Saturday, December 25, 2010

12 orgasms of Christmas

Last night, christmas eve, in bed late. Stuffed. Been wrapping christmas presents.

My wife hops into bed and snuggles up and starts caressing my penis. I know she is tired. I start to run my hands over herbottom and I realise she has a pad on. She tells me her period has arived.

I say sorry I had not realised. She normally does not do sex with her period which is OK by me. She says keep going. So I keep going. I ask her why she has been giving me so much sex recently and that I had expected that she would want to limit my orgasm because I was less moody and so on. She said this is the 12 orgasms of Christmas. Two to go hers and mine. So I keep caressing. This is amazing. She is having some fun with sex. She tells me to put a plastic bag on. This will contain any mess I make. I do that and resume caressing her.

Then she rolls me onto my front and gets on my back and starts pressing herself against me. Then she lies on me and wraps her and round and grabs my penis and starts to rub it while humping me then I feel her jerk and orgasm. I ask can I cum and she says yes go now so I do.

Friday, December 24, 2010

she is on top

Last night (Thursday night) I am drifing off to sleep when she starts to rub my penis and shakes me and says get your pants off.
What err wha er yes right away.
I am waking and she is interested. This is amazing.
She is dry but she is working herself down on me.
I offer lube but she declines. Takes her time.
She moves up and down and so do I.
I am trying hard not to cum and I really actually don't want to.
She cums.
Now I want to cum but she says not now sleep well.

Now its morning and I wonder what will happen.
Once again she is interested.
This time she asks for lube and for me to come in on top of her.
So I do very gently. I am thrustng slow and deep and she rolls me onto my back.
She keeps moving but does not cum.
Then she rolls so I am on top.
I am thrusting slow and deep and I stop because I am worried I will cum.
she says I want you to cum.
I say what about you.
She says keep moving.
I came and then she got excited and I tried hard to stay hard and in the last seconds before I went limp she came.

And that is the morning before christmas morning.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Just down

So I have been getting into the submissive head space
Last night my wife comes and tells me that she has not organised presents for our kids. She has been so busy doing everything else (her own stuff).

So now I am expected to flip into action and sort this out.

Just needing to vent.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wednesday AM

OK another interesting turnaround.
This morning I open my eyes and see she is lying on her back giving herself a massage of her eyes and temples. I ask if she would like a massage and she says yes. All good. I massage her and I engoy it. She rolls over and I continue.
After a time she thanks me and gets up and goes to the toilet.
When she gets back she asks if I want a quickie and I say no.
She says what do I want and I say that I enjoy her telling me what is happening in the bed room and can I do anything for her.
She says put a plastic bag on.
This means get a plastic bag put some baby oil in it and put it over my penis.
She said roll onto my stomach and she started to massage my penis. I was hard and turned on.
Then she started to rub her hands over my bottom. Over my boxers.
I was wondering and wishinbg she would spank me. I did not want to ask because I did not want to push her. Then she did. She smacked me. Not super hard but enough for a turn on sting. Then she did it a few more times. I was hard and I asked am I allowed to cum and she said yes so I came real quick.

This means that I have orgasmed pretty much every day for the last 3 days.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Getting back on the rails

I had a headache all yesterday.
I had a meeting that went late yesterday evening.
Got home. Kids already in bed. Got into bed.
Apologised to wife.
Said she should whip me.
She asked if I wanted a head massage.
I repeated that I thought she should whip me because I was so nasty.
I asked her to tie me to the bed but she said that she thought this was so I would learn some self control.
She whipped me.
At one stage she said "was that enough, did I need more".
It was hurting a lot. I could not bring myself to ask for more yet that is what I needed.
Then she did a head massage.
Went to sleep
Woke up this morning and she stroked my penis.
She got out of bed and went to the loo and as she left she said "Get your pants off"
She came back said put some lube on. She then told me to get on top and come in.
Then she rolled us over and tried to get herself turned on but did not cum then she rolled us back over and told me to cum.
I said I really don't think I should as you have not cum.
She said That will be another day.
So I came.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

blast blast blast

I lost it with my wife again. See what happens when I am not focussed.

