Thursday, June 28, 2012

Dont want to make decisions

This is a bit of a random rambling post today.

Currently I find that I do not want to make big decisions.
By big I mean buying a car, selecting a builder to do an extension on our house.  Even sketching out what the extension should be.  Actually it trickles down. Buying clothes.  It would be just so much easier if she went and bought me new clothes.

Now that I think about it, I do not want to make any decisions at all.

Now that is just a pile of lazy excuses and I need to build a bridge and get over it.

I think that I and probably other guys sexualise things.....a lot.
So being indecisive about decisons translates to gee would'nt it be nice if she made all the decisons right down to what I wear and when I get to have sex bla bla.

Next a comment on understanding others-
The writer of "At all Times" has a heart wrenching posting here that for me epitomises a relationship where the wife loves the husband but just does not get it.

And topping from the bottom
Most of the blogs I read about husbands wishing to be submissive I think really are husbands wishing for more adventurous, more intimate, more interdependant relationships.  I suspect that others like me have found that over time, the wives seem to have lost interest in us or in sex and that this submission thing is a way to try and compensate.  To get back in, to get her interest.  In a way when she is off having coffee with her girl friends, laughing, giggling etc.  We do not seem to do that.  I want that.

So today I am feeling middle of the road.  OK.  I cooked dinner last night and that was good.  We had a miscommunication and that was bad.  She had rented a sexy DVD.  A surprising activity in its own right as in a way because we are Christians and regulaly attend church, I think she would see this as not exactly right, boardering on porn even though it was from a regular video shop.  Anyway she got it and brought it to me and handed it to me.  I asked if she was going to watch it with me and she said "Yes".  What she did not say was 'not tonight'.  So here I was expecting and I did not get it and so there was a feeling of deflation at the end of the night.  The DVD unwatched.  Me wasting time waiting for her.

Yet in this kinky world.  Communication is everything.  In the vanilla world it is too but just not so recognised.

So I need to find a way to minimise the occurances of mis communication with the missus.  :)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A friendly smack

So I am in the shower this morning.  Minding my own business when whack.  A bare hand smack on my bum.

I turn in an instant.  I am sure a look of shock on my face which I quickly turn into a smile while mumbling about such a nice surprise.

She says I thought you would like that
Naturally I agreed.  I did .

She said that some friends are coming over on the weekend.

Such fun.

Monday, June 25, 2012

How to be submissive and strong

I suspect (funny that) that women do not want ditsy, feminine (not being disrespectful) men.

Yesterday the kids and I were getting ready to go for a bike ride and we were getting some back packs out to put drinks and a snack in.  The idea was to take just a couple of back packs and take turns carrying them.  My daughter said something along the lines of they (meaning the boys) won't want to wear a pink back back with fairies on it.

Hmm I thought.  I wonder.  I bet some of them secretly would.

My daughter is quite fine with associating herself with pink, with dresses and other things traditionally considered feminine.  At the same time, she rides a bike and does other physical activity.

I note that a search on google for phrases that include men & tights or the such will bring up many hits that are basically male fantisy about men being being forced 'oh gosh' giggle giggle to wear womens clothing.

As far as I can see not really a thing that terribly many women are into.

Pity.  Would be fun.

So anyway I suspect that my wife anyway wants a strong competent man.  Mind you at the same time, she wants to arguing.  In fact the idea that there is even anything to argue about I do not think even crosses her mind.  She is the keeper of the calender.  She decides the social activities.  She is appreciative if my doing the male things - Keeping the cars running, fixing tap washers and changing light bulbs. 

We had sex on the weekend.  It seems that sex is only when she is in the mood.  She does not respond to me or my advances.  It was enjoyable in its own way but I have this feeling of walking on egg shells.  That one wrong touch, one wrong word, and she does not get turned on, goes cold.  I like for her to enjoy sex and I try to be patient and not push things.  I wish that we could be more open and less uptight.  But it seems that any discussion about submission or kinky stuff like I enjoy the feeling of plastic or bodage just can not be.  If we discuss these, then in general she gets turned off more than on.

Mores the pity.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


So yesterday I came home for lunch and as there were no kids home, she put on a short skirt.  She knows I like short skirts.  We lay on the bed and gently touched and she encouraged me with my fingers.  She wanted my fingers inside her and I naturally obliged.

She came and was very content.

I went back to work.

When I got home from work, she said she hoped I had not been distracted at work and I said no very alert actually.  She said that she felt bad that I had not had the same enjoyment as her and I assured her that I had was very ful filled.

