Sub Driving

I watched a movie (I think) called "The Duke of Burgundy".  I found it pretty boring and skipped chunks of it.  There was a kinky flavour to it and so of course more interest than I otherwise would have had.

The jist is that there seemed to be two female lovers.  One was sub and the other effectively foisted into the position of dom.  An interesting parallel with my marriage.  The difference being that the dom character in the movie put some effort into the dom role whereas my wife does not.  more later.

Some titillating scenes, the sub has been instructed to clean th dom's boots but stops and is told off by the dom.  The sub escalates by stopping again and bring her stoppedness to the doms attention because what the sub wants is punishment.

Another scene involved them trying to buy a bed where there is a box section under where the sub can be placed.  the sub character is keen on being forced in.  The dom character is really more vanilla and really just wants the sub character to lie in bed with her.  They are unable to get the bed in time for the sub's birthday (was to be a birthday present) due to manufacturing lead times and the lady selling the bed suggests that they could supply a 'human toilet' construction.  The dom character excuses herself and in hindsight I suspect the thought appalled her.  Later the sub finds a coffin sized box and that is brought up to the bed room.  Then we see the sub is put to bed in it.  Tied up and locked in but in the middle of the night she makes a racket and gets the dom character to open up and un tie her.  When the dom asks if she is alright she says "It was just a mosquito". 

So misunderstanding of roles by the dom who in my opinion, having established that the sub is  driving the show and has disturbed the doms sleep, the dom should have whipped the sub and put her back in the box until she was really freaked out.  ie punish 'till it goes past sub enjoyment (but not past safe).

Back to reality and I had one of those fruitless train wreck conversations with my wife.  I asked if she was enjoying being the leader.  She said this was one of the fundamental differences between us that she did not think there needed to be an identified leader and that we should work as a team.  Whereas, in my view, she is unequivocally the leader.  She just does not vocalise it.  I [made the mistake] of pointing out that we are all subject to authority above us and most of us have people who are under us.  There is a chain of command.  She, in my view, just does not acknowledge that.  I also notes several of our friends where one partner or the other is very obviously the dominant or leading partner.  One where the wife is very much "in charge" and the other where the wife is to a degree submitted to her husband.  More in big decisions that day to day stuff but still she takes her lead from him. 

In the end the jist of it is that like in the move, the sub (me) is driving the agenda and she (the dom) is not liking it and does not get into it.