We have so much junk at our place that just needs to be thrown out but she can't let go.

And to day I told her so.

Ruins the relationship.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A turn for the ?

This morning again my wife rose, went to the toilet and on her return, locked the bedroom door. She walked round to my side of the bed and pulled off my boxers.

As you can imagine, I am getting hard by the second and waking up quick.

She gets on top - good
Asks for lube - good.
Pushes down - good
Rolls me over - getting concerned here.

As I am gently trusting in, I enquire if she likes me to push hard and she says yes. I say can I put a couple of condoms on so that I can giver her maximum enjoyment without the risk of cuming and she says no that she wants me to cum.

Then she rolls me over and enjoys herself and cums and then rolls us back over so I am on top and says now your turn.

The problem is I had my turn. I did not cum when she came but I did get intese pleasure out of it. I do enjoy cuming but I also enjoy the tease of not cuming.

Problem is she does not seem to get that. I don't think so anyway.

So I came as instructed and it was good.

It is interesting to look back and see that from when I decided to switch from being a bully to being submissive she has gone from tolerating sex but doing it reluctantly to initiating it and enjoying it.

I will have to talk to her and say that some tease and denial would be nice and also that I do get enjoyment out of her getting enjoyment.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Get your pants off

Yesterday I was stuffed. I was tired at work all day. Came home and did not much. Lay on the bed and had a sleep while the wife prepared dinner then I did a half hearted attempt at the washing up and went and lay down again and slept. Around 11, she came to bed and that woke me up. So I got up, went to the loo, cleaned teeth and put on my PJs. Still feeling a bit sleepy I crawled into bed and gave her a good night hug and kiss and closed my eyes and lay beside her.

The next thing I hear her say is get your pants off.
Well I am waking up fast here. I am enjoying her getting excited.
I pulled off my boxers and lay there and she climbed on top. I was not hard, felt embarrassed, still half a sleep.
She rubbed herself against me and I started getting hard. Then she reached down and caressed me and I was hard. The embarrassment gone and wide awake, I wondered what would happen next.

She pushed down from on top but was quite dry. I offered lube but she said no. She rolled us over so I was on top and I worked my way in. As soon as I was in, she rolled us back so she was on top. She moved enthusiastically amd much more than she has done for years and here I am trying for all I am worth not to cum. She came and then to my suprise, rolled us over and said keep going. So I did. She came again and I was so so close. I said "can I cum" she said "yes" (mind you I was half hoping she would say no, but I did not want to go against her direction or turn it into a debate) so I thrust a few more times and she came again and I came and it was good. :)

Pulled out, lay beside her. Went to sleep.
So good.
Woke up refreshed.

She was half awake, I asked what motivated her to take the lead last night and she said she just felt like it. That is great. Mind you I still feel a bit like its the wrong way round because I did nothing last night to deserve it. But she did take thelead and I did what she asked. In bed anyway.

Got up came to work.
Left her in bed alseep.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


This morning Tuesday 14 we had sex. I was not desperate as it was only last week. It was good sex. We both came. She tried to come on from on top but was dry so she asked me to come in from on top with her on her back. Then she did not want to roll me over and so it was a real challenge for me to thrust and not cum and eventually I said "I think I am going to cum, can I cum and she said "yes" And I came.

Been a bit ho hum this week actually.

I need to get back into that sub head space.

I have had some reasonable conversations regarding her leading and knowing that she is leading.

The other thing is that she is doing what she is for me because she knows that is what I want. So its kind of the wrong way round. Like I should be doing things firstly for her and she should also be doing things for her and through that I get satisfaction.

I guess I should be realistic that my dream is that she is some sort of dominatrix in a short black skirt and a riding crop. However I know that will never be.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Oops again

Ok so last night I grump at her. This and that is wrong and stupid me just lists it all out at her.