I have not orgasmed now for several weeks.  I have beasically decided that if she asks me to orgasm or asks me to go inside her and orgasm together then I will but I am not going to push her. 

I have been looking for material on male chastity and tease & denial and there is a lot of it around but I believe that it all makes a mistake and that mistake is mentioning BDSM.  There has to be a opening there to write a book but keep it purely vanilla.  There was a woman who wrote a book called the surrended wife.  No mention of BDSM.  We need a male version of that.  Maybe written by a couple where they give their perspectives.

The problem with even mentioning BDSM is that it is a distraction and conjures up images of whips and chains and dominatrix's in high heels.  All of which I would love for her to be/do but it is not her and not her world.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


Before I made the decision to be submissive to my wife I would get moody, frustrated, angry and so on.
Now that does not mean that I still do not get frustrated that she is not the dom I would seek but when my mind set is not one of wanting sex or wanting this or that.  There is a certain serenity.  Calmness.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Work and home flip

At work I am in a leadership position.
At home I would like to be in a servant position.

At one level this is hard.  A bit of a mind flip.
Having to be assertive in one situation and definatly not assertive in another.

It is made harder right now because she is not kinky dominant.  Controlling in her own vanilla way.

Maybe I should look for a position at work where I do not have to organise others.  But then in historical times we have heard of slaves and servants who had control of other slaves and servants so ther is prescident for servants and slaves to lead others and so the idea of leading is not in itsself in theory at least a problem.  Still would be nice not to have the worry of a change of head space between home and work.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The role of government and sociatal norms

Recently our city newspaper ran an article anouncing that some fundamentalist churches around here are praying the gay out of teenagers and running some apparatly controversial program to cure teenagers of gayness.  The government is apparantly so concerned that they are considering a law to stop such behaviour.

Now personally, although the idea of a society where men are forced to be submissive to legions of dominant females does titilate me, I have to say that personally I think the government should stay out of it.  Yes some families may engage in training their kids in ways we do not agree with.  But I figure it takes all sorts.

over in we have a mother discussing with her adult daughter about being dominant of her new husband.  It does make me wonder what it was like in that house when the kid was 10. 

I recall as a kid instances that titilated me although at times I was too young to understand why but those were in a way ways where parents were trying to instill their values and to socialise their kids the way they felt was right.  Imagine if that were to promote female dominance and male submission.

Of course the examples from my past typically were the other way round as has been the custom for centuries.  But quite overt in some cases.  For example I have seen mothers teach their young female children to not fight even when another child takes a toy.  Just to accept it and go play with something else.  When I was at university, I boarded with a family who had kids at a local primary (elementary) school.  Their mother would talk about the characteristics of some of the other mothers much to my interest of course.  One of the other mothers apparantly made her daughter wear white underwear and kept her school dresses short so that she would not run around.  She wanted the girl to stand and watch.  The girl was not allowed to play any kind of compeditive games.  She was allowed to play school sport and on those days only she was allowed to wear sports briefs for modesty.

Shock horror we think and I am sure there are many other examples of socialisation.

Kind of interesting to consider if that were reversed and boys were constrained and overtly taught to do girls bidding.

light and fun

The last post regarding decisions was a bit heavy.  Prior to writing that post, I had been planning this post in my head.

Last night on our way home from that fateful non decision, we stopped into the supermarket.  She had to return some product and get a refund.  Gee I am glad she did that.  That is another thing I find difficult to do.  Mind you I am quite happy to do the same with a computer or a motor.  Things I know about so I can tell the sales person whats wrong and why they should give my money back.  Anyway, I took the shopping list and nipped round the store and picked up the items, queued and as I did so, I realised that she had finished her dealings and was just reading the local paper at the returns counter.  Nice to see she felt that she did not have to supervise my shopping.  As we neared the car, I ducked ahead and opened her door with a grin and made some smart but light remark like "your carriage mam" and held the door while she got in.  As she got in she said "thank you sir" with a smile on ger face.

I am trying the servant thing in a light hearted way.

Decisions decisions decisions.

So I have been trying to take a tread lightly approach.

Yes I still have my kinks and my drive to be submissive.  Yes I would love her to be the dominatrix that really is not within her.

So I figure that I will try to do my best to show her that my submission creates space for her.  My logic goes like this:  we all have to make an effort in life and in a family.  If I do nothing around the house, then she has to put in effort cleaning and wot not.  If I do that then she of course is freed up to do other things.  A part of what I am doing is simply not to argue with her.

