Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Can I touch your breasts - no

We are practicissing minimal overt sexual touch.  Basically just huggs and kisses.
In bed this morning I ask
"Can I touch your breasts"
her answer: " no"

I am hopeful for Monday

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Update on abstinance

So last night went really well.
We are into the 6th week of abstinence and have moved to minimising sexual contact.

I went to bed and she kept working.
She came to bed.
There was no groping.  Just a quick hug and kiss and off to sleep.
I hope that has opened space for her.

This morning I woke at 5am.  I could not remember what time she wanted to be woken.  She stirred I said it's 5am I forgot what time you wanted to be woken.  She said that's fine.  I hugged her and we lay in bed.  I said "may I touch your breasts" and she said "No remember what we are practicing this week"  agh I said.  She said "intimacy with hugs and kisses like can be done in public"

We had a short discussion.  Mentioned overt leadership and that I wold like her to tell me to do things not just ask.
During it I said I felt I should be whipped for forgetting what time she wanted to be woken.  Not really expecting her to do it and she didn't but just to communicate to her that I want to be focussed on her.
That discussion was all over in a couple of minutes as the day had begun.
Now I am at work.


I understand that legally a woman can say "no" at any time during sex and if the man continues after that then it is rape.

I recall reading that in the paper once and thinking 'how unfair'.  I envisaged a situation where she wants him.  She entices him and she gets him in bed and then once he is inside her she says 'no' he keeps going and she cry's rape and he gets arrested.  I felt that was so unfair. 

I was just thinking about that the other day and while in the context of our current legal environment his going to jail I do not think is an appropriate punishment, I now think that men should approach sex knowing that the woman is in charge and that they should only ejaculate if she expressly gives permission and that she can call on him to stop at any moment and that he should comply.

Imagine if boys were taught this.  Taught to respect and to look after the needs of women.  taught that sex was primarily for her pleasure.  Imagine if boys learned to control those physical urges.  What a better place the world would be.

A very useful engine
I love that phrase from Thomas the tank engine.
I want to be a very useful engine.
Mind you I want my wife to be the controller but I would rather she not be the "Fat controller".  BTW she isn't.  Fat that is.  Hopefully becoming more controlling.

I wonder how far back.
When I think back I am sure that I was kinky and submissive as far back as I can remember.
Memories include
Wearing very short shorts and feeling quite exposed.  even though short shorts were in for boys in the 70's, my mum had bought me a pair of dress shorts.  They had a belt.  they were light blue and white checks.  had basically zero leg length.  I recall taking a deep breath each time I wore them.  I was 15 at the time.
From as young as I can remember being fascinated by kids that wet the bed.  I would always (I guess that makes in an obsession) check my friends beds to see if they had a plastic mattress cover.  This was pre the days of pull ups but I found several kids who wore plastic pants and one friend who's parents used to at 14 and 15 make him wear plastic pants when they went out as a family.  I was so jealous secretly but shocked and sorry for him all at the same time.

Monday, March 25, 2013

6th week of abstinance

Last night she was working working late past 11pm and I was lying in bed and trying not to get grumpy but it was Sunday night and there was a degree of expectation on my part for some attention.  But I did not want to pester.  I know begging is a part of BDSM kinky stuff but really she is not there and just begging directly for her attention is to me demeaning.  I am not a late night person so this has the double whammy of then being tired the next day.

Anyway around 11:30pm I heard her shut down her computer and walk into the kitchen.  She came into our room and said take off your shirt and lie on your tummy.  She then started to trace out something wet on my back.  She asked me what she had drawn but I could not work it out.    Then she licked it off.  Ahh that was nice.

Then she said roll over.  So I was lying there on my back and she drew it again.  This time I could see my initials a heart and her initials in chocolate body paint.

Then she said roll over on your tummy.  Then she got on top and ground against me and we moved up and down.  I enjoyed feeling her naked breasts pressed down on my bare back.  I enjoyed the feeling that in a way she was 'just using me for sex'  I was careful not to get too close to the edge.  She came and relaxed on top of me.  It was good.  I smiled.  She rolled off and lay beside me.

I asked if she wanted to sleep or talk.
She said right now she was wide awake but that it was going to be a busy week and there may not be a chance to go.  So we talked (some more detail below) and then she said she was going to sleep and off she went.


Thoughts and a bit more detail....

Well a week to go.  I have abstained from orgasm since the start of lent 5 weeks ago.

On the physical side today my balls are aching. There have been one or two times during the last 5 weeks where they ached for a while.  A couple of hours and then the feeling has past.  I guess it is to be expected that my body has to react to the physical pressure that presumably has built up.

On the mental side - I seemed to have gotten over the feeling of gee I must do sex or loose it. 

On the relationship side, I think we have gotten closer together.  Last night she asked my opinion about doing some kind of gym instructors course.  I was al ready to say it is your decision.  She was quite clear she wanted my opinion.  So I said that I felt she was too busy and that it was a weekend day during the school holidays and that I felt that time should be available for our kids.  She then said upon reflection she will not do the course on that weekend.  We then had a discussion about leadership, HOH and so on.  She said she appreciated that I did not just give her a lecture and she said she liked to work together on making decisions.  This has been a common theme of hers for many years.  I said yes but note that in the end you (her) made the decision.

On the sex side - She has had more orgasms in the last couple of weeks than I think she had in the last year.  She has taken to having me lie down and getting on top and rubbing herself against me.  She has also on one possibly two occasions recently had me put on a couple of condoms (to reduce the chance of stimulation and orgasm for me) and then had me inside her.  She knows I like that.  But the new thing not driven by anything I have suggested is the grinding against me until she orgasms.  I think that by there being no chance for me to orgasm that this has created space for her to enjoy herself.

Another highlight (if you  like) was her saying that she now understood that men don't need release.

The next week leading up to easter is going to be very very  busy. 

She knows and I do too that I tend to get grumpy if I don't get acknowledgement and attention.  Even a painful whipping is to me a communication of love.  My love languages are physical touch and quality time. 

We also know that going cold turkey on the orgasm thing has opened up some space in the relationship.  It has taken some encouragement from her and some drive from me but we both believe the relationship is calmer and more fulfilling.

So with 1 week to go and that week being super super busy for her we are going to try a new thing.  No physical sexual touching when she comes to bed.

The idea is for her to be able to come to bed late and just fall asleep.  For me the challenge is to not lie in bed hoping for something and getting grumpy because she is otherwise engaged.

We have talked that after the next orgasm that it is not that we will necessarily set another period of abstinence but that we should be able to progress sex to the point where I orgasm from time to time at her choosing.

So that combined with the exercise of no sexual touching for the next week is supposed to open more space.  She said that it will mean that we must be more intentional about having plenty of quick hugs and kisses and smiles for each other.

That way hopefully we will move into a relationship where I don't get frustrated and she feels free to enjoy or to be busy and not be thinking she has to perform.  So there could be a wider set of experiences from no physical touching at all through physical touching through orgasm for her and finally orgasm for me.  Hopefully some tease and denial and some kinky stuff for me along the way.

I am both apprehensive and excited.  Because I really hate getting grumpy.  I hate lying in bed at night feeling frustrated and angry.

I do enjoy it when she gives me attention freely and when she is enjoying it. 

So lets see how we go.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Palm sunday

I obviously go in mood cycles.

I don't mind that there has been less physical stuff.  We are in a resonant peak of busyness right now and I do know that she was thinking of me.  When we were in bed last night she said "I would like to do something for / to you but I don't know what to do"

I think she had been working through kinky things that I had said I enjoyed but had run out of ideas.  This worries me because I would like ..... but of course it is not supposed to be about what I would like.  :)

I think (bit of a worry that) that her method of leadership is different to what I would like.