We go to bed.
I wake up.
Eventually she wakes.
I say sorry.
I say are you awake enough to administer the punishment.
She says yes.
I close the bedroom doors.
I lie on the bed and she whips me.
Then she sits beside me.
I hug her and ask if she is OK. She says yes.
I ask her to do more and harder. It really hurts but I am really disappointed with myself for being nasty to her.
I tell her that the issues and facts that I have problems with, I still would like to communicate to her. This is about the way I communicate not the facts that I am trying to communicate.
She whips me again.
It hurts a lot.
It is over.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Yes Yes Yes

After my last post I went back to bed.
I kissed her and snuggled and she stroked my penis.
I was so turned on and hard and her stroking it actually makes it easier for me to abstain. Which is the opposite of what you might think.

Eventually she said get the lube.
Mate I was on it in a flash.
Out of bed.
Locked the bed room door
Lube out.
Clothes off
I put some lube on my penis and got between her legs and very gently entered her.
I said as I was doing this that I was trying to be gentle.
After I was inside her I gently started to move and so did she.
Then she motioned to me to roll over.
Now with her on top, she removed her nightee and started to work her self up.
She asked me to put my hands on her bottom and the tops of her legs at the back. I did.
Then I held still and said I think I'm going to cum.
She held still
But I could feel the cum flowing.
I said I think I am cuming, can I cum and she said yes.
We started thrusting and we both came.

yum. I could do it all again.
What a way to start a day.

I wonder what we will do next.
Will she make me abstain?
There is a bit of fear here because she has seen that abstaining makes me happier and I think she knows that even though I find it a struggle in some ways, at the same time I am also generally happier and much nicer to her.

I think the balance is long enough periods of chastity to make it a challenge.
Enough attention / teasing to know I am loved and appreciated.
Enough sex that the mariage connection is maintained.

under pressure

Get a text from my wife saying she is going to a friends place and that dinner would be late.

Now I have spent the last 10 years trying to get her to have dinner on the table by 6pm with no success. So I take deep breath and shimmy then shrug my shoulders and say to my self "this is what it is all about". So I text her back saying "thats OK. Would she like me to cook dinner and what would she like". She posts back "yes and that she was going to do chops or steak" So I text her and ask "what time would she like dinner and could she text as she leaves her friends so I can complete the preparations so dinner will be served at its peak in quality". All good

I get home and get in the groove. The washing up has piled up again so while the chops are defrosting I get the washing up done. Then she calls and says we are thinking of having asian take away would I like to come over. I say yes (Eating on my own is a bummer). I am enjoying just going with the flow.

Later on, get home and get kids into bed etc.

Then I say to her, I think she should lie on the bed nude and I will massage her. She goes into the bath room and takes off her clothes then she walks into the bed room holding her nightie in front of her covering her breasts and then lies face down on the bed. I get the massage oil and gently but firmly massage her. Occasionally I brush her bottom as this used to turn her on.

Alas she did not get turned on.

At one stage the conversation went in that direction.

She said "I thin you can go another day"
Man that turned me on and so here I am. Early morning. Can't sleep. want sex. Not getting it.
The ache in my balls is less.
The feeling of inadequacy I realise has also gone.
I have been happier generally. Still a bit moody but much less so.
I am trying harder to listen.

Also noted in the conversation was that since I have been abstaining, I am a lot happier.
'isn't it strange that without sex, we feel a lot closer"

I wonder how long she will make me wait?

A far cry from me having her stand naked in front of me while I just lay in bed and looked at her. Sometimes as she stood there, I would stand up and run my hands over her or have her lie on the bed. I used to say "on your back legs apart don't resist me" and we would just have sex.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


It is now two and a half weeks or so since I last came.
My balls ache
I am hard a lot.
I am thinking of her a lot
I want sex
I have not had a wet dream.
When I was a teen, I had wet dreams about once a week maybe more. It was a real struggle. Sometimes not only my pyjama pants were wet and sticky but it would shoot right up onto my chest and my pyjama top would also be wet and sticky.

