With the benefit of hindsight, I need to accept her way.
Toughen up princess comes to mind for some reason.
This morning, I woke feeling like sex. Feeling like she was not on board with the abstinence thing. Not on board with anything actually. Figured she used to just give me sex so started along that track. Bit of feeling her and then asking to take her PJs off. She said "No" quite emphatically. This lead to an early morning conversation.
In the early morning darkness the following points were made by her.
Firstly that she had taken on board the abstinence thing but that I had gone 3 weeks she thought a reward was in order.
Next because it had been three weeks she felt that I should be building up to longer periods rather than going cold turkey.
Third because we had had a nice date night she felt I deserved a reward.
So me having a sulk after sex last Sunday night was totally misunderstanding her motivation.
She went on to say that she needs her sleep in big blocks and me getting touchy feely (read randy) in the middle of the night is a disturbance to her.
She then said that historically she had often given me sex because that would stop me disturbing her for a few nights. Obviously I need to not disturb her when I am desperate. I requested that IF I disturb her, she needs to tell me then and there or at least that morning. I had not realised and so I'd been continuing a behaviour that she finds annoying.
She then went on and said that Monday night through to Thursday morning I was not to do any overt sexual stuff. No rubbing the mattress or rubbing against her. Lie still and lie on your back. What! Did I jet hear clear and unambiguous instruction? :)
Luckily tomorrow is Friday and so a little edging may be allowed.
She also said we are going for 4 weeks this time. (this will be tough)
So overall in a weird way I am feeling better already. How can no orgasm be a positive. I wonder that myself.
+ clear direction
+ interest in abstinence.
+ abstinence target set.
I have just finished reading the entire blog (took several days, on and off).
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate your problem, having a similar situation, At least you have an option to find a "playmate", where as I don't.
Which leads to two options for you to decide on (from my limited point of view). Clearly the relationship is not working as it is. I would put more effort into finding someone to play with occasionally, you cannot change your wife.
The other option is to get a divorce, but remain close in working with the children while making a satisfying life for yourself. (I consider this a last resort, but "your mileage may vary")
Good luck, and the best to you. I will continue reading....
Thanks Lloyd N. I agree that these seem to be the options. I've not had any success in finding a playmate. In a way things at present seem on the up and up so I'm putting the playmate thing in hold until the marriage goes cold again.
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