Well we are out with friends last night and they ask if we would like to get together for a day in a few weekends time.  My wife turns to me and says "you decide dear"

This I do not want to do.  Not just because I am trying to be submissive.  It just really made me feel uncomfortable.  I am quite happy at work to decide on stratgic matters or trivial matters.  On hiring or firing a staff member.  But at home.... well I just couldn't.  I just locked up.  My mind was racing.

What else is on that day and the days either side? 
Does that even matter anyway? 
What sport and music other commitments do the kids have? 
Are there any kids birthday parties? 
Where's my phone and even if I had access to my google calendar what if there is something missing that I forgot to enter?  O please dear don't make me make that decision.  You do it.

Cripes I sound pathetic.

For so long she has controlled the social calendar.  For so long I have gone along with it and that was hard and mentally I think I changed to cope with that.  In a way I think my thinking is well OK control everything.  I can sexualise that.  Bring it into my fetish and then it does not stress me.  In fact it rewards me.  A seritonan hit to hear you decide those sorts of decisions.

And the end result you ask.  Well I couldn't decide and we went away to think about it. 

Monday, June 11, 2012

She is on her period so no chance of sex.  Well as it turns out the definition of sex is wider than some might like to think.  A fact highligted by Mr Clintons downfall.  I subscribe to the wide definition myself.

So it's Monday morning and a public holiday.  We were out the night before but not all that late but anyway we are sleeping in.  I contemplete getting up early and of all things going into work.  But I choose the sleep in and cuddle option.  So by 10am we are up having brunch.  What happened in between.

Well around 7, I run my hands down her back and discover she is wearing control briefs.  That nice tight feeing that I do so love.  I am curious because in days gone by I have tried to get her to wear them in bed and she has for a few minutes and then taken them off complaining they are too tight and they hurt.  Anyway, I enjoy the feeling and she snuggled up to me and then eventually turns onto her front.  This is a good sign so I patiently run my hands up her back over her nightie, and across her bottom and occasionally onto the bare skin at the ups of her legs.  Gradually this gets more intese and enjoyable and she puts a hand of her own between her legs.  This is good.

Then it escalates.  She rolls onto her back and says "How would you like to play with my breasts".  Game on.  I un button her nightie and start to caress and then suck on one breast while gently touching the other.  She asks how I am liking this and I reply very much I enjoy the physical and the talking.  She ends up with one hand between her legs and the other touching her breast as I suck on the breast and the finger while touching the other.

She cums and then lies back.  

Time passes.

Then I start a conversation.  I say I would like to tie her to the bed sometime.  This is a risky conversation to start but I figure lets see.  Hmm she says.  I try a slightly different tack.  "tell me how you would like things to go if you were tied to the bed"  She answers "Well I would have to be a little turned on even before you tied me down.  Then you (meaning me) would run your hands gently between my (her) legs teasing me and just when I was going to cum you would stop.  This is good I am thinking.  She understands there is fun with tease and denial.  She goes on to say it is nice to have someone totally focussed on the others enjoyment and the other totally at their mercy.   Would you want to cum I ask.  yes definately she said it would be a bit of a downer if it lead to nothing.

Well all that sounded good.  The best bit was that as she was talking she was getting turned on again and pressed herself onto my leg.  I rubbed and then every now and then would take my hand and leg away and do nothing for a moment and then start to touch close but not right there and then gradually trying to get closer slowly.  To tease out the tease.  Finally she came again.  Then she said it was so hard not to just put her hand between her legs when I stopped teasing her.

Then she asked if she was to tied me down would I be face down or up.  I responded well that would depend on whether I was to be whipped or just teased.  I would imagine that it would be fun to be face up with you on top ejoying your self.  Maybe you could start with me face down and whip me and then roll me over.  I don't think I would like to be whipped if I came first and then had to be rolled over."

We just lay there her head on my shoulder and dozed again.

Then we got up, showered and brunch.  Luckilly the kids had sorted out their own breakfast.  But they joined us for round two.

And that is a good way to start a public holiday.

So maybe, just maybe, we can entice her along the road to some things more kinky.  Slightly.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

What should be his reward

I got to thinking the other day about how this stuff should work for the husband and the wife. 

In a recent response to one of my posts, MsNaydi said
"The happiness of his dominant should be the ultimate goal for the submissive."