I had a nice discussion with her last night about teasing and she said that she does not want to tease because it is nasty. Now I know she is not a nasty and not a vindictive person so the thing is how do I convince her that teasing me is not nasty.

She said that everything she is doing is because it is what I want. Making me abstain, eventually giving me permission to cum, whipping me especially.

I said that I wished that I could find a way where she could at least be a little selfish. She said that's not her.

Problem is it is her she does not realise it. She does a lot of things that make me jealous. Things that I see as selfish. he infernal busyness for starters. He always being late when she knows that being on time is something I value.

I note that subservient-husband had the wheels fall off the relationship but the next post shows that they are back on. Which is great for him and his wife.

It made me wonder whether women want what they want but do not understand the impact that they are actually having?
Like it seems that many women are very controlling but would deny it even to themselves.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

No value

I am feeling down.

My balls ache. I have not had sex for 2 1/2 weeks.
Last night my wife got into bed and said sorry I haven't read your blog for a few days. She laughed and said "I got the laundry folded". (Not this blog but the one I have specially for her).

She then asked if I would like to talk and I had not much to say. Usually I want to discuss being submissive. I want sex.

So I feel less valued than the laundry.

Then I come here to write about my feelings and I see that there are about 600 hits to my blog but not one comment and even if I go back a few days. Only two people - subservient husband and Weave. So I feel sort of pointless.

I started off telling her that I only wanted sex when she wanted it but I can't excite her. I just don't know what to do. My head space is entering a dangerous place and that is starting to wish she would just give me relief. If it is such a sacrifice for her to let me inside her then at least her giving me that is showing me some value.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


So yesterday is Monday and mid morning my wife rings me at work to tell me that 14yo has yelled at her and then has gone off with his friends and then has called in tears to say he's left his phone on the train. My wife is sad for him loosing the expensive phone and has called the railways.
I text the phone offering a reward.
Periodically during the day, I call the phone and each time it rings out.
Time passes.
Phone answers. "Hello its son here, I found my phone in my bag"
I instruct son to apologise to wife when he gets home. For both shouting and losing phone.
Arrive home.
Wife is out with other child.

Thinking of "subservient-husband
's" advice, to do things for her, I decide to do some more of the things on the list on the fridge, I replace a light fitting in one room and replace the bulb in the kitchen and then tidy away the stuff that has accumulated on the dining room table. Not romantic but practical. I check the kitchen and wash the dishes.

We have dinner.
She leaves for choir practice.
I ready the kids to go to scouts.
As we are leaving, she calls to tell me that they are supposed to take a plate of supper. I ask what we have and she says look in the cupboard. While she is on the phone, I go look and it is full of chocolate and junk. I am annoyed. I express my annoyance to her down the phone. I yell at her. "Why do we have all this junk in our house"

After the call I feel bad. I feel weak.

I get the kids into their beds. I complete the washing up and cleaning of the kitchen. I put glasses of water beside our bed. I turn on the bed side lights.

When she got home I asked how she was. She said that she had asked the choir to give her a "sound immersion" whatever that is.

I said I am so sorry that I yelled at her on the phone.
I said to her "you know what we have to do"

She does not like hitting me.

Anyway she went and did a couple of things. I changed into my boxers and got out the electrical chord and put it on the bed beside me. Then I lay face down on the bed. I actually felt sick. I was so anoyed with myself for shouting at her.

She entered the room and just picked up the chord and without saying anything she brought it down hard on by bottom. After the second stroke, I bit into the pillow. It hurt. I wanted it to hurt. I did not want to cry out because I knew that right now that would cause her to stop and I need her to not only punish me but to gain confidence. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to withstand the pain as each stroke landed on my bottom.

Then she stopped and put the chord in the draw and walked out.

She went into her office and did some work on her computer.

After a time I went in and stood behind her and massaged her. I said that my punishment was not about the chocolate it was about shouting at her. I said I am sure I could have found a way to in mature way express my concern about chocolate in the house without resorting to shouting at her down the phone.

I know I am not getting sex tonight. Even I can see the atmosphere is not right.

