Thursday, December 20, 2012

A depressing conversation

I had a conversation with my wife last night as we lay in bed together.

We discussed sex and she made it clear that she did not like the BDSM thing that I do.  (I think she just does what she does to me to humor me or because she loves me).

This is the jist of what turns her on or gets her turned on.
A calm household.  No arguing children.  No fighting with the children.
Candle light
Tickling on the shoulder
Plain old fashioned sex with one on top and one under and both coming together.  Use lubricant if required.

So to gain a little clarification I asked a few questions.
It is my undersatnding that she and others think that I jump to conclusions and pigeon hole what people say to me.  That I assume I know what they have said and in an attempt to do that I categorise or file it in my mind in an existing storage location if that makes sense.  Several people have told me essentially the same thing.

So I thought the thing to do is ask questions and to feed back what I thought I heard.

Asking questions seemed to get interpreted as "You did not listen to what I said"
Feeding back seemed to get interpreted by her as "You are telling me what I think"
So I felt Stuffed.

I was going to say I felt fucked but I think I would like to consider "I felt fucked" to be "wow that was mind blowingly good"

So now how to turn this to the good.
There are too few hours in ones life to spend them all sulking.  I've done the sulk.  Its early in the morning, I am sitting at the beach, got a coffee, the sun is rising over the eastern horizon, the sky is blue and the clouds are whispy.

So I look at her list,  Pathetically short as it maybe
I note that and I tried to clarify it by engaging in some of that frustrating questioning that she does not even start thinking about sex until the shoulder touching or some other physical act by me.  So she does not come into the bed room thinking "I will tease him and strip tease, nore does she come into the bed room hoping that he (me) will try to turn her on.  It's simply come into the bed room, get into PJ's and get into bed.  I would say 99.9999% of the time she is either a) thinking of sleep, b) thinking of all the things she organsises and has to do or c) not thinking just doing.

So what can I do?
Well getting back to that list
Kids arguing - OK I will try there but as she has such control over the house I find that particularly hard.  We never throw anything out so their rooms are full of clutter.  Desks are covered in crap.  There is no room to play.  Clothes.  OK I will try to ensure that clothes are folded and put away. 
Maybe engage in that feminine way of simply doing.  Live with the short term consequences of her anoyance.  So clothes that the kid no longer wants might simply disapear.  No point in asking her because she wont throw them out.  At best they will go into a bag to give to someone.  There are three bags of clothes that grace our front hall that I am sure are designated for someone or other.

Candles - I will move a candle into our bed room.  I think it will have to have a tall candle stand.  We have a dressing table.  Her side is 800mm high in clothes.  My side is 25mm high of junk.  I will clear my side.

So there I have a couple of ACTIONS.

Couple this with trying to keep the kitchen clean.  She does most of the cooking but I will try to make sure that the kitchen is clean.  Think I will in the post christmas sales buy a dishwasher and install it.  I think for these things I will give up for a while asking questions and just "do".  I suspect that she finds thinking about and answering trivial questions to actually be streessful.  I know that when she asks me those sort of questions I find it stressful.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Home Alone

It is school holidays and my wife has taken the kids to the beach for a week.

I have to work so I am home alone.

A strange empty feeling coming home to an empty house.  Now to all you chastity belt lovers being alone is when such a device would be the most valuable.

So there is not much to report on the dom sub front.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims of the shooting in the USA.  So sensless.

There seem to me to be so many sensless shootings in the US. 

It also saddens me that there is such resistance to gun laws.  Bizzare that they accept the killing that goes on.  I even heard that one suggestion was to impose a magazine size of 10 as one is hardly likley to fire off more than 10 rounds in self defence.  Apparantly the killer had a magazine that held 100 rounds.  If you have to stop to reload then that gives someone a chance to tackle you.  But apparantky the NRA even oppose that 10 round limit.

