Thursday, December 20, 2012

A depressing conversation

I had a conversation with my wife last night as we lay in bed together.

We discussed sex and she made it clear that she did not like the BDSM thing that I do.  (I think she just does what she does to me to humor me or because she loves me).

This is the jist of what turns her on or gets her turned on.
A calm household.  No arguing children.  No fighting with the children.
Candle light
Tickling on the shoulder
Plain old fashioned sex with one on top and one under and both coming together.  Use lubricant if required.

So to gain a little clarification I asked a few questions.
It is my undersatnding that she and others think that I jump to conclusions and pigeon hole what people say to me.  That I assume I know what they have said and in an attempt to do that I categorise or file it in my mind in an existing storage location if that makes sense.  Several people have told me essentially the same thing.

So I thought the thing to do is ask questions and to feed back what I thought I heard.

Asking questions seemed to get interpreted as "You did not listen to what I said"
Feeding back seemed to get interpreted by her as "You are telling me what I think"
So I felt Stuffed.

I was going to say I felt fucked but I think I would like to consider "I felt fucked" to be "wow that was mind blowingly good"

So now how to turn this to the good.
There are too few hours in ones life to spend them all sulking.  I've done the sulk.  Its early in the morning, I am sitting at the beach, got a coffee, the sun is rising over the eastern horizon, the sky is blue and the clouds are whispy.

So I look at her list,  Pathetically short as it maybe
I note that and I tried to clarify it by engaging in some of that frustrating questioning that she does not even start thinking about sex until the shoulder touching or some other physical act by me.  So she does not come into the bed room thinking "I will tease him and strip tease, nore does she come into the bed room hoping that he (me) will try to turn her on.  It's simply come into the bed room, get into PJ's and get into bed.  I would say 99.9999% of the time she is either a) thinking of sleep, b) thinking of all the things she organsises and has to do or c) not thinking just doing.

So what can I do?
Well getting back to that list
Kids arguing - OK I will try there but as she has such control over the house I find that particularly hard.  We never throw anything out so their rooms are full of clutter.  Desks are covered in crap.  There is no room to play.  Clothes.  OK I will try to ensure that clothes are folded and put away. 
Maybe engage in that feminine way of simply doing.  Live with the short term consequences of her anoyance.  So clothes that the kid no longer wants might simply disapear.  No point in asking her because she wont throw them out.  At best they will go into a bag to give to someone.  There are three bags of clothes that grace our front hall that I am sure are designated for someone or other.

Candles - I will move a candle into our bed room.  I think it will have to have a tall candle stand.  We have a dressing table.  Her side is 800mm high in clothes.  My side is 25mm high of junk.  I will clear my side.

So there I have a couple of ACTIONS.

Couple this with trying to keep the kitchen clean.  She does most of the cooking but I will try to make sure that the kitchen is clean.  Think I will in the post christmas sales buy a dishwasher and install it.  I think for these things I will give up for a while asking questions and just "do".  I suspect that she finds thinking about and answering trivial questions to actually be streessful.  I know that when she asks me those sort of questions I find it stressful.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Home Alone

It is school holidays and my wife has taken the kids to the beach for a week.

I have to work so I am home alone.

A strange empty feeling coming home to an empty house.  Now to all you chastity belt lovers being alone is when such a device would be the most valuable.

So there is not much to report on the dom sub front.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims of the shooting in the USA.  So sensless.

There seem to me to be so many sensless shootings in the US. 

It also saddens me that there is such resistance to gun laws.  Bizzare that they accept the killing that goes on.  I even heard that one suggestion was to impose a magazine size of 10 as one is hardly likley to fire off more than 10 rounds in self defence.  Apparantly the killer had a magazine that held 100 rounds.  If you have to stop to reload then that gives someone a chance to tackle you.  But apparantky the NRA even oppose that 10 round limit.

I always thought that as written, the US constitution gave the right to form a militia and bear arms.  Presumably a militia would impose discipline and control on the troops but anyway.   But they interpret it as giving individuals the right to bear arms.  I wonder why then individuals can't say own a nuclear warhead or at least a decent fighter jet.  You ever tried to buy one.  You have to go buy Russian ones.  It seems the Russians are far more commercial in that regard.  It's a bizzarre world.

I heard discussion on morning radio about 50 shades.  I may have to read it.  Could be interesting.  It is interesting to see how women have embraced it in the 100's of thousands I believe.  So while they have spent the last few years fighting for legal equality now they are reading about being submissive. 

On the other hand none of the wives I know are into it.  They all tell their husbands what to do.

I wonder whether any of my male friends sexualise it the way I do and dream of their wife becoming a dominatrix, of spanking, whipping and so on.  Of having a deep desire to serve, to sacrifice sefish orgasm to concentrate on her and so on.

We need a secret sign that only those who are in the know will recognise. 

Apparantly in the early days of christianity, people would draw half a fish in the dirt with their toe.  The Romans did not know (or perhaps care) and other christian would complete the line drawing to indicate that they were a christian.  We need a "I am a submissive and willingly spanked and chaste husband" sign and of course the "so am I" sign.

The scouts salute wth 3 fingers and shake hands with their left hands, the  ??? according to monty python lift a knee and shake hands under their knees while standing on one leg.  Just how will submissive willingly disciplined men greet each other.  Holding a tea towl over their arm while offering their wife a glass of champagne?


Have a great day guys and get back to work!

Monday, December 17, 2012

50 lashes and release

So yet again yesterday (Sunday) morning I got a bit moody. She just drip feeds me information on a need to know basis. In this case it was one of the kids going to a party sunday AM. The submissive side of me says thats great just tell me what I need to know. The other part of me says she should tell me. So I sulked.

Rest of the day ok / good.

Fast forward to in bed.

I do not remember the first bit of the discussion but she said to me to put my plastic pants on. I was rather hoping for some tease and denial. She did ask me about the pressure and whether I could hold out longer. The whole discussion was nice.

We talked about my moodyness in the morning and I said I felt I should receive severe punishment. So I ended up in my plastic pants with a little lube in there and lying face down with her with the electrical wire.

Then she said "Count them". This was a real surprise. I was very excited now. She lashed and I counted 1,2 3....
There was a pause at 10 and she changed to the other side of the bed.
This is very painful but amazingly the marks are quite temporary.
At 40 I lost count and she reminded me with a hit and saying 41. That was nice. Somewhere in it I said "stop I was going to cum". She said "Don't cum". That was hard because when she hit I would move and that would cause the slippery plastic to slide past my penis. Coupled with the love / hate of the whip it was very stimulating. Anyway I managed not to cum and we reached 50. I was exhausted and "luckilly" she stopped. Also around 40, she gently ran the whip across my bare back and in between my legs. Then brought it down across my back side. Very emotionally conflicting in a sexual way combining pleasure, pain, power, surprise, tension, anticipation.

At 50 she lay beside me and said put your hands down your front and rub yourself till you cum. So I did. I was bursting to cum. Yes it would have been nice for her to rub me but it was nice for her to instruct and me to comply and an orgasm thrown in. Wow.

I spent the night in the slippery plastic pants. In the morning I was still hard and very turned on. She must have been awoken by my movement and she said "Rub your self again now you have 2 minutes" Wow that got me going and I suspect less than 30 seconds and I came again.

I think it is my christmas orgasm because we are going to stay at her parents place and I think she does not want me to pester her for sex.

I wonder how long I will have to hold out now. :)

On the down side, this morning I asked how she wanted our relationship to go and she mentioned things like balance, equality. My frustration being that she is very controlling yet does not recognise it. DOes not take it into the bed room. If that makes sense.

Anyway sexually it was fun

Lets see how we go.

BTW, I am sitting at work and I can feel the dull pain / stinging in my bottom.  :)

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have to accept

I have to accept her way as the right way even if I dont think she is right. Yesterday I got moody again. She is so self centred But that was why I changed to be submissive. I have to accept that her way and her decisions are the right way and not get moody. Luckilly she tried out the belt on me. The wire would have hurt more. But I am glad I confessed and she punished.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Discipline, recovery and she pleasured herself

I have another personal blog where I post my thoughts.  It is not public but my wife is able to read it.  She rarely reads it but recently she read some.

I thought I would post a page from it here.  Names removed to protect the guilty or innocent.

A very interesting night last night.

Firstly some back ground-

last night she got into bed and I asked if she would like to engage in sex and she said she was too lazy.  I suddenly got very depressed and started to mouth off at her.  Then after I had a good ole sulk.  I said I am sorry, I wish you would punish me and she did.  I was amazed.  She used the piece of electrical flex from the bedside table.  Cripes that is painful.  But this morning just some slight reddening and you can just see the outline of the flex.  Somewhere during all of this she told me that when she had said she was too lazy that she was saying it in jest because from time to time I have accused her of being lazy with both our intimate life and when it came to sex.  I suspect she had intended it as a bit of a tease.

Here is the post I wrote on my personal blog-

Good morning dear,

I hope you read this and thank you for reading my other recent posts.

