbation

Another FLM WLM blogger has a couple of posts on masturbation
http://im-hers.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/its-normal-to.html

http://im-hers.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/single-moms-masturbating-sons-chastity.html

I wrote a couple of responses on the "Im-Hers" blog and of course mused on the topic.  I had a look back on my blog and found that back in 2010 I had written a post on masturbation:-
http://submanhub.blogspot.com.au/2010/10/masturbation-sex.html

Any internet discussion about masturbation will of course the age old question along the lines of whether men and boys should masturbate / should they be allowed to masturbate / should action be taken to prevent masturbation.

I wrote some of my teenage-hood masturbation on the Im-hers blog and reproduced it below.  The jist of that was that even with the raging hormones of teenagehood, the lack of privacy in the boarding house where I spent my school terms combined with the social stigma within my social circle combined with my desire to not slip down the social ladder meant that I would not masturbate during term time.  A period of 10-15 weeks.  So it is possible.

Now of course it is the thing of internet porn where the mother or father put their son in chastity and Im-hers points to a story of a mother who puts a device on her wayward son. You can read it via the link on his blog. Personally I think its fiction but there have been times in the past where parents have done the things that would normally be the domain of internet folklore.  The 2004 movie about Kinsey he mentions as a teen being made to wear leather underwear to prevent masturbation. I had a school friend in the boarding house who when he went home was made to wear plastic pants over his underwear.  I had a fascination for plastic now I know it as a fetish although I did not know the word at that time.  His parents were paranoid about image and apparently when he was younger he had wet himself in public and the parents interpreted this as bringing shame on the family so whenever he was with his parents in public he had to wear the plastic undies just in case.  Another example was I was helping on a church retreat one time and at a table 4 old ladies were talking and the topic was being given enemas or having to take castor oil or some other substance to induce bowel movements.  One lady said every Saturday morning and another responded with we had to do it Sunday night.  The memorable thing was that it was a regular thing not just in response to some illness.  These days any of these things would be considered farcical.

So will masturbation be prevented in teen boys and how?
My suspicion is that if it were, these days it will be done by medication - by drugs.  Simply because at present it is trendy to have your kids medicated.  I have overheard mums trying to out do each other in explaining the efforts they had to go to to get the doctor to put their kid on some behaviour modifying drug or other.

Will it?
That is harder to answer.  The world has become more public.  Parents have become disempowered and tend to do nothing.  The moral high ground no longer exists.  Maybe there will be a return to parental control but I suspect a while away.

There you go.  My treatise on masturbation for the day!


===My Teen Story===

With respect to my teen years. I went to boarding school so of course no privacy. I was also in the middle of the social ladder. Not one of the "in crowd" but also not one of the pariahs either. To be caught masturbating meant you were known as a "wanker" and a sure fire way to slip to the bottom of the social ladder. Wankers did not get invited to secret drinking parties or skinny dipping in the school pool in the middle of the night. Wankers would wake up to wet beds because someone would pour a jug of water over the sleeping teen. You get the idea. There was a lot of pressure not to masturbate and so during term time I would often go more than 10 weeks without masturbating. Naturally I would have raging hard ons during the day in class and wet dreams at night every week or so. That I managed by wearing underpants and a singlet so that the pyjamas did not get wet with cum.

During school holidays I would go home and without the self imposed fear of being discovered I would succumb and masturbate. A lot!. It used to make me feel weak and in a way I used to look forward to going back to school. To the structure of the boarding house.

So I think it would be possible for teen boys to not masturbate but it would require a change of societal attitude from the current Its OK basically encouraging boys to masturbate to a societal attitude recognising the lust and weakness associated with masturbation and that would have to be coupled with vigilance where I suspect everyone would be watching everyone else.

The point being it is possible for teen boys to abstain for decent periods of time.

Submissive Sunday night Sex

By the cheeky title you may gather I am in a goog mood at work.

Last night I hopped into bed and my wife asked if I had any dry lip stuff as hers had run out.  Now perhaps in hindsight she was intimating she wanted something other than one of those lipstick type things to put on dry lips. But anyway.  I fumbled around on my bedside table and was unable to locate the stick that usually is there.  Surmising that it had rolled off I got out of bed and eventually located it under the bed and gave it to her. 

There was an exchange where she said words along the lines of she did not intend me to go to so much effort and I replying that nothing was too much effort for her.  She put the lip stuff on and when she handed the stick back to me I put some on and she leaned forward and we had a slimy and very fun kiss.

