Thursday, October 1, 2015


At counselling and the counsellor asks how I think its going.  I say that I thought we had stopped diverging and that we were on parallel paths and needed to now look for ways back together.

Wife then announced that we were separated and that she was moving into the spare bed room.

Woh ... That took me by surprise.

Been pretty depressed.  Lonely.  Down.

This separate bedroom thing can't continue.  Went looking to find a place to rent.  It was gone but will ramp up the effort after the school holidays are over (next week).

Friday, August 7, 2015

Unfortunately I think the end is nigh

We have been going to marriage guidance counselling.
As far as I can see she has no interest in me. 
It seems any fetish = broken and unfixable.
For ages she has effectively withdrawn intimacy. 
I wish I had never spoken with her about my fetish.
Now I have nothing. 
My fetish does not get .....
Even "normal" vanilla intimacy is not enjoyed.
We both walk on egg shells.

He currently stated concern is that I "explode" unexpectedly.
I wonder why.
It seems to be that I do that out of frustration.
I think the sequence was
1.  Tell her of fetish.
2.  She decided I was weird or broken.
3.  She recoiled & wanted be be away.
4.  She withdrew intimacy.
5.  I got frustrated that not even "normal" intimate activities occurred.
6.  I would express that frustration.
7.  She would take that as criticism and withdraw further.
8.  I would see no response by her in response to my frustration.
9.  I would get angry and "explode"
10. Loop continues at step 7.

So now it seems I have to
1.  Not explode every.
2.  Not question, criticise, or say anything even remotely negative.
3.  Express unqualified approval for everything she says, wears and does.

Will try.
Interestingly in a way, you cant get more sub than that.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Self satisfaction in the absence of external influence

The marriage is up and down and not in the way those with dirty little minds might like to think.

We have been seeing a councillor but frankly I find that all quite depressing.  He seems to be almost encouraging us to split up.  Very little on how to understand or respond to each other.  Zero encouragement to try to look for a way together.

Anyway it's school holidays here and sadly several months ago, my wife announced that she was going to be doing "PD" in the holidays.  Well that was the end of any plans of doing stuff together.

So she is away and I figure I'm a kinky old bastard I will try something.

One thing I have liked since I was prepubescent is the feel of plastic.  Also the idea of being restricted tied up and so on. 

So last night, stripped down beside the bed and wiped a little baby oil over my body.  Then wrapped my torso in cling wrap plastic.  Between my legs and over my shoulders too.  Like a leotard.  Around my chest and tummy I did several wraps and pulled my tummy in as tight as I could.  Trying I guess in a clumsy way to imagine a corset.  I wonder if they make corsets for men?

I put on a pair of undies and a tee shirt over the top. 

Then I figured maybe I could put on a belt and do it up real tight.  That was pretty unsuccessful but I remembered a length of rope.  I got that and tied a loop in one end and fed the fee end through.  Set it just above my hips.  Pulled it back on its self and pulled my tummy in.  Then began to wrap round and round.  As tight as I could and pulling my tummy in.  Each wrap about half an inch higher than the previous until I ran out of rope partway up my chest.  Quite constricting but also quite comforting in a weird way. 

Then I first sat then lay on the bed.  That actually made it a bit hard to breath.  This was another interesting feeling.  I could understand that if a person was in a corset, they may prefer to sleep in a sitting position because lying down was harder.  But maybe too this is not really representative of a corset.

Interestingly I was not turned on.  My penis not hard.  I felt strangely comforted and excited in that strange way.  The way I had wound the rope meant the tee shirt precented me from lifting my arms.  So I could not lie back with my arms crossed behind my head.  This unexpected restriction was quite fun and reminded me that I had read of  Victorian women having straps on their corsets to pull shoulders back.  I lay there are eventually drifted off to sleep.

Woke 3am
Now I was turned on and hard and still pleasantly restricted.
I found sitting up to be almost easier than when not trussed up.  You try doing a slow sit up at 3am to have a drink or go to the loo.
I rolled over and started slowly humping the bed.  The oil and plastic meant everything slipped nicely in a very sensuous way.