Sorry I misinterpreted your comment about being lazy.  I did not realize it was in jest.  I guess I am hyper sensitive.

I would like to reassure you that I do not like being hyper sensitive.  I go down really quick and that in it's self is bad enough but when it is caused by a misinterpretation it is doubly silly.  I do want to be nicer, more reliable, dependable, etc 

When you whipped me last night, I was amazed at how quickly I felt better and how much better I felt.  I felt very awake, alert, clear.  It was quite amazing to me.

I contrast that with other occasions where I have sulked, continued to be miserable, not slept well, tossed and turned.

So yes some - and not an insignificant amount of physical pain but a way better mental health position.

This mornings intimate time was just wonderful.  Close and rewarding.  I am so glad you got to cum.  It was fun to not be allowed to cum and it was fun to be told to put on the condom and that you were worried that I may cum.  It was nice that even after your first attempt where you did not cum that you then rubbed against my leg and then came.  It really does give me a reward when you cum so please do not feel bad that I did not cum.

We looked at the marks on my bottom this morning, and yes you can see something but only just.  So be reassured that you are not creating any damage and you could especially when punishing me hit harder.  I think you indicated that you are hitting as hard as you can and I appreciate that but this means that you you do not have to worry if that makes sense.

 I would say though that it was very painful and that was good. There was the obvious benefit described above and I hope a degree of deterrent somehow built into my mind.

I love you.
I want to be with you.
I want you to want to be with me.

In other areas - not sure why I have bladder issues again.  I get a sudden urge to wee.  So far self investigation seems to indicate not due to a full bladder because if I concentrate and not wet myself then the urge goes away.  If I simply go to the toilet each time I feel the need then I end up going almost hourly.   If I hold through then I can go several hours.  This morning I did a wee before showering and while I was towling off in the bath room the urge to wee came on so I stood in front of the toilet and just a little wee came out.  To me this indicates my bladder was empty but the urge was still there.  Another observation is that it does not seem to be an issue when either sitting or exercising.  It seems to be when standing.  Hmmm

So that is where we are at. She is getting more confident, I have not been allowed to cum for ages. Actually in a conversation recently, she said I may cum this weekend. I am taking this as a 50:50 chance. There are advantages every way. Its a tease - thats good, To cum occasionally - thats good.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


We had a busy evening out last night.
Tired and I got into bed.
My wife fiddled on her computer.
Normally this would really annoy me as I see it as competing for her attention but with no liklihood of orgasm and a strong desire to not get myself into a grumpy mood I decided to let it slide.

The night before she had finished reading the "diary of a submissive" and the book lay on my bed side table.  Face down I suspect so that the kids do not see it.  I wonder about our cleaner what she thinks.

So I started to read it and really enjoyed it.  It was great to read it and great to know that my wfe had read it.

Eventually she came to bed and snuggled up.

We had a conversation about how long I could go (without orgasm) and my response was "as long as you want me to go".

I said that I get fulfiment and enjoyment in many ways especially when she cums.  I then asked her to whip me.  She said OK get the chord out of the bottom draw.  The chord is a piece of electrical flex.  Plastic.  I put on a small night light candle so that there was some light to see by.  I gave her the flex and burried my face in the pillow.  Then it started and it was painful.  I writhed around on the bed.  I actually really wished I was tied down.  I want to experience this.  I want it to be painful.  Then she stopped.  It is amazing how quickly I want it again.  Only tens of seconds and I go from struggling against the pain to wishing it would continue.  And she did.  wow.  I thought she was going to simply hand the chord to me to return to the draw.  She whipped again and again and I struggled and I wanted to be quiet in case she stopped.  It was really painful as she hit already hit places.  All on my backside.  Then she stopped and I lay there panting.  This really is another way to reach a high.  Then without warning as I was drifting in selfindulgent bliss she started again.  A little harder I think because gee it was painful.  I pressed my face deep in the pillow and bit it and screamed into it and writed around on the bed desparately trying to deal with the pain.  Then she stopped and placed the chord in my hand.  I lay there panting and deep breathing.

She touched me and I arched up and kissed her and thanked her.  I wanted to reassure her that I loved her for doing this.

I put the chord away and we held hands and went to sleep.

In the morning (this morning) we had a great conversation.

About sexual submission.  It started with "bed room submission" but I pointed out that the sexual side can physically be out side the bed room.  In the "diary of a submissive" he asked her to give him oral sex in public for example.

She said it was hard for her to but she accepted that hitting me was a case of "be cruel to be kind".

I said that I wanted to submit to her.  That I found a strength and a clarity and a cumfort in it. 

The topic of when I should cum came up again.  I said please do not let me cum out of some ultruistic idea that I need release.  I find when I cum like that it is just a remider of weakness and after I feel down.  Its just another form of masturbation.  I said that I understood that she likes it when we cum together.  I said maybe sometime when she has cum a few times and denied me and that has of course kept me hard that maybe that should be the only time I cum.  When she wants it.  I reiterated don't let me cum just because of some kind of release.  Male bodies have natural ways to deal with the physical pressure. 

I also said that I would love to lick her to orgasm sometime.

It was a really wonderful discussion.

We talked about how the WHY is important.  In this case a I am submisive because I get turned on by it and it makes for a less pressured feeling and more support for her and she enjoys our relationship more.

I am stitting at work and I can feel a dull ache in my backside.

The marks BTW are visible but not hugely.  Nothing I imagine compared to some of you old pros.

Have a great day


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

An ache

I was exercising this morning and i realised I have that dull ache of pressure that comes from no ejaculation.
I think it has been just over a month.  I would have to go back over my blog (which I cant be bothered to do). 
I want to hope for the future.

My wife finished reading "Diary of a Submissive" last night.
I think that she may have learned a few things.
Some new phrases like D&S and dom and sub.

She read out a bit about the author being hit 109 times with a wooden spoon between her legs until she the author orgasmed.

We were both a bit shocked by that but I think my wife is getting the idea that physical pain is not necessarilly bad and also that for some it is good.  I think she maybe getting the idea that inflicting pain on me does not make her a nasty person and that everyone is different and that even though she does not get aroused by either pain or the idea of D&s that others ala me do and that thats ok.

She said we need to find a book where the person flips between dom and sub because that is what you (meaning me) are.

Now I have been trying very hard not to top from the bottom but some of that will be a come back to our early mariage where we did try hard to be good christians with a submissive wife (note no use of the word sub) and a head of the house husband.  We even used to practice sexual submission where I would say things like on your back legs apart and I would put lube on my penis, push in and cum quickly and she would do this without resisting.  Afterwould we would discuss whether I had felt her resisting and how she had felt about it.  So we have some baggage to work through if I am to be the submisive.  I think she is getting better with that.  More reading and more education and discussion.

So if anyone has knowledge of books that deal with things like a dominant husband becomming submissive and especially books relating to female lead marraige in a christian church going family.  Then please suggest them.


Friday, December 7, 2012

Sex with the wife on top and no orgasm for me

This morning my wife slept in.
I got up and washed the dishes and other odd jobs.  If I had stayed in bed it would have just been anoying for both of us.
She appeared in the kitchen and said come back to bed.
I am curious, amazed ,interested
So I did.
She teased me and cuddled me and then said take your clothes off, all of them.
I am now very interested.
Then she got on top.
Worked herself on which took some time as wehad not used lube.
Then she came.
Ahhh so nice.

She lay on top and relaxed. 
Then I felt herself tightening herself on my still hard penis.
Then she started to move ever so slowly.
The movement became greater and greater.
Then she came.
Then she relaxed.

I was so turned on.
I started to move and she said those wonderful words "Don't you cum"
I said "Will I get to cum" and she said "No"
"this is what you wanted and this is what you are getting"
Be careful what you wish for I guess.
I asked when I would get to cum and she said "you never know but you have to wait for good things"

Then she pulled off and lay beside me and went to sleep.

Body language

In this interesting talk, the speaker Amy Cuddy asks if the body posture can alter the mind.

she proposes "Fake it till you make it" as a way to deal with situations.  The bent is on pretend to be confident until you become confident.  I wonder if pretend to be submissive until you are submissive.

In various videos I have seen there is talk about body language.  Apparantly we do not mirror body language in a like meets like fashion.  If one person adopts a dominant stance, the other adopts a submissive stance. 

I wonder if I were careful to always adopt a submissive stance then would that empower my wife to adopt bold stances and given the talk above would that eventually lead to her being more dominant.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

What happens if the kids are kinky

Somewhere on someones blog I read an article where they were describing the difficulties of being kinky and having kids.  This person had most of their toys locked in a suitcase under the bed and I think a cane and something else was in a suit pack hanging in the wardrobe.

Made me think.  As a Christian we go to church, we pray with our kids, we read them stories.  We hope that they will grow up to be just like us.  We also hear from all sorts of people just how important it is to educate our kids about sex.  I wonder if we should educate them about kink?

So why then do we want to hide kink from our kids?