I always thought that as written, the US constitution gave the right to form a militia and bear arms.  Presumably a militia would impose discipline and control on the troops but anyway.   But they interpret it as giving individuals the right to bear arms.  I wonder why then individuals can't say own a nuclear warhead or at least a decent fighter jet.  You ever tried to buy one.  You have to go buy Russian ones.  It seems the Russians are far more commercial in that regard.  It's a bizzarre world.

I heard discussion on morning radio about 50 shades.  I may have to read it.  Could be interesting.  It is interesting to see how women have embraced it in the 100's of thousands I believe.  So while they have spent the last few years fighting for legal equality now they are reading about being submissive. 

On the other hand none of the wives I know are into it.  They all tell their husbands what to do.

I wonder whether any of my male friends sexualise it the way I do and dream of their wife becoming a dominatrix, of spanking, whipping and so on.  Of having a deep desire to serve, to sacrifice sefish orgasm to concentrate on her and so on.

We need a secret sign that only those who are in the know will recognise. 

Apparantly in the early days of christianity, people would draw half a fish in the dirt with their toe.  The Romans did not know (or perhaps care) and other christian would complete the line drawing to indicate that they were a christian.  We need a "I am a submissive and willingly spanked and chaste husband" sign and of course the "so am I" sign.

The scouts salute wth 3 fingers and shake hands with their left hands, the  ??? according to monty python lift a knee and shake hands under their knees while standing on one leg.  Just how will submissive willingly disciplined men greet each other.  Holding a tea towl over their arm while offering their wife a glass of champagne?


Have a great day guys and get back to work!

Monday, December 17, 2012

50 lashes and release

So yet again yesterday (Sunday) morning I got a bit moody. She just drip feeds me information on a need to know basis. In this case it was one of the kids going to a party sunday AM. The submissive side of me says thats great just tell me what I need to know. The other part of me says she should tell me. So I sulked.

Rest of the day ok / good.

Fast forward to in bed.

I do not remember the first bit of the discussion but she said to me to put my plastic pants on. I was rather hoping for some tease and denial. She did ask me about the pressure and whether I could hold out longer. The whole discussion was nice.

We talked about my moodyness in the morning and I said I felt I should receive severe punishment. So I ended up in my plastic pants with a little lube in there and lying face down with her with the electrical wire.

Then she said "Count them". This was a real surprise. I was very excited now. She lashed and I counted 1,2 3....
There was a pause at 10 and she changed to the other side of the bed.
This is very painful but amazingly the marks are quite temporary.
At 40 I lost count and she reminded me with a hit and saying 41. That was nice. Somewhere in it I said "stop I was going to cum". She said "Don't cum". That was hard because when she hit I would move and that would cause the slippery plastic to slide past my penis. Coupled with the love / hate of the whip it was very stimulating. Anyway I managed not to cum and we reached 50. I was exhausted and "luckilly" she stopped. Also around 40, she gently ran the whip across my bare back and in between my legs. Then brought it down across my back side. Very emotionally conflicting in a sexual way combining pleasure, pain, power, surprise, tension, anticipation.

At 50 she lay beside me and said put your hands down your front and rub yourself till you cum. So I did. I was bursting to cum. Yes it would have been nice for her to rub me but it was nice for her to instruct and me to comply and an orgasm thrown in. Wow.

I spent the night in the slippery plastic pants. In the morning I was still hard and very turned on. She must have been awoken by my movement and she said "Rub your self again now you have 2 minutes" Wow that got me going and I suspect less than 30 seconds and I came again.

I think it is my christmas orgasm because we are going to stay at her parents place and I think she does not want me to pester her for sex.

I wonder how long I will have to hold out now. :)

On the down side, this morning I asked how she wanted our relationship to go and she mentioned things like balance, equality. My frustration being that she is very controlling yet does not recognise it. DOes not take it into the bed room. If that makes sense.

Anyway sexually it was fun

Lets see how we go.