Debated in my head about cumming.
Morally I don't agree with masturbation.
On the other hand she is not engaged.
Also I know that once I cum, the desire to stay wrapped up will go.  I like the feeling - so don't masturbate.  I have a big day at work so wank away and get it over with.  That seemed to be the essence of the debate.

I indulged in a little more mental fantasy.
Then came.
Then the inevitable loss of interest in remaining like this.
Untied the rope.  Peeled off the plastic.  Wiped down with an old towel.
Drifted off to sleep.
Woke up nicely refreshed at 5:30am.

It would be so nice to play this way with someone.  The wife has said multiple times "Why don't you find someone who enjoys this stuff"  So if you are a kinky female, understand and interested let me know.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Blow up

F%$%     F**&*     F&^&^%

Unmet expectations of intimacy last night - Lost my temper.
She let me cum this morning.  Undeserved.  unintimate.
Lost my temper with her again after breakfast.
Had a shouting match with 15yo son.

Feeling crap!

Friday, May 29, 2015

Abstinance and disturbed sleep

I did not sleep well last night.  It felt like from about 1:30am that I was awake the entire time.  I suspect that is more of a feeling than reality because I was awoken by my alarm hence I must have been asleep.  My suspicion is that I was getting blocks of about half an hour of sleep.  I suspect this is a side effect of no orgasms.

My wife has kindly begun to play the game and said no release until Saturday.  At least some attention.  In bed at night she spend a few minutes kissing , cuddling and pinching me especially on the nipples.  Pretty sure she is not really into it but it is far better than the distancing that had been the state of our relationship.

I am wondering wether I should await for the opportunity to have a release most likely on Saturday or whether I should ask her to keep me abstinent for longer and maybe indefinitely. 

In a way it is kind of fun to be abstinent.  Yes there is that tension of wanting to orgasm but the fun thing is that I am thinking of her and wanting to orgasm all day.  If I get sex then usually it seems that she doesn't really get into it and I leave feeling a bit down.  A bit like masturbating.  And then having had that release, I don't think about her during the day.

My reasoning for going longer abstinent is that I hope that as my hormones restabilise that good sleep would return.  The other reason is continuing to think about her and looking forward to being with her.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Thursday and we wait for Saturday

Still holding off.
Last night she treated me to some physicality.  Pinched then bit each nipple.

Then we slept but I did toss and turn and snuggle up to her a couple of times in the night that disturbs her sleep.

In the morning she again treated me to some physical touching.  I said that I was torn between wanting to cum and wanting to stay abstinent for longer.  Said that with extended abstinence that I would hope that I would get over this restless sleep and leave her alone  to sleep better.

What I would like but did not mention is that it would be nice if she were to punish me if I were to disturb her sleep.  Then there would be a feeling of control by her and submission by me.  I figured though she is not so much into that sort of thing and so may be a conversation too far.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tuesday almost done

So Sex was Sat AM.
Now Tuesday.
Maybe if I am lucky this coming Sat.
The anticipation is fun.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Back on

Last week she said I could not come for 5 days.  That was up on Saturday and we ended up having some sexual activity on Saturday morning.  After some intimate kissing she told me to put on a plastic bag.  A bit of baby oil in it for lube.  I lay face down on the bed and she got on top and ground against me.  I asked if I could cum and she said yes.  She came and I came and that was fun.

Then Sunday and we lay on the bed together.  This was the first time in forever that we have had a lazy Sunday afternoon on the bed.  I put my hand on her thigh.  It seemed right after a while to move a little and gradually I got to rubbing her between the legs.  I have learned slow and with plenty of anticipatory tease (for want of a better word).  I did end up with my fingers stimulating her clit and inside her undies.  She came. 

I was hard as and Snuggled up.  She said "Remember a week this time"

O god that just makes me want to cum all the more but at the same time I don't want her to allow it.