Many of us first realised something interested us long before puberty.  For me I was fascinated by bed wetting and plastic sheets on beds.  I used to check out all my friends bed to see if they had a plastic mattress protector or if they had nappies or plastic pants (pre disposable days we are talking here).  I also got to wear girls tights in a school play when I was about 10 and kept them and wore them under jeans many many times.  Loved the feel.

So I mused to myself some scenarios that might play out in houses across the land.

One parent gets the cane out and has the other bed over will little johnny or Jill watches on.  Maybe the parents even change places just to ensure that we do not deny the importance of equal opportunity.

Or Dad resplendant in womens clothing parading around the house.
  Turns out the kids just laugh at him.

Or mum and dad come home to find their teenager bending over and boy or girl friend laying into them with the parents cane borrowed from the stash.  I wonder how we would react to that.  Concern about abuse and so on jumps to mind. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Oh God how long

You know "be careful what you ask for"
well I know I do not think my wife "gets it" but you know she does love me and while I often get a bit down and a bit moody I do think that she is trying.

So I have told her that I see chastity as being beneficial.  I am a guy and I like a challenge.  My suspicion is that most guys like challenges and probably the truth be told most would not want maybe this challenge but anyway.

So last night she is in bed early.  This in its self is amazing.  And I do confess to have been feeling a little down.  A little moody, needy.

We snuggle and I ask if she would like me inside her and she says "no".  This was not what I wanted to hear.  I really wish that she would enjoy sex more.  I back off and we just snuggle and she tells me that she has a rash down there.  It is really hot here right now.  She is talking about buying bike pants to use as undies. 

Then she said to put some lube on and get on top.  I have an electric candle on my bedside table.  I switched it on and used the half light to find and apply the lube.  I got on top and pushed in gently.  It was obviously a bit painful for her.  I was very gentle.

I was hoping she would push me over but she didn't.
I was very hard and really wanted to cum.
This was getting dangerous for my mood.  It could have been one of those almost pointless sex sessions that to me feels like masturbation.  So I did say that I think we should roll over and we did.

Then with her on top she was putting in effort and that is I think part of the (her) problem.  I think she finds it really hard to get turned on.  A lot of effort.    Cripes I was so so close.  While we were doing it I was wishing she would warn me not to cum.  But she didn't.  Then she came.  Then she lay on my chest and teased me by tightening her mussels around my still very hard penis.  oh God.  (yes I do go to church)

BTW I once saw a photo of a church sign that said "Going to church is more than lying in bed and screaming Oh God"

then I asked Can I cum and she said "Of course" pause
Blast I thought.  She does not listen.  She not only does not get it but she does not listen to me when I tell her how I am feeling.  You know 'they' complain that men do not share their feelings.  Well women don't hear men's feelings when they do speak them. pause continues "Not".

"What" I said "I'm confused"

"Well don't be confused.  This is what you wanted.  You are not going to cum tonight"

Now I am even more turned on than ever and really really ready to blow.  "O come on I said.  I am so turned on" and she said "That's nice.  lets keep you that way for a bit longer.  You can hold on cant you".  All this time she is on top and tightening herself on me.  I was so so stimulated.

"yes" I say.

She slid off and lay beside me.  I handed her the old nappy we use to clean up and she wiped herself.  Then I wiped me.

We lay there.  No top sheet (Did I say it's real hot here).  I saw my flagpole in the half light and reached over and switched off the candle.  "How long" I ask.  No answer.  In the silence I could hear her breathing.  She had fallen asleep. 

I was wide awake as one would be.  But happy.

So does she get it.?  Partially I think but only superficially.  My thoughts anyway.  Yours are invited.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


She still has not let me cum.

It's weird isn't it. 

I could jump in the shower and masturbate.  But I don't.

It's weird isn't it.

I asked her to do this.

Gosh I want to cum.

But I do enjoy the challenge.

Monday, November 26, 2012


We went to a friends house for a BBQ on saturday night.

BBQs are a man thing.  The girls sit around and chat and the guys cook. 

The particular BBQ was one of those ones which has a solid plate for half and then a grill for the other half.  On the grill side, some fat that had come out of the meat caught fire.  There were some very spectacular flames.  Well the poor fellow wife was so derogatory making negative comments about burning the meat and so on.  As an interesting aside, the meat was the best tender steak I had had in quite a while.

It was nice to consider that putting people down just does not help.  It showed a lack of trust on her part.  Here he was serving her and she just had to be lets be honest a bitch.  To me there is a big difference between taking control and putting down.

Another interesting observation.  At the end of the night another big masculine fellow got into the kitchen and started on the dishes.  My wife whispered to me that I should join him.  That was fun.  In I went.  It was so not 1950's.

Friday, November 23, 2012

sexual tension

It is still ages since I last had orgasm.
I did go through a gloomy patch as you would have seen in my recent post and I still wish to converse with others.
Right now feeling good.

As you would have seen I was feeling a bit bla.  This lead to a conversation with my wife and I realised that she does a lot of things for me that I do not realise are efforts made on her part.

Not sure where I am going with this line of thought.

Funny to feel good when you want sex but your wife says "no".
I think a great deal of how one (well me anyway) feels is in how the ther other person says it and why.
If she were to ignore me then I would feel bad.
If she says "no" because that is what I want then that is good.  Frustrating but good.
If she says "no" because she does not want sex then that is good and bad.  It is good because in a way that is what I want.  By that I mean not that she does not want sex but because she has the confidence to say "no".  On the other hand, part of my wish is that she would want sex more and that in order to get it then I have to make the atmosphere conducive for her to want it.  If that makes sense.

Now in a recent post, I asked for discussion.  Now one of the things that I am not good at obviously is stimulating discussion.  Posing a question or a problem in such a way as gets discussion going.

So I am asking for your help here in terms of suggestions on how I should do this.  There is an uncanny parallel between my virtual life here and my life in the real world esp when it comes to communication.

So chip in with some suggestions if you can.


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

cvrying out in the silence

I feel like no one understands me.

I am sure that my wife just does not "get it" when it comes to kinky stuff.

I write here and there are few readers and no conversation.

I would love to chat with people.  Converse.  But it seems that I am destined to do this life alone.

Sorry to my few readers to sound negative.  Just feeling a little down right now.

Sunday, November 18, 2012


She has been reading a book called "Diary of a submissive"

In bed she talked a bit about what she had read and mentioned that there were special points where the effect of the cane was special.  I don't remember the words exactly.

You could cane me.

She said "go and get the cane"

I said "before we do that lets talk about the other person- The dominant person"

We had a discussion where I basically said I felt I was playing both parts.  Initiating the caning was taking the dominant role and then receiving it was being submissive.

I still don't think she really gets it.

Anyway she ended up caning me a few strokes and then sat beside me on the bed all quiet.

I said what are you doing and she said I cant hurt you.  Oh well I thought.  A pity but I don't know what to do.

I said something along the lines of "don't worry I'll tell you if there is a problem but we are here and lets try it
  So she hit me a few more times.
She said is that enough and I said go round to the other side of the bed and try it that way.  Do it as hard as you can and don't ask me if it is enough.  Just do as many as you like.  Its that challenge thing.

So she did and it hurt and there were a couple of welts on the tops of my legs too.

Then she stopped and lay beside me.  She pulled back my undies and then started to say she was sorry.  I said don't be.

A pity but she just does not seem to get it and is too concerned with hurting me.

But it was nice and thanks for trying.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

There is a reward

I was so turned on as we lay beside each other.  I ran my hands over her.  After a while I asked "could I cum" to which she replied "no".

I pleaded with her and she said "no we both know you like a challenge".

I asked "when"
and she said "that knowledge would just spoil it lets wait and see"
"could be christmas"
"maybe next year"
oh god I thought.

I had a look back over my blog and I see that the last time I orgasmed was 2-Nov.
No onder I was feeling alert and turned on.

So its a love hate thing.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Diary Of A Submissive

The lady author of 50 shades of grey has written a book that I understand is a sort of autobiography called "Diary Of A Submissive".

My wife has bought a copy.

Maybe we are both submissive?
Maybe she will get a clerer idea of dominance and submission.

A very exciting development. 

I told her I want to read it too.

We wait and see.

I can't wait.

:)  (What the emoticon for grin?)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A conversation

We had a refrshing conversation last night.

Quite wide ranging but mostly about submissivness and sex and love.  Maybe she is getting some more idea about how I enjoy it when she cums.  But also I guess I have to understand that she seems to also enjoy it when we cum together.

We do not own a vibrator.  She says she is worried that she might like it too much.  The submissive side of me said I would find it hot if she used it while I watched.

She did raise the topic of an extended period of abstinance.  It was along with statements by both of us along the lines that guys like challenges and goals and targets.

I said that I did not like to be asked "is that long enough" or if she is spanking, "have I had enough".

So we will see where we go from here.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Dance for me

Just when I think its all a bit hum drum, she come out with something exciting.

I had taken off most of my clothes and put them in the hamper in the bath room and walked back into our bedroom in my underwear.  She was lieing on the bed.  She whisteld to me and then when she had my attention she said dance.  So I gyrated a little.  Felt really awkward.  Take them off slowly and sexually she said refering to my underpants.  So feeling really odd / strange / out of place, I attempted to slowly remove my underpants.  Attempting probably not too successfully to be sexy, twirled them around my finger and sent them through the air to the corner of the room.  Keep dancing she said.  Gee I was feeling weird.  But I tried. 