I also worry that at the moment we are a bit like the current Australian labour party with leadership issues.  By that I mean, when I was the notional HOH, my wife "lead" by doing whatever she wanted anyway.  But now that she is the HOH, she does not really know how to overtly lead. 

I think it will take time.

I think she will take time to gain confidence to lead and to know that she can lead overtly without having to worry about a negative reaction from me.

But during this period there will be some frustration and from time to time a feeling of leaderlessness.

I think the challenge for me is to have patience and to just give support continuously.

Friday, March 22, 2013

oh wow

I received the text from my wife.
I went home
She said do you want lunch or discipline first.
I said "I would prefer to do the discipline first"

We went into the bed room and she said to get the ropes out.  She then said she was going to turn on the radio so the neighbours dont hear anything.  While I tied them to the legs of the bed, she went and turned on the radio in the lounge. 

I took off my clothes and put on my boxers.  I put two pillows in the middle of the bed and lay over them.  She tied me spread eagle.

She took the electrical chord out of the bed side table draw.  Then she said "Did you (me) lock the back door"  I said "I don't remember".  She gave me one whip across my backside then put down the chord and went to check.  When she came back she gave me about another 10.  Wow that hurt. 

Then she said I want you to count them.  I counted.  1...10.  then she went round the otherside of the bed and did another 10.  So we were at 20.  Then she came back and stood at the corner  of the bed and layed a few on at a bit of an abnle.  That was a bit different.  Then a few from the other corner and finally back to the first side of the bed.  We were at 40.  She stopped.

She asked what I was feeling and I said good.  I felt submissive.  I felt sorry for the times I had forced her into doing things.  She said do you need more and I said yes.  She went and got the fishing rod and hit me with that.  I said what were we up to and said 31 then 41.  She did 5 on each side with the fishing rod and then went back to the cord.  We were at 51.  Then we got to 60 and she paused and then one more with the cord and she said "That was for loosing count"


She left me tied face down.

She went and made lunch.

It did not take long for my elbows to start acheing.

Then she came an untied me.
I dressed.
Had lunch.
Talked a bit about the two being one and the need for harmony in the family and she mentioned that youngest daughter had apparatly confided to my wife that she thought mummy and daddy might be going to break up.  I said that is why I am submitting because our family needs unity.  We hugged.

I went back to work.
here I am updating my blog (naughty me).
Feeling great though.  None of the down feeling of the beginning of the day.

Deep breath

My wife and I had arranged to meet the fellow who does out tax submission each year.

I turn up and a few minutes later my wife arrived with the paperwork.

Wearing pants.  Deep breath because early in our marraige she had at my request worn skirts and dresses most of the time and it had become a point of issue.  Then of course has followed some years of emotional nothingness and perhaps passive agression on her part leading up to me deciding to be submissive to her.  But she had continued to wear skirts.  I knew the day would come and I had mentioned to her that as she was now in charge that she should feel free to wear whatever she wanted.  I had also confessed to her that it would be emotional for me to see her wearing them.  I had said that I would prefer her to put on pants and to whip me while she wore them.  To reinforce the issue and to put me in a submissive headspace. so that when she did wear them I would have already gotten over it. 

So today here she is in pants.  Deep breath.  I live with it.

Then while we are speaking to the accountant she says "I would like to buy a beach house".  No consulting with me.  I don't think we can afford that but I wasn't asked.  Another deep breath.  Try not to shrink back in my seat too noticably.

After the meeting she said "expect a text calling you home for a whipping"

She is going shopping and as she leaves the last shop before lunch she will text me and I am to meet her at home.  Deep breath.

Just feeling down

No reason really.  Just selfish I guess.

But this blog is to record all my feelings.

Have just had a week of highs.  Today is a low.  I guess rough and the smooth.

She well we are both super busy right now.  Too many commitments.  Unfortunately that energises her but leaves her tired and so sex and intimacy reduce.

Last night we had a kiss good night that may have lasted for 30 seconds.

Then I was a good boy.  Lay still.  Let her sleep. 

This morning we did spend out 15 minutes cuddling and she stroked my penis and we talked a bit.  So I I am being selfish to a degree. 

But feeling down none the less.

Bought a big coffee on the way to work to try to help cheer me up.  It is going to be a stressful day at work. 

May think of something more to muse on later in the day.
Hope you guys and girls have a wonderful day.
Write me something titilating.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

A quiet Thursday update

This is the busy time of the week for my wife so it is not expected that we will engage in much "sexual" activity.  In "sexual" I include much of my kink / fem dom desires etc etc etc.

Last night I worked a bit late, came home, over ate, had two glasses of wine, fell asleep (bad me) on the couch.  She therefore had to clean up the kitchen, put kids to bed and then do her preparation for today.  maybe she should have spured me into action but I think that also I really should be more self motivated.  OK bad me.  :)

One of the purposes of this blog is to me reflect on my own behaviour and feelings and work out how to be better next time.

As a self observation, I tend to fall asleap after alcohol so I think I really need to not drink or work out a way to stay awake if I have a glass or two.

The other thing that results in falling asleap is over eating.  Last Sunday I was a bit ill and most of this week I have been eating very little and looking back, much more awake.  Last night.  Two lots of rice and stew.  Tummy over full.  This leads to sleep.  We all know (or should know) that we (sweeping generalisation here) all eat far too much.  I believe that for longest life, one should actually quite severely restrict ones food intake. Perhaps that should be a personal goal.

We did have a nice quick cuddle last night when she did come to bed.  Less than 5 minutes.  Good points were that she had told me in advance that it would be quick.  The next good point was that she was nice and direct.  Told me OK thank you now time to sleep.  The third point is that because I am abstaining from orgasm.  There is zero possibility of sex.  So I do not lie in bed feeling frustrated because I did not get sex. 

It is 5 weeks now and the pressure seems to have tapered off.  My body and importantly my mind have gotten used to it.  So yes I do get turned on from time to time especially if I see a good looking girl or if my wife engages physically with me but there are quite long periods where I am not hard on.  Also I had a lot of thoughts that were along the lines of "will I loose the ability"  Sort of worrying thoughts.  Now yes there is the "worry" that I may not be able to do it but those thoughts are becomming less intense and also being replaced with more thoughts of well does it really matter and also recognition of how fulfilling some of the other personal physical interactions are.  With no pressure to have sex, she seems willing to speak my love language (a bit of kink and pain) and I am of course focussed on her - gentle words of encouragement and gentle physical touch and I am doing this in a way that is not trying to goad her into sex and on her side she is not feeling the need to have sex.  Hope that makes sense.

Actually last night she did say "Would I do 6 weeks again".  Of course I said yes and then I corrected myself and said "I understand that you really like it when we cum together" So it would seem that maybe we should work out how we can do things so we have the benefit of no pressure for sex but if things have worked out such that you are turned on and you do wish me to orgasm that you can decide to let me.  If that makes sense.

I think what I am hoping for is that there will be times when she will orgasm and I wont and that there will also be times when she tells me she wants me to orgasm with her. 

I am hoping that I can stay in this mindset where I do not expect sex from her nor push her into giving me sex.  I also hope she realises that men do not need relief.  When she used to give me sex because she felt I needed relief, it used to leave me feeling weak.  It was in reality quite unsatisfying sex for both of us.  You just have to look back a few months in this blog to see me expressing such feelings.

So a bit over a week to go until orgasm.
Condoms to be purchased by me.  That will be interesting.  In the past she has bought them.  But now that responsibility has been handed to me.   