My suspicion is that for a marriage to be successful, both the husband and the wife need to receive a pay off.  Having said that though, I suspect that if one approaches it from the point of view of wanting a pay off then it will fail.  It may sound strange but I suspect that one has to approach it from the point of view that "Everything I have I give to you". 

So what then I muse.  Because you can give it all and have no more to give.  But what gets one into that frame of thinking?  In some cases you can give and give and still feel good about giving some more.  In the 5 love languages book, the author talks about refilling your love tank. 

On the personal side,
Have been trying not to get grumpy.  Staying cheerful.  No sex mind you either.

On the fun yet practical side, my wife suggested that I do up a calendar chart that records when I have sex and when I get grumpy.  So we will start that today.  I will add a few extra parameters to it.  Who knows maybe we find that the more house work I do, the less I get grumpy.  That would be a case of "be wary of what you wish for".  She might prescribe house work therapy. 

In my recent posts I have thought a bit about feeding my kink as a sort of motivation.  So in a way I am always looking for ways to feed the kink.  Reflecting on my life, I think I have been kinky for as far back as I can remember.  It seems that my wife does not see herself as having any kinks and that seems strange to me in its own way.

OK so back to the topic.  What should be his - the sub's reward.
Should she take this idea on board and boss him around? He, meaning me, would enjoy that.
Should he just be a cook and cleaner?

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tease and Denial

I would love it if my wife would engage in tease and denial but it seems that she would like us to cum together.  So for now that is what I am concentrating on when we are in bed together.

Now many FLR blogs including mine are quite focussed on the male sexual side.

So I muse over why tease and denial may be considered bad.

I saw a TV program some years back where a female student zoo keeper had gotten some animals to breed.   These were some sort of wild 4 legged dog, cheetah, tiger type animal.  Zoos apparantly had had very little success in getting this particular specis to breed.  They would get males and females and shove em in together and nothing would happen.  The girl student got the zoo to separate them so they could see each other but were separated by a couple of fences and a no mans land.  What do you know but they started to take an interest in each other and would howel and bark across the no mans land.  Then when they were allowed in the one enclosure, well they got right down to business.  - Tease & denial?

In high school and at university, I was involved in various christian church groups.  There was an overt recognition of sexuality which I believe is good.  There was also a strong emphasis on staying pure until mariage.  No sex until marriage - Tease & Denial.  Sure.

So within mariage it seems though that the message that my wife has is that she should give me sex pretty much whenever I want it.

Yet I suspect that the what would make for a closer relationship is some tease and denial.  get to the point of really really wanting it rather than get it because you can and it's easy.

The other things I need to work out is when I mention abstinance, I suspect she wonders what is wrong with her that I do not want sex with her and also there are times when I do not get sex and I do get grumpy.  She does not like me grumpy (neither do I) so she will engage in sex to counter that.  To me a negative reason to have sex and in a way  just reinforces my [unwanted] behaviour.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Isn't it strange

my wife does not know about this blog.  It is my place to pour my heart out.  To sound out ideas and thoughts.  To write goals for myself and so on.

So I have been trying to be submissive to the extent of not arguing with her.  But for now I have given up on the overt kinky stuff.  No mention of submission even in the bed room.  No asking for sex either though.  I want to try and get her used to enjoying sex and then maybe see if she would like to try something.

It does seem that she would like us to cum together so I suspect it will be a while before we try the chastity thing.  Although I do find that if I abstain then I do have more energy.  Energy I especially need in the evenings to be helpful arround the house putting kids to bed etc.  Last night at 2am I woke to hear one of them coughing so I got up and delt with it. 

The issue I guess that goes through my mind at the moment is on the one hand the idea of being submissive turns me on.  That to me needs her to engage in a conscious was as the leader.  She really does lead but not consciously as far as I can see.  She does what comes naturally with out really thinking about it.  She organises the social calendar and I tag along.  She decides on the meals and buys the food.  So she makes all these decisions that define our life but it is like we are both on auto pilot. 

My worry is will we run out of fuel and just fall out of the sky.

I do not want to be a family that just stays together because of the kids.
I want her to want me.  To love me.  I want to be able to do things that she likes and enjoys.  yet I feel I am walking on egg shells most of the time.

Anyway enough of that morbid self reflection.  I am just getting myself depressed.