But she is getting more confident. We have had a couple of discussions about her lack of libido and whether she is actually turned off by me. Does she even want me inside her. She even asked if I was OK that we had not had sex on Sunday night and I said "yes" and I went on to say that "I want to create space for her to feel like wanting sex". I asked if when we were first married, did she think about sex before we got into bed and she said "yes she did". I said that I wanted to try and get the relationship back to being like that and that I did not want to pressure her. She said what if it takes a long time. I said that "It is something I really want". She said "What if it takes a year". I said "What do you mean". She said what if it is a year before I get to have sex. Now I am so hard and so turned on that I say "Even if it is a year".

I must be mad.

Monday, December 6, 2010

She said He said

In response to my previous message she said
It's Sunday night.
Waiting for you to come home.
Hoping you've had a great day.
We'll see what happens ... : )
I did not get sex. We did not have sex. She did say she was tired and so we kissed and cuddled and she went to sleep

I wrote back

Hi Dear,

Right now there are two motivations, two drivers for me wanting sex.

1. The physical desire. The physical pressure within me. I am a guy and that is the way it is.

2. The desire I have that you are happy. In particular that you get to have great enjoyment.

The first thing is that as I think about it, what I want first is a way in my own mind to swap the order of these areound. I want to be in the mindset that puts your happyness first.

The next thing is that I suspect that I need to find a way to make your whole life happy. In as much as I influnece it anyway.

We didn't have sex last night and I appreciate that you were not turned on. I was not here until late and I guess that meant that there was not time. time to just be together. I appreciate that you did not just give me relief. Thankyou for being honest with your feelings. Thank you for having the strength to say no.

So I wait.

No! I need to do more. I need to proactivly change my behaviour. I need to do things so she is happy. Actually more than happy. So she is inspired.

I am asking for your help with ideas to turn her on. I am willing to do anything. So do not limit yourselves. What would she just love. What too should I do. It could be simple at home stuff right through to the special treats and presents.

Over to you guys on what I can do.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


My balls are aching. It has been two weeks. I am desperate for sex. I must be mad - this is what I wrote to my wife

Sunday night is approaching and I know you said that we might have sex then.

At this early stage, please do not give me sex for "relief" as I have indicated that just makes me feel small. I can't even light a flame in my wife.

Maybe down the track you will give me sex as a gift or a present without you yourself cuming, but right now, please just engage in sex if you want it. Please do not let me cum unless at the very least you are going to cum. But preferably cum first and even second. As many times as YOU want. Then and only then MAYBE let me cum. Either way I will be rewarded. If I am too pushy or I have not put the effort into getting the atmosphere right for YOU then please don't give it to me.

You may think I am mad and I probably am but I do not want to continue to be rewarded for weak behaviour on my part.

I would also like to talk to you about whipping me.

As I have said previously it is not like spanking a child. I chose something for you to hit me with that I would never hit a child with as I did not want there to be any connotation of parent - child type relationship. This is totally me asking you to help me modify my weak behaviours and there is a strength in that.

But I would ask that at some time, at time of your choosing that you whip me. Just tell me to lie down and you are going to whip me. How hard and how long and whether you tie me is up to you. But I want you to feel free to do that. I do not want to pressure you to do it and you don't have to do it more than once although you can if you wish. But I do want you to consider doing it please. It can be as a punishment for doing something or it can "just be". Please. be free.

The next thing is that after I have done you wrong. Shouted, lost my temper, not responded to you. And I ask you to whip me then please do that. It is intended to be a punishmnet. I really believe that corporal punishment can help to change behaviour. This is not something new to me. I want to put it into action.

But I want you to do more than that. I am putting down in writing, so that you will know that I am serious. I want you to tie me to the bed so I can not wimp out of it. Then I want you to whip me with all your strength. As if you were beating the dust out of a blanket. Please as hard as you can. Put every ounce of strength and do it as hard as you can. I know it will feel like your arm is heavy and someone has got you by the elbow and is restraining you but try as hard as youpossibly can. I know you are not a vindictive or grudge bearing person so this is not some kind of get back at me for the hurt I have caused but it is from my side a cathardic or symbolic hurdle that I wsh to. That I need to overcome.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Still abstaining

Its Saturday AM and almost two weeks without sex. Oooohhhhh.