BTW, I am sitting at work and I can feel the dull pain / stinging in my bottom.  :)

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have to accept

I have to accept her way as the right way even if I dont think she is right. Yesterday I got moody again. She is so self centred But that was why I changed to be submissive. I have to accept that her way and her decisions are the right way and not get moody. Luckilly she tried out the belt on me. The wire would have hurt more. But I am glad I confessed and she punished.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Discipline, recovery and she pleasured herself

I have another personal blog where I post my thoughts.  It is not public but my wife is able to read it.  She rarely reads it but recently she read some.

I thought I would post a page from it here.  Names removed to protect the guilty or innocent.

A very interesting night last night.

Firstly some back ground-

last night she got into bed and I asked if she would like to engage in sex and she said she was too lazy.  I suddenly got very depressed and started to mouth off at her.  Then after I had a good ole sulk.  I said I am sorry, I wish you would punish me and she did.  I was amazed.  She used the piece of electrical flex from the bedside table.  Cripes that is painful.  But this morning just some slight reddening and you can just see the outline of the flex.  Somewhere during all of this she told me that when she had said she was too lazy that she was saying it in jest because from time to time I have accused her of being lazy with both our intimate life and when it came to sex.  I suspect she had intended it as a bit of a tease.

Here is the post I wrote on my personal blog-

Good morning dear,

I hope you read this and thank you for reading my other recent posts.

Sorry I misinterpreted your comment about being lazy.  I did not realize it was in jest.  I guess I am hyper sensitive.

I would like to reassure you that I do not like being hyper sensitive.  I go down really quick and that in it's self is bad enough but when it is caused by a misinterpretation it is doubly silly.  I do want to be nicer, more reliable, dependable, etc 

When you whipped me last night, I was amazed at how quickly I felt better and how much better I felt.  I felt very awake, alert, clear.  It was quite amazing to me.

I contrast that with other occasions where I have sulked, continued to be miserable, not slept well, tossed and turned.

So yes some - and not an insignificant amount of physical pain but a way better mental health position.

This mornings intimate time was just wonderful.  Close and rewarding.  I am so glad you got to cum.  It was fun to not be allowed to cum and it was fun to be told to put on the condom and that you were worried that I may cum.  It was nice that even after your first attempt where you did not cum that you then rubbed against my leg and then came.  It really does give me a reward when you cum so please do not feel bad that I did not cum.

We looked at the marks on my bottom this morning, and yes you can see something but only just.  So be reassured that you are not creating any damage and you could especially when punishing me hit harder.  I think you indicated that you are hitting as hard as you can and I appreciate that but this means that you you do not have to worry if that makes sense.

 I would say though that it was very painful and that was good. There was the obvious benefit described above and I hope a degree of deterrent somehow built into my mind.

I love you.
I want to be with you.
I want you to want to be with me.

In other areas - not sure why I have bladder issues again.  I get a sudden urge to wee.  So far self investigation seems to indicate not due to a full bladder because if I concentrate and not wet myself then the urge goes away.  If I simply go to the toilet each time I feel the need then I end up going almost hourly.   If I hold through then I can go several hours.  This morning I did a wee before showering and while I was towling off in the bath room the urge to wee came on so I stood in front of the toilet and just a little wee came out.  To me this indicates my bladder was empty but the urge was still there.  Another observation is that it does not seem to be an issue when either sitting or exercising.  It seems to be when standing.  Hmmm

So that is where we are at. She is getting more confident, I have not been allowed to cum for ages. Actually in a conversation recently, she said I may cum this weekend. I am taking this as a 50:50 chance. There are advantages every way. Its a tease - thats good, To cum occasionally - thats good.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


We had a busy evening out last night.
Tired and I got into bed.
My wife fiddled on her computer.
Normally this would really annoy me as I see it as competing for her attention but with no liklihood of orgasm and a strong desire to not get myself into a grumpy mood I decided to let it slide.