I also said after that what is the plan.  She said maybe a bit longer 10 or 15 days.  I said what about really long term what's the ultimate goal.  She said she would like to have "normal" sex.  Oh bit of a let down there.  I took our conversation to mean that she is just doing this abstinence thing as a sort of tease which it is but that she has this idealised vanilla idea of sex that in a way I describe as lazy sex on her part where I will romance and fuck her all in the one activity.  Anyway for now I will enjoy the tease. 

And eagerly await next Saturday.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Easter Thoughts

Friends (relationships) are the most important things.

In order of intimacy I would list things as follows:
Spanking is very intimate
Kissing on the lips is intimate
Vaginal Sex.
Holding Hands
Hug (least intimate but still reassuring)

It is nice to live in a pretty free society where subs can choose to be sub as opposed to say in the past where women were oppressed into a submissive position in society.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Start the day ironing

She had some paperwork and emails to send this morning.

I ironed the kids school uniforms.
Helped with getting school lunches.
Put the bins out.
Organised kids to feed pets.
Drove the kids to school.

Ironing is not my thing but it is one of those chores that are more easily done in a submissive headspace.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Helping Her

I have been very busy helping my wife with a few of her community projects.  A good chunk of Saturday and from the conclusion of church on Sunday through to 2am (that's right 2 in the morning) and I was helping her on one of her projects.  The last hour was a drive home and she slept most of the way. 

Now she does not overtly like the FLR idea.  She talks about equality.

As I was driving, I thought about this.  I had given up other activities to help her.  The big picture activity was all hers.  All I was was competent engineering support if you like.  I made some of it happen using technical skills that I posses but it really was just helping her.

The point being I had forgone other activities and made space specifically to help her.

I thought back through the years trying to find a time when she had given up time to help me with something.  I could not think of a time.

Now I rather stupidly pointed this out to her when she awoke.  I asked if she could remember a time when she had made time to help me and she couldn't either.  Again at 2am its not really a kind thing to do to point out that she talks about equality but really its do what she wants equality.

Personally I would prefer her to be more overt in the sexual side of the marriage because she already has the non sexual side well and truly take care of.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Finances and Sub Roles

Over on the "Im-hers" blog, there is a discussion regarding finances and allowances

The key points I want to pick up on are that the wife (Katie) is in charge of the finances.  The husbands money is deposited into Katies account and then he gets an allowance from her and she is the key financial manager.

My wife has stated that she does not want to manage the money.  She does though.  She spends it.  She worries about it sometimes.  She seems to keep the receipts and so on.

My suspicion is that she would rather that I managed it.  I don't and that is because I am lazy.  I think she would prefer that I manage it and she spend it. 

I think she would like the responsibility divides where I would deal with tax and so forth.  I think she prefers to do the grocery shopping.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Stress releaf

I was a bit moody.  A bit stressed.

She said should she use the strap on me.  That is use the strap upon my bottom.  Put those thoughts away.

It is so much fun when she initiates.

She got my leather strap and I asked should I take my pants off.  She said yes.  Interesting because on occasion she has not wanted to see "damage" to my bum.

She strapped me as I lay naked on the bed.

You know it is pretty weird but it hurts (read stings) but at the end a real sense of calm washes over me.

Before doing this I had a mild headache but that was completely washed away.

After that we had sex.  Me on top being gentle.  She has begun in recent times to pinch my nipples.  That arouses me.  Its like there is a signal wire from my nipples to my dick and that says "get hard".

She did not unfortunately want to roll over and cum with her on top.  I guess it was a "I'm doing this for you" thing.

Anyway the key point of this post is that spanking can cure a headache :)

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Nothing much hapening

Kids take up time.
Cleaning the kitchen.
Feeling tired from work.
No time left for intimacy.
Deep breath.
Its life.

(I read back on my blog that in recent times she has indulged me and I am sure she will again)

I ponder though the freedom that I read about with people in a real sub relationship.
I also yearn for the love that I feel is expressed when the dom takes the time to give a maintenance spanking.  To me that is the quintessential connection of a BDSM relationship.  When the dom takes the time and effort and the sub demonstrated submission and is of course guided into subspace.
ah I dream....