I have asked a few times and each time she has said "no" and each time I have thanked her.

She has also a couple of times told me to "lie still".
It is such a turn on that she is becoming more confident to say that.

Friday, December 3, 2010

4am philosophy

Its 4am and I am wide awake. I have a hard on. I really really want sex. Six months ago, I would have woken her up and she would have given me sex but her sleeping through sex just did not do it for me. or her.

So here I am writing here to off load my thoughts.

She and I had a brief discussion last night and she said that as a teen she did not masturbate. A great discussion to have but disappointing in that it confirms that she has always had a low libido. I asked if she had done it for religious reasons and although that was part of it, it was only a small part.

I asked her what she thought about me being submissive and she said "it was what I [husband] wanted" we went on to discuss / confirm that she is doing things like making me abstain and whipping me because "that is was what I [husband] wanted".

I said its OK for you to be a bit selfish.

I also offered that we throw out all the short skirts that she has and go and buy pants. I used to make her wear mini skirts a lot and every pair of pants she has caused friction in the past. She said she liked her skirts but I think she will take up my offer to go shopping for some sports shorts.

The other day, I wrote her a list of everything I was giving up and she had read it. It is reposted here below so you can read it. I said that I would welcome her doing anything on that list to me. I said for example that I loved the message and the plastic sheet on the bed and that whenever she did this to please make sure she has explicitly instructed me not to cum. That I only want to cum in conjunction with her enjoying sex. I said I appreciate her giving me treats regarding acknowledging my kinky fetishes but that I really want the joy of sex to only be associated with her present.

I wonder what the world will be like in the future when women will be much more in control Will they be able to handle it. In my view their multi tasking and social people skills mean that they make great managers but sometimes with out rules they seem to go out of control. Through the best intentions they become ????

Like I sat on a plane the other day and across the isle were two women talking about how they control their daughters. They were so up front with each other about how they manipulate and control the daughters especially regarding boy friends. The daughters were 16 as I recall and from what ever age they started having boyfriends, the mothers would limit or encourage contact with the boyfriend depending on whether the mother liked the boyfriend or not. They were well motivated in that they wanted the best for their daughters but they sure were not willing to let the daughters have any freedom of choice. They admitted to organising holidays away from home to keep boyfriends away, to making the daughters do homework, "I keep her in her school uniform on week nights so she can't go out with him". And on the other hand when they approved of the boyfriends they would "drive the two of them to the movies" and we "took him to xyz for a week. such a lovely boy". So controlling. I loved listening in as you can imagine.

A letter to my wife on what I am giving up

Hi dear,
I want to rekindle the fire in our marriage.
I want love. I want you to feel loved. I want you to feel you have space. I guess space to find the love you onece had for me.

These are some of the things I am giving up. I am aware that I am giving them up and will never get them back. I am listing it here so you know and so I know. Its all out in the open.

Mini Skirts - If I had my way, you would wear them all the time like you did for the first 10 years of our marriage. Yes you would feel self conscious. Yes people would comment and yes they would sometimes see your undies. This I am giving up.

Plastic - Well you and plastic anyway. If I had my way, we would put the plastic protector back on the bed. Even though it was sweaty and crinkly and we did not sleep well, I liked it a lot. I would wrap you tightly in plastic. One of my favourite memories is sitting on the couch with you in front of me. Wrapped in plastic with bike pants and a tee shirt over the top. I say behind you and ran my hands over your chest. Another is the time we went to the restaurant with you wrapped under your clothes. As you know I enjoy plastic pants and I liked you wearing them even though you hated everything to do with plastic. Any possibility of this ever happening again I am giving up.