Focus points for me:
  • Eat less, Drink Less
  • Appreciate my wife - Do something for her each day.
  • Do my home duties!!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Are you appropriately attired?

Butt plug, A text message, Nippled pinched, sex with her on top and a whipping all in a night.

Where to start....
Well I went home yesterday for lunch as aranged.  Lunch was just a nice together time.  Eat and talk.  No sex.  But I left with a "lets see what happens tonight" comment.

Last night, my wife is getting ready to go out.  She tells me when she leaves that I should go and put the butt plug in.  She also says later we will try the chop sticks.

On one of our few visits to an "adult shop" we bought a butt plug for me.  It is pretty small but it was a huge step for us.  It is rarely used so this was a real treat for her to instruct me to put it in without me asking.

Off she goes and I get into the chores.  Kitchen to clean up, kids to help with home work and read and pray with, a bed to make.  Somewhere in all of that she sent me a text message although because I was busy I did not realise it had come in.  It said "Are you appropriately attired?"

I read it just as she came home.  So I was able to say to her "just read your text and the answer is yes :)"

After sorting out one kid so they were all in bed she said to me "what duty have you forgotton?".
Oh oops.  I strain my brain but come up with nothing.  Absolutely loving the fact that she is being authoratative.  She calmly said "bins".  Now it has been my job since we were first married to put the rubbish bins out for collection.  Even when the roles were reversed with me as the hoh or trying to be at the start of the marriage.

"Come into the bed room and we will put the chopsticks on and then you can go and do the bins"


I am in the bed room and she says take off your shirt.
She has two chop sticks and she has snapped them in half so each half is about 3 inches long (76mm for those of us of the metric persuasion).  She wrapped a elastic band around one end binding two sticks together.  Then she put that "V" construction over my right tit and squeezed it closed and started to wrap the elastc band around to hold the other ends together.  Holy .... that hurt.  I breathed calmly and tried to relax.  Tensing up made it hurt more.  Then I suggested that we put the elastic bands around both ends of the other two sticks first and then pull them apart and put them over the nipple.  We did that but it turned out in hindsight that her approach worked better.  There was a lot off fiddling trying to pull the nipple through and not as much was pinched and in the end the right nipple hurt a lot more.

Then she sent me off to do the bins and she told me of some garden clippings and branches that had to go in.  Wow.  Every movement I had to be careful.  The sticks would be moved around by my shirt.  When I strained to break the garden clippings it hurt more so I had to be careful.  Even walking was an exercise in focus.  Eventually I had the bins out.  Came inside and she said she had some work to do and would be in bed shortly so if I had anything else to do I should do it.  I cleaned up.  I changed out of my work clothes and into a tee shirt to sleep in.  Now that was hard.  It kept catching on the sticks and gee my nipples were tender.  Almost brought tears to my eyes.

I turned back the bed, got water, turned off the lights round the house and hopped into bed and lay there.  On my back.  Nice and still.  Breathing slowly.

She came to bed.  We talked.  That was great.  She asked if it was painful and I said "yes" and she asked if it had hurt to put the tee shirt on and I told her how it would catch on the sticks.  We kissed.  So intense.

Then she said OK time to take them off and she also said that she would be going to sleep pretty quickly and there would not be much time playing.

Another rush of pain as she took them off.  The left tit, already tender prooved harder to remove and she fiddled about and waves of pain rushed across my chest.

When they were both off she asked if they were tender and gave each a little squeeze and I said yes but please feel free to torture me.  I must be what I believe is called a 'pain slut'.

Then she said "go to sleep Dont wake me"

The alarm is set for 5:45am.  As the clock ticks over to 5:30am I snuggle up to her and she stirs and I say "I's 5:30 can we snuggle and play" She says "Ok for 15 minutes but then she really has to get up".  We snuggle a bit and I say I would love to put it inside her and have her cum.  She said that I was probably too close to the edge.  Then she got up and went to the toilet.  When she came back she said put on a condom.

I said can we try it with two and she said 'yes'.
So I rummaged round in the draw and found two condoms.  Put the first on and then the second.  It was bright red.  I hopped on top and tried to push in gently.  Finally in and she rolled us over.  Then she pulled off and said it was painful.  She said to put on some lube.  I did that and we tried again.  She said that she was tender from the first attempt.  She positioned herself differently and we started to move.  With two condoms on I could move a lot more and trust up as she came down so it was the most animated sex we had had for ages.  Normally this much movement by me and I cum then its all over for her - no chance.  But today she orgasmed and relaxed back and then lay beside me.  (I had not cum).  Then she pinched me on the nipple (they are still tender) and said "I have to get up its almost 6" and with that the day began.

Personal reflections

Somewhere in the last day she said she was trying to work through the list of things I had said that titilate / turn me on.  Wonderful to see her putting in such effort for me.  The challenge now is of course for me to lift my game.  To consciously speak her love languages.  In that regard, I have been gently in speach and action.  Kissing and touching her gently and also saying nice words and trying to restrain myself if I get grumpy.

Comdoms- You can see how they are a girl thing.  I recall early in our marriage that I did not like them because they dulled the sensations.  Yet now that is exactly what makes for better sex for her.  Once we get away from the idea that a guy needs to cum then they enhance sex for her. 

We did talk at some stage about how she felt inflicting pain on me and she said that she did not feel good about it but that she knew that it was exciting me. 

We also talked about me asking to go to the toilet.  She said that she has to deal with that at school with kids asking to go. Basically to get out of doing some school work and she tells them to hold it until break time.  I said that I was not trying to be a kid and I reminded her that when I was trying to be the leader that I tried to get her to ask my permission just to demonstrate submission.  Making a sacrifice for the other.  She said 'no' it was too much like little kids in school.  So I guess good and bad there.  Being told when to go and when to hold would be good for me keeping a submissive mindset.  On the other hand when you need to go it can getuncomfortable. 

So I guess in a way I am topping from the bottom.  But we are expanding our horizons and hopefully bring us back closer together and making our time together more fulfilling.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Orgasm date set

My wife had given instructions not to wake her before 5:30 and that I had 5:30-5:45 for play.

At about 5:00am she got up and went to the toilet.  I was awake and that was partially because my bladder was full.  But wrapped in plastic meant that it was not really possible to go.  Plus the idea of holding it was a turn on.  It was kinda weird lying in bed, desparate to go and hearing her do a long wee in the toilet.  When she got back to bed I said "I am desparate to pee, tell me to hold it" she said just the right thing "What time did I tell you" and I said "5:30" and she said "Well hold it quietly".

So I lay there.  Tried a few different positions to try to doze but the combination of a full bladder and wrapped in slippery plastic was keeping me aroused and awake.

On the dot of 5:30am I snuggled up to her.

She said "Have you been watching the clock and I said yes"

We cuddled for a few minutes and she rubbed me in a tease was and I said "stop" and I just lay there on the edge.  When I had relaxed I said "What would you do if I came".  I was hoping she would punsih me with a whipping.  She said "you (meaning me) would enjoy a whipping too much.  You would need a real punishment.  If you come then I will not cuddle you nor let you touch me till Easter.  No physical contact".  She is right.  No physical contact would be terrible.  I would feel lonely, neglected.  I am sure I would get very very moody. 

The she said "Lie back".  She hopped on top and started rubbing against one of my legs.  Then she moved to rubbing her crotch against my very hard penis.  She said "tell me if I need to stop".  Twice I had to do that.  She would move up and I would put my hand in between her legs and she would keep rubbing.  Then she had her orgasm and relaxed on top of me.

After a while she rolled off and lay beside me.