The night before she had finished reading the "diary of a submissive" and the book lay on my bed side table.  Face down I suspect so that the kids do not see it.  I wonder about our cleaner what she thinks.

So I started to read it and really enjoyed it.  It was great to read it and great to know that my wfe had read it.

Eventually she came to bed and snuggled up.

We had a conversation about how long I could go (without orgasm) and my response was "as long as you want me to go".

I said that I get fulfiment and enjoyment in many ways especially when she cums.  I then asked her to whip me.  She said OK get the chord out of the bottom draw.  The chord is a piece of electrical flex.  Plastic.  I put on a small night light candle so that there was some light to see by.  I gave her the flex and burried my face in the pillow.  Then it started and it was painful.  I writhed around on the bed.  I actually really wished I was tied down.  I want to experience this.  I want it to be painful.  Then she stopped.  It is amazing how quickly I want it again.  Only tens of seconds and I go from struggling against the pain to wishing it would continue.  And she did.  wow.  I thought she was going to simply hand the chord to me to return to the draw.  She whipped again and again and I struggled and I wanted to be quiet in case she stopped.  It was really painful as she hit already hit places.  All on my backside.  Then she stopped and I lay there panting.  This really is another way to reach a high.  Then without warning as I was drifting in selfindulgent bliss she started again.  A little harder I think because gee it was painful.  I pressed my face deep in the pillow and bit it and screamed into it and writed around on the bed desparately trying to deal with the pain.  Then she stopped and placed the chord in my hand.  I lay there panting and deep breathing.

She touched me and I arched up and kissed her and thanked her.  I wanted to reassure her that I loved her for doing this.

I put the chord away and we held hands and went to sleep.

In the morning (this morning) we had a great conversation.

About sexual submission.  It started with "bed room submission" but I pointed out that the sexual side can physically be out side the bed room.  In the "diary of a submissive" he asked her to give him oral sex in public for example.

She said it was hard for her to but she accepted that hitting me was a case of "be cruel to be kind".

I said that I wanted to submit to her.  That I found a strength and a clarity and a cumfort in it. 

The topic of when I should cum came up again.  I said please do not let me cum out of some ultruistic idea that I need release.  I find when I cum like that it is just a remider of weakness and after I feel down.  Its just another form of masturbation.  I said that I understood that she likes it when we cum together.  I said maybe sometime when she has cum a few times and denied me and that has of course kept me hard that maybe that should be the only time I cum.  When she wants it.  I reiterated don't let me cum just because of some kind of release.  Male bodies have natural ways to deal with the physical pressure. 

I also said that I would love to lick her to orgasm sometime.

It was a really wonderful discussion.

We talked about how the WHY is important.  In this case a I am submisive because I get turned on by it and it makes for a less pressured feeling and more support for her and she enjoys our relationship more.

I am stitting at work and I can feel a dull ache in my backside.

The marks BTW are visible but not hugely.  Nothing I imagine compared to some of you old pros.

Have a great day


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

An ache

I was exercising this morning and i realised I have that dull ache of pressure that comes from no ejaculation.
I think it has been just over a month.  I would have to go back over my blog (which I cant be bothered to do). 
I want to hope for the future.

My wife finished reading "Diary of a Submissive" last night.
I think that she may have learned a few things.
Some new phrases like D&S and dom and sub.

She read out a bit about the author being hit 109 times with a wooden spoon between her legs until she the author orgasmed.

We were both a bit shocked by that but I think my wife is getting the idea that physical pain is not necessarilly bad and also that for some it is good.  I think she maybe getting the idea that inflicting pain on me does not make her a nasty person and that everyone is different and that even though she does not get aroused by either pain or the idea of D&s that others ala me do and that thats ok.

She said we need to find a book where the person flips between dom and sub because that is what you (meaning me) are.

