My wife hops into bed and snuggles up and starts caressing my penis. I know she is tired. I start to run my hands over herbottom and I realise she has a pad on. She tells me her period has arived.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
My wife hops into bed and snuggles up and starts caressing my penis. I know she is tired. I start to run my hands over herbottom and I realise she has a pad on. She tells me her period has arived.
Friday, December 24, 2010
What err wha er yes right away.
I am waking and she is interested. This is amazing.
She is dry but she is working herself down on me.
I offer lube but she declines. Takes her time.
She moves up and down and so do I.
I am trying hard not to cum and I really actually don't want to.
Now I want to cum but she says not now sleep well.
Now its morning and I wonder what will happen.
Once again she is interested.
This time she asks for lube and for me to come in on top of her.
So I do very gently. I am thrustng slow and deep and she rolls me onto my back.
She keeps moving but does not cum.
Then she rolls so I am on top.
I am thrusting slow and deep and I stop because I am worried I will cum.
she says I want you to cum.
I say what about you.
She says keep moving.
I came and then she got excited and I tried hard to stay hard and in the last seconds before I went limp she came.
And that is the morning before christmas morning.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
This morning I open my eyes and see she is lying on her back giving herself a massage of her eyes and temples. I ask if she would like a massage and she says yes. All good. I massage her and I engoy it. She rolls over and I continue.
After a time she thanks me and gets up and goes to the toilet.
When she gets back she asks if I want a quickie and I say no.
She says what do I want and I say that I enjoy her telling me what is happening in the bed room and can I do anything for her.
She says put a plastic bag on.
This means get a plastic bag put some baby oil in it and put it over my penis.
She said roll onto my stomach and she started to massage my penis. I was hard and turned on.
Then she started to rub her hands over my bottom. Over my boxers.
I was wondering and wishinbg she would spank me. I did not want to ask because I did not want to push her. Then she did. She smacked me. Not super hard but enough for a turn on sting. Then she did it a few more times. I was hard and I asked am I allowed to cum and she said yes so I came real quick.
This means that I have orgasmed pretty much every day for the last 3 days.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I had a meeting that went late yesterday evening.
Got home. Kids already in bed. Got into bed.
Apologised to wife.
Said she should whip me.
She asked if I wanted a head massage.
I repeated that I thought she should whip me because I was so nasty.
I asked her to tie me to the bed but she said that she thought this was so I would learn some self control.
She whipped me.
At one stage she said "was that enough, did I need more".
It was hurting a lot. I could not bring myself to ask for more yet that is what I needed.
Then she did a head massage.
Went to sleep
Woke up this morning and she stroked my penis.
She got out of bed and went to the loo and as she left she said "Get your pants off"
She came back said put some lube on. She then told me to get on top and come in.
Then she rolled us over and tried to get herself turned on but did not cum then she rolled us back over and told me to cum.
I said I really don't think I should as you have not cum.
She said That will be another day.
So I came.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
As you can imagine, I am getting hard by the second and waking up quick.
She gets on top - good
Asks for lube - good.
Pushes down - good
Rolls me over - getting concerned here.
As I am gently trusting in, I enquire if she likes me to push hard and she says yes. I say can I put a couple of condoms on so that I can giver her maximum enjoyment without the risk of cuming and she says no that she wants me to cum.
Then she rolls me over and enjoys herself and cums and then rolls us back over so I am on top and says now your turn.
The problem is I had my turn. I did not cum when she came but I did get intese pleasure out of it. I do enjoy cuming but I also enjoy the tease of not cuming.
Problem is she does not seem to get that. I don't think so anyway.
So I came as instructed and it was good.
It is interesting to look back and see that from when I decided to switch from being a bully to being submissive she has gone from tolerating sex but doing it reluctantly to initiating it and enjoying it.
I will have to talk to her and say that some tease and denial would be nice and also that I do get enjoyment out of her getting enjoyment.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The next thing I hear her say is get your pants off.
Well I am waking up fast here. I am enjoying her getting excited.