Then she said "Take your tee shirt off".  Which I did as things were looking good.
She then put a clothes peg on each of my breasts.  PAIN!
But I was getting aroused.  I guess I am a pain slut.  Is that the label?
She then said "Do you think you could leave them on all night"
wow
I am hard.

She tweeked them a few times and the pain shot through me and she also played with my hard cock and at times sucked it, bit down on it (ouch / confusing set of sensations and thoughts) and dug her finger nails in.

At one stage I asked what she was thinking.  Hoping that she would tell and also hoping that this would give me some clues as to what I should do for her.  She said that she found it hard to inflict pain on me.  OK?

She invited me to put it inside her.

This I did gently and realised that I had not spent the time to turn her on like I had done the previous day.  If ever there was a practical demonstration as to why men should not be allowed to orgasm that was it.  Because I was so engrossed in my own world that I had forgotten that she should be first.  Anyway I did go in gently and then after a few minutes she motioned to roll over so she was on top.

I could feel her moving and trying but she just did not get to orgasm.

She then said for us to roll back over and for me to cum.  I have to confess at this moment I was in two worlds.  Part wanting to cum and part not.  I know she likes me to cum in her. I think she feels validated by that.  ie her beauty turns me on so to speak and it does.  I started to move and git very close.  She grabbed both nipples, turned and squeezed.  And I exploded.  Wow talk about confusing set of feelings but a great night.

We lay back hand in hand.

I reflected, what a wonderful weekend.
Saturday morning at the gym female instructor, amazed at my wife's fitness and endurance and me personally exhausted and left with aching thighs.
Saturday afternoon turning her on to the point of orgasm.
Sunday night sex where she actually was proactive.
and in-between lots of family activities.

Now I should get back to work. 

Weekend tease and tension

Saturday morning and she asked me to come to the gym with her.  Who am I to refuse.  Wow by the end of that I was exhausted.

Saturday afternoon and it was raining.  Somehow we ended up with an hours rest in bed.  We were both fully dressed.  She had a nice but shortish skirt on and I was wearing jeans.  She fondled me through my jeans and I suggested that I take them off but she said to leave them on.  interesting.....

I stroked her gently and she rolled onto her tummy.  That was a good sign.  Slow and gentle I know with her not to "go the grope"  Stay away from her genitals.  Back of legs, top of shoulders, bottom.  Then she started to run her fingers along her panty line at the back of her legs.  This was good.  I allowed a finger to stray between her legs every now and then.

I asked what she was thinking.  Usually a frustrating question because the answer usually does not have anything to do with the bedroom activities but this time she said she was imagining my finger inside her.  I said that we could turn her thoughts into reality and I gently began to work my finger in the side of her undies and into her clit.  She began to get wet and moist.  This was good.  Very good.

She began to move more and more and at one stage pushed herself up on one arm and pulled her top up.  I took the hint and continued to touch between her legs with one hand while caressing her breast through her bra and then pushing my fingers into her bra and extracting a boob.  She was moving more and more and so I decided to risk a little mouth work on the breast.  I know from experience that she only responds positively to sucking on her breast if she is already turned on and this was no exception.  Soon after she came in a series of shudders.  Then giggled as she gets very ticklish.  We lay together arm in arm and drifted off to sleep.

Awoke and hugged and kissed and she said lets see how you go waiting until tomorrow.

Ah the tease and the tension.  So nice.

Not till the weekend

She teased me last night.  All the nice painful things - Pinching nipples, stroked penis and at time dug in her fingernails.

When I asked if I could cum she said "no not till the weekend".

:)

A misdirected gift

This morning my wife fondled me and I got hard and then she said to get inside her.  Any mans dream you might think.  I suggested maybe we should roll over so she was on top but she said no that this was just for me to enjoy.

Of course an orgasm is great.  Its fun and relaxing.
But...... its over in an instant.
Tease followed by no orgasm lasts all day.

The sad thing is that she really does not get that.  She really is not kinky and I think she genuinely thinks she was doing something nice for me.  I suspect that if she and her girl friends were sitting round the coffee table the consensus would be that this sort of sexual indulgence would be considered magnanimous.  A treat.  A sacrifice.  A very traditional present I would say.

So there you have it.  She has done what she thinks is nice and yet I am left thinking well OK she made an effort but a somewhat misdirected effort.  I feel she does not listen to me.  Hearing without listening.

A surprising discussion on castration

We were watching a TV program that mentioned castration and she said that might suit me.  Ahhh yeeesss I said.  Instamtly aroused.

She then said "maybe that would eaqualise our sex drives".

Wooo ? (However you spell that.)

