Monday, April 30, 2012


I am on a bit of an emotional up and down.  Whats new you say.

On the physical side, I feel a sort of tightness in my neck.  Its a strange shrug your shoulders kind of feeling that I have had before when abstaining from sex.  Also a sort of knot or hungry feeling in my stomach.  Naturally I get hard easily and of course any thing in a skirt attracts my attention.  Yesterday I as I drove to work, I passed a couple on bicycles.  Both clad in lycra as they do.  The girl though was wearing a dress. I almost crashed. Luckilly we all were held up at the lights and I was able to admire her outfit in detail as she was stopped beside me.

I struggle with my wife's requirement for me not to initiate discussion on the topic of sex.  I so want to talk about it.  About my feelings and hers.  At the same time, I want to encourage her that I want her to be in charge and that I am not going to fight her and that it should work for both of us.

She at least has not forgotton and occasionally will touch me.  Last night, without being asked,I finished off all the washing up and then put it all away and made sure the kitchen was clean and tidy including putting the rubbish out and so on.  I tried to make sure that there were no loose ends.When I was done, she had been getting the kids into bed and we passed in the hall on our way to do the next chore and she stopped and kissed me and said "you are doing so well".  I often wish she would initiate physical stuff and so this meant a lot to me.

On a sort of related issue, I was having breakfast with a couple of mates after exercising this morning and at one stage one of the other guys commented that most GPS units have a female voice because men like to take direction from women.  I smiled quietly to myself and nodded in agreement.

It's kind of interesting I think that with no expectation of cuming, I get less moody and seem to have more energy.  I have this unfortunate problem that if things do not go as expected then I get moody.  So with no expectation, there is no moody and that works for both of us.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Its what you want

I awoke this morning.  So hard and so wanting sex.
She had said 3 days with out speaking and hinting and 3 days are over.
I lay in bed.  Should I say anything.  Should I touch her.  Just once.
I figured I would try to stay silent and try to not touch her.

I lay there.

She woke rolled over kissed me on the lips and reached down, touched my penis, kissed me a second time and said "this is what you want".  I asked how long and she said "This has worked so well, it does you good to wait in silence".  I kissed and hugged her again and then she said "lets try it a little longer no mention of sex no groping me and touching me sexually no hinting". 

"for how long I said"

She said "you wanted this and it does you good so don't ask and just wait.  Good things come to those who wait"

Oh god what have I done

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

oh oh oh

I am an emotional beast.  I swing between really really wanting to be submissive to being fruistrated and at other times regretful and anoyed and wishing for this and that.

So I am on 3 days punishment for speaking harshly to her.

Today is Anzac day.  A public holiday here in Australia to remember our fallen soldiers.

After getting up early to attend marches and so on, we were both tired.  So we lay down for a mid afternoon nap.  I was as you would expect turned on and keen but also mindful both of my wish to be submissive and her directive to not mention sex and me not wishing to push the issue.  So I lay there and actually slept then I felt her snuggle up to me. 

She too my hand and placed it on her bottom.  She was wearing short shorts and they were reasonably tight and very sexy.  Then she started to move and and gradually moved my hand onto the cuf of her shorts so I could feel some skin along with the material.  Then she said to try to get my finger inside her  even though the shorts were pretty tight.  I managed this and before long she orgasmed.  Ahhh she said and went back to sleep.

Boy was I hard as but I kept saying to my self.  "say nothing".  "Stay silent".  "obey"

I could not sleep.  I just lay there.

Half an hour later she woke up and cuddled up to me again.  Then she said take your pants off and take mine off and put it inside me.  So I struggled with her shorts because they were tight but soon they were off.  Her panties just slipped off easily and mine were off in a flash.  She handed me the lubricant and I put some on. 

She lay back on her back and spread her legs apart.  Man what an invitation.  I was so hot.

I got on top.  Used my arms and legs to keep for squashing her and gently ever so gently pushed in.  Little gentle pushes.  A bit further each time.  It took all my concentration not to just slam it home and cum.  Once I was all the way in, I just started to thrust gently in and out.  But after only one thrust she pushed on my shoulder and rolled us over so she was on top. 

She started to ride me and she was excited.  I was concentrating on not cumming.  I did not want to cum without permission and I did not want to ask for permission or even initiate any conversation relating to sex even tough we were right into it. 

It takes her a while to reach orgasm and so it took a while this time too.  I would go through waves of almost cumming and then the feeling would subside and I could trust upwards too.  Then I felt her cum as she tightened her muscels and tensed up.  Then she relaxed onto my chest. 

Then she pulled off and said "Thank you" and feell asleap.

About 10 minutes later she awoke and said "time to get up" and nothing has been mentioned since.