Then she said I could hop into bed.
I was both turned on and felt uncomfortable.
We cuddled.
She said to put on a condom.
Then she got on top and worked herself on.  wow.  usually she gets me to come in from ontop and then rolls us over.
Then she moved herself up and down and it was not long before she came.

She lay on top of me.
I had my hands on her bottome (which she likes) After a while I said are you going to cum again.
"no" she said.
"Can I cum" I asked.
"no" she said.
and pulled off and lay beside me on her back and went to sleep

Friday, November 2, 2012

plastic pants again

She is not wanting sex.
I put on plastic pants and wore them all night and then she rubbed me to climax.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

plastic pants

Got into bed.  Hinted at sex.  She said she did not want to do sex because her marina (IUD) is overdue for replacement.

comment: Kind of disapoints me what little priority she gives to things sexual.

She said "put on some plastic pants"

Comment: well that was a pick up.

So I put on plastic pants with a drop of baby oil and then my pj pants and hopped back into bed.  Naturally I was very very turned on and she rubbed me and that was good.  I asked if I would be allowed to cum and she said "maybe".  I love it.  Then she asked "what would I do if the positions were reversed".  I actually don't like that.  Makes me feel uncomfortable and it makes me feel disapointed that she needs to hear it again or something.

So I figured I would say what I wanted to her.  I said "Well I would tease by rubbing gently but not allow me to cum"  I included a statement along the lines of how good the tease was and how much more attentive I was when I needed to cum. 

Somewhere along the line I asked her to cane me.  She was not really interested but eventually she agreed and I went and got the cane and she did some half hearted whacks.  She was not enjoying it.

Gave up.

She rubbed me some more and said I could cum.  I did.  That was the end of it.

I ended up feeling a bit down.  Frustrated that she just does not get into things sexual.  She has no understanding of kink.  It seems nothing turns her on.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Men desire it, women control the supply


Guys apparantly think about it all the time and that certainly is the case for me.  Ever since puberty.

Read an interesting article on the net

Some key points for me in this were

Men are biologically programmed to want sex with a variety of women. It’s in their DNA. Their purpose is to inseminate as many women as possible to produce children. When a man is monogamous, he is giving up something he wants.
ie men are already willing to sacrifice in order to get....

Because women control the sex supply, men have sought ways to please women through romance. In the hookup culture, guys are receiving the message that girls are satisfied with hooking up, and have no expectations of them. In sending that message, girls forfeit the most powerful leverage they have over men: controlling the supply of sex. If girls demand love and kindness in return for sex, they will get it.


Today, the market value of sexual access has plummeted. Sex is so readily available that men are not willing to give up much of anything to get it. Women need to start behaving in such a way as to increase the market value of sex to level the playing field and regain some control. The only way to achieve this is to restrict the supply. 
 A powerful message that resonates with me.  If women restrict the amount of sex men get then it increases the value.  And it increases the value for both the man and the woman.

This resonates with my personal experience.  If I get sex whenever I want it (and there are times when it is that way) then at the end I am left feeling down.  A similar feeling that accomanies masturbation.  If on the other hand I have had to work for it then it is an achievement.  A reward.  The feelings after are positive.

So in a way, men are preprogramed to be submissive to women in the sense of serving them in order to get sex.  So the idea of a submissive male is in keeping with the general way men are. 

For myself and others we are obviously making or wanting this to be a bit more extreme or a bit more front of the brain thing. 

I would suggest that my desires are in a way completely natural.  I want sex and I want valuable sex. 

Take a financial example.  I want a thousand US dollars much more than a thousand pesos.  We know the dollars are far more valuable.

So if my wife restricts sex then the value of sex goes up.

But also so should the benefits.  The most obvious benefit is we should enjoy the act more and before that we should see the benefits of my efforts to get it.  These would manifest themselves in things like helping out around the house, buying her presents and reacting to her needs.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


Well we are doing ok.
This morning we engaged in some intimate sex.
I was hard and on my back and she got on top and she positioned herself so that the tip of my penis did not enter her but was used to stimulate her clitterous.  Such a turn on.

At one stage when I was getting very close she said 'don't cum'.  That was fun.

We discussed teasing and denying and I suspect she is hesitant to try this because she can not tell when I am too close.  I wonder how she could learn that.  ?

Friday, October 19, 2012

Taking the lead & Communication

 I have read a number of guides aimed basically at women who believe or at least are parts of religious communities where the expectation is that the man lead but then they go on to talk about [the women] need to let the husband lead or the wives need to put the husband on a pedestal and serve him and so on.  Who is taking the lead there?

In this post,
the wife talks about taking the lead out of necessity for her husbands well being.
When I actively lead my Knight his whole outlook seems to change - he becomes more confident in everything he does. That confidence even carries over to his work and his writing. He stresses and worries less, he is less moody, and almost nothing rattles him. When I lead him, my Knight is much less forgetful. His projects get finished. When I lead, my Knight knows exactly what he can do to "please me" and so he doesn't follow me around like a lost pup.
I know these things about my man because we talk. Every night there is the special time we talk to each other. We talk as husband and wife, mistress and slave. John kneels at my feet, and there he tells me the secrets of his soul. There's no television, radio, or music.

The key in all these situations is COMMUNICATION

Something I my wife and I do not do well.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Plastic pants

Just as I begin to dispair that she is not interested in sex or in me then she will suddenly do something for me.

She knows that I am turned on by plastic.
I knows she hates plastic.  Any mention of it and guaranteed thats the end of any sexual play or possibilites.

A mexican stand off.  (Why is it called Mexican I wonder).

This morning I got out of the shower, towled off and walked into our bed room.  She met me at the door and said "I would like you to wear plastic pants today".  There on the bed I could see my plastic pants that have sat in the bottom of the bottom draw.  Un mentioned for months. 

So now I am at work.
Wearing plastic pants.  Feeling the plastic against my skin.  I know its weird, kinky , strange whatever.  But hey.
And I am thinking of her.

Thinking of her positively.  Not bemoaning my fate or sulking over her apparant diinterest in sex or me ....

But I do wonder why there are those few ladies who do seem to have self motivated interest in things sexual.  Who do make the effort to engage sexually with their husbands.
Who tease them
Train them
and I suspect in the end both are happy.
Husbands get attention.
Wives get served.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

musing on this and that

I was thinking as I do about submission and kink.

These are random thoughts in no particular order.

I am I suspect both but are they one and the same.  Is submissive a kink could a man be genuninely submissive

I have a male friend who has in recent times had bouts of depression.  I do not know if he is being treated or just gets down a bit (as I do).  Both our families were on a bit of a day trip recently and we parked in a tricky spot.  Steep, narrow road and a very tight parking spot which required a bit of finesse to get in and out with the help of someone to wave and give advice.  When it came time to go, him and I packed the cars while the women took more photos, looked at the view and so on.  naturally I sexualised it and saw it as being a servant.  No idea what he did.  But then his wife came over and said "He's not driving I don't trust him".  Wow I felt for him.  To me a huge kick in the guts.  No wonder he gets down.  To me being submissive is strength but I suspect he is just beaten down verbally.

I wonder how much is driven by sexual drive. 

Dancing Boy

One of my wifes friends came over.  She has a boy the same age as one of our sons and they are friends at school.  The boy came with her.

There is no father around from what I can see.

There was interstingly a girl at our house at the same time playing with my daughter.

The strange thing was that both visiting kids had the same name. 

Next interesting thing is that the mother has the boy do dancing.

I wonder as the feminine influence increases whether we will see dancing and other traditionally female activities become more common for boys.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


After a surprising weekend of sex, Monday was simple and pleasant.

In the bathroom on Monday morning and I see my wife putting a pad in her panties.  Ah that time of the month.  That explains why we had sex on the weekend.  Historically she seems to get turned on more just before her period.  I suspect that we could build a rythm in our lives where there would be no sex and no pressure to have or engage in sex for three weeks and then sometime in the days before her period then she might get excited and turned on.

One of her objections to chastity of me is that she feels then that there is an obligation on her to have sex and for her to reach orgasm.  So we would still I think have to deal with that.  There has to be a way.

Anyway, Monday seemed to just flow.  Got home in the evening.  Everone seemed in the groove.  Wife went out for a while.  a couple of friends (F) dropped in to borrow some things and chatted while they were here.  I made them tea.  It was kind of fun to wait on them. 

I saw an interesting posting here
A couple of points got my attention.

Firstly this statement
a lot of woman I grew up hearing, "nice girls don't do that", and "oh.. honey, you can't tell a man what to do, he'll resent it." And of course there is an overwhelming amount of tv, literature and what-have-you that shows women to be either submissive to their man, or manipulating him to get what she wants.