I pulled off my boxers and lay there and she climbed on top. I was not hard, felt embarrassed, still half a sleep.
She rubbed herself against me and I started getting hard. Then she reached down and caressed me and I was hard. The embarrassment gone and wide awake, I wondered what would happen next.
She pushed down from on top but was quite dry. I offered lube but she said no. She rolled us over so I was on top and I worked my way in. As soon as I was in, she rolled us back so she was on top. She moved enthusiastically amd much more than she has done for years and here I am trying for all I am worth not to cum. She came and then to my suprise, rolled us over and said keep going. So I did. She came again and I was so so close. I said "can I cum" she said "yes" (mind you I was half hoping she would say no, but I did not want to go against her direction or turn it into a debate) so I thrust a few more times and she came again and I came and it was good. :)
Pulled out, lay beside her. Went to sleep.
Woke up refreshed.
She was half awake, I asked what motivated her to take the lead last night and she said she just felt like it. That is great. Mind you I still feel a bit like its the wrong way round because I did nothing last night to deserve it. But she did take thelead and I did what she asked. In bed anyway.
Got up came to work.
Left her in bed alseep.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Been a bit ho hum this week actually.
I need to get back into that sub head space.
I have had some reasonable conversations regarding her leading and knowing that she is leading.
The other thing is that she is doing what she is for me because she knows that is what I want. So its kind of the wrong way round. Like I should be doing things firstly for her and she should also be doing things for her and through that I get satisfaction.
I guess I should be realistic that my dream is that she is some sort of dominatrix in a short black skirt and a riding crop. However I know that will never be.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
I wonder what we will do next.
Will she make me abstain?
There is a bit of fear here because she has seen that abstaining makes me happier and I think she knows that even though I find it a struggle in some ways, at the same time I am also generally happier and much nicer to her.
I think the balance is long enough periods of chastity to make it a challenge.
Enough attention / teasing to know I am loved and appreciated.
Enough sex that the mariage connection is maintained.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
When she got home I asked how she was. She said that she had asked the choir to give her a "sound immersion" whatever that is.
I said I am so sorry that I yelled at her on the phone.
I said to her "you know what we have to do"
She does not like hitting me.
Anyway she went and did a couple of things. I changed into my boxers and got out the electrical chord and put it on the bed beside me. Then I lay face down on the bed. I actually felt sick. I was so anoyed with myself for shouting at her.
She entered the room and just picked up the chord and without saying anything she brought it down hard on by bottom. After the second stroke, I bit into the pillow. It hurt. I wanted it to hurt. I did not want to cry out because I knew that right now that would cause her to stop and I need her to not only punish me but to gain confidence. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to withstand the pain as each stroke landed on my bottom.
Then she stopped and put the chord in the draw and walked out.
She went into her office and did some work on her computer.
After a time I went in and stood behind her and massaged her. I said that my punishment was not about the chocolate it was about shouting at her. I said I am sure I could have found a way to in mature way express my concern about chocolate in the house without resorting to shouting at her down the phone.
I know I am not getting sex tonight. Even I can see the atmosphere is not right.
I must be mad.
Monday, December 6, 2010
It's Sunday night.
Waiting for you to come home.
Hoping you've had a great day.
We'll see what happens ... : )
Right now there are two motivations, two drivers for me wanting sex.
1. The physical desire. The physical pressure within me. I am a guy and that is the way it is.
2. The desire I have that you are happy. In particular that you get to have great enjoyment.
The first thing is that as I think about it, what I want first is a way in my own mind to swap the order of these areound. I want to be in the mindset that puts your happyness first.
The next thing is that I suspect that I need to find a way to make your whole life happy. In as much as I influnece it anyway.
We didn't have sex last night and I appreciate that you were not turned on. I was not here until late and I guess that meant that there was not time. time to just be together. I appreciate that you did not just give me relief. Thankyou for being honest with your feelings. Thank you for having the strength to say no.
So I wait.
No! I need to do more. I need to proactivly change my behaviour. I need to do things so she is happy. Actually more than happy. So she is inspired.