Now my impression of her position when it comes to sex is that she has a low libido and that does not bother her. 

I think she feels an obligation to have sex with me.

When she gets aroused she wants us to orgasm together.  There is something about this together thing that is a long term thing.  But I usually end up either cumming to quickly or if I hold off then she cums and then I get into it and cum later.

She is not into physical pain.  She does not want me to spank her and she does not get aroused by spanking me.

Anyway I digress.

She said look into it.  Wow.
She said she did not want me not to have erections just to not have so much drive.

She said she did not want me to be fat or lazy.

Hmm
I doubt if she is really serious but it would be interesting to investigate.  A bit scary to actually do it.  But hey.

Suprise

The marriage has been going through a rough patch.  Well I have anyway.  Feeling quite down and abandoned from time to time and those times becoming more frequent and more down when they do happen.

Yesterday was of that time.  Felt down.  Had a brief conversation with the wife about how I felt in particular how she basically seems to get her energy elsewhere and has basically abandoned me. Went to bed early.  Surprise when she came into the bed room and told me to roll onto my tummy.  She pulled off my boxers and proceeded to push the butt plug that has lain un used in the bed side table for probably more than 6 months maybe even a year.  Then she pulled on a pair of my plastic pants on to me.  Then she had me sit up and wrapped cling wrap round my chest.  Then she told me to lie on my front and she retrieved the cane that has again sat unused behind the dresser and caned me a few times.  Sometimes on my bottom across the plastic and sometimes on the top of the back of my legs.  Some hardish and some just many quick whacks.  Then she stopped and ran the tip of the cane up between my legs.

I went from feeling depressed to energised.  From flaccid to aroused hard on.  From sleepy to awake.

wow.

I asked if I would be allowed to cum and she said "maybe".  Wow.  Teasing.

Then she has me sit up and she put some of those black springy paper clips Bulldog clips? on my nipples that were under a layer of plastic.  Cripes that hurt.  She tried that a couple of times then said that that would make it hard for me to lie of my front so she took them off and had me lie on my front again.

Then she caned me some more.  Harder than before.  Then she said I was to rub myself until I came.  I started to hump the bed in my plastic pants.  She caned me and then stopped and got a couple of clothes pegs and reached around and put them on my nippled and then caned me some more and then with one hand giving small smacks with the cane and her other hand running her hand up between my legs and feeling my legs, pushing the butt plug through the plastic pants and squeezing my penis (yum) and balls (agh ow).  Then a few more really hard hits with the cane and I came.

She came round her side of the bed and got in and turned off the light.  We held hands and I also ran my hands across her shoulder and leg on my side in a kind of non invasive way and asked if I could do something for her.  She just said no this was my night.  That in a way was the only negative to what was a very stimulating experience.

Today (next morning) I am feeling very much better than the last few days where I was quite down.  I am feeling alert and awake and positive and at work ready to go.

Not much happening

Not much happening in the sex / sub / relationship area.
Life is busy with kids / school / sport.
I feel I am lazy and not contributing.
I feel frustrated.
Sex is rare and dull and tense.

I have googled chastity and abstinence.  I think I will choose one or two results and simply forward the urls to my wife.

I enjoy reading other blogs about submissive husbands and wife lead marriage.

A refrehing tingly bottom

I sit here this morning with a tingly bottom.

The result I must say with a smile of a whipping in bed last night.

Regular readers would know that I am a bit of a moody person and more often than I should I bemoan life.  Well a positive post today.

So last night could have gone pear shaped.  She was out at a meeting all evening and by about 9:30 I could sense that frustrating feeling creeping into my mind.  Eventually she came home.  The kitchen, luckily I think, was cleanish.  Complements more of the kids than me but none the less it was lets say OK.  I think too she sensed that perhaps I was in need of attention.  Anyway, whatever the reason, we were soon in bed.  Both pretty tired. 

I figured if she would not initiate anything then I would.  So I tickled her.  A nice giggle at first but it was not long before the tone in her voice saying "no" "stop" said to me "stop she is not enjoying this".  So I did.  Feeling frustrated and annoyed that she just does not seem to get into any active bedroom antics/

We lay in bed staring at the ceiling and had a discussion.  I was trying hard not to loose self control and get petulant.  I said at one stage words in effect inviting her to cane me or whip me.

She said "OK  Roll Over"
So I rolled onto my front.  I asked if I could put on a plastic bag.  Basically a plastic bag with a little baby oil in it over my penis.  Simulating and no mess.
So I lay there on my tummy in my boxers and bare back/chest.  (It's summer and hot here)
She got the electrical flex out of the bedside table and began to whip me on my boxers.

