Sunday, January 29, 2012

the best sex

Sat night
The kids are sleeping over at a friends place.

She comes to bed early and we cuddle.
Then she takes off her pjs and lies on her front.
and tells me to put one hand in from the front and to touch her clit.
She's moving and this is good.

We play stroking and touching for ages.

Then she sits on a chair at the footof the bed and spreads her legs and touches herself and I am looking right up between her legs.
She smiles at me and says "you like to watch don't you"
She askes if I would like to toch myself and I nodd eagerly and say yes.
She says go on but don't cum.

She asks would I like to lick her.
I'm keen so I say "yes".
I am still lying on my back.
She climbs on to the bed and is on her knees down at my feet.  Then she walks on ker knees with her legs straddling me right up until she is above my face.
She lowers herself down and I lick.
She still has one hand down there but then she takes both her hands and touches her breasts.
Then she tells me to reach up and touch her breasts too.
Then she cums
And when she is finished she lies on top of me and we cuddle.


Then she starts to get interested again and lies on her back and says she wants me to come in from on top.
I say that I am worried that I might cum if I am on top.
She says go put on some condoms so I go and put on two.
Then I come back and we start kissing again and she says "fuck me".
She never and I mean never ever swears so this is just amazing.
I start to push in and she says just the head.
My god what a tease.  Then she says go put some lube on it.
I do that and we start again then she says push it in "fuck me"  Do it hard.
I am thrusting in and out hard.
This is the most animated our sex has been for years.
She says don't you cum now.
I back off slightly but keep going.

Then she rolls me over and now I am on my back and she is moving on top.
Then she cums again.
She lies on me for a while and then she starts to tighten herself on my penis.
I just love that feeling.

Then again she starts to move
Then she cums again.

Then she says "OK that's it for tonight"
She gets two nappys from the bedside draw.  Gives one to me and wipes herself with the other.
Mate I am so turned on.  So hard.  So excited.
She hugs me and we fall asleep.  (stuffed too)

Morning comes and I am awake and turned on.
I dare not touch her because I do not want to wake her.

I get up and go for a run.  Then do some weights.
It's still early and she is still asleep.
I shower and shave and then get quietly back into bed.

After a time, she wakes and gets up and goes to the toilet, has a drink and gets back into bed.
Then she starts to stroke me.
Then she teases me.
She says "Will you or won't you get to cum I wonder".
Man I am excited.  She has never been this into it before.

Then she says lube up and put it inside me.
I am on top and I push gently in.
Then she says roll over and we do.
Then she moves and moves and cums again.

Then after only a half a minute I can feel her tightening on my penis.
She says roll over .
So now I am on top.
She says "fuck me hard again and this time cum inside me"
I am a bit worried about this as I would like her to be on top but also I am mega turned on and so I just get into in and it's not long.
I explode inside her and she cums too.

We both relax.  I am on top and try not to be too heavy on her.
Then we clean up.
Dress and
Go out together for breakfast. 


Thursday, January 26, 2012


Snugging up to the beautiful wife and I asked if I could 'put on a plastic bag'.  This means put some lube in a plastic bag and put it over my penis and basically cum in it with some help from her.

Should not have asked.
She said yes.  Naively I was hoping she would say no.

So now I feel a little down.  A bit ho hum.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


After an initial resergance of enthusiasm, we seemed to have drifted back to the same old same old.  With her appearing to have zero labido and me feeling ignored.

A while back we both read a book called the five love languages.  The jist of that book is that different things are perceived by different people to communicate love.  Pretty obviously my love language is physical touch and also quality time - So spending time giving me a good hard whipping would communicate love.  My wife's love language is "acts of service" so she perceives doing something as communicating love.  Now that meshes in nicely with me being submissive because I can do the dishes, clean up, go to the shops and each of those acts should be interpreted as communicating love.

So I suggested that we simply do a sort of reconcilliation and talk about what acts we had tried to communicate and see whether they had been perceived as having comminicated that.  So if I am doing things that communicate love then I need feed back so that I know I am doing the right things.  Likewise it appears she needs feedback to affirm what she is doing because it appears that she feels that no matter what she does for me physically  that it is never enough.