I am asking for your help with ideas to turn her on. I am willing to do anything. So do not limit yourselves. What would she just love. What too should I do. It could be simple at home stuff right through to the special treats and presents.
Over to you guys on what I can do.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
My balls are aching. It has been two weeks. I am desperate for sex. I must be mad - this is what I wrote to my wife
Sunday night is approaching and I know you said that we might have sex then.
At this early stage, please do not give me sex for "relief" as I have indicated that just makes me feel small. I can't even light a flame in my wife.
Maybe down the track you will give me sex as a gift or a present without you yourself cuming, but right now, please just engage in sex if you want it. Please do not let me cum unless at the very least you are going to cum. But preferably cum first and even second. As many times as YOU want. Then and only then MAYBE let me cum. Either way I will be rewarded. If I am too pushy or I have not put the effort into getting the atmosphere right for YOU then please don't give it to me.
You may think I am mad and I probably am but I do not want to continue to be rewarded for weak behaviour on my part.
I would also like to talk to you about whipping me.
As I have said previously it is not like spanking a child. I chose something for you to hit me with that I would never hit a child with as I did not want there to be any connotation of parent - child type relationship. This is totally me asking you to help me modify my weak behaviours and there is a strength in that.
But I would ask that at some time, at time of your choosing that you whip me. Just tell me to lie down and you are going to whip me. How hard and how long and whether you tie me is up to you. But I want you to feel free to do that. I do not want to pressure you to do it and you don't have to do it more than once although you can if you wish. But I do want you to consider doing it please. It can be as a punishment for doing something or it can "just be". Please. be free.
The next thing is that after I have done you wrong. Shouted, lost my temper, not responded to you. And I ask you to whip me then please do that. It is intended to be a punishmnet. I really believe that corporal punishment can help to change behaviour. This is not something new to me. I want to put it into action.
But I want you to do more than that. I am putting down in writing, so that you will know that I am serious. I want you to tie me to the bed so I can not wimp out of it. Then I want you to whip me with all your strength. As if you were beating the dust out of a blanket. Please as hard as you can. Put every ounce of strength and do it as hard as you can. I know it will feel like your arm is heavy and someone has got you by the elbow and is restraining you but try as hard as youpossibly can. I know you are not a vindictive or grudge bearing person so this is not some kind of get back at me for the hurt I have caused but it is from my side a cathardic or symbolic hurdle that I wsh to. That I need to overcome.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
I want love. I want you to feel loved. I want you to feel you have space. I guess space to find the love you onece had for me.
These are some of the things I am giving up. I am aware that I am giving them up and will never get them back. I am listing it here so you know and so I know. Its all out in the open.
Mini Skirts - If I had my way, you would wear them all the time like you did for the first 10 years of our marriage. Yes you would feel self conscious. Yes people would comment and yes they would sometimes see your undies. This I am giving up.
Plastic - Well you and plastic anyway. If I had my way, we would put the plastic protector back on the bed. Even though it was sweaty and crinkly and we did not sleep well, I liked it a lot. I would wrap you tightly in plastic. One of my favourite memories is sitting on the couch with you in front of me. Wrapped in plastic with bike pants and a tee shirt over the top. I say behind you and ran my hands over your chest. Another is the time we went to the restaurant with you wrapped under your clothes. As you know I enjoy plastic pants and I liked you wearing them even though you hated everything to do with plastic. Any possibility of this ever happening again I am giving up.
Spanking you - I dreamed of spanking you. I am sorry I hit you so hard. In hindsight, I think I should have just lightly, very lightly spanked you. patted you. It seems though that I created in you a huge fear of spanking. I know that it can modify behaviour and that is why I have asked you to whip me because I want to overcome my weak control over my temper. I dreamed of "fixing" your time management and I believed that could be done with spanking. I also saw spanking you a way of you demonstrating submission to me. This I am giving up.
Control briefs & tights - again, if I had had my way, you would wear them a lot. I remember a short time when you wore them for several days even at night. Back when our bed was down stairs.
