Tuesday, May 31, 2011

long pjs

Went shopping at lunch time and bought her long PJs.

She normally wears nightees to sleep in because in the past I was negative about her wearing pants. Now being submissive to her I want to try and let her know that all those old pressures of mine are over and she is free to wear whatever she wants.

I hope she like the pjs and I hope she feels free.

lost it and punished

Monday morning and I was feeling stressed.

I felt like my life was out of control.
I fekt frustrated. I felt she had made some wrong decisions and did not recognise it.
So on monday morning I told her.

Then as I drove to work I calmed down.
Then I became anoyed with myself.
How can I be submissive when I have this judgemental attitude.
I want to support her.
I want her to feel free, empowered, in power, in control.
I actually want my life to be controlled by her
So why did I feel so angry when I felt my life was out if control.

I think it was because I felt that it was not either under her control nor mine but just bouncing around being controlled by circumstances.

I phoned her and apologised for the way I spoke to her

Anyway, after the kids were in bed, I said to her that I think she should whip me.

She said that she understood that much of what I had said was right and I said that the reason she should whip me was because of the way I spoke to her. I was nasty and agressive and in any situation, that is not the way to treat someone.

I said "I do not like that about me. I want to change and whipping helps that" "It helps me catch myself before I do it, if I know there is a painful consequence"

Later when it was time for bed, I asked if she had thought about punishing me. She said yes and went round to the bedside table and took out the electrical flex that is used to whip me.

I was in my pyjamas so I pushed back the bed clothes and lay on my stomach.
She said nothing.
She whipped me lon my bottom about 10 times from one side of the bed. I lost count as I was dealing with the pain and concentrating on not crying out. Then she went round to the other side of the bed and did the same thing. Then she asked if that was enough or did I need more.

I actually don't like that question. I think because in a way, it is empowering me or at least giving me an option or making a decision about this. After a moment, I said "I think I should receive some more." So she did some more from that side and then came back to the first side and did some more. I just buried my head in my pillow and tried hard not to cry out.

When she was done, she put the chord back in the draw and got into bed.

She then said "I hope that doing it from both sides is right. I don't know".

I guess she is feeling very unsure.

I asked if she still felt bad about doing it and she said that she just does not think about it.

I said I appreciate her making the effort and I really hope that it makes her feel more in control, mor empowered.

I said I would like next time, that she say to me that I had hurt her and that she was going to punish me. I said its not like abuse because I am asking her and because I want, really want to change.

She said she would think about it.

Friday, May 27, 2011


Lost my temper this morning.
Frustrated that she does not want to overtly lead.

I am anoyed with myself and wish she would punish me but she won't.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

she is letting me cum too often

Last night I asked if I could rub myself and she said yes and then this morning, she asked me to massage her back and then to move down to her bottom and legs and then she got turned on and she came which was great. Turned me on too so I asked if I could cum again and she said yes.

She's too nice.

But I guess I wish for a bit of cruel to be kind.

We did have a bit of a discussion about how different things turn each of us on.Slow and gentle for her flowers, chocolate and gentle touch. Pain, tension, roughness teasing for me. So maybe she will do some of this. Who knows.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

No stress

What I want is for her to make the decisions .

I get stressed weighing up the options.
She is the social one.

Pressure is building

No release through sexual activity since Monday AM and now I am beginning to feel like I would like sex but I suspect it is a while away.

Last night, I had one of the kids in the shower and I went to get another to do some washing up and my plan was once the washing up was started to get the kid out of the shower and get a different one in. Anyway, I arrive back from the bed room end of the house with the kid to do the washing up and my wife is doing it. At the same time, she is calling out to the kid in the shower to get out and for the one I just brought to get in. At the time I was really frustrated. I felt dis-empowered and annoyed. Then after taking a few deep breaths and walking round the house I said to myself. This is in a way what I want.

Like I would have liked her just to let me do it but also for myself, I want to be willing to accept whatever decisions she makes and whenever she makes them. If that makes sense.

Monday, May 23, 2011


She lets me rub myself sunday night

Today Monday, well gee I feel sleepy

Did the washing up and she went out.

Not much more to report right now

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Sat AM

Woke early and could not sleep so went and did some work.
7am she awoke and got up and went to the toilet so I came back to bed.
I was thinking about sex (naturally).
I snuggled up to her and asked if she would be interested.