After a few minutes she said the best orgasms are when we cum together.  That is for her the best consumation of love.  She said "Pack some condoms and plastic bags for Easter"  She then expained that I would be cumming on Easter Sunday.  We are going camping so I will have to be quiet.  I queeried the plastic bags and she said "for variety who knows how you will get to cum I want to keep my options open". 

So there we have it.

A fantastic night and start to the day and a date and there is one more thing.

I have an invitaton home for lunch.
There may be a whipping.

She rarely wears pants.  A result of my insistence early in the marriage.  I said that i my new submissive mindset I would like her to feel ok to wear pants.  I said look I will feel emotional I am sure when I see you wearing pants.  She has a couple of pairs of pants.  I said it would help me if you were to wear them and show me you wearing them and then have me lie down and be whipped while you wear them.  I think that will help me to transition to being accepting rather than resentful.

I suspect she would like to wear pants when we go camping.

So we wait and see.


plastic wrap

Last night when it came time to change into my pj's I asked my wife if I should wear plastic pants.

I had deliberated on this.  She really does not like plastic although she puts up with my fetish and also because I did not want to be petty and I was worried that such a request would be viewed as petty.  But I asked anyway. 

She paused and I was expectecting "all right".  Effectively 'whatever / gee your weird / enjoy yourself / I don't get it.... bla bla'

She paused and said "No not tonight.  Tonight we are going to wrap you in plastic"

This is good.  "Thank you dear" I say.

We go into the bed room.  I already had a glass of water beside her bed and the bed turned back on her side and her bed side light on. 

I take out from my bed side table an old nappy and lay it on the floor.  I took off my clothes and got the bottle of baby oil out of  the top draw.  She sat on the bed and poured some oil into her hand and rubbed it on my tummy, then chest and then she said "turn around".  So I turned away from her and she did my back and butt cheeks.  Then she said "turn back".  I turned and faced her.  She put some oil inher hand and massaged my erect penis.  Ahh what stimulation.

Then she took the roll of cling wrap and started behind my back and through the legs.  Then I pulled my tummy in and she wrapped tightly round my tummy and then up and around my chest.  Then she did something new.  Up over one shoulder and down and between my legs.  Up the back over the other shoulder and back between my legs.  A couple more times round my tummy and chest.  That was it.  Like a plastic leotard.  I loved it.  I put a tee shirt on because I figured should would prefer that to snuggling up to plastic andI asked her to help me put my undies back on for the same reason.

Then she said.  "Put your boxers on, there is a load of washing in the machine.  Come with me you are going to help me hang it out". 

Wow an instruction.  Direct.  too the point.  Who else but a sumbissive guy could enjoy his wife instructing him to hang out washing while wrapped in plastic.  I was somewhat aprehensive that one of the kids might hear me crinkle as I walked.  Visually no concern of neighbours seeing as it just looked like I was wearing a tee shirt and boxer but I did crinkle as I walked.

Then into bed and she ran her hands over my and that was just wonderful.

She said what if she made me go for a walk round the streets with her.  She is into walking and so far I usually do not walk with her.  "That would be so hot" I said.  "What if I made you wear it out" and I said "I would need some kind of body suit or leotard to muffle the crinkling sound" she said "what if I said just like that.  Only someone who had wrapped themsleves in plastic would know what it was" and said "That would be your decision.  It would be so exciting"

 I have to go into work early so I asked her if that was Ok and she said yes.  I asked if it was OK if I took the plastic off then and she said "yes".

Then she said "Now you can massaage me.  I will fall asleep while you are massaging me and you are then to lie still and not wake me up"

Wow.  This was fantastic.  Direcct instructions.  Talking about plastic.  Touching me.  Then having me do something for her.

She lay on her tummy.  I massaged her back, shoulders, head.  Firm at first then getting gentler.  When I thought she had drifted off I just lightly ran my fingers around on her back and when I heard regular breathing, I lay down on my side.

I have woke up.  Can't sleep.  The constriction on my tummy is noticable.  I was sexually aroused.

So I am doing some work and of course making this blog entry.  Still wrapped in plastic.  If I feel sleepy I will go back to bed and then get up and shower and remove the plastic else I will go straight to the shower and then head into work.  A head full of happy memories and endorfins.

It is coming up to 5 weeks of abstinance.
I feel it has become the norm.
I am enjoying her physical attention and I think the absense of expectation of sex on my part has given her space to be physical with me.  Coule be wrong but in the absense of useful feedback from her as to what she thinks and feel I fill the void with my opinions.

I am a bit aprehnsive about the end of lent when I think she will have sex with me or engage in some play like tonight but where she will let me cum.

Aprehensive for a couple of reasons:
a) worried that if we are having sex that I may not actually stay hard.  A by product of getting old I guess.
b) That after I get to cum she might say that was your reward and now have another period of extended abstinance.  She will know I can do it but I will have just felt how good it is to orgasm and then to be thrown right back into abstiannce will be hard.  A good challenge but hard none the less.

It is also interesting to / stimulating for me to think about what I am doing and where we are going.  It will be interesting to see.  Actually she does so much domestic work - cooking, cleaning, ironing.  I sexualise doing that work but when I think about it.  It would exhaust me doing it.  But the fear is that she will allocate more of it to me.  A little is fun.  The whole lot is well unimaginable tortue.

Monday, March 18, 2013

A sort of whipping

Lack of time prevents a propper posting.

Thursday night (I think) she wrapped me in plastic - Very stimulating.
Friday night - no whipping but she wrapped me in plastic again.
Sat morning she agreed to cane me.  The kids were still sleeping.  I had been helping the kids clean up some old fishing rods and for one we could only find the hande and about 600mm of rod.  I faniticised about what it would feel like.  So when she agreed I suggested that.  She said OK.  I went and got it.

I lay there face down on the bed and she gave me about 10 strokes from one side of the bed and then walked round and did the same from the other.  Very painful but I gess the difficult thing is I want more.  More pain and bruising.  It was red but not bruised.  I would like fewer strokes maybe but harder.

Sat night - I started a argument.  Got grumpy and thankfully she just got out of bed and got the whip this time - the piece of electrical flex - and told me to roll over.  I said "What about child X who was still awake" and she said "too bad this is more important".  I rolled onto my tummy and she whipped me.  It hurt and was what I needed.

Sun AM I was up real early for exercise then church and then a kids school sport meeting and then I came down with something.  Sick as a dog.  Vomiting and the other end and a headache to top it off.  So from about 5pm - 9pm I was just wasted.  Suddenly felt better.

But she kept working till after 11pm
Then came to bed.
Obviously she was not keen on close contact in case she caught anything.
I of course wanted to talk and engage physically.
We ended up with her caning me just a few strokes and then a bit later I strated an argument.  Stupid me.  No further punishment though that was what in reality I should have received.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Focus man Focus

So I have been chaste for about 4 weeks.
Google informs me
Lent 2013 began on Wednesday, February 13 and ends on Saturday, March 30
I think the last time I came was the sunday or monsday just before the wednesday. So unless I am mistaken it is 4 weeks and a couple of days.  not the longest but the longest in a while.  Wiggles shoulers.

Now my previous post was a bit negative.  Retrospective.

Now I am focussing myself for tonight.
The wife will be out
I want to focus myself and make sure that I concentrate on housework while she is away.  No TV and just the teeniest bit of internet to reward myself once I have done at least
cleaned the kitchen.
Put the kids to bed.
folded and put in kids cupboards any clean clothes.
Turned back her side of the bed.  Glass of water beside bed.
Perhaps more tidying.  Focus.  Think tidy.

Lets see how we go.