Asking permission - At one time I tried to get you to call me sir as a way to demonstrate your submission to me and more recently I have tried to get you to ask permission to go to the toilet. All of this I am giving up.
Control - I am giving up some degree of control. I would gladly give it all up. In a way that would be easier but as I understand it, you don't want that.
What I am not giving up on is......
and most importantly, my faith in God.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Fancy a guy telling his wife that he will do anything for her.
Giving up power is scary.
I told her last night that yes I have been thinking about this for ages and ages and yes I want her to be in charge and that I will no longer hassle her to wear short skirts or all sorts of things.
I emphasised again that I would really like her to boss me around in the bed room.
I said, look have some fun in the bed room and maybe it will spill out into the rest of our lives.
I said tease me, torture me, spank me, make me do things just for you.
Now she is a bit taken a back by all this.
As I say if she takes me up on this it will be heaven and hell at the same time.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
We had a meeting at church today. One of those meetings that could go on forever. After a while my wife went out of the room. I thought to check on the kids who were playing un supervised in the playground. When she came back she had three pieces of butchers paper and on them she had summarised everyones concerns and grouped them had few arrows and stuff then on another piece she summarised the suggestions that had been made and on the third she had put together a plan based on the best suggestions and the people available and etc etc. That is why she is a leader.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Last night somehow we started to have sex. She did not seem interested in leading. At one stage she said whatever I wanted. I think I had said "Would she like to be on top". I have to confess once again that I let go with a bit of a list of what I wanted-
I want you to lead
I want you to put in some effort (ooh yes a bit nasty)
I want you to get turned on
I want you to have fun
I want to have fun
I want you to be a bit selfish and not feel you just have to do everything for me (careful here me thinks - I may end up with no sex at at all and no connection or anything)
I want you to tease me
I want you to talk to me
I want you to tie me to the bed an whip me really really hard.
I want to put plastic and oil on the bed and roll around and have fun.
So lets not be too focussed on what I want because most of the time what I want does not let you get turned on."
So then we rolled over with her on top and she started to move.
At one stage I said "Can I touch your breasts"
She said "No" oooooh ahhh that excited me. She had said what I know she wanted. and what I wanted to hear. You know then I so wanted to touch her breasts more than almost anything else.
I then said "Can I touch your bottom"
She said "yes"
So I did and I was gentle and I know she likes that.
She continued to move and got faster and came and then she said "thats all. good night. None for you and don't wake me in the middle of the night"
I said "thankyou dear. I am so turned on"
This morning I wrote her a thankyou note.
You know its scary this giving up power.
There are things I have forced her to do that I will mis. I am sure that once she feels empowered there will be no going back.
I should write the things down I guess to get them off my chest so to speak. And to make sure I never force her to do anything again.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
She used to say that she would give me sex "releif" because if I went too long with out sex that I got grumpy.
Seems to me that I get grumpy just a day or two after having sex.
It would seem to me that we would both be better off if I had a period of chastity but with me stimulating her.
The benefits to me - I don't get grumpy, angry etc.
The benefits to her - She gets attention. She does not have a grumpy husband around. She of course should get to orgasm.
A somewhat bizzare coincidence - I came across this graph.
I guess the readers who read this have to put up with my grumpyness as I would rather vent honestly here than at my wife. In fact it seems that we men get conflicting messages. We get told we don't share our feelings and yet if we do share our feelings, it pushes the women away.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
While I was massaging her I looked at her new pant covered bottom and it was still as sexy as ever.
Friday, November 19, 2010
The reality of the situation hit me when I realised that in the department store, the pyjamas are along side of womens underwear so I walk briskly past as if I am going somewhere else all the while looking for pyjamas. Then having not seen any, I swallowed my pride and fear of being arrested for staring at women's underware and went and browsed until I found some. Then knowing she would not want one with a disney figure on it (and yes I was in the womens not girls section), I eventually found two sets. One is a cotton tee shirt with some short shorts and the other more concervative with a button up top and knee length shorts.