So then that was all good.  Just a discussion and somewhere along the lines she kissed me hard.

Then she spent the entire evening in her office.
I washed up and did some other chores.

Then pay dirt.
She comes to bed and says "take your pants off" and handed me the lube.
I slip into her and immediatly she rolls me over.
She moves and moves and I was worried that she was trying too hard and that, given past experience, she may not cum.  None the less finally she cums.  Lies on top of me.  so nice.

Not long after this is repeated.
I ask "will I be allowed to cum tonight"  I am desparate but also this is a win win situation.  If I cum it is good if I am told to hold off that is good too.
She says "maybe maybe not"

Works her self up again and cums.  Thats three times in quick succession.  I am amazed, excited, hot.

After a longer rest, she started again.  I am still on my back and hard as.
Then she says.  "cum cum now"
This took me by surprise and I had been resisting cuming so I had to get it going quick and that was nit hard because it had been in waves.  As I rose on a wave I would have to really hold back and then it would be easier for a while.  The next wave and I came as instructed and so did she.

She then relaxed back on top.
Then rolled off.
I wiped myself clean.
Gave her the nappy to wipe herself.

We both fell asleep.

So I am thinking do I broach the subject of being made to hold off longer and longer.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Oops.  Lost the focus.  Got down because I felt she had no interest in me.
Deep breath.
Re focus.

Enjoying reading about
Interesting read

Monday, January 23, 2012

No sex last night

She was busy getting kids school books ready.

Part of me was jealous.
Part of me said support her.  Do not demand sex.
Kept myself quiet.
Did the washing up.
Hope she felt free.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

he's hopeless

I was a part of a conversation where a woman said about her husband "he's hopeless".

Now this fellow is in my view very with it and competent.  He is a person who I go to for advice and help on all sorts of things - Car maintenance & home maintenance in particular.

It got me thinking.
Firstly some time in the past she presumably thought he was pretty good.  Even close to perfect.  After all she married him didn't she.
Secondly from my perspective and I think many others, he is very competent. 

So I wonder why the wife has developed this attitude that "he's hopeless"

And it seems to me that this is not all that uncommon. 
Is it and
why.  What happens in women that causes this change of view.

Now in view of my interest in submission,
I do not wish my wife to see me as weak, ineffectual, or "hopeless".
I would like her to think that I am strong, organised, competent, loving, devoted and obedient.
So that she is confident to ask me to do something knowing it will be done, done to completion and done right.

Continuing this change of view thing, my wife went from loving, showing love, to disinterest in me.  Or at least I felt that she was neglecting me.  Perhaps I changed and did not realise it.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The good continues

Big huge commitment day for both of us today but especially for the wife.

Snuggled in bed - Good and certainly better than average.
She is awake - Unusual.  Can't sleep.  Mind racing.
I suggest let me rub or lick her and she orgasms and goes back to sleep.
We cuddle some more but nothing happening.  OK
I suggest I go inside her and she cums and I don't.
OK she says.
wow think I
She gets the lube and an old babies nappy out of the bedise table and hands it to me.
I put the lube on and she takes off her panties.
I get on top and gently slide in.
I ask if she would like to roll over (so she is on top)
She says "in a moment"
I keep going gently in and out.
Then after a while she says "OK roll over now"
Now she is on top and thrusting and I have my hands on her bottom and we kiss.
Better than it has been for ages.
She is thrusting vigorously.  For ages (read years) sex has been fragile.  With me worrying (and I think her too) that she wont get stimulated.  That of course just means that the inevitable happens.
So this time she is enthusiastic.
But then, oh no, I am losing control.
I say so and shove my hand between us and grab my penis and try to stop.
But no I come.
Luckilly she had just cum.  But only just.

Note to self for next time - better to cum insider her as she like me to cum that to sort of ruin it for both of us.

I get the nappy and release my hand and wipe up the mess.

With the lump of nappy on me, she gets on top again and rubs against it.
This is very new from conservative her.
Amazing after a few minutes, she cums again.