Wow I so want sex!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

She feels bad I feel good

we had a chat the other day. One of those rare chats about sex that I so value.

I asked how she felt when she came and I did not.

She said she felt "guilty".
I take it that she is empathetic in that regard.

I think part of the problem is that she is not kinky in any way shape or form.
I said that I get great satisfaction out of her cumming and that if I cum then I end up diverting attention from her to me.

So anyway on Sunday night I lost it a bit with the way I spoke to her.  The rest of the evening was rather cold emotionally.
Last night, driven by hormonal desire, I suggested sex.

This progressed to another conversation where she said and I think correctly that why should I be rewarded for my nasty conversation through having sex.

We talked about how I value things like physical contact and time with her.
She values not being criticised and being told she is bad.  It seems that even the slightest criticism on my part is taken badly and I guess in the cold light of day, if I am to be truely submissive I should never criticise her.

The result of that conversation was that I was not to mention sex or rub myself in bed or snuggle sexually for three nights.  If I even mention or even hint at sex then the three day clock restarts.  Then after that she will touch and tease me but there will be no cumming for a further 10 days. 

To me that is punishment and reward.  The three days will be agony for me.  I know I will go through periods of feeling neglected.  That is hard.  When she touches and teases me, I know I am alive and loved.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Agh lost it!

I am so angry and disapointed in myself.
I felt neglected and let my feelings get the better of me and I spoke to my wife in a frustrated voice and said a few things that were not said in such a nice way.

I do so need her to be strong and discipline me when I do this.  That would help me not speak badly to her and of course make her happier because she would not be on the receiving end.  But alas, as is the case these days, the politicaly correct thing is self control.  But sometimes I am weak and do not have the necessary self control.

I read with envy the sites where the wife activly controls the husband.  To me the fact that she takes the time, puts in the effort speak volumes of her love for her husband.  yes it would be tough and (hopefully) embarrassing at times but there would be a security in knowing I was loved and a calmness that would engulf our relationship.

There you go.  vent over.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Comming home

I have been away for a week and came home late friday night.

I was really turned on and cuddled up to her hoping for sex.
She asked 'have you been good'
to which I replied 'I have'
and she said 'no lapses?'
I was excited because this seemed to be a rare occasion when she engaged on the topic of sex.
I said 'none'
She said its been over a week and I said that I was really turned on.
She said she was too tired to do it tonight.
That immediatly made me feel down.  It was OK I think for her to deny me in a tease way but not just because she was in my view too lazy.  I took a deep breath and asked "when would I be allowed to cum" and she said she had not decided.  Maybe next month.  Thats 10 days away.  Thats what you want and patience is good.
wow I was so hot.  I so wanted sex.
She said "now sleep and lie still all night"
I lay there hard as a rock.

In the morning I snuggled up to her and she put her hand on my penis.  That excited me even more.
She opened the bedside table and got out the lube and handed it to me.  Then she got out of bed and said put some of that on and she went to the toilet.  When she came back she lay on her back and put her legs apart.  I got on top and gently pushed in.

Then she rolled me over.  Usually I have to suggest that she be on top but this time, she initiated it which was another turn on.

She moved and trusted and it took a while and she came.  All the while I was so turned on.  Then she lay on top of me with me inside her. This gives me such a good feeling of satisfaction.  After what seemed an age but was probably only another minute she started to move again and again she came.  Then she lay on top and started to tighten herself around me.  Man that drove me wild.  I started to trust up and she said lie still and I did and she tightened again and she said lie still again and so I did.  Then she started to thrust and she moved more agressivly and I started to thrust and she wispered in my ear " do you want to cum" and I replied "more than anything" and she said "well I have thought about it and it is not this morning"  cripes that almost made me cum right there.  She kept moving.  I was so so close  then I though 'stuff this I just have to cum and I started to thrust harder'  she said "don't you cum".  I regained self control and she came and we lay there with her on top.

Then she pulled off and said "that's enough for today"
That was yesterday and I am still rock hard.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Another week of abstinance

Sunday morning she got on top and came several times.
I asked if I could cum and she said no.  I think you can hold off another week.  Its what you want and it will do you good.
Deep breath.

I wonder what it is about cuming that on the one hand I really enjoy it and on the other I enjoy the tension of not cumming.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


It is the easter school holidays and we went camping with friends.  No chance for sex.  A great opportunity for guys to do guy things like chopping wood and making fires. 

Naturally plenty of thinking about what it means to be submissive on my part.  So I got real enjoyment out of making the camp - that strong physical stuff.  At the same time looking after her.  I am not sure where she is at with the submission thing.  I just made sure that if she asked for anything that I did it.  I did not bring up the subject.