Mind you the other day she said (not for the first time) have I though about finding someone else to play out my kinks with.

Any takers?  Probably need to be in Oz and live at least reasonably close to an airport.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Another glimpse of what is possible

We have been going to see a marriage counsellor.  A bit ordinary in its self but it has improved things in the bedroom although I can not see a direct link.  I guess that's the thing with women.

The other night she had me put a plastic bag over my penis with some baby oil in it.  We started doing this way back as a way to catch the cum and avoid mess.  She then had me lie on my tummy on the bed and she climbed onto my back and lay face down on me.

She ground on me and I rubbed against the mattress.

The more we did this the more I moved into sub space.

She reached around and grabbed my nipple and squeezed it till it hurt and that just pushed me further in.  Then the other nipple.  Then she came.  I was so on edge.  I had wanted her to cum first because once I cum, I loose interest.  I was about to move into overdrive and cum when she said "That's enough for now.  Lie still"  I asked "Can I cum".  She said "not tonight. We'll see in the morning and don't wake me up in the night".

Wow the sexual tension.
I lay there on my back with my penis still in the slippery stimulating plastic bag.  Hard as a rock and totally wide awake.

Morning came and I had to get up early.  I whispered could I have a quickie before I got up and she said "Do you think you can wait until tonight".  I said "sure"  So totally torn with this sexual tension.  The wish to cum physically vs the fun of being denied.  Lets see what happens tonight.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Sexual Submission vs domestic nothingness

Reading blogs and trying to filter out the fantasy and porn.
Pondering this submission thing.
A few themes come through.
I should try and collect some URLs that reference these.

1.  Domestic slavery and no sex
This theme is the husband who tirelessly does all the home duties but there seems to be a general disinterest by the wife in pretty much anything he does.  Its as if he has given up on the relationship and just does this domestic stuff.

Mind you I know that when I have not had orgasm for a while that there is a bit of a kinky self indulgent turn on associated with washing the dishes or doing other housework.

I see this as a bit distinct from where the wife requires the husband to perform these duties as part of his submission.

2. Feminising the husband
Getting him to wear womens underwear or skirts and dresses, high heels etc while getting on with doing the housework.

This seems an odd thing to me because it seems to reinforce the association of submission with femininity. 

I can understand getting sexually aroused dressing up in womens clothing.  I can even understand the idea that as gender equality progresses that it may become socially acceptable for men to wear what has been traditionally female.

The sub that would like to be is:
Identifiably male.
Strong.  Physically fit.
With a wife who is identifiably female.  (She can also be strong and physically fit)
Where my wife is willing and confident to tell me to do certain things.
Where I do certain tasks like say housework without being constantly reminded.
Where the social calendar is organised by her. (Which mine is)

I guess what I would like to see is the sexual tension element added to it.  That does not mean sexual intercourse.  In fact plenty of tease and denial.

I would also like there to be a physical spanking aspect.  I do not know how one reconciles that with the idea of the battered spouse but I would like to spank / hit me.  I mean she would say bend over or lie down.  Now obviously I am physically strong and fit enough to refuse but that is just the thing.  I wouldn't.  I would like to take a deep breath and bend over and be spanked / whipped whatever.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Male and Female submission seems different

It seems to me that when I read fem dom sites and blogs (other than obvious dominatrix porn) that either way it seems to be driven by men.  Either men motivating the women to be submissive or men wishing to be submissive and trying to get the wife to be dominant.

26-feb-2015 added - Following up from a comment from DtBHC This is an interesting link on the topic.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

ah oh. Blogger Changing.....

Dear Blogger User,

We're writing to tell you about an upcoming change to the Blogger Content 
Policy that may affect your account.

In the coming weeks, we'll no longer allow blogs that contain sexually 
explicit or graphic nude images or video. We'll still allow nudity 
presented in artistic, educational, documentary, or scientific contexts, or 
where there are other substantial benefits to the public from not taking 
action on the content.