As I guy, I would feel anoyed, resentful at being manipulated.  I would and I suspect many guys (forget even the idea of sub males for now) would when asked by a woman, who pretty much anything.  Manipulation would not be required.  certainly for me.  If a woman asked me straight out to do something, unless it was grossly illegal or compromised my relationship with my wife & family, I would do it enthusiastically and to the best of my ability.  So I wonder why women have developed this idea of manipulating men when I suspect that men being what they are that the direct approach woul yield results quicker and better.  For starters, I suspect that men just don't get hints so they are for more likely to get it right if given clear and specific directions.

and this statement
During our FLR break we were both miserable. My Knight was depressed. He felt like I no longer wanted him around at all

I often feel like my wife is lazy when it comes to our relationship.  Her lack of perceived effort translates in my mind to she does not love me, she cant be bothered and so on.  I suspect that she just does not understand but I do not know how to communicate that to her.  For me expending effort and and energy on my kink has been a part of me for like forever.  But as she is in no way kinky and not overtly sexual I suspect that she just can not relate to that idea.  It's just not front of her brain stuff.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Some great sex

We had sex on the weekend.

In hindsight a great weekend of intimacy.

Saturday Night -
In bed and was wearing her short denim dress that I find very sexy.  I was turned on gently rubbed her bottom and so on.  Started slow and gently and got the feeling she was enjoying it.  It progressed and she suggested I unbutton her dress.  This was a good sign.  Her bra still on under it.  Usually she just takes everything off and puts on her nighties.  This was so much more fun.  I gradually worked my fingers toward her clitterous.  It is a difficult thing in a way because I am not sure how fast to go.  Take too long and she seems to cool off and too fast and she does not warm up and I suspect feels rushed.  I would like more verbal feedback and direction from her - touch here, pat there and so on.

However I know that at the times when she does spend time working on me, I want her to do things not ask me and I suspect she also feels like she does not want to tell me what to do but wants me to make the effort.  Somehow we have to find a way to communicate without it feeling like .... At one stage I asked if she would like me to lick her or words to that effect.  But she did not ask and I did not go there.

She came and really seemed to enjoy it.  Then unfortunately I went limp.  I was as hard as while we here stimulating her then she was offerring me sex and I could not perform.  Somewhat depressing in a way.

Sunday morning-
By this time she was naked and when we awoke in the morning she was till naked.  Very sexy and possibly there is more to come.  I gently put my hand on her bottom which these days seems to be the way to start.  At one stage I asked if she would like me to lick her.  She respoded that she had thought I might have done that last night.  I figured she was open to the experience but that she was not going to ask and that she would like me to be proactive.  The dilemah is timing. Too soon as in she needs to be partially turned on or t will be a sure fire way to switch her right off.  The moring air was a bit cool and she had the sheets pulled up over her with just her head sticking out.  Not conducive to getting between her legs.  I suggested that perhaps she would like to put her nightie on so I could take the sheets down.  She said "how about one of your tee shirts"  This was sounding good (I don't know why - perhaps because it was a bit unusual).    I get her a tee shirt and she puts it on and then I pull the sheets back down and start on her legs.  Kissing touching starting at her feet  Trying hard to take it slow.  Finally I get down between her legs and start and she is getting really excited and I am licking and putting my hands up under the tee shirt and touching her breasts.  She starts too to touch her breast and my hand.  She makes comment about how this feeling could go on forever.  I say say between toungefuls yes yes it is such a good feeling.  She says would I like her to cum and I say yes enjoy.  She makes lots of positive comments and jerks and jerks and has what seems to me to be the most animated orgasm she has had in ages.

Great I am thinking.  Two good experiences of sex in 12 hrs.

She lies there and so do I.  I am thinking she has cum twice and me none and I have had the best time.  Then she says "time for you".  I actually am hard but the tension the foreplay is so good I actually would like to keep that feeling.  I say maybe we should have you on top and you might cum again.  She says "we'll see".   I get on top and gently start to push in.  I am pushing in and out and I am getting ver close.  She says "not yet".  Those words almost send me over the edge.  I lie still and compose myself.  We roll over and she starts to move.  She says she wants us to cum together but I seem to have lost it.  She keeps going and encourages me but she cums and I don't.  Then she says roll over (me on top).  She says stop thinking and go for it.  So I do.  I cum and it was good.  But now its over.

But a very nice way to start the say.
It's off to church, kids stuff and so on.

In the evening we go out for dinner (leave kids with baby sitter).  Very relaxed

Sunday night -
My hands were dry from some physical labour I had been doing and I asked her if she knew where the moisturising cream was.  Turned out we had an almost empty pump bottle in the bathroom.  I uncrewed the mechanism and shook some out.  Ended up with a blob.  Far more than I needed.  As I walked back into the bed room rubbing my hands together with far too much mosituriser I asked if she needed me to smooth her skin anywhere.  She kicked back the sheet and presented her feet and said just work your way up.  So I had a nice sub mindspace time as I lay there massaging mosituring cream into her feet and also up her legs.  Very sexy.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The power of wait

A person by the name of  Frank Partnoy has written a book called Wait - the art and science of delay.

In many circumstances the person who delays the longest is the one with the most power.

This resonated with me because I usually feel the need to immediatly justify my decisions by explaining them to someone.  In the family context, I would explain them to my wife.

Girls learn a bullying technique where they freeze someone out.  Wives of course can ignore their husbands indefinately - In light of this book, that is a demonstration of power. 

I on the other hand have never been able to ignore my wife.  I always want contact.  I want physical contact.  I want to talk with her.  I want to do things with her.  I feel the need to confess, apologise, discuss.  There have been times when I have been angry or sulked and tried to give her the cold shoulder treatment but I have not been able to keep it up.  Even for a day when I am at work.  I end up texting her an apology or going home at lunvh time with a bunch of flowers.

So I guess in a way, this confirms her as the more powerful person in the relationship and that is fine and actually nice to put a label on it.

But I suspect that there maybe some value in me waiting too.

For example anonomous in their comment on this post of mine pointed out that my frustrations have been going on for years and that "If your goal is to please her, it sounds like maybe you need to take some time to listen and figure out what she wants - which she probably won't tell you directly".
And that sounds like good advice.

and in a recent response to this post, subservetoher askes "Have you considered or discussed with your wife the idea of you going into chastity?" and again it seems that the idea of time or waiting frees up space in the relationship. 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


The relationship has stabilised.  She seems more responsive and I am staying away from kinky topics.

Mind you my mind keeps yearning for her overt control.
A challenge.
I would love her to put me on a strict diet.
To force me to exercise
To whip me
To deny orgasm.

What I do not want is to be alone, ignored, no feed back and so on.

I do want sex.  Hot sex.  Exciting sex.  To me denying orgasm is not denying or avoiding sex.  It is a super tease.

Thursday, September 27, 2012


On holidays with our kids and another family and their kids. 

I have found this to be a great time to be submissive in terms of going with her schedule as she has organised where we are going and what we are seeing and so on and at the same time there are plenty of guy things to do.  From things that require strength like carrying suitcases & packing the car to physical things where the girls just want to sit and watch and guys like to do things.

I guess too because of the close confines there is not really the opportunity to have sex means that I do not get my expectations up and then get frustrated and disapointed when it does not happen.

At the same time, she has responded by stroking my penis and whispering in my ear about how this is a good time to hold off.  All words and attention I crave.

I have enjoyed making BBQs and getting kids through showers.  I had to smile self righteously (I confess) when our friends car ran out of fuel.  When we are travelling, we will stop for lunch and while the kids play in the park and my wife makes a picnic, I will go and fill up the fuel and check the oil and tyres.  And then later in the trip, in the middle of nowhere their car overheated and again I was able to do the guy thing and get them going.  But even in the middle of this, we needed water and I am wondering what to do and my wife gathered up all the water bottles and even picked up a few that had been littering the side of the road and climbed a gate and went to a local farm and filled them with water.  I joined her on this expedition and then roped all the kids into doing more trips until the radiator was filled and the engine running and off we went.  So a way for her to lead and me to follow and at the same time a way for the primitive guy in me to rise up and do its thing (fixing cars)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The difference between my subbing and the internet

Internally I have a deep desire to submit to my wife.  To do things for her.  To have her happy.  For her to reach orgasm.  For her to feel free and relaxed.

But and this is a big but,

She does not want .... is about as blunt as I can put it.  One difficulty I face is knowing what she does and does not want.

When I look on the net, it seems that (and maybe this is porn fantasy) that in any good relationship BOTH partners must put in a lot of effort.  Effort into the relationship.  The dominant partner needs to be dominant.  They need to demand of the sub and the sub needs them to demand this.

So maybe my wife is not naturally dominant.  Maybe, maybe not.  She is not naturally submissive either.

I think whe has lost interest.
I think when it comes to sex she is lazy.

I was turned on again this morning and asked if I could cum and she said "do you really want to".  She has not taken in when I have spoken about her being in charge.  Of course I wanted to cum.  But what I needed to hear was "no do not cum if you cum you will be punished".

She wants "equality" in the relationship she says.
So in having no real sexual drive herself she achieves equality by taking my drive away.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


After feeling so calm & together yesterday, I got a bit wound up last night.