Spanking you - I dreamed of spanking you. I am sorry I hit you so hard. In hindsight, I think I should have just lightly, very lightly spanked you. patted you. It seems though that I created in you a huge fear of spanking. I know that it can modify behaviour and that is why I have asked you to whip me because I want to overcome my weak control over my temper. I dreamed of "fixing" your time management and I believed that could be done with spanking. I also saw spanking you a way of you demonstrating submission to me. This I am giving up.

Control briefs & tights - again, if I had had my way, you would wear them a lot. I remember a short time when you wore them for several days even at night. Back when our bed was down stairs.

Asking permission - At one time I tried to get you to call me sir as a way to demonstrate your submission to me and more recently I have tried to get you to ask permission to go to the toilet. All of this I am giving up.

Control - I am giving up some degree of control. I would gladly give it all up. In a way that would be easier but as I understand it, you don't want that.

What I am not giving up on is......
our marriage,
our kids,
the business,
our friends,
and most importantly, my faith in God.

I love you

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The first smack

Well we have reached a mile stone

Last night I lost my temper with her again. As she was preparing dinner, I offered to make some gravy. I like gravy. She started to say she had not planned gravy but then because she knows I like gravy she started to apologise. I snapped back at her "stop apologising".

Fast forward to when we are in bed. I said "I am sorry for snapping at you at dinner".

I said "you know I have been saying I want to stop doing that and I really want you to whip me"

She said "roll over"
She smacked me a couple of times with her had.

I said "Please use the whip. I want it to really hurt"
She said "OK give it to me"

I reached into the bed side draw and pulled out a length of electrical flex that I had previously cut the ends off. I had showed it to her in one of our conversations and said that I wanted something not associated with enjoyable sex. So I did not want her to use her hand because that was intimate and not going to hurt much anyway. I was not sure about a belt because it was so wide so I figured this electrical cord would be painful.

I said "Please tie me to the bed"
she said "just roll over"

She knelt beside me on the bed and I said "arn't you going to stand up so you can hit really hard" and she said "just lie there and stop talking"

So rolled over and waited to see what would happen.
She hit me. Not too hard but it stung.
Then again and again. I lost count but it was painful. I found myself struggling not to squirm and even not to say stop. I wanted it to continue but it was also pretty darn painful. I forced my face into the pillow and bit into the pillow. Anyway after she had done a few. I did not count maybe 10 or 20 she stopped and said "is that enough are you done".

I sat up and hugged her and thanked her.
I was embarrassed but appreciative

Later I asked for sex and she straight out said no. Two weeks will be a good time. That is Monday. Ooooh. How can I wait?

Then this morning I asked again to cum and she said "No! Lie still. Stop waking me up" Thank you.

So she is gaining confidence and I am getting some of what I crave.
I am so so happy.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

We inch slowly closer

I must be mad I think.
Fancy a guy telling his wife that he will do anything for her.
Giving up power is scary.
I told her last night that yes I have been thinking about this for ages and ages and yes I want her to be in charge and that I will no longer hassle her to wear short skirts or all sorts of things.

I emphasised again that I would really like her to boss me around in the bed room.

I said, look have some fun in the bed room and maybe it will spill out into the rest of our lives.

I said tease me, torture me, spank me, make me do things just for you.

Now she is a bit taken a back by all this.

As I say if she takes me up on this it will be heaven and hell at the same time.

More talk. less sex

We talked more last night.
She still has not gotten comfortable with the idea of leading or that this will even last but at least we are talking.

It is now over a week since I last came. The sexual pressure really focusses the mind. there is still some degree of internal feeling of inadequacy. but that seems to be lessening.

Last night I asked if I could cum. She is on her period. She said "I thought you wanted to hold off for a while" I said that's true but I am so turned on. She then reminded me she was on her period. We then went on to discuss that the idea behind this submission thing is to use my sexual energy to spend the time to get her turned on and that if I get rewarded for other behaviours then I will not focus on her. Mind you what would have turned me on more would have been if she had simply said "no there is no release for you tonight because I don't want it" ie I would have gotten enjoyment out of her being overtly selfish.