Now they are in my car and the next thing is what to do next. Hmm. I will think on that.
The other thing that was interesting is that it is a long time since I have gone this long without sex. You may have read that I do not belive in masturbation. My wife though felt that she was doing the right thing by not only letting me have sex whenever I wanted it but ancouraging me to have sex as "relief". This would just make me feel weak but from her point of view, if I did not get sex then I got grumpy. Well its been almost a week and I have gotten grumpy a few times (as you have seen) but I have tried hard and so now almost a week into abstinance, I find my self with some interesting feelings.
The first is that I am thinking of her all the time. How is she going?, what is she doing? is she happy? I am looking forward to seeing her.
The next thing is the occasional wave of self doubt. Will I be able to do it. A sort of gee I had better use it or loose the ability if that makes sense. Its a weird feeling actually.
In the morning especially I am rock hard ready to go and in fact this morning, I found myself groping her so I took myself out of bed and did a few things. This also was to protect myself against wishing her to get interested in sex and by some miracle ask me for sex. She is rarely a sex in the morning person and with me having talked to her about abstinance and wanting to please her, she would, if I had tried to have had sex with her, she would have let me do it and then next time I talked about being submissive then she would have said something like sure until you want sex again. Maybe she would have told me to go have a cold shower. I would have liked her to do that but I did not want to push it or to test her like that even though it would have been great.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I left work early and got home. Wife not home but some of the kids are home from school. Great opportunity.
Find the washing done and hung out. Beds un made. So brought in the washing. Made our bed and the younger kids beds. In fact doing this puts me in a real enjoyable head space. Did the washing up that seemed to have piled up and generally cleaned up the kitchen.
We had visitors in the evening and that was great.
Got into bed and I watched my wife as she got changed. I thought at the time, this is fun watching. Not realising that she was deliberately teasing because it was so subtle.
Started to talk and she drifted off to sleep. This made me angry again. I blew off so took myself out of the bed room before it got any worse. (So you have to endure my rant here). My main frustration is that just falling asleep seems lazy to me on her part.
Amazingly she awakes and we have a chat. I tell her I am sorry for losing my temper last night. I tell her it frustrates me that I loose control of myself. I tell her that I wish she would whip me. She says the kids are home. I say how about just a couple to see how noisy it is. She says that she cant do it.
We start to have a bit of a discussion about physical pain vs emotional pain.
and about me being a carrot and stick person. The carrot being emotional connectedness and the stick being some kind of punishment.
I talk about how a coach gets a person to rise above whatthey are capable of on their own. She says but a coach does not punish. I said well maybe they don't hit but they do punish. They will get you to do extra pushups or run longer or more laps or whatever.
She says that she is not my mother. I agree. I would never go to my mother and ask for punishment. I am an adult. But in this case I recognise some of my weaknesses and I want her to help me regain self control.
She suggests howabout the punishment be her telling me that I am not to cuddle her for a certain period of time. Yes I say that would be good.
Inside I am thinking YES YES YES. She is starting to get more confident.
Somewhere in the discussion she mentioned had I noticed the way she undressed the night before and I said yes I had enjoyed it and I apologised for not thanking her at the time. I think it was a bigger thing for her than for me actually. I think I am looking for her to do a stip tease with all the music and lights but that even doing a little flirt is emotionally hard for her.
This is a little disjointed.
Then today, I see she has sent out an email inviting her girlfriends to a coffee night without consulting me. My initial reaction was one of annoyance but then I remember that this is what I want. As I change my headspace I totally change my internal feelings. I feel sort of stimulated that she will do this.
OK so thats where we are today.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
It seems not unusual for there to be a period of iniial enthusiasm followed by a period of ..... nothingness.
Here are some sweeping generalisations
There are a lot of guys out there who look for some intimacy and connection with their wives.
The wives seem busy busy busy doing everything except engaging with their husbands.
There are many husbands who would do anything to support their wives. They cook & clean and do all the mundane tasks associated with keeping a home. But that does not seem to cut it with the wives.