I realised that I am a person who likes to set goals for myself

No whipping

So my wife works all day yesterday.
Then makes dinner.  Yes I know all you purists out there would say I the submissive husband should make dinner.

Then tells me she is supposed to go out with her girlfirends but that she is really tired.  Should she go.
Now if she had asked me that even a few weeks ago, I would have said a resounding 'no'.
She is over committed, run down and I am lonely.
now is now and I am trying to be submissive and wish for her to be the dominant leading wife.
so I say words along the lines of
"I will support whatever decision you make"
she then texts one of the girl friends who texts her back telling her to be ready in 10 minutes.
So she tells me she is going.

My concern here is that she lets the girl friend tell her what to do but these days she takes no notice of what I say.  A week or so ago on a Monday night she had asked me if she could go out and i had said 'no' and she had gone anyway.

She tells me that I will have to put the kids to bed and so on.  I smile and say that is fine I want to support her and let her feel free to go out.

So off she goes and I do have a lovely night with the kids.  I have a game of chess with one child.  Help another with some homework.  Intervene on an argument.  Cumfort the youngest who managed to slip on the stairs.  I also make sure the dishwasher is loaded and running and the kitchen is clean.  The glass of water beside her bed and the bed turned back. 

I go to bed and fall asleep.

About 11pm I wake as she arrived home.  She tells me she has to shower and send an email and then she will be coming to bed.

Off into her office.  I take a deep breath.  So often this makes me angry and angry is not what I want to be.  Half an hour later she emerges.  (How long does it take to send an email?) then has a shower and then comes to bed naked.

I had toyed with getting the whip out but I really want her to be a bit more proactive.  A bit more demanding.  I also confess to being a bit scared so I left the whip in the draw in the bedside table.

So I try to get a conversation going and all I get is "yes we did talk about that".  So basically a whipping was not going to happen or if it did it would be somewhat half hearted on her part and even though it mught hurt me physically I felt it might be just a let down so I decided to leave that go.

Then I had an idea.  I have always been turned on by plastic.  I said "would you consider wrapping me in cling wrap" she said (surprisingly) "yes".  So I went and got some.  Then I said could you put some baby oil on me.  She said "OK" so I took a towel and put it on the floor in case there were any drips.  She put the oil on me using her hands and finishing with my now erect penis.  Oh yes.  Some tease and denial.  Then she wrapped me.  Including a bit between my legs.  Nice and tight across my chest and tummy.  The closest thing I have experienced to a corset.   

I put on a tee shirt because I figured she would not like the direct touch of plastic.

Hopped back into bed and snuggled up to her.

Then she said she was tired (I don't blame her - she in my view is actually run down but anyway who am I to tell her).  Then she said to set the alarm for 5:30am.  She went to sleep.

I lay there basking in my own excitement.  Not wishing to cum but very very turned on.  I felt very warm as one would expect.  Fell asleep and slept very well actually.  Woke at 5am.  Still turned on and busting to pee.  She awoke shortly after.  I would love to ask her permission to pee but I think she thinks that sort of permission giving is petty / trivial.

We hugged a bit.  The alarm went off.  She got up.  I got up.  I hopped in the shower and peeled it off.

In the kitchen she asked if I could take oldest child to the station.  Then she started to say:  if it's OK / not too much effort kind of thing.  I said "Pleasse.  Be confident.  Be in control.  I want to be helpful and it is a lot easier if you are clear with what you want.  You want me to take him to the train so just say it.  I will do everything I can to make it happen.  For me the most useful thing was that I now had 10 minutes or so to get ready and go.  Usually she gives me no notice and the first I know if it is when she is walking out the door to do it herself.  So I gulped down some breakfast.  Grabbed brief case and took child to train and contiued onto work where naughty boy that I am I am on the net writing this blog.  :)

I had also in the morning suggested that it would be nice if she were to call me home at lunch time and whip me then.  She thought about it and listed off all the things she has to do today.  It's just not going to happen today.  Or saturday or sunday as we are both busy on the weekend with church and kids sport and she is presenting at a conference.  Cripes I need a whipping just to clear my head.

So we wait and see.

I am not sure what to do really.  She is way over committed.  So many things just get half done.  I just discovered that she has missed a deadline on one of her projects.  Came after a phonecall home just now to check something. 

So my submission is my way of dealing with her having turned her attention to other things.  In a way it is a "look at me, here I am ...shocked"  I guess.  It is also a way of helping her and I really do get a satisfaction out of helping her. 

(Part of me thinks she should be whipped for being too busy and especially for missing the deadline.  but that ain't gonna happen).

Thursday, March 14, 2013

i am going to be whipped

It is a strange feeling to have.
last night in a short discussion I said I valued being whipped as it helped me to be subissive and she said she said that she would whip me tonight.

It is strange to think that I will be lying on the bed ready to receive physical pain.

I note that in recent times when she twists a nipple or bites me that I can best withstand the pain by just lying on my back with my hands at my side and trying to just be calm.

The bizzare twist is that when we were first married, we used to practice me being in charge.  Head of the House stuff.  The christian husband is head of the wife.  We would actually practice sex with her on the bottom and me on top and I would just hop on and push in and come quickly and pull out.  And she would lie just like this hands by her side and just try and let it happen. 

Anyway I am I have to confess both excited and scared.  I think she is feeling more OK with whipping harder so it may be very much harder than I have experienced before.  Something I both want and am scared of at the same time.

We wait with bated breath.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Sometimes I have to take a deep breath

Mywife is busy busy busy and I feel neglected.

Tonight she says "would it be OK if she turns the kids old play house into a chook shed"

My first thought is 'here is another project that will use up her time'

I really had to concentrate on being submissive.  Accepting her decision.

We had a bit of a chat last night when she came to bed.  Close to midnight.  Less than 5 minutes.

She said thank you for not getting grumpy, tapping on th ewall and calling out to her.  I tell you I did get angry in bed but took another deep breath.

I think I really want to become submissive / passive /accepting.  I am not sure what the right word is to describe it.

I said I would liek to procatice being submisisvely accepting her decisions but she does not really like that word.  I would welcome suggestions on what wording to use with her.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Seeing improvement

I feel that I am relaxing in a good way.

Last night my wife was out late.  A meeting at school and then a meeting for one of her other causes.  I enjoyed looking after the rest of the kids.  Taking them to and from sport, girl guides, scouts.  It was all on and I did plenty of trips in the car.  In between, I and the kids, had dinner that she had kindly preprepared, we ran the dishwasher and cleaned up.  Beds were made with clean sheets.  Kids into bed.  Glass of water beside her bed.  Her bed turned back.

She arrived hope just before 11pm.  Now even a couple of months ago, this would have really annoyed me.  I took a deep breath and said to myself 'stay calm' 'be cool'.  Then she decided to have some food as she had not had any dinner.  I went to bed.

She eventually came to bed.

We had a very brief discussion on the topic of sex and submission which of course pandered to my kinky needy self.  She confirmed that she felt that in this period of orgasm abstinence and concentrating on intimate contact (no groping, just gentle hugging) that we had become closer.

In this short discussion she did mention that at times she is rough for me.  So kind and this means that contrary to my general feeling, she does think about things.  At one stage she bit my on the breast again.  Gee that is painful.  But I find the best way to deal with it is to lie still with my hands by my side and just breathe.  Clenching teeh actually tenses me up and makes it worse.  Bizzare I love it and hate it at the same time.  Can't wait for her to do it again.  When it is over I just feel so relaxed and light.  Ahhhh.  :)

Then she did from my perspective the right thing.  She said to me "OK I am going to sleep. Lie still.  No movement and certainly no thrusting"  I lay there and smiled.  'be careful what I wish for came to mind'

In the morning, I got up early and went off to exercise and then to work.