The new policy will go into effect on the 23rd of March 2015. After this 
policy goes into effect, Google will restrict access to any blog identified 
as being in violation of our revised policy. No content will be deleted, 
but only blog authors and those with whom they have expressly shared the 
blog will be able to see the content we've made private.

Our records indicate that your account may be affected by this policy 
change. Please refrain from creating new content that would violate this 
policy. Also, we ask that you make any necessary changes to your existing 
blog to comply as soon as possible, so that you won't experience any 
interruptions in service. You may also choose to create an archive of your 
content via Google Takeout 

For more information, please read here 

The Blogger Team

(c) 2015 Google Inc. 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA 94043

Monday, February 23, 2015

Wrapped in Plastic

Since as early as I can remember I have been turned on by plastic.

long before puberty as a child I recall going to friends houses and checking if they had a plastic protector on their bed.  Likewise going through draws looking for nappies or plastic pants. 

I used to make plastic clothes from plastic bags and a pair of scissors.  Cut two diagonal holes for legs and three holes from a separate plastic bag for a top.  Two plastic bags required obviously.  This manufacturing started around 11 or 12.  Certainly pre puberty. 

Fast forward to married life and somewhere along the way I let my wife in on my secret.  In general sharing my inner feelings has put her off but it was my attempt to communicate.  Anyway occasionally she indulges me. 

In January was a particularly distant time for our relationship.  For some reason she has been more intimate recently.

Saturday night she wrapped me in cling film.  A bit of baby oil under it.  A most delicious feeling.  Round the waist and also through my legs and over my shoulder like a leotard.  The over the shoulder and through the legs means that it holds its shape.  If one just wraps round the tummy and chest it tends to work its way toward the middle. 

Because she does not like plastic I then put on a pair of undies and a tee shirt.  She rubbed me a little and talked about me staying in it all night. All of that was very nice.  We had a little discussion about the benefits of orgasm abstinence.  That is like my other kinks a love hate thing.  A torture myself thing.  With the plastic its see how long you can wear it.  Set the goal and test ones resilience.  Pre marriage, once I realised that I used to wrap myself and then rub myself to orgasm then I would take the plastic off, I set personal goals like trying to stay wrapped longer without orgasm and also to say set a goal of holding off orgasm until a certain time and then once orgasmed to stay wrapped for some other longer time.  In a way it is a sexual tease to try and hold off orgasm but once orgasmed the feel is much more yucky and I start to think about how I need a good nights sleep in order to do whatever the next day if that makes sense.

On the orgasm abstinence thing, when I was in high school, I spend several years in the boarding house where during term time I did not masturbate at all.  I loved the rules and the structure of it.  I also knew my place on the social ladder.  I was not part of the in crowd but I was not part of the geek pariahs either.  I would be invited to midnight parties by the in crowd for example.  There was always alcohol and sometimes girls.  One sure fire way to slip down the social ladder was to be caught masturbating.  This labelled you as a wanker.  A label once applied to a person such as me would stick forever.  So I simply did not masturbate.  It was a huge physical struggle but one I liked.  Maybe a part of my obsessive personality.  During school holidays when I went home, there was no structure.  So it was masturbation, plastic, wearing a pair of girls tights.  Kink kink kink.  I did not feel guilty.  Even though we went to church weekly, I never felt guilty. I never felt sinful if that makes sense.  But I did feel weak.  I actually used to look forward to returning to the structure and controls of school life.  Even though for the first couple of weeks at least the struggle to resist snaking off for a quick wank was always on ones mind.  Because I did not masturbate I had wet dreams.  Vivid sexual dreams that end up with my ejaculating in my pyjamas.  This had to be managed too so as to avoid arousing the suspicions that one was wanking in bed at night.  I tried sleeping always in a pair of undies with my penis tucked in pointing backwards.  I also experimented with wearing a singlet tucked into my undies to try and catch any ejaculate so that my pyjama top would stay dry and most importantly not smell of cum.