OK so as far as me and my wife are concerned.
She seems to have no libido. Well almost none.
She is not into any sort of kinky sexual stuff at all. It seems to me that if she suspects its kinky then she turns off.
She does not want to lead in the bed room.
She does not want to be lead in the bed room.
Or anywhere else for that matter.
Feel my frustration.
I think I will try to chill out for a bit and see what opportunities open up.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Having had a great Friday, Friday night, Saturday, Saturday night out, Sunday at Church and Sunday afternoon, I now for the first time this weekend really feel down.
What is my value I find myself saying once again to myself. Sure you are tired. But that did not stop you finding the energy to stay up half the night at a party on Saturday night or to contnue at your festival on Sunday. But come home and within a few minutes of hopping into bed, you are incoherent and drifting off to sleep.
I guess I should just remind myself of my servile position. A position of irrelevancy. Before you drifted off too sleep you admitted that you had not read the private blog since last Wednesday. Once a friggin week. Cripes you wear out the keyboard on face book and your email. WTF did you do all day Friday that you did not get a chance to read my private blog to you?
Now for my own sanity as much as anything, I am offering you the opportunity to take control. But you have to take control. You can have control in the bedroom, the family whatever. Psychologically I can not handle being ignored. You want to drift off to sleep and leave me abandoned on my own then I will end up looking elsewhere for love.
BE WARNED. When I leave do not say that you did not see it coming BE ******* WARNED.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Probably as a result of a few negative reactions from me. I will try to get a conversation going and then get angry when it does not go the way I want. So the end result is that we do not sit down and discuss thing. Sometimes I talk but from my point of view, she just clams up.
Last night though we managed a few sentences back and forth.
At one stage she commented that maybe I was looking for teenage infatuation. You know that love lust where all you can think of is the other person. I said "maybe I was and that what's wrong with being be so totally focussed on the other person".
She then said that "things change as you get older".
I said yes it seems that we get futher and further apart but should that be the case? Sure have other interests but in our marriage service it was declared the two have become one.
So a real issue I have to deal with is my temper. Not that I have ever punched anyone but I have gotten grumpy a few times and shouted at her a few times and stormed off in may car in a bad mood. See Cathardic expression. Get it out. Identify the problem and then start to deal with it.
Now we did have another small conversation last night where I apologised for getting angry yesterday morning at home.
I said that I was sorry and she said we live in fear of your temper. I said I don't like loosing my temper. I said I want to change but I do not seem to be able to. I said I want there to be a consequence for me and I think that you whipping me would be a good consequence.
She said that she could not do that. That doing that would be as hard as enduring my bad temper.
Have to think on this.
Because I do want her to be happy.
I do want her to not be afraid of my temper.
I do want to be consistent.
I do not wish to loose my temper. It does not make me feel good. Nor does it make her feel good.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I believe that communication is a big hurdle.
Also she does not have a kinky bone in her body.
I think that Having one fetish, irrespective of what it is, I believe makes a person open and understand others even though they may have a totally different fetish. But if you have no fetish of any kind then it is impossible or maybe very very hard to understand a fetish.
The second thing is that whereas men are driven by their sex drive and I think for the most part recognise that and recognise that they need to distinguish between sex deive driven action and socially acceptable activities. Women on the other hand, as a sweeping generalisation, do not have that drive but at times engage in behaviours that are well motivated but are obsessive and in more extreme cases can be unintentionally abusive.
Let me try and give an example or two. Using kids to try to make it pretty darn obvious here. A man may abuse a girl and it is pretty darn clear the line between abuse and OK behaviour. Pat a girl (child) on her back - OK. Put your hand on her thigh - Abuse. Now I have heard women discussing with each othergetting their kids put on ADHD drugs. Almost trying to out do each other. One woman I heard say "I had to take [little darling] to four doctors before I could get him on [unpronoucible behaviour modification drug]"and the other mothers were just allover each other with similar stories and none of them seemed to see that this was just plain weird.