In a way it is a case of practice makes perfect.  By practissing being submissive, I become more relaxed.  That is good for everyone.  It is good for me.  Good for my wife and good for the kids.

The other day was international women's day.
The media was reporting on all sorts of things that women do that are good.

One female member of Parliament apparently said "A woman's place is in the house.  The house of representatives"

Another report was discussing how the percentage of women on corporate boards of directors was low but apparently the companies with women on their boards statistically are more profitable.

One thing I think was missing was discussion about work and mothers.  Personally I think that mothering is a very valuable role.  And that this role is comoditised by child care.  I think that we should not be effectively forcing mothers to be in the work force.  rather we should be encouraging the mothers of young kids to take time out from full time work and to be able to put in lots of time and energy to mothering.  But this means that we need flexible work and companies that are supportive of mothers who need to take time off to say deal with a sick kid or attend a school sports day.  Likewise we need companies who are eager to reemploy mothers when they return to work, perhaps part time, when the kids get into school.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Tied Down

Sunday night was not looking good.  After church she had gone off with some of her girlfriends.  I had babysat our kids and varous other kids from her girlfriends.  She had given me instructions on when to put what in the oven for dinner.  She arrived home just in time for us to eat.  After tea she got busy organising various things on her computer.  I put one of our kids to bed but the daughter wanted mummy and so my wife dragged herself away from her organising to do that.  So from the tone of this you will understand I feel somewhat resentful or jelous that her time is focussed elsewhere.  I end up surfing the net and watching a movie.

At one stage she come out to seek my advice.  I pause the movie and pay her attention.  The cat chases a grass hopper in.  The poor grass hopper is a toy.  The cat lets it hop a few feet and then punces and onec subdued, the cat lets it go only to punce again as it attempts to escape. 

I say to my wife "Would you like me to get rid of it".  "Yes" she says.  I pick it up and I am walking toward the back door .  I am going to toss it out the back door and my wife says "Toss it out the front window.  I obediently turn walk over, open the front window and toss it out.

Movie finishes and I go round closing up the house.  Lights off.  Glass of water beside her bed. Turn back her side of the bed.  Hop into bed.  Determined not to get angry that she has been away all day and then has not engaged in any romantic or even personal interaction in the evening.  Tooo F'kin busy!.

Finally she comes into the bedroom.
She takes off her dress.
She is naked. Hops into bed.
We snuggle up.
She says "Are you waiting for me to pinch your breast"
I say "Not specifically.  You can do whatever takes your fancy.  Anything and everything is all good would you like a massage" I offer.  Thinking as a good boy that is something I should do and would enjoy doing.
She said "How would it be if I tied you face down to the bed and then hopped on and rubbed myself against you and you were not allowed to move"
what tha
This sounds fantastic.  She is taking a lead here.

We get the ropes out and tie them to the legs of the bed.  Its an ensemble so there are no posts at the corners so it is not easy to tie someone too tightly but we did our best.  So I end up spread eagle face down.  Just in my boxers.  She hops on top and starts to hump the back of one of my theighs.  pressing herself against my upper theigh and bottom.  I am turned on too.  I start to move a little.  Partly because I am aroused and partly to see what she would do.  She stops, slaps me hard on the side of the leg and says "Stop your distracting me"

I lay still and she humped and soon she came.
Then she lay beside me.
She said "How long could you stand being tied up"
wow I am thinking.
I answer "I would stay tied up as long as you would like.  All night if you wanted"
I don't know if I would be comfortable she said as your arms and legs are taking up all the bed.  I suggested getting her pillow and putting it on my arm and resting her head there.
She did that and I felt her drifting off to sleep.

Now I have fanticised about being kidnapped and tied up at various times in my life but apart from some bedroom play with my wife that is as far asit has gone.

At one stage she asked if I was comfortable.   I said that comfort is not a part of this fetish of mine.  There is this strange juxtaposition if thats the word.  A drive to experience something.  When it is happening I can't wait for it to be over.  But before and after I think about it contstantly.  When it is happening uncomfortable is part of it.  Like wearing the plastic pants for an extended perios of time.  They hurt where the elastic gathers round the leg.  They are hot and sweaty.  Slippery and stimulating but I am not allowed to cum.  But that is what I crave.

So she said.  "OK" and drifted off to sleep again.

Now I have seen movies with people tied up.  Usually the beautiful woman waiting to be rescued and I often wish I was in that position.

Now I am and it probably took about half an hour to go from mildly uncomfortable to a bit painful.  There were too painful areas.  My neck.  You know when you lie face down on a massage table they have that hole for you to breathe through.  Well tied down to our bed and there is no such hole.  So my head is turned to one side.  Evey now and then I arch up and roll my head around and try to face the other way.  It would actually be easier I think if my body was raised up on a pillow or something.

Then the other surrisingly painful thing was my elbows.  Both of them.  They were pulled straight and they became painful.

Finally she woke and decided to untie me.  I was grateful.  But of course now I want to do it all again.  I want to experience the pain.  To live through it. 

Having just experienced the pain of lieing on my front, I am thinking that the ideal would be to be tied down on my back. Then have her stimulate me and then push herself on top and pleasure herself while not letting me cum or maybe she instructs me to cum. 

But at the same time what victim gets to choose their position.  There is still that weird kinky desire to be tied up whatever way she wants or does and to live with the cuncmfortableness.  To live with watever pain develops.  I should tell her next time she ties me face down she could use the opportunity to whip me a few times. 

So what started out as an evening where I was feeling neglect turned into a suprisingly fun evening.

Twice recently she has mentioned the fellow who was not allowed to thrust or spoon.  That it had taken concerted effort by his wife for him to learn that self control.  Be careful what you wish for comes to mind. 

I am 4 weeks into 6 weeks of abstinance for lent.  Although a partial pressure release mentioned yesterday.

Tied up memories and dreams

As a kid I can remember having the same dream many times where I was kidnapped and put in a cage that I was just able to turn around it but basicsally had to curl up in.  There were other kids in other cages and were loaded onto the back of a truck.

One day at primary school, me and some other kids tied up a kid and left them tied up in the playground and went into class.  Sometime later the teacher came out and untied him.  I do not recall any of us getting into trouble and I think we all saw it as a bit of harmless fun.

There are probably some others that will surface as I think about it.


Saturday, March 9, 2013

ah ah ah oooooops

OK so this is just one of those documenting sex posts in dot point form.

Fri night and she is home late
Wearing dark blue tights (pantie hose) ah so nice.
Short denim mini skirt.  Oh yes
She lies across the bed with her legs over me and a smile on her face.  (She knows I like this).
We play around.
She says "I thought you might like to take off my (her) top".  (note 1)
She is wearing new grey + coloured spots bra.  Ahhhh
We play around.
I ask if I can put plastic pants.  I had hoped she would simply tell me to put them on sometime.

She says that she had been thinking about the woman who did not let her husband thrust.
This came from a NFP forum that I had been reading
- Natural Family Planning basically a catholic abstinence method of preventing pregnancy.
In this formum, dominated by women.  They were discussing how to support / deal with their husbands and the pressure they felt when they did not get to have sex or masturbate.
My wife and I continued to talk
She asked what were his thoughts and I said we only got her side because it was her posting.
I said though that obviously they found ways to express their love that overcome the pressure he felt or I guess he would have walked.

She then said yes to the plastic pants. 
After the previous discussion this was a bit swing left and then right.  I was surprised and also it messed a bit with my mind.
We play a bit more
She tells me to go to sleep.