Anyway, back to Saturday night, I stayed wrapped all night.  Around 3am I awoke really turned and rubbed against my wife who obliged and rubbed me until I came and then she very kindly said "You are not to clean up till morning and don't disturb me again".  Then at dawn, having been a good boy, she started to rub me again.  Being empty it took a while.  Then with me lying face down on the mattress, she got on top and ground against me until she came.  As she was doing this she told me to put my hands on myself and cum quickly.  Which I did.  Then we lay there relaxed for a few minutes.  Just drifting.  Then it was time to get up, shower, start the day - kids sport and all.

Ah if only every day.  :)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Just used me for sex

Well a very pleasant surprise last night.  I am a pretty light sleeper and an early morning person so being woken in the night is neither unusual nor a problem.  This morning though I was awoken by my wife pinching my nipples. 

She knows this turns me on and it was not long before I was hard.  She got on top and although somewhat dry rubbed herself against me and placed one of my hands to massage her clit and soon she was inside.  She moved and ground against me and came with a shudder.  Kissed me on the lips.  Pulled off and lay beside me.

Not a word was said.

I felt great and I assume she enjoyed it immensely because within a minute she had drifted off to sleep.

wow.  Would love that sort of thing to happen again.

Friday, February 20, 2015

50 Shades (SPOILER !!! ALERT !!!!)

The wife and I went to see the 50 shades of grey movie last night.

I was pleasantly surprised.  It was different to what I was expecting and the differences make for good points to discuss over a coffee.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Frustrating conversations

Here is a conversation between my wife and I
When we talk, I try to ask open questions but when Iu don't answer then I try to guess.

Me:  "What colour car do you like best?"
Wife:  (long pause)
Me:   "I think you like red cars?"
Wife:  "Well if you know what I like, why did you ask"
Me:    "I don't know what you like.  When you did not answer, I tried to prompt an answer by being a bit more specific."
Wife:  "You told me what I like:
me:     "I didn't tell you what you like I said 'I think' you like a certain colour"
Wife:  "See you get angry when we talk.  That's why I don't say anything"
Me grr gave up.  because now I was angry.

In the morning.
Wife:  "What would you like for tea tonight?"
Me:     "Well steak is my favourite but I am happy to have whatever you would like"
(In the above sentence, you can see the submissive side of me in the second half of the sentence)
Wife:  "I was thinking a chicken casserole would be nice"
Me:    "Sure that's fine.  Chicken is your favourite"
Time passes.
In the afternoon, I am taking kids to sport and my wife prepares dinner.
Setting the table.  I carry the plates from the kitchen to the dining room.  As I pick each one up, she says who it is.  Soon all places are set except hers.
Me:   "Where's yours?"
Wife: "Oh I'm having a juice detox"
grrr I think to myself.  Chicken is your favourite meat and Steak is my favourite meat.  The rest of us are eating chicken when we could have eaten steak.  We could even have all gotten on board and had a detox together and supported you.  But you decided to do a detox and not tell anyone.  The whole thing made me feel like crap.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015


 My observation about "kink" is that if you have no kink then any kink is bad.  I suspect that members of the BDSM community have a acceptance of difference / empathy that others in the community lack.

Being submissive or wearing diapers or plastic or spanking to me are all intensely personal.  Remember in that movie "Pretty Woman" Julia Roberts told Richard Gere that they could have vaginal sex but no kissing on the lips because kissing on the lips is too personal.  I think that this kinky stuff is like that.  It is so intensely personal.

I am married and my wife has absolutely no idea of the intense feelings associated with this.  She has said many times go and find someone to play out this stuff with.  The kicker here is that she sees it like going to a prostitute for sex.  You may have heard that wives often forgive their philandering husbands because they were just using the woman for sex and they don't see that as a challenge to their emotional bonds to their husband. 

Yet for me it is an even more intensely personal connection than kissing on the lips if you like.  Certainly far and a way more personal than plain old sex.

So in a way her saying "go find someone to play this out with" emphasises her complete lack of appreciation of the emotional intensity of kink.

Even so, I would love to find a play partner.  A female it would have to be to share this intimacy with.  The marriage is cold enough that if it were to break completely well in the end that may the best for both of us.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Glimpses of what is possible

Every now and then I get glimpses of what is possible.

