Submissive response to deal with internal frustration and anger

It's raining cats and dogs.  Bucketing down.  I love the sound of rain on a tin roof.  I find it relaxing and intimate.  Snuggling weather.  getting close and getting aroused.

So we are in bed, listening to the rain, snuggled up.  I ask if I can touch her breasts.  She says yes.  I gently slide my hand up under her pyjama top ( & tee shirt that she has under it) and gently caress her breast.  I find that nice.  I wish she did but ...anyway.... 

Then I remove my hand and start with one hand to unbutton her pyjama top. 
She snaps "What are you unbuttoning for" ?
Oops.  I have not asked.  She likes to be in control.
I can feel the anger rising inside me.
Why the fuck can't she just let go.  just go with it.  Let things flow. 
But she can't. 
She hadn't given permission.  It was outside of her control and she did not like it and marked the boundary.

I rolled from my side snuggled up beside her to my back and just lay there. 
Trying to calm myself.  I really really do not want this to end up with me blowing my stack out of frustration and spoiling the day for both of us.

I retreat into a submissive state of mind.
Let her be in control.  Let her run the activities.

And thankfully she does.
She strokes my penis and I go hard.
After a time she rolls on top of me.  Then reaches across to the bedside table and takes out a plastic bag and puts some baby oil in it.  She puts that over my penis and starts to masturbate me.  At the same time she pinches one nipple then the other.  She knows I like this.  Long slow strokes from the top of my penis right to the bottom and back up.  Nice and tight.  Interspersed with the pain of one nipple or the other being squeezed.  She kisses me on the lips and we play tongues. 
I cum oooh oh oh oh and she keeps massaging my penis and the orgasm fires and fires.  It's exhausting and I am spent.  We both lie and relax.

Naturally I ponder the dynamic.