In the morning she complains that I have woken her up and she wanted to sleep in.
Oops the plastic pants were too much of a distraction.

So I get up and go check my blog etc.
She comes in and says she can't sleep so I may as well come back to bed.

After a while she says to put my penis inside her.
I take off the plastic pants and clean up.
Put on some lube and get on top and push gently in.
We roll over and she works herself I feel a loss of control coming so I say stop and I lie still and so does she.
We continue.
Then I feel the loss of control and she hops off but even though I lie still on my back I feel something run out.  Not an orgasm but some runnty white fluid.  Precum I guess.
She grabs the nappy we use to clean up, shoves it between herlegs and masturbates.
She says "put your hand on my bottom".  I do.
She cums.
She pulls out the nappy and gives it to me. 
I clean up the wetness I made.
We lie beside each outher and doze.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

kinky & sub songs

I thought it might be interesting to make a list of songs with some implied dom/sub theme. Especially if it is female dominance or male sub.  But even just a hint of kink.
Basically I would like to put together a play list that I could play at a party at my house. Pretty much everyone else there will be vanilla at least publically. It will be interesting to see if anyone notices a theme. :)   And also just a few songs are in there because I like them.

I would really like your suggestion.  Please suggest by adding a comment.

Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)
Greese - Your the one that I want.
Abba - Waterloo
Abba -
Gloria Gaynor - I will Survive
I am woman
Your so vein
Whip it
Queen - Crazy little thing called love
Rocky Horror - Sweet Transvestite. Well the whole album.
Do you really want to hurt me or do you just want to make love.

Gentle Slow News Day

Not much to report. 

I suspect that I have this overwhelming desire for sex sex and more sex where sex includes all things kinky. 

I are just past the 3 week mark in my 40 day abstinence for lent.

Actually feeling quite good about it.  I know emotionally I swing.  I guess that is the body's inbuilt desire to try to get us to breed.  Perhaps that is why the global population exceeds 6 billion.  So it will take a while to feel that not orgasms is OK and normal (read usual or the norm). 

I am doing a fair bit of exercise.  Well more than I have done for years and I think that is helping to make me feel good and divert some of the sexual pent up energy.

I am also finding that my wife is being more affectionate.  Kissing, hugging. 

She has been especially gentle / tender.  I asked her if she was doing this to teach me that sex can be gentle.  She denied it..... of course. 

Last night we did some huging but a minimum of touching and interestingly I was and still am OK with that. She indulges me often by stroking my penis and then doing things like inflicting a bit of pain by digging her nails in or pichning a nipple. Perhaps I swap orgasmic release for pain as a source of physical enjoyment / stress relief. Anyway we were just gentle last night and I am OK with that. In a way I think this is a new thing for me. I know that Mr Subservient Husband talks about 'docile' and maybe I am beginning to get to that feeling or head space.

Gentle is her love language.  By that I mean that her primary love languages are 'words of encouragement' and 'acts of service'.  Physical touch is not really one of her love languages but when physical touch is involved for her it has to be gentle.  So what I am taking from that is that I need to speak her love language that is and so gentle is what I need to do to her.  On my side I would like rough but also in my submissive mindset I may have to accept gentle.

Reminds me of this:-
Masochist:  "Hit me hit me"
Sadist: "Noooooo"

On a more introspective note i read this blog that I felt quite sad

The author Anne describes herself as:
"I am a "normal" woman with kids and considered myself lucky to have a submisive husband who wants me to be as assertive and dominant with him as possible. At 47, I am 9 years his junior. We embraced cuckholding and a relationship developed between us and an older "Headmaster" who became my boyfriend.The Headmaster will provide the discipline for david and myself when I require that. We remain a couple outwardly but I look upon david simply as my bitch, my slave and personal house maid. She is penny and will remain penny for as long as she wishes. She may leave at any time but as long as she stays in my house she will be what she always said she wanted to be to me, nothing but a bitch, slave and maid.You have made your bed penny now live in it."

In the blog she describes that they have just divorced and she has partnered up with the "Head Master" where the head is the dominant one and Anne is the sub.  David is pretty much out of the picture.  The picture includes kids.

Somewhere in the blog I thought I read that she is really submissive to her new man in a way that she could never have been to the Ex - david.  BTW do not get the idea any of them are unhappy.  I understand david has a new dominant and of course Anne is now subbing to the 'head master'.

Now why am I writing all this (beside it being a slow news day) ?

Well as one would see from reading this blog, my wife really does not relish the dominant thing.  Now she is not submissive to the extent that Anne is but still early in our marriage she did take a submissive role to a degree as a result of her (and my) christian beliefs.  So we may have right now a sort of two subs together thing.  yet at the same time she became controlling perhaps because I was not as dominany or stong enough.... In addition she wants me to lead in some degree in the bedroom.

So I guess in way she wants the man to be traditional.
That is submissive in terms of looking after the woman - opening doors.
And I would say submissive in terms of looking after her needs in bed and that is to be focussed on her and not just have a quickie and give up.  Take my time.  But she does want me to take the initiative.

In a way it is taking the initiative that is hard when my mind is turned on by being submissive.  I want to be told what to do.

I read in

A lot of things that resonated for me in regards to both my submissive side and things that I tried to do early in our marraige when I was the more dominant partner and that did turn me on but so obviously did not turn her on that eventually I gave up on because she resisted resisted resisted.

Early on, I had her wear short skirts a lot.  She had a reputation among our friends for wearing mini skirts and they all knew she did it for me even though at times she was very and i mean very emabarrassed to the point of tears.

Yet in the referenced article the sub in that case girl wants that control over her clothing and she also like me wants to be physically disciplined. 

So we see how my particular life pans out......

This post is a good reminder for me as a man wanting FLR

But for most submissive men, this will not be enough, because, let's face it, this is not femdom, since there is no dominance. It isn't even an FLR, because she doesn't lead.

So what comes next?

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

An nice gentle orgasm for her

In a way it is harder for me to write when I am happy.  It is easy to come here and pour my heart out when I am sad, angry, drepressed, anoyed.  So this is a bit of a tough write.

After dinner, put youngest to bed early as she was tired. 

Last night we went shopping together.  K-mart was all that was open so we started there.  Matching bra and briefs was on the agenda.  Yes this was more than grocery shopping. 

At home and we made it to bed early.

We played and at one stage she said she just wanted to be gentle.  I would have opted for a good spanking but that comment and her way of touching indicated that was not going to happen.  I wondered if she was trying to show me that love & sex can be rewarding without the kinky side.  Who knows. 

Then she asked me to give her a back massage.  This is good.  I light a candle and turn off the bed side lights.  I ask her to take off her top and lie face down on the bed.  In the half light of the candle I use massage oil and begin to massage her back.  She has been on her period and is wearing undies with a pad in them.  The massage goes for a while and she kindly makes comments from time to time about how good it is.  That is a nice new thing.  I had said to her that I feel I don't get feedback from her and that I would appreciate her letting me know what works and what doesn't.

Then she indicated she would like things to progress.  I do not remember how she indicated this but I ended up kneeling with one knee between her legs and pressing against her and my hand wrapped around from the front and pushing through her undies and pad.  She said she likes it when I push my knee in like that.

At some stage I asked if I could have something.  I suggested plastic pants or the butt plug.  She said ok get the butt plug.  I don't think she was too excited by it.  I lay on my front and she dripped some lube onto backside and then pushed in the plug.  Then I put my undies and boxers back on.  Then we got back to rubbing her.

Then she said that she would like me to take her pants off.  Which I did.  No real concern about blood as it is at the end of her period.