In the cool light of day it was so stupid.
All it was was my wife coming to bed late and spending her evening doing some work on the computer.  I simply felt jealous.  I wanted her attention.

I lost the focus which is serving her.
The silly thing is that I have been telling her how it turns me on to serve her and how I want her to take control, to lead, to feel free and when she does just that then not only do I feel jealous, I expressed it.

I so wish that she would punish me for that.  But she really is not into pysical pain and asking her to whip me is interreted by her as just another way to turn me on. 

So I do not know what to do.

In a way, I wish I had a mentor.  Like I have a personal trainer at the gym.  He pushes me to lift as much weight as I can and tells me to keep going.  He is very encouraging and even though I am totally exhausted during and after and also a day later my legs or arms hurt and feel like jelly I have a great feeling of acomplishment.

In the same way, I wish I had a personal trainer whom I would meet with say once a week.  I would report on my behaviour and then be rewarded by say some positive words or punished with a severe whipping or caning.  I am not looking for a sexual encounter here.  I guess people have mentors.  People go to all sorts of councillors and support groups.  I would think this would be just a little more honest and a little more physical.  I think it would be nice if the mentor was a woman of course and for her to meet with my wife too.  My wife my gain confidence or perhaps even request punishment for me that she herself can not bring herself to administer.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Perhaps the pressure is easing

Toward the end of last week I was aroused much of the time and constantly thinking about sex.

Over the weekend, it is as if my body has accepted chastity as the norm.  I did not feel the tension or internal sexual conflict in my mind between desparately wanting to cum and that the same time wanting to remain chaste.  Sunday evening was very enjoyable with church, getting kids into bed, cleaning up and then going to bed.  I got the feeling that my wife did not want sex and for some reason I did not as I indicted above feel too driven that way so we just lay in each others arms and drifted off to sleep.

I slept very well.  It appears that one of the kids (10yo) wet their bed in the night and my wife dealt with it without waking me.  That was nice but ofcourse in my desire to be a good submissive obedient husband, I would have wished she had woken me and told me to deal with it.  Mind you it was her decision to let the boy not wear pull ups to bed.

This morning, we woke and got on with the day and I feel great.  Alert and energetic but without the constant desire or wish for sex.  An interesting new frame of mind.

I recall sometime back that my wife expressed aprehension about my new found desire to abstain from orgasm and to concentrate on her.  She said that it was a new type of pressure on her.  A pressure to perform.  We both understood she had a lower libido but now she felt there was actually more pressure on her and the words she used were "to perform".

Now we had come from a background of the man being notionally in charge although in practice, she was the family leader but in the bedroom, she felt that it was her obligation or duty to have sex with me whenever I wanted it.  Most of the time she did not reach orgasm.  It sounds like it was no big deal to her.  Open her legs for her husband.  In he goes and then he is relaxed.

So in thinking about this, I am hopeful that perhaps we can move to a new level where my desparation for sex is less obvious and so she feels less oblication, less pressure.  Perhaps out of this, we will have a more intimate relationship.  Perhaps less sex.  Perhaps the feelings of pressure to perform will go and then when she does have sex, she will really enjoy it. 

I wonder how that will progress and manifest it'self?

I suspect it will come through more self confidence with both of us. Me having the self confidence to exist without orgasm (read ejaculation here) because I do get really great satisfaction out of seeing her satisfies.  Perhaps my selfconfidence will increase as I tame to beast. It seems silly to me that I could abstain from masturbation as a teenager when my hormones were racing but now as an adult I can't.  I suspect it is an addiction.  A set of mental habits.  The habit of regular sex.  Controlled by the addiction rather than in control of my actions.

Feedback welcome of course.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Go and have a cold shower

I was so so turned on.
I woke early. 
Starting rubbing myself against the sheets.
This woke my wife.
It was 5am
I said "I am so turned on"
She said "Go and have a cold shower"
So I, not wanting to disobey, got up went and turned on the shower.  Cold water only.
Took off my clothes.
Took a deep breath.
Stepped in.  Ran around hopping in and out of the water.
Probably made all of 30 seconds.
Got out.
towled down
Put on my track suit.
And now I am writing this blog and she is sound asleep.

Friday, September 7, 2012

You can go another week can't you

I am so desparate.
Snuggled up to the wife early this morning.
Caressed her back and gently ran my hands over her bottom and her legs.  Feels so good.
She said "I am going to the toilet, put some lube on"
I am hard as
I take off my clothes and put the lube on.

She comes back in and lies on the bed with her legs apart.
This reminds me of when we were first married.  We were (and still are) active christians.  We believed in the submission of the wife and actually used to practice her submission.  I would say on your back, legs apart and she would do that and I would have sex with her.
So I was a little concerned that she had slipped into a "just doing my duty" mind set.

I say are you sure and she says yes and so I start to push in ever so gently.
I am sliding in and out very gently and I ask "Can I cum" and she says "how long since you came" and I said "several weeks" and she said "do you think you could go another week?" and I said "yes" and she said well that is your answer.

So I knew she was not just "doing her duty" which was great.
She then rolled us over so she was on top.
She moved and I moved and a few times, I had to hold still because I was in danger of cumming.
Then she came and lay back relaxed on me.
I asked again "could I cum".  I was I have to confess glad that she said "no!".

She has a Marina (Not sure if I have spelt that right) it is an IUD birth control device.  It is being removed today and she will be without protection for a minimum of 3 weeks. 

She said it would be too messy for the doctor to remove if I came.
and a minimum of 3 weeks before I will be allowed inside her.  Although maybe with a condom or two.

Then she pulled off, wiped herself with an old nappy that we keep in the bed side draws and got up.
I got up too.
It's a tag team thing in the morning. Showering, breakfast, dressing, getting kids ready and off to school.

But what a great way to start the day and so much sexual tension.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Boys sexualise everything

Nothing happening in the sexual department.

I did washing up and wiping down.
I put kids to bed.
and so on.
and all the while I am thinking about my wife.
Yes I am trying to be helpful.  A very useful husband.
I am also wishing for a more intimate relationship.
I am wishing that she was more sexual.
Maybe she is bored with me - dont go there I just get depressed.

A final somewhat negative thought though.
What to do when I think she is wrong.
At the moment, I am taking the tack of say nothing.  Unless of course she is about to do something that will cause immediate death or injury or if she were to say start gambling the family bank acount away.  But sometimes she does things that I disagree with.  Right now I am saying nothing.  Does that make me dumb?  Who knows.

And that is that.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

6 months

Last night she said we might try for 6 months.
I said wow that will be a challenge.
She then stroked my penis a bit and dug her nails in once and then said OK now sleep and do not disturb me.

In the morning I asked if she was really going to make me wait 6 months.
She said well see one day at a time.
I asked if she was going to take the lead and she said only in the bed room in the rest of our lives I want a partnership.

An interesting thought given that she basically already decides everything else in our lives.

But I am enjoying the physical intimacy at the moment.
And the challenge of remaining without cumming. 
Thats not to say I do not want sex.  I very much do want sex.  I want the intimacy.  The feeling that I have done something for her - brought her to climax.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Last night (monday night) we hopped into bed.

I am conscious that she likes slow and not push so I was careful to not make it look like I wanted sex.  Offerred her a massage which she kindly accepted and rolled onto her tummy.  As she lay beside me, her hand conatcted my penis and she started to dig her nails in.

She talked (which I love) about how she just has to toch me and I am instantly hard and yet she takes ages of gentle interaction to get turned on.

Then she dug her fingernails in hard and it hurt.  I mean really hurt.  She asked if I liked it and I replied 'yes' 'it's a challenge and it stimulates' and in a way the good feelings remain afteward.  That is while you are doing it really hard it really hurts and I am focussed on surviving if that is the right word but then after there is a 'glow' for want of a better word.

She said roll onto your back.
I did and obviously the massaging stopped.
She gripped my penis and dug her fingernails in really really hard.  It hurt like hell.  I yelped a bit.
She said she did not know whether to keep going or stop.
I said 'never doubt always keep going'  (I doubt if anything she would do would cause perminant injury or death and I really would like her to warm to being a bit more confident / extreme).
So she did.
Even harder this time. 
She started at the tip and dug her finger nails in and then moved slowly down the shaft about a cm each time and repeating it.  Each time so painful.  Such a challenge.  Such a turn on.  When she got to the bottom she retraced her steps back to the tip.  Sometimes she would hit the same spot.  So tender so painful.

Why I ask myself do I like this.
Am I weird?
Why do I envy the people in stories who are caned?
In a way there is a freedom involved when you let someone you love inflict pain on you.  I do not think I have any desire to let some random person whip me.

Then she said.  "Thats it for tonight"
I was so turned on.
So wanting sex (read orgasm release here)
So liking her attention and not wanting to spoil it.
So I lay there and tried not to push it.
Fell asleep.

Monday, September 3, 2012

silly fathers day low

Objectively fathers day was absolutely fanstastic.  Then why am I feeling a little down.  I had in my mind hoped that fathers day might bring a reward.  A reward in the form of an orgasm.  I had been trying really hard to be helful.