Then she asks me to get her a pen and paper so she can write a to do list to stop her mind going over things again and again.
Then she asks me to put the sheet over her legs.
And closes her eyes.


Friday, January 20, 2012

She came on top

Well last night was a treat.
It was hot and she was hot.
She faced away from me and took off her bra but kept her dress on.  As she pulled it out from one sleeve, she dangled it with her arm held out horizontal as a tease.
She had no undies on (unknown fact at this time) and turned on the electric pedistal fan in our bed room and stood in front of it and lifted the front of her dress and cooled her neather regions.  Still facing away from me.
Then while standing on front of the fan she slowly took the dress off over her head and I say she was now totally nude.

She came and lay on the bed.
We cuddled.
Even if it went no further, I was now feeling that she had made an effort and that is something I really appreciate.  She stroked my very hard penis.  I stroked her bottom and her shoulders which is the only touch I know that even might lead to her getting turned on.  Nothing.

Suggesed I put my penis inside her.
Discussion on how she did not want me to cum.  Very fun.
I asured her I had sufficient self control and it would be a good challenge.
So she rolled over and got the lube out of the bedside table and gave it to me along with an old nappy we use to clean up the mess.  I stripped off my PJs and put some lube on.
She had lit a candle and lay there legs apart.
I very gently got on top of her and pushed lowly in.  Because of the lube it slipped in easily.

I said would you like to roll over and she said yes.  That was good
With her on top and moving, things were looking good.
I had to be careful not to cum but I moved too.
She asked me to put my fingers in and toch her clit.  Good sign.
And it stimulated her and she came quite quickly then.

She relaxed her hot sweaty naked body on top of mine.  Ahhh lovely physical contact.
After only a short time, she started to tighten herself on my still hard penis.
Obviously one of the advantages of me not cuming is that I stay hard and that means I engoy her doing this tightening thing and then of course she got turned on again and it was not long before she came again.

This time she lay on me for a moment and then anounced "your too hot and sweaty" and pulled herself off and lay on her back beside me.

I wiped up.  Not much mess because I had not cum.
Feeling great.

Gave her the cloth to wipe between her legs.

Pulled up the sheet and went to sleep.

In the morning

We had another short discussion and I asked about how she felt cuming and me not comming and the jist of that seemed to be not so much a feeling of inadequacy on her part but a feeling that I (husband) am missing out on something that I enjoy (which I do) but she kowing that I am enjoying abstaining.

I wonder if she realises that I also really enjoy her making the decision whether I get to cum or not.
I am also enjoying the physical challenge of abstaining.
I am also enjoying not having the feeling of weakness that follows "release" this is when we have sex and she does it because she thinks I need release.
I am also enjoying feeling positive, awake, alert, in a good mood that seems to acompany not cuming.

I did the washing up and some bible study and then wrote this entry
What a great morning

Interesting read

Thursday, January 19, 2012


I guess I go up and down.
I felt so alive yesterday
Then last night, she just had zero interest. 
No interest in sex and
No interest in me.

So I wonder what I should do.
Do I torture myself mentally and physically.  Like I would do anything for her but I don't think she wants it.  But it is I think too short term a view. 

Deep breath .

I think I need to keep on the sub thing for a while and try and do things for her and see if somehow that ignites her.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Renewed interest

She was being more intimate than usual last night and I was on my best behaviour.  I did some cleaning up and so on.  After the kids were in bed, we sat on the couch and watched a movie together.  (It was very boring).  In bed she was snuggly and teasy which was very nice.  She even initiated some kissing.  Then she said "I think we need you to hold off till morning"  That got my attention.  She continued to stroke my penis which meant I was very very turned on.  At one stage, I said "Can I roll over" because I wanted to rub against the bed and she said no stay on your back and no touching.  We chatted a little even though we were both tired.  At one stage I said "you know I would enjoy it if you teased me by only letting me cum occasionally" and she reminded me that after a week I tend to get grumpy.  I said that I was equally frustrated with my lack of self control in that regard.