She said "We had talked about my release today"
I liked her talking that way.
She said take your pants off and put on some lubricant.
I did so and then got on top and slid very gently in.
After a moment I asked if she would like to roll over.
I would like her to tell me to roll over but for now this is great.
Then with her on top and moving I became even more turned on.
I asked "can I come"
She said "yes" so I thrust some moe and came and it was great and she kept moving and came shortly after luckilly I had not gone limp.

Then at the end of the day we were in bed again.
I asked if I might cum again and she said "no"
She said "lets build you up a bit"
"Perhaps two weeks this time"
"Maybe at our aniversry" (which is in about 4 weeks)
"Or maybe longer"
So there is soem great sexual tension here.

Of course inside I am all over the place
This is what I want. Her interest. Her control. yet at the same time there is that physical pressure for sexual release.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Cant sleep

She came to bed last night and said she had a headache.

Normally this would really anoy me but I am trying hard to be non demading of her so I offerred her a head massage which she accepted.

I was hoping she would rub me and tease me but she didn't.

I guess this is what I want. That is for her to make decisions and so I have to accept that she is not going to doing things that I want and especially if she has a head ache.

I am now up early because I am turned on having not had release for a week and can't sleep and so in bed was just a frustration because she was asleep.

Friday, May 20, 2011

A lunch treat

I went home for lunch. (No kids)

We lay on the bed together and I gave her a massage and she fell asleap. Normally this would really piss me off but in my submissive head space I am fine with that.

After she woke up we continued to lie there.

I asked her to whip me. She said she could not whip me any harder than she had done before and I said that was fine. It was actually quite painful. I would love her to do it harder and I would love to be tied down and be free to scream out in pain but I doubt if that will happen. It would just freak her out.

She stood up and said she was going to the toilet and for me to get the chord out.

I opened the draw beside the bed and got out the length of electrical flex and lay it on the bed. I then lay there face down.

She came in and without saying anything took it and whipped me 10 times across the buttocks.
Then she walked round the other side of the bed and started again. I pushed my face into the pillow and bit into it. As each stroke hit, I wriggled my bum as it was so painful. At that time I am just totally trying to withstand the pain.

After the second 10 she said "Is that enough". Now I actually would like her not to ask that but to decide on the number and administer but she is not in that head space. I said yes. I gave her a hug and asked if she was OK. She finds it quite distressing to hit me. Pity. Maybe a good thing.

I felt great.

It is also almost a week since we had sex and I came. We have talked about her taking the lead not only in the bed room but in more areas and that is exciting for me. Interestingly I am a leader at work but at home I just want her to make all the strategic decision and also all the sexual decisions. I have said to her that I enjoy the tease of her stroking me but not letting me cum.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

maybe back on

Had a conversation with my wife regarding leading and submission and physical punishment

Maybe she will take the reins.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

unequal yoked

In my somewhat frustrating search to understand myself and my wife, I have read many blogs

It is interesting how many situations, the submissive one wants physical punishment spanking etc and the other partner is just totally against that.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers day

She has been out all day with her girl friends.

I have cleaned the dishes and partially cleaned the kitch.
The lawn is mown (done by one of the kids)

We are going out for dinner.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

light spanking

Well the wife came home last night after organising and running the youth group.

We went to bed.
I suggested that she whip or spank me or anything. Just be physical.

Eventually she spanked me with her hand on my pj's.
I asked if I could put a plastic bag on. (We do this with a little baby oil in it so no mess is made in the bed)
She spanked me some more.
I lay on my tummy rubbing against the mattress.
A couple of times, she hit the tops of my legs.

I remembered as a kid, being in the kitchen of a neighbours house and suddenly the mother laid the wooden spoon across the back of her daughters legs and the girl collapsed crying on the floor. The mother said to someone else there that she loved school unoform because it was so short that it made it easy to admisiter discipline. This was in the 1970's and the girls wore a short pleated netball skirt that just covered their sports briefs. Ahh the memories.

I asked my wife if I could put some shorts on. I wanted her to spank me on the top of my legs at the back. She just pulled my pj pants down and continued to spank me on my bare bottom.

Such a turn on.
I rubbed against the mattress
and came.
So nice.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Maybe I am

Someone said I am a jerk and that is probably true.

I would love to excite her but do not seem to be able to.
Sounds so negative.

Time to start to have another go.

I just wish that she would be more overtly controlling especially in the bedroom.
I wish she would punish me especially physically.
I wish she would whip me but she says that it hurts her.