On with the topic I started with - "Isn't it strange"

Isn't it strange that I wrote a post about teen girls and short skirts.  Now I have always thought that girls look better in skirts especially short ones.  And of course my wife knows that.  Well blow me over if yesterday she wore a short skirt.  I assume she must have seen me looking.  I did try hard not to stare.  Who knows.  Maybe my attention to her is being rewarded.  Isn't it strange.


Monday, June 4, 2012

Not much happening in the overt submissive department

Concentrating on my awareness or awakening that FLR did not equal chastity which probably does not make for titilating reading.

Just ensuring that I listen to what she says and asks and hints and do it.  Try to preempt by doing as much as I can.  Not leaving mess around. 

Had sex again and she wanted us to cum together.  I had been holding off so she would cum and she did so we got to do it all again.  It is very hard to syncronise when one is concentrating on her.  If I were to have a quickie, I would cum in 2 seconds.

A musing about women and short skirts.  In church the other day there was a 17yo teen who used to attend regularly but whom we had not seen in a while.  She was wearing a short flouncy skirt and of course this attracted my attention.  As old men who stare tend to be regarded with suspicion, I was concious not to and got back to concentrating on the tasks at hand.  Later mused as I sat in traffic, why is it that teen and early twenties girls dress attractively / sexilly? at least in an attention getting way and when they get toward 40 they go into a really don't care sort of look. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Ah sex

So I decided to give up on the chastity thing for now.  I had hoped that chastity would be a way for her to have enjoyable sex because I would be focussed on her etc etc.  Read all about it over like the last year of posts.

Actually when I thought about it, I had equated FLR with chastity and gotten so fixated on the frustrations of chastity that I had forgotten about her. 

I think she thinks the abstaining chastity thing is weird so we will try to put that to the side for a while.

I will try to focus on her.  The submissve thing still interests me greatly.  So I am going to try to focus on the following positives
- listening to her.
- responding to her
- helping around the house.

I suspect she may have felt that the whole submissive thing meant no more romance and just mecanical sex when she specified it.

So I will try to ensure that there is some proactive romance and if that leads to sex then so much the better.

So on to the personal - last night, in bed, cuddle thats nice then she falls a sleep.  As she does.  Now normally that really frustrates me.  Figured just let it go.  Lets take it easy for a bit. 

In the morning.  It's an early start for me and I wake like an hour and a half beforehad.  Hmm what to do as I of course want sex.  I cuddle up from behind.  She eventually wakes and I run my hand up her bare theigh and leave it at the top of her leg.  Would like to put it between her legs but do not wish to 'go the grope'.  She falls asleap again and then wakes after a short doze.

I lie back on my back and doze too.

Then she puts her hand on my erect penis.  Oh oh la.  Then she asks 'do I want sex' and I answer.  'Yes I always want sex but I am happy to cuddle'.  It then just flowed from there.  She rubbed me and then began to suck me and tease me.  Oh that is so nice.  Then she reached into the bedside table and got out the lube and spread it on to my penis and moved her fingers up and down.  'That is so so nice' I say.

Then she lies back on her back with her legs apart.  She says she wants me to come in from on top. So I do.  So yes I would love her to just push me down and jump on from on top but I am trying the just listen and respond to her tack here.  So I very gently get on top and start to push in slowly and just like the head of my penis.  In and out trying t tease her and not turn it into a quickie.  So yes a quick trust and cum would be nice for me but we are trying to get her to enjoy this sex thing.  Gradually I go further and further in and I can feel occasionally some movement from her.  This is interspersed with some kissing too.

Then we roll over and pull a sheet over us as it is quite chilly.  She moves up and down and so do I from under.  I ask where she 'would like my hands' and she says 'back and bottom is great'.  I am always on a knife edge as so often she does not get turned on.  But then it gets more intese.  Thngs are looking good here and she cums and then relaxes on me.  She mentions that she would like me to cum with her and I say well we will have to do it all again and see what happens.  grin.

After a while she starts to tighten herself over my still hard penis.  Then she starts to move.  She pushes up with her hands on top of me.  I push her PJ top up and she does not object.  Her breasts are dangling in front of me.  She is moving and I am of course still turned on.  I put my hands on her breasts and push up on them and ask 'is that ok' and she says yes.  I love the feel of them.   I can feel her starting to trust harder so I do the same and then I cum and I think she came and she lies back on me and we both doze.

Then its time to get up.  Quick shower.  Grab breakfast cerial.  Running late.  In car.  Take kid to before school sport training.  On way observe beautiful sunrise.

Now at work.

Can you think of a better way to start the day.