So we started the day with cuddling that turned into sex with her on top and she orgasmed and then lay there.  I went limp.  Could not believe it.  So anyway it was up and into the day.

She made a beautiful breakfast of all my favourites.
The kids had made presents and I had to hide and seek to find them.
Then we went on a drive and picnic in the country.
Back home and she made a beautiful dinner and I bathed the kids.
In bed and we snuggled and she stroked me and snuggled up and said "I hope you enjoyed the day and now your biggest present is a non present" and I asked what do you mean and she said "no sex for you".

So I guess its be careful what you hope for.

But still I am feeling a little down but I will get over it.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

It is so nice just to talk

My wife and I do not talk as much as I would like.  I do not think she understands me and I know I dont understand her.  I think she has no idea about kink.  I suspect that she is not into self reflection.  Where I have a kink and I spend time on self reflection.

So it came as a refreshing change when last night she initiated a conversation about sex and she did it in a very direct way.  She said "lets talk about sex".

We had this great talk about how I enjoy it when she cums and she said that she enjoys it when I cum inside her but also we talked how she enjoys it when I simply hug her and when I rub her to orgasm.  And I also enjoy it when she cums like that and I do not think she really comprehends that. 

By that I mean, she will indulge me because I like something but she herself does not get enjoyment per se from the activity whereas when I rub her to orgasm or lick ker or simply hug her I get enjoyment or reward from that.

We talked about how I had an interest in chastity and I repeated my position that men do not NEED release.  If their body needs release then they have a wet dream.  Nature has taken care of that.  I talked about how when I have not had sex that I really really want sex and that motivates me to do nice things for her.  And that after sex I can have a range of feeling from contentment to actually feeling a bit down especially if I have received orgasm as a way to stop me being grumpy.  Its a sort of negative reinforcement of bad behaviour and at the same time a feeling of failure the same as I would have after masturbating.

She seems uncomfortable with all sorts of things that I like such as rewarding good behaviour with sex.  I think it is too cut and dry for her or perhaps makes her feel a bit like a prostitute.

She is certainly not excited about whipping me.

I think she sees tease and denial as cruel as opposed to fun / flirting / titilation which is the way I see it.  So she sort of does it but I do not think her heart is really in it.

I repeated that it is not that I do not want sex. I want more sex.  More intimacy.  More connection.  More physical interaction.  I saw orgasm as just one part of sex.

Anyway at the end she smiled and said that she was going to let me orgasm but in light of the conversation that as it seemed to suit me that she would keep me chaste a bit longer.  Then she had me put on some lube and push gently in and then move and then she rolled us over and rode me and she came and then lay there tightening on me and then she got turned on again and then a third time.  In light of the conversation there were a few times when I had to say stop I'm sorry or I will cum and she smiled and said "don't you cum tonight".

When she finished, she said get up, don't clean yourself, put on plastic pants, come back to bed, don't rub yourself and don't wake me up by tossing and turning.  Well that jsut got me so hard and happy.  My side of the bed has a plastic cover under the bottom sheet and so I ended up sleeping in plastic pants and every time I moved there was the slippery sensation inside the plastic pants and the crinkle of the plastic sheet and only a cotton sheet between my otherwise naked body and the plastic sheet. 

In the end we both fell asleap contented.  (I did wake a few times sweaty but that is the cost of having a kink I guess it's like an adiction)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

the crinkly plastic sheet

It's fathers day this weekend and I wonder if that was my wife's motivation for putting the crinkly plastic sheet on the bed.  On my side only mind you.  But it is something I like.  Obviously I am kinky but the noise it makes, the slippery feel under the bottom sheet, perhaps conotations of childhood or bed wetting I dunno.  The challenge of sleeping.  Sweating.  Anyway she know I like it and she hates it and so I figure she is doing it for me.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Back in the nothing much happening category

I have been a bit moody lately.  Somewhat depressed.  Over reacting to things about me and feeling generally not in control of my life.

She said to me that she thought this was because of abstaining from orgasm.

I said what I need is a jolly good whipping.  One where I do not get to choose how many or how hard.  Those decisions would be made for me.  But it should be jolly hard and many strokes.  She just said "um".

In bed at least I got some physical attention where she gripped my penis and dug her nails in.  I was hard as and it hurt like hell.

Slept well.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

On yr bike son

My wife and some friends took the kids and went to a park for lunch.  I was to join them after I had done a few things.

When I was ready I texted to let them know I was coming in case they had forgotton something.

I received a text back that said <female friends name> says you should ride so I (wife) can have some more to drink.

Sounds like a plan.
I have never ridden my bike anywhere near the distance required.
So I pack a sweater and a drink bottle.
Hop on my bike and start peddling.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

No expectation of orgasm

Being a guy I love challenges.
Climb every mountain.....

I am finding it both tough and interesting living without orgasm.
I do get this sort of tense feeling in my shoulders from time to time & have to shrug it off literally.
I do get hard very easily.  See a woman and it gets hard.
I do have more energy & stay awake better in the evenings.
I do do more house work.

I do I confess have a tendancy to get grumpy / moody / short tempered.  I want to work on [reducing] this.

It is good though coming at it without the expectation of orgasm.  I know from past experience that if I think I am going to have sex / orgasm and she is not interested then I get angry /
I do find it a real turn on to have sex where I do not get to orgasm.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Show day

The show is on here and we went in with another two families.  Husbands, wives and kids everywhere.   

It was very obvious that the mothers were in charge and the husbands were just there to carry things and watch children.

At one stage we were all standing around while dinner (as specified by the wives) was purchased and one of the wives said to me go and find us somewhere to sit.  I said "there is really no point in me doing that because you ladies will simply change whatever I select anyway". 

In hindsight that sounds somewhat petulant which was not the intention at the time.  What I was trying to verbalise was that us husbands recognised that the wives were very much in control.

I think also there was a bit of a feeling like I am happy to do whatever you want but it does frustrate me if I do it for no purpose.

Actually as I write this, I think I should have gone and done exactly what was asked of me and not even worried that they would over rule me and do their own thing anyway.

As I have written this, I wish that I could go home, confess and be whipped.

Bizzare arnt I.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Fem dom

Some generalisations.  I think these are true not just in the fem dom mind but generally true across the world.
- men are turned on visually.
- Men find womens bodies & clothes attractive
- Women may find some attraction to mens bodies but not to the same extreme as men do of women.
- Women dress to impress other women.

Young Women (as a generalisation) fall in lust with a man and will dress to a degree the way he wants.
Yooung women (as a generalisation) may have sex with the man because they think that is what he wants and that by giving it to him, the man will somehow be connected to her. 

Imagine if
- girls had the self confidence to not give the guys sex. 
I grew up active in a Christian church where sure there was the idea of men in charge and women to be submissive but there was also the idea of purity / chastity until marriage.  The expectation was that young hormone ravaged men could control it.  And they did.  In my case they did and in the case of others they did too.

I believe that with this commitment, it gives the girls security.  They should be secure in knowing that they will not be raped.

It also creates a sexual tension.  I believe that sexual tension is hot.

Imagine if after marriage, this sexual tension continued. 
Imagine if the girls did not feel like they had to give sex whenever he wanted it.
Imagine if they were confident to continue keeping the boy chaste and only allowed the men to cum when they wanted.  It might be as a reward or perhaps simply to create children.

Another random thought
have you heard the phrase "she dresses like a prostitute".
Now not having met a prostitute, I can not verify how they dress but I take that phrase to mean that "she" is dressing in a way to attract men.
I like that.
I would like that women would dress to attract men.  Dress sexy.
To me dressing dowdy is demeaning to the woman.

I can envisage a society where
- The women all dress sexilly, skimpy, flirty -> looks good & Keeps the boys attention.
- Men serve the women because they are attracted.
- men rarely get orgasm.  They get attention, hugs, kisses, touch, tease & denial, love.  But no orgasm.


This is a bit of a random ramblings.

On the radio this morning they had people phone in and talk about times when they had tried to be sexy and it had backfired.

One woman phoned in and described how she had dressed up - Tights, corset, high heel boots.  She came out and her husband just laughed and pushed her out of the way so he could watch the football on TV.

Another guy phoned in to say that he had gotten home from work early, stripped off and ran into the house totallu nude.  To find her sitting at the table with her parents.

What do we learn here
young men are dumb.

sleepy drunk

Abstaining from orgasm gives me energy but even a glass of wine sends me to sleep.

Last night a couple of friends dropped in and were invited to stay for dinner.  I had two glasses of wine and ended up being pretty useless.

After they left, I lay on the couch & Slept.  My wife had to do pretty much everything.
Wasking up, cleaning up, helping kids with home work, getting kids showered, into bed and anything else that had to be done.

Now I feel guilty.

The pity is that is as far as it will go.

What I wish is that she would punish me.
So that next time I have a glass of wine I would be weighing up the consequences.