She made comment about me being too rough.  I suggested that I put some lube on my finger and she agreed.  Then with the lube things went well.  She ended up cumming.  She lay there and I lay beside her.

We both drifted off to sleep.

So that was nice.

The introspective analysis.
I wonder when she concentrated on "being gentle" if she was trying to teach / show me that love and sex does not have to kniky.

With the butt plug she seemed concerned that it was painful / uncomfortable and so on.  I tried to communicate to her that that is part of the deal.  I guess a part of the thing that is me and my kink.  A dregee of uncomfortablness goes with it. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Communication clearing the air

In politics someone wisely said "It's the economy stupid" and in our personal lives I think the catch cry is "Communication".

Last night my wife asked "how am I going" implying how is my abstinence going.
I said "OK" and she said that she thought I had been a bit moody.  I agreed with her.  Not reported I realised in this blog were a couple of moments over the last 2 days when I had grumped at her.

So we discussed a bit about how I was moody.
I said I should be punished.  I would have preferred to be whipped but she decided to pinch my breasts and she did this very hard and it hurt so it was both a pleasure and a pain.  Funny how my head space determines the interpretation.

On Sunday night she had asked me if she could go out Monday evening to a community group that she had not been to for a while (over 6 months).   About a week earlier I guess I had had a discussion with her about how I was feeling neglected and that part of that was because I felt she was way too busy.  I had said that I would like her not to go.  OK the kink purists will say topping from the bottom and so on.  But that is what I said.  The reason included that I had a school meeting to attend and yes I obtained her permission to go and I wanted someone to actually stay home with the kids.  Not that they need us as they are OK on their own but just to actually spend time with them.  So at the meeting I receive a text from her telling me she is at the community group and will pick up one of the kids from a club they are in on the way home.  Grr was my reaction.

I arrive home and she is not there and it is after the time the club would have finished so I phone her.  I am I confess a bit angry and disappointed.  She is there and just about to leave.  She asks a question and I respond "Because I did not trust you to be there anywhere near on time"

Fast forward to in bed and I try hard to suppress my anger.

The discussion I mention above helps me to relax and suck it in.

I am though conflicted by the fact that she just can not resist going out.  It's her thing.  In my view She gets energy from it.  Any opportunity and its out.  I guess maybe similar to when I get home I initially feel very very tired.  I get home and I need to just sleep.  Some kind of psychosomatic thing.

So as I lie in bed I wonder what I should do.  In the spirit of communication I say to her that I find it hard to process her asking my permission and I find it especially hard if she asks my permission and then having received my answer she does what she wants anyway.  I say to her that with me taking a submissive position and wanting to maintain a submissive mindset, that it would be a lot easier if she did not ask my permission but rather simply tell me what she is doing.  Like I want to know out of politeness and concern but it is easier to process if she simply tells me. 

I am not sure how well this went down.


OK that's the end of the "report" now onto some philosophical musings.

The first thing has to do with submission.  I do not see that submission should be equated with disrespect.  To me asking permission and then disregarding the answer is disrespect.  I think belittling someone is disrespectful.  My wife and I are good friends with a family where in certain circumstances, the wife will belittle her husband.  We all know driving prowess is guy thing and yet in certain circumstances (narrow twisty steep mountain roads for example) she will insist on driving and no only that she will be quite open that she does not trust his driving in those circumstances.  My observations are that he is a perfectly competent driver and so she is forcing him to be submissive in a negative disrespectful manner. 

In a similar vein, I read various posts on other blogs where there is a sort of humiliation through feminisation theme.  Now I think this can be taken two ways.  At face value, due to societal norms it is humiliating to a degree for a guy to we womens clothing.  On the other hand if we are saying wear womens clothing because women are weak and I want you to be weak then I think that is wrong. 

My suspicion is that one day it may become acceptable for men to wear what is now traditionally womens clothingn but I doubt if that will come about as a result of the rather negative idea of women being weak.  I suspect it will come about through a desire by men to place greater emphsis on their looks and for a general relaxing by society about sexual norms and image.  We can have a long discussion over this sometime.

The next topic of musing has to do with female power.  I think women/wives have a problem with the term "dominance" or "dominant".  Yet for exmple, consider a mother and child relationship.  The mother is very much the "dominant" partner.  They may engage the child in a discussion but ultimately the decision is the mothers.  Yet for some reason they do not like the term used overtly.  Then we get to the husband and wife relationship.  My wife and many others are very controlling and yet do not want to be labelled as "dominant".  Yet for me and I suspect many others if they were to embrace that then their congtrolling behaviours would be far more enjoyable and acceptable to me & other husbands. 

We joke about it.  You know when the guys are discussing getting together, most of them will say yes but I have to check with the wife or words to that effect.  At the same time I do not know whether the girls approach things the same way but it seems to me that in general, the husbands just go along with whatever social engagements the wives organise.

My wife has said that she "does not want another child".  What I do not know how to do is to get her to overtly embrace the dominance thing and not consider me to be another child.  I liken it to a military example.  The officer tells the soldier to do something.  The soldier carries out the order with diligence and competence.  It is not like a child where the activity requires contual supervision. 

I think in a married wife lead marriage situation there is an additional aspect and that is able to be present and that is confession and punishment.

 As mentioned above, kids need supervison and reminding.  In the military there are times when soldiers are caught out but within a marrage there should be the trust and intimacy that allows one partner to confess their shortcommings.

I think in a way the marriage thing is a bit like being a part of a sporting team where you are supposed to do some exercise on your own to suppliment the team training.  If you do not do it, you are letting yourself down.  In a good team, you will be honest and confess your slackness to the coach & team members and the coach will make you and sometimes the whole team do extra training to compensate.  That helps you to get motivated and do the work on your own.

So to me the WLM can be such that the wife gives the orders.  Sometimes she asks advice but in the end the big ticket decisions are hers.  The husband implements competently.  he does not need moment by moment supervsion.  When he is slack, he is man enough to admit it and she I guess takes on the role of the coach/metor - the disciplinarian.  Be being tough everyone wins.

I am reminded recently of my son's involvement in a sporting team.  The wet weather ment that they could not do their normal drills so they concentrated on fitness and strength exercises.  He was absolutely exhausted.  His legs were so weak he almost collapsed when walking down the stairs.  He was so proud of the effort he and the team had put in.  The work, the toughness, It all combined to make him feel good.

I think if a wife can be a strong leader (but not a bitch) then everyone wins.

Then the only thing in all of this is where does the sex bit fit in?
Because of course all of the above can happen in a non sexual way.

Monday, March 4, 2013

feeling down today

I assume that others do not respond or like reading depressing postings.  I doubt if I would.

anyway one pupose of this blog is for me to record where I am at and so it gets the good and the bad.

And the bad is today I am feeling down.

I am almost 3 weeks into my abstinance for lent.  (40 days.  A month an a half, 6 weeks.  however you look at it).  Maybe that is the reason.  Some kind of purely physical / chemical / hormonal thing.  On the other hand I should view three weeks of abstinance as an achievement.

In my moody depressed state I get a bit introspective.  I wish that my wife was more on board with this.  Both more understanding and also more encouraging and also more demanding.  I read somewhere of a catholic husband and wife engaging in NFP (Natural Family Planning) and the wife posted on a support forum that she demanded that he not thrust or spoon and that it had taken him 3 years to learn to control himself.  Wow that is intense.  I imagine my wife forcing me to lie still.  I lie in bed and rub up beside her and rub against the mattress.  Imagine being told to stop and lie still.  Forever!.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Let me check what I think

Just got home from a party.

man: tells sexist joke and at the end asks something like "what do you think of that"
other man in crowd: "hang on while I check what I think"