Saturday, October 29, 2011

Just want to submit

I woke up this morning really wanting to submit.
I want to abstain from orgasm.
I want to be whipped by her on a weekly basis.
Maybe it is a challenge.  Guys like challenges.
maybe if there was no possibility of me having orgasm, I would not get frustrated and anoyed when she was not interested.
My dream was that I be held off past the grumpy stage that I seem to get into about two weeks after sex.  So a minimum of 4 weeks abstinance.  And then only have sex where I orgsm if I have learned to control myself.
I would love it if she was on top and enjoying herself and orgasming and i was not allowed to orgasm.
It would give me a physically give me a way to implment self control and fee a degree of success.
Whereas at the moment, I not feel frustrated by the lack of enjoyable sex and the lack of firting by my wife, I also feel a lack of success in being able to self control myself either physically or in the words I speak. 

I see this as a way to achieve self control in general. 
Extended abstinance woud be frustrating physically but would lead to a feeling of "I can achieve something"
Plus if I only received sex after that if I said and did things to make her feel like having sex then that would help me get my thought and speach under control.

And being whipped.  I think the desire is is the reward I feel through physical touch.  It is painful.  It is totally focussing.  But unfortunately, she sees it as abuse and finds it hard to do and so does not really lay into me.  Yes it is painful but I would like her to whip me as hard as she possibly could.  It's a head spacething.  I would be happy for it to be either a weekly thing to remind me along with the physical pressure of abstinance but it would also remind me that she too is putting effort into the relationship or it could be as punishment when I loose it.  But I cant be both.  ie if it were to be a scheduled thing - say every Sunday night then it cant be punishment.  Different head space. 

Monday, October 3, 2011

Spoke too soon

On Saturday, I lost my temper with one of my kids.
She thinks this is due to tension caused by abstinance. 
She is probably right.
On Saturday night, I asked her to punish me.
She did whip me but it was a somewhat ordinary whipping

On Sunday morning we had sex and I came.
It was kind of a let down because
a) I had lost control of myself (Saturday)
b) I did not succeed in turning her on.
c) She did not cum
d) She did not hold me to abstain

Saturday, October 1, 2011

So turned on

Woke up.
Hard on.
Can't sleep.
Know if I wake her or annoy her or pester her then it is likely to all be off.

On the plus side,  I had said in the discussion that when I loose it she should punish me by whipping me and then she moved on to say that  she needed a way to tell me to cool it when we are in public and I start to get angry or grumpy.  She said "I can't just start whipping you in public or even say out loud that you are going to get it when we get home"  So we are looking for a word or phrase for her to use to call me up and get me to behave appropriatly.