A little secret sub sex

In a (for the moment) surprising turn of events last night the wife offered sex.

As a bit of background, she will be out of town for a few days.  She is also obviously aware that I tend to get a bit moody or depressed.  So maybe that was a motivator.

We had hugged and kissed and that was great for me.
I asked what I could do for her and she said that she was OK.
I actually find that in its self a downer.  I have to just let it go.

As we lie in bed, I am torn between a few things
1. Wanting a close intimate relationship
2. Wanting sex in a physical sense.
3. Wanting her to feel love for me
4. Wanting tease and titillation, denial and so on.

So she played with me.  touching and stroking as well as pinching my nipples hard.  The pain brings pleasure and waves of submissiveness wash over me.  I get rock hard.  so nice.

Anyway she lay on her back and told me to get my pants off.  So taking the line of 'do what I am told' obviously coupled with this being sex and also it's physically close touching. 

The really nice thing was once I was inside her she had us roll over and she worked herself up.  It is pretty hard for her to reach orgasm.  Any little distraction puts an end to it.  I've learned that the most helpful thing I can do is put my hands on her bum and leave them there.  Not talk.  Move to assist but lying still is better than too much attempted help on my part.

Then she came.

For me that was great.

She then wanted us to roll over so I was on top and for and me to cum.  I tried to engage her in denying me but she is just not into it.

At one stage, she just lay there with her hands beside her while I was humping away.  I was on edge but I guess these unmet desires for denial and so on were messing with me plus I guess getting older plus the feeling that being on top is somehow kind of wrong.  Anyway when she just lay there I went into this transcend sort of sub space where I imagined being her and having to be totally submissive and just lying there having been instructed by a male dominant that he wanted sex.  Pretty mixed up but anyway.  I guess one of the interesting things for me was that I did not imagine myself as the dominant.  I did not orgasm with feelings of power or being able to get this woman to just lie there.  Anyway that's the report for today.