I dream of a future

I have written this as a page so that it is easily accessible.
Partly it is to remind me of what I am dreaming of.  Of what I desire.


I need to say that the existence of the blog is a secret from my wife.  Its the only secret that I have consciously kept from her and if she straight out asked, then I would tell her about it and show it to her.  However she is a good Christian girl and  although she leads up front at church and effectively does a lot of the leading in our home, she really does not see that she is leading in that way.  Like if asked, she would say that I am the head of the house.

Now at the same time, she is quite busy and involved in all sorts of things.  Church, her work as a school teacher, our kids.  An effect of this is that I feel neglected.  Lost, lonely.

She does try to compensate by from time to time wearing skimpy clothes because she knows that I like her to wear short skirts and actually even our friends in the church know that and so when she wears them, they commend her for making the sacrifice for her husband.  Even though they probably think that she is also being immodest.  Also she will offer me quick sex.  She hardly ever gets turned on herself and I think this is because she is too busy.  I have tried to get her to be less busy but the reality is that she is a good organiser and she gets fulfilment from organising and implementing things.

Now a few things that stress or distress me.
I am not a good decision maker.  I procrastinate.  I put off.
I am not good with juggling the social calender.
I prefer to do something with the kids or a few friends.  A bush walk.  Bicycle ride.  Kick a football at the park.  If we have a party, I worry, are all the guests feeling welcome.  If they want a chair, do they have somewhere to sit.  Is so and so monopolising someone else.  Do I need to rescue them.  Has everyone got a drink.  Why has the music stopped.  Did we invite the neighbours.  etc etc.

OK so what do I want
I want her to recognise that she is a good leader.
I want her to lead in the bed room.
I want her to talk directly to me in a commanding way.
I only wish to have sex when she wishes it.
I wish her to control when I cum