Wow.  Shocks of pain
Not hard in the sense of leaving weals and welts.
But painful.

I asked if I could cum and she said yes.  But I actually had difficulty reaching orgasm.  Getting old I guess.  She alternating between whipping and running the whip over and between my legs and back.

Then she used her hand to pull my boxers legs up like short shorts.  I find that very stimulating.  Possibly a reminder of my youth when at times I used to wear very short shorts.  Just the fashion of the time.

A few more lashes and some touching and that was the stimulation I needed to cum.

Ah so relaxing then and still refreshing now.

So now I sit here at work with a tingly bottom and feeling alert and awake.

I muse how ones perspective affects the outcome.  I feel alert and awake but had this been forced on me then I am sure I would have felt something different.  Depression?.  I and others got the cane at school.  Occasionally.  It was just one of the punishments that happened.  I never felt bad about it.  Fair cop would have been my response I think.  Fear while waiting.  Kind of feeling glad its over.  Possibly enjoying the 15 minutes of fame and attention displaying my strips to the other boys in toilets.  I suspect that if a child were caned now, they would have a much harder time of it.  They and others would see it as abuse and somehow that makes it harder to deal with.  It lingers as a negative thought.

Anyway enough of that philosophising.  I had better do some work.

Whats this submission all about anyway

The sub dynamic is somewhat lost in our relationship and so feeling somewhat disconnected I pondered what it was all about anyway.

I think kink is a very narrow thing.

I suspect that for someone with no kinks then they are at a loss to understand any kinks.  A person with a kink can appreciate, with a bit of thought, that others get stimulated by something else and that that is understandable.  So for example, even though I do not get turned on by.... say feet, I can understand that some one does and I am happy for them.

My wife however has no kinks at all and so I think she has a hard time empathising.

Now then I think about this submissiveness and what it actually is.

if I were to be in the dominant position then for me a sub would be someone who not only did what they were told, immediately and without argument but that they would also do everything.

However that actually does not turn me on.

In a way, my wife does far far more around the house than I do.  It is like cooking, cleaning, organising kids, ironing, washing just has to be done and she does it.  Then along comes slack old me and puts in some effort and tries to sexualise it.  Sometimes I have this image of her giving me a list of things to do and then getting out the whip ala work houses in the industrial revolution to keep me on task.

Or is it just that I am a masochist as opposed to submissive.

I recall in high school in English class probably when I was around 15 or 16 and we were reading a book in class and one of the characters got beaten up.  We had a discussion in the class about this and one of the aspects that was brought up was that he may have been a masochist.  That was the first time I had heard the term and in that context it was quite possible however at that stage I could not understand that a person could enjoy getting hurt or enjoy pain.

I should say that at that stage I had not recognised the kinks in me that had been present all my life.  For example since as young as I can remember, I would check out my friends beds to see who had a plastic sheet on their beds.  Who wore nappies at night and so on.  On the pain side, I received the cane a few times and even though I feared the cane I was fascinated by it.  I also was aroused in a prepubescent way when other kids were spanked.  I have a wonderful memory of a girl (probably about 10yo) from school in a kitchen when her mum hit her real hard on the top back of her legs with a wooden spoon.  There was a resounding crack and the girl crumpled to the floor crying and the mother commented on the best thing about the school uniform was it was short enough to give her a whack when she needed it or words to that effect.

OK so I have been kinky all my life.

And somewhere along the way, probably more recently, I have become aware that pain can be a stimulant.

Perhaps I should give up trying to be submissive.  Not that I do not enjoy that submissive mind space but more because my wife just does not get it.

Perhaps a more pragmatic approach is for me to be a more overt leader in the house.  Perhaps she would find that more attractive.  Then simply direct her to spank me or whatever.  I know some would say this is topping from the bottom but I think there is difference here.  Its recognising that however much I would like to be on the bottom, she does not get being on top in a sexual sense.  So we settle for just some pure pain pleasure.

Thoughts?

I wish I knew how to be attractive and submissive

It seems that women in general and I include my wife in that are attracted to men who are strong, assertive and confident and so on.

And yet I enjoy that submissive feeling.

How does one create a win win relationship.

bonus points for copying your wife in

Me and some of my mates were organising an activity together by email.

This came through from one of the guys wives.

Good job boys!
bob, double bonus points for copying your wife in to the arrangements!
X

 

(BTW Bob is not his real name.  I changed it to protect the innocent or is that the guilty  :)  ).