But what does all that mean. Well what I am trying to do is to get my wife to actually recognise and think about her behaviours. Not that they are necessarilly abusive but to think rather than just do on autopilot.
Now it is not that she does not think at all. Sometimes she does do things just for my pleasure. Like giving me a quicke. But I guess it seems to me that she has certain ingrained concervative attitudes.
So that is why I am on the lookout for movies that are just a little bit kinky. I thank those who suggested movies with male sub, female dom scenes but these were mainstream movies. I may still point these things out to her but I was looking for a movie that would be just into the kinky side ie almost mainstream but maybe soft soft porn if that is the way to consider it. Also that is why I am on the lookout to meet someone with a kink. I am not looking to bring some doniatrix clad in shiny black vynal over to meet my wife (much as my wife dressing like that would turn me on) but that would just totally freak her out (that I would even consider wanting her to dress like that although she actually knows that I would like that. She would see that as me pressurising her). What would be ideal would be Mr & Mrs ordinary where they are just a bit further down the road to this submission thing.
Anyway those are the thoughts for the day.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
She said "would you like a quickie"
Now a teen boy may jump at a girl who offers raw sex. No strings attached. But right now, that just not do it for me.
I said "I enjoy it when you cum"
"I'm a slow oven" she says.
I said "We can take the time to warm you up"
She goes back to her reading and I feel frustrated. I want to talk. She just does not understand.
I say to no one in partuicular "Why should I have a quickie"
"you need it" she says. Otherwise you get grumpy.
and here I am developing that grumpy feeling. I can feel myself getting grumpy and I don't like it.
So I say in one long speach
"I don't need sexual release. I need intimacy, love, attention.
I get enjoyment from just getting you to cum.
I would like to take the time to get you turned on.
I get turned on by the idea of you controlling when I cum.
I would like to be able to hold off until you cum rather than just have release.
Release sounds so weak."
There ended the speach and I think she detected a note of frustration in my voice.
Off to sleep we both went.
In the morning, she got up and went to the toilet and came back to bed, locking the bedroom door on the way.
I am instantly awake. This is a good sign.
She climbed into bed.
She reached down under the covers and pulled off my boxers.
This is good. I am getting hard by the second.
She pulled off her panties and rolled on top of me and started to push herself on.
I asked if she would like some lube (we keep that for when she gives me a quickie. Shows how not turned on she often is).
She declines the lube and keeps rubbing and working her way on.
I am on my back.
She is on top.
I am so so close to cumming but I hold off.
She moves and moves and I am worrying two ways. That she wont cum at all and get frustrated and that I will loose control and cum.
Finally she cums and relaxes on top of me.
Ahh that was so nice I am thinking.
Then she says, "Roll me over and lets deal with you" (meaning me).
I said "Don't let me cum. Make me hold off".
She said "I am about to get my period. It will be a whole week"
I said "tease me"
she said "Its not worth it, you just get grumpy"
I said "tease me. Have some fun"
So she pulled off and rolled over.
And that my friends is how I started my day today.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I had seen it discussed around the place and though it would be interesting to see. Now there is some risk here in that it is male domiant female submissive and of course I am the other way round. But anyway my observations were
I have some of her (the submissivies) traits.
When she gets stressed, she self harms. Well I don't do that but I do go check to my blog to see in anyone has commented. Or go look at a video on line of someone being whipped or such.
There is a scene where the secretary is on the phone to a telemarketer and cant say no and listens to the banter and tries to be polite. Well that is sort of me.
There is another scene where she says that she wants to be the best secretary that she can be and that is certainly me. When I put my mind to doing something, then I try to do it the very best that it can be done.
Now one of the reasons I watched the video was that I want to find something gentle to do with D&s to show my wife. This is though not it though. Starting showing the sub with some kind of rod holding her arms outstretched was silly. At the end of the movie maybe but not suitable for showing my concervative middle of the road wife. She would probably think I wanted to do that to her.
I also thought the guy was a dweeb. There was a time in the movie when it all looked good. He spanked her to make her focus- OK. He instructed her not to self harm and she didn't - OK but then he just seemed to ignore her. She was desparate for him and he was not there for her.