We talked a little about how I would like to be whipped.  The physicality of it is cathadic and intimate.

We also talked about how I get real fulfilment when she cums.  Even when I don't.

I think she feels some kind of obligation to have sex with me and that if I con't cum then that some how means I am not excited by her and that somehow that means she is less of a person.  I thinkk there is more discussion to be had here for each of us to understand each other better.

I said "when I don't cum, I feel more energetic and awake and I think about her and sex all the time".

Then she laughed and said  again "yes but it's not worth it because after a week you just get grumpy and on edge".  I was not thinking strait because I was so turned on having, actually having a discussion about sex with my wife and I reiterated how I felt wak about my lack of self control.

She then said   "if we do this, then if you get grumpy, then it is no sex and no touching and no talking and no interest and no nothing from me for one week the first time and two weeks the second time".

Gosh I was both aprehensive and excited at the same time.

Then she said "time to sleep".

I awoke remembering that at one stage she had said "hold off till morning" but also remembering the subsequent discussion.  So wondering what would happen.  She was still asleep and the time for me to get up was fast approaching.  I tentatively stroked her back and bottom.  She rolled onto her back which I took as a hint to stop.  I lay beside her.  My arm and leg touching hers.  I was really turned on and would loved to have sex right then but she was still half asleep.  She then rolled tward me and started troking my penis.  Man I was turned on.  She did this for quite a while with her eyes closed.  The time to get up arrived and I was faced with a dilema Stay and enjoy, get up and go or push the point of sex buy trying to get her turned on.  The problem was resolved when she said, still with eyes closed "remember the discussion last night" and I said "yes".  she said "well I think it's time you were on your way".

And that has meant that all morning at work, I have thought of nothing but her and sex and her again.

I wonder how and where we go from here.

Friday, January 13, 2012

I wish

Some random thoughts on submission and power exchange relationships.

I think both parties have to get something out of the relationship.

Its a power exchange and exchange to me implies a trade.

I would love it if she
a) wanted me not to abstain from orgasm.
b) Wanted me to stimulate her to orgasm.
c)  Would ask how I am going, take an interest in me.  Encourage me, tease me, punish me.

To me, being submissive does not mean dumping all the decisions on her.  Big decisions - yes but she should not be burdened by detail. 

Being submissibe does not mean switching off my brain.  It actually means to me, taking responsibility for the things that I am given responsibility for and ensuring that they are done, done right and done completely.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

She wants me to cum

Here's the thing.  It seems that when we have sex, she is happy to have me masturbate her a couple of times but then wants us to cum together.

That is good and bad.  Good because I get release.  Bad because release in my mind anyway is associated with weakness.

I already suffer from a feeling of inadequacy that has lead me to become submissive to her.  Now I do not see submissive as in its self as being weak.  Actually I have always felt that submissive could be either strong or weak.  Weak being beaten into submission and strong being the person who puts aside their own personal aspirations in favour of their partner.  A person who consciousiosly make the decision to do this and puts effort into it.

Anyway she is away for a couple of weeks.  So I have the choice.  Do I masturbate or do I abstain.
Initially I felt "well she does not seem to care" so pretty much as soon as she left I ended up masturbating.  Then I felt weak.

So I am back writing here as I try to resist.

You know I think that I need her or someone to say yes or no.  I find that a turn on and also a support for my weakness.  In ability to self control.  Perhaps a bit like a coach who is able to get an athlete to put in more effort and achieve more that they ever could on their own.  On the other hand, I suspect that she actually may not feel complete if she has not brought me to orgasm.  I suspect that she sees that as the wife's role.  I think she feels we have a closer connection when we cum together.  Mind you most of the time she has no interest in sex and will simply let me do it to her 'as release'.

As I clean the house, I put myself in that subbie head space or is it the domestic head space.
I write some more here.
I would love to talk more with her and let her know that teasing me and denying me gives me attention and helps me to feel strong in two ways - the physical way that I just described and emotionally as in she can be bothered to spend time with me.

We have a strange relationship at present.

It seems she has really lost interest in me.  I believe that this is not uncommon with married women once the kids are at school.