I wish that she would
- Tell me verbally that she had to do everything while I slept.  To me communication is important and that it would be great of she could say that.  It should not be an argument.  Just a statement of fact.
- Tell me that she felt that I had not at the very least carried my fair share.
- Then I really wish for a whipping.  To me it would physically hurt and that is a punishment and a reminder but it's also cathardic.  A sort of cleansing.  Ready to start again.

Then I would
- Thank her
- Apologise
- Offer to do everything tonight
- Actually do everything tonight.

But she still has, as far as I can see, some kind of in grained disaproval of physical punishment, physical pain.  She still is not good in communication and so on.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Called home for lunch

My wife phoned me and asked if we could have lunch together so we could discuss various issues. Don't get your hopes us readers. Just mundane things that don't get discussed in the morning because everyone is busy getting to school & work and don't get discussed at night because of kids sport, cooking, washing up and then we are too tired.

I arrived home and she was wearing a short skirt and tights. She knows I find that attractive, sexy, nice. So it was nice to see and nice that she had made the effort.

There was no mention of sex and I figured I want her to lead so I should not push the sex thing although like a good boy it is always on my mind.

We had lunch and chatted and made lists and then each of us went and checked things on our respective computers. Prices for tickets, Potential birthday presents and so on. When everything on her list had a tick beside it, I said that I had better be on my way back to work.

She made a comment that she was hoping I might have time for a little extra.

Suddenly the need to go back to work was shall we say lessened.

We lay on the bed and kissed and she lay with her back to me so I could draw on it and run my hand across her bottom. Being gentle and just letting my fingers occasionally brush on the top back of her legs. I love the feel of the tights. Gradually between her legs as she started to move.

She made a comment about how she would like my fingers inside her but that there was something in the way. I asked if she would like me to take off her tights but she said that they were on for me. Which was nice.

I then decided to be a bit bold and put my hands in through the waist band of the tights, inside her undies and around to her clitterous. She made positive comments as I touched and pushed my fingers in. I like it when she tells me verbally what to do. She said work her clitterous from top to bottom.

She came.

We both relaxed. We had a little giggle because I had left my hand in her panties.

We rested.

She said "you seem to be enjoying the tease of not cumming?"
I said "It's a challenge that I am enjoying and I am enjoying helping you orgasm"
I said "I think about it all the time"
She said "You do not seem to be getting grumpy the way you used to when you did not get sex"
I said "Sometimes I feel moody and grumpy but I try to get over it without expressing myself to you"
She said "maybe we should continue like this for a while"
I said "Boys love a challenge"
I then asked if I could go ack to work.
Kissed her and left with a warm fuzzy feeling.
And a still very hard penis.

It's funny in a way. We somehow get this idea that men need to cum. I think I need intimacy. Hugging. Feeling wanted, loved, needed, relied upon. To cum is great but immediatly after there is a feeling that ranges between sort of nothingness through well thats the end of that for a while to maybe mild depression. Not cumming but with her involvement keeps me in that sexual energy high.

Monday, August 6, 2012


Cripes I am a moody bugger. Perhaps born of frustration. A feeling of being unable to communicate to my wife nor understand her. I read some sub blogs where they revel in being ignored as their wife goes off with another man. Thats not mee. For her to kiss another woman would be a turn on for me but partly because I would not see it as replacing me but rather as her exploring sexuality, branching out into something adventurous. I also subscribed to some information from a Sarah Jamison and she makes the point that none of this will fix a marriage that has existing problems. A bit of a conundrum (if thats the right word). I think for some and me included this sub thing is a way of trying to revitalise the marriage. To revitalise the relationship. Spice it up. So at the moment, it seems we are in a bit of a trough and so I suspect my posts will be more philosophical and less descriptive because there is not much to describe.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

She is away

My wife is away at a conference. I am the kids taxi driver. The sacrifices we make :)

Friday, August 3, 2012

She does not want to hurt

This is all a bit negative so you may wish to go and read something else. :) I got back from my work trip and when we hopped into bed, she immediatly started to rub my penis. I tried to caress her and so on. She said she was on her period and she know I do not want to penetrate her when she is on her period. So we had a stalemate of sorts. If that is the right word for it. There were all sorts of ways this could have gone that would have been positive for me but we ended up with me putting on a plastic bag with some baby oil in it. We have done this as a way of stimulating and masturbating without messing the bed etc for years. I ended up cumming and she did not even attempt to get turned on or respond. So to me I had an orgasm - OK that's nice but in all other ways this was a somewhat depressing interaction. It seems to me that she is either motivated to do something that she thinks I like -orgasm or she is wishing to reduce my sexual energy by having me orgasm because in the past I have become moody or grumpy if denied for too long. So from my point of view any or all of the following would have made for a much better outcome. a) Tease & Denial in any one of many forms - She could get me to put on the plastic bag and rub me or have me rub myself but tell me to stop when I get close to orgasm. Then repeat. b) Simply tell me that she is on her period and so there will be no sex for me tonight. c) Get me to rub her (through her panties and pad) until she cums. d) Engage in kissing, cuddling, discussion on abstinance, love etc etc. The only thing worse than what we did would have been for her to ignore me. That would have been emotionally painful. I remember once hearing a girl say on fashion that wearing the wrong thing is bad but not being noticed is the worst thing possible. I am not sure but somehow I believe it would be great if my wife could understand that physical pain is not bad. That abstaiance has benefits. That tease AND DENIAL is a challenge and so on.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Away on business

Out of town and not really in a position to post. Hence no updates. No sex either obviously. And actually no desire to cheat either on my own or in the way that it seems some men do when on business trips. To me being faithful is just that. Hope you are all good.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Interpretation of Submission

I want him to take the initiative
To open doors, hold coats, Ladies first.
To gently approach sexually
All without being told

I want her to order me about and spank me when I am good and beat me when I am bad.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Sunday morning sex with her on top

We had sex Saturday night.
We chatted about how last time we had had sex, she had fallen asleep on top of me and I said how I had found that enjoyable.  On that occasion, we had both ended up cumming.  I said that I was OK with her having me hold off and that it would be fun for her to relax and sleep on me with me not cumming as I would presumably stay hard and stay inside her.  Anyway it was a fun discussion that finished up that way with her cumming several times and then falling asleep on me.

I just lay there with my arms around her and so so turned on but knowing I must lie still.  I also found it hard to breath.  At one stage, she woke up and I asked if we could put a pillow beside me and she would partially lie on that and she did.  I was still sort of hard and in the process of manouvering the pillow under her, she giggled which is something she has not done for ages and started to move and I giit hard and she came again and then relaxed and whispered in my ear "Hope you enjoyed that".

I must have drifted off to sleep but woke a few times as it was still quite hard to breath.  I was determined though to see if I could go the whole night like this.  Such is having a fetish I guess.
In the morning, she woke and just started to move again and again reached orgasm.  Then pulled off and kissed me passionately on the lips.  I was so so turned on.  It was great.

She said she hoped I had enjoyed that and I said I sure did. 

We then had another conversation about sex and orgasm.  She is still unsure about me not cumming.  I think she somehow feels that I don't find her attractive enough or something.  I tried to reassure her that she was really beautiful and that I did get great satisfaction from her cumming and that I enjoyed the tease.  I reminded her that in the last few moths she has cum many times and yet earlier in our marriage there were times when it seemed that she would not get to orgasm for years at a time.

I tried to broach the subject of perminant chastity but I do not think she is ready for that.

We discussed moodyness and I said well that is a problem.  I said remember that after I have had orgasm, there is some down feeling too.  At least some lack of attention feeling.  So me getting moody because I do not get to orgasm is a negative reason for me orgasming.  We should concentrate on the positives and work through the negative.  I mentioned that if she were to punish me by whipping if I get moody.  She said that how can that be a punishment as I enjoy the pain and I said make it so painful that there is no way I can enjoy it.  She said "well see". 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Chatting with the wife about teasing

Last night we got into bed and snuggled up together and I said thank you for last night.

She said "would you like to do it again" and naturally I said "Yes" and so she said get out of bed and put on a plastic bag.  I got a plastic bag out of the bedside table and put a little baby oil in it and put it over my penis.  I then said should I put on plastic pants or just undies and she said undies.  Got back into bed and she stroked and teased me.

I said "Can I cum" and she said "Not tonight, do you think you can wait all night like this" and I said "yes" and she said "No waking me up rubbing against me or rocking the bed at 2am".  I said "I'll do my best".

We then went on to have a wonderful little conversation where we discussed how she liked me to touch her bottom and tease her by gradually doing things and moving slowly.  I said "well you stroking me and teasing me is like that too.  There is great enjoyment in the tease. The anticipation.  The sexual tension" 

She said we will be going to sleep at 11:30 and you can wake me at a quater to six in the morning for 15 minutes and then I (her) will be getting up. 

From about 5am I was awake watching the clock and at 5:45am I started to stroke her back and when she stirred I said "it's a quater to six".  We played & touched and she stroked my hard penis through the undies and plastic bag.  I asked if I could cum, half hoping she would say "no" but she said "yes" and so with her touching me I rubbed and came and that was a nice way to start the day.