We had sex last night.  Long and slow.  I was very attentive and she stayed awake. 

Pardon my sarcastic negativity but I think she is lazy when it comes to sex and disinterested when it comes to me.  So she has a tendency to fall asleep on me. 

As it progressed I was aroused and so was she.  Gentle touching and even some talk on her part.  She guided my hand to just touch but not stroke her bottom.  I asked if she would like me inside her and she said yes.  At this stage I was on top.  I gently pushed.  She asked me if I like lube.  I told her that for me it makes no difference either way but that I observed that with her that in the past she seemed more likely to reach orgasm if we did not use lube.

Now I don't know whether using lube meant that it was more of a quickie for me. 

There is this balancing act as I see it in that without lube she can suffer some pain and we sure know she is not into pain.  Perhaps no lube forces us to go slow.  Perhaps it forces her to engage. Perhaps even she actually has to endure a little pain in order to get aroused.  I know that sounds odd and at odds with present societal views but maybe.

Anyway I'm on top and in and I ask if she would like to roll over and she says yes and we do.  Got that :)
Now again in the last few years pretty much the only way she reaches orgasm is with her on top.  She is not into talking during sex so I stay quiet and she does cum.  She relaxes on top of me which I love.  After a few minutes and a minute is a long time.  I feel her move from that after glow relaxation to just slightly more alert and so I start to move insider.  Sometimes she will cum a second time.  One advantage of me holding off is that she does get that opportunity for a second cumming :)

I ask if I can come and she smiles and says "not tonight".  Well I almost blew off then.

She said leave it.  Its time to sleep.

This morning the love continued and we had sex again.  This time when I asked she said "imagine you cum now and not for the next year"  Wow that brought me on in a nanosecond. 

I sit here writing this feeling good.  No depression.  A feeling of apprehensive sexual tension.

I will enjoy the feeling while it lasts.:)

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

interesting link

Depression Councillor and all that

Lets see.

While she was out that night sleeping at a friends house, I chucked out my kinky stuff. 
Plastic pants,
Plastic mattress cover.
Butt Plug,
Two canes.
A length of electrical flex that she would sometimes whip me with.
4 lengths of rope that could be used to tie someone to the bed.  And on a couple of occasions I tied her to the bed and once maybe she tied me down.  But it was always such a half arsed effort.  I basically figured she was disengaged and lazy when it came to sex.
A vibrating cock ring thing that incidentally she had bought.
Some balls that "we" had bought but she would never wear.  Well she did once or twice but in later years there was always an excuse (not to wear them).
A corset that we had bought for her and that she had worn a couple of times but always ungraciously and seemed determined to be unhappy about.  It was an elephant in the room in a way.  I figured while it was there she would see it as a reminder of my kinky self or something.

Interestingly I had a chat to the couple where she slept the night and she arrived while the wife was out but with whom she had traded text messages and obtained permission to stay.  She said nothing to the husband and went to the spare bedroom.  In the morning she got up and left without saying anything to either of them.  Sounds like she is depressed too.

I went and saw a counsellor.  He diagnosed me as depressed.  We wait to see how things progress there.

After a week of frustrating interactions with the wife, we finally had sex last night where both of us orgasmed.  It involved plenty of foreplay touch that I love and she needs.  So maybe, just maybe.....

I hope the councillor is kink aware and kink friendly.  We touched briefly on sex but not much.  I have resolved to be open and honest and try and get best value for my money.  Its costing me around $100/hr and that's after medicare rebate.  We wait and see.

Friday, January 16, 2015

She left me

We had what I thought was a disagreement.  Not major.  Not minor.

She said she was going to sleep the night elsewhere.

She took some stuff and left.

She came back in the morning but still the act was done.  The line crossed. 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Pretty Quiet

Nothing much happening. 

Wife is away but as a treat, before she went, she made the bed with a plastic sheet just under the bottom sheet.  Quite crinkly.  Its summer here so somewhat sweaty.  A kinky turn on for me.