I can understand him loosing his nerve but it seemed to me he was just a dweeb.
So I am looking for a movie to show my wife.
The only one that she has seen that was a little out of left field was "Eyes Wide Shut" with Nicole Kidman in it. There was a scene with two girls kissing and I think a few people tied up. My wife did get truned on by the two girls kissing. So as you can see she is pretty middle of the road.
So any suggestions of movies is greatly appreciated.
Monday, November 1, 2010
I was taken by these paragraphs
"I sense a change in the national mood: men don't want to be hopeless any more, and women – well, they are fed up with the notion of beer-swilling blokes who just watch the football all afternoon. They don't want us to be useless: they want us to have a bit more clout and be a bit more dependable."
I agree. Women want men to be strong, competent and dependable.
The article in its self does not deal with the idea of men being submissive but it does point out that men are good at tinkering. Single minded task oriented and not so social.
To me this dovetails nicely with women who are social, multi tasking and often have a more rational overview of relationships and life in general.
So as a man, I enjoy the tinkering, the DIY, the practical stuff. I have no desire to be hopeless. To me being submissive does not equate to being incompetent or wimpy.
I am happy to leave the socialisation and organising the social calender to my wife. When she decides then I implement. If the tap is leaking, then I fix it. If the car needs servicing, then I take care of it. I would like to take it further. She needs a drink, I fetch it. She wants a foot massage, I oblige.
Could work for both of us.
And what I would like is that if I am very good then I get sex
If I am just OK then nothing hapens. (certainly not sex)
And if I am bad I would like there to be a punishment. In may case I have fanticised about her whipping me.
We will see.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
When I type submissive husband blog into google, I find subservient-husband.blogspot.com as the second hit. But how do even get my blog to appear on the radar.
Why do I want others to find it? Well as a sort of personal validation I think. I am sort of scared of the path I am going down and also although I crave being submissive to my wife I am also scared of loosing power. Scared of being totally under her control. Which is weird.
I am also interested in advice on how to get her to come around to being willing to be in control.
My current plan is to keep being submissive and doing things for her for about a month and then I think write her a letter outlining how I feel and what I am looking for and to try to let her know that it is OK for her to be selfish in the bed room. bla bla bla.
Friday, October 29, 2010
After dinner I did the washing up. Most of the washing up was done before putting the kids to bed. After we had done that, she started doing the remainder of the washing up. I gently suggested that I would do that to free her up to do other things. That turned out to be sewing a fancy dress costume for one of our kids.
Having finished the washing up, and making sure the kitchen was neat and all the benches wiped down, I chose to tidy the top of the side board in the dining room. This is cluttered with years of old school photos, photos in frames, 8x10 prints of school photos, about half a dozen 3rd world kids that we sponsor through world vision, school reports, various art treasures created by kids so long ago that even they have forgotton, candles, innumerble batteries. I pulled all the small photos and put them in an album. All the larger photos and school reports were gathered and I slipped them into a book case while noting that I really need a file for each child. Batteries and other junk was just binned. Then the remainder considered too hard right now was left there. Personally I would de frame all the photos and put them in albums too because they take less room but we will leave that because she may see that as threatening.
Turned down the bed. Put the water on the bed side table. Noted no TV tonight. turned on her bedside light. Hopped into bed.
After she hopped into bed I asked if she wanted to get turned on. She said for me to put my hand on her leg. This is a good sign. Then she took off her panties and asked me to come down on her. I went as gently as I could. Then I was careful not to lay all my weight on her. I was suspicious that she was not turned on but just wanted me to cum. Something I do not want to do as I have described elsewhere, I want to focus on getting her turned on. But I also want her to actively lead at least in the sex department. I tried to tell her that and said that I wanted her to cum and that I would like her to roll us over so she is on top. She did that, I think somewhat reluctantly anyway eventually she came and then rolled us back and told me to cum. So I did although I would have found it more of a turn on if she had said "that was good now yu hold off till I want you next."