Now I have been trying very hard not to top from the bottom but some of that will be a come back to our early mariage where we did try hard to be good christians with a submissive wife (note no use of the word sub) and a head of the house husband.  We even used to practice sexual submission where I would say things like on your back legs apart and I would put lube on my penis, push in and cum quickly and she would do this without resisting.  Afterwould we would discuss whether I had felt her resisting and how she had felt about it.  So we have some baggage to work through if I am to be the submisive.  I think she is getting better with that.  More reading and more education and discussion.

So if anyone has knowledge of books that deal with things like a dominant husband becomming submissive and especially books relating to female lead marraige in a christian church going family.  Then please suggest them.


Friday, December 7, 2012

Sex with the wife on top and no orgasm for me

This morning my wife slept in.
I got up and washed the dishes and other odd jobs.  If I had stayed in bed it would have just been anoying for both of us.
She appeared in the kitchen and said come back to bed.
I am curious, amazed ,interested
So I did.
She teased me and cuddled me and then said take your clothes off, all of them.
I am now very interested.
Then she got on top.
Worked herself on which took some time as wehad not used lube.
Then she came.
Ahhh so nice.

She lay on top and relaxed. 
Then I felt herself tightening herself on my still hard penis.
Then she started to move ever so slowly.
The movement became greater and greater.
Then she came.
Then she relaxed.

I was so turned on.
I started to move and she said those wonderful words "Don't you cum"
I said "Will I get to cum" and she said "No"
"this is what you wanted and this is what you are getting"
Be careful what you wish for I guess.
I asked when I would get to cum and she said "you never know but you have to wait for good things"

Then she pulled off and lay beside me and went to sleep.

Body language

In this interesting talk, the speaker Amy Cuddy asks if the body posture can alter the mind.

she proposes "Fake it till you make it" as a way to deal with situations.  The bent is on pretend to be confident until you become confident.  I wonder if pretend to be submissive until you are submissive.

In various videos I have seen there is talk about body language.  Apparantly we do not mirror body language in a like meets like fashion.  If one person adopts a dominant stance, the other adopts a submissive stance. 

I wonder if I were careful to always adopt a submissive stance then would that empower my wife to adopt bold stances and given the talk above would that eventually lead to her being more dominant.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

What happens if the kids are kinky

Somewhere on someones blog I read an article where they were describing the difficulties of being kinky and having kids.  This person had most of their toys locked in a suitcase under the bed and I think a cane and something else was in a suit pack hanging in the wardrobe.

Made me think.  As a Christian we go to church, we pray with our kids, we read them stories.  We hope that they will grow up to be just like us.  We also hear from all sorts of people just how important it is to educate our kids about sex.  I wonder if we should educate them about kink?

So why then do we want to hide kink from our kids?

Many of us first realised something interested us long before puberty.  For me I was fascinated by bed wetting and plastic sheets on beds.  I used to check out all my friends bed to see if they had a plastic mattress protector or if they had nappies or plastic pants (pre disposable days we are talking here).  I also got to wear girls tights in a school play when I was about 10 and kept them and wore them under jeans many many times.  Loved the feel.

So I mused to myself some scenarios that might play out in houses across the land.

One parent gets the cane out and has the other bed over will little johnny or Jill watches on.  Maybe the parents even change places just to ensure that we do not deny the importance of equal opportunity.

Or Dad resplendant in womens clothing parading around the house.
  Turns out the kids just laugh at him.

Or mum and dad come home to find their teenager bending over and boy or girl friend laying into them with the parents cane borrowed from the stash.  I wonder how we would react to that.  Concern about abuse and so on jumps to mind. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Oh God how long

You know "be careful what you ask for"
well I know I do not think my wife "gets it" but you know she does love me and while I often get a bit down and a bit moody I do think that she is trying.

So I have told her that I see chastity as being beneficial.  I am a guy and I like a challenge.  My suspicion is that most guys like challenges and probably the truth be told most would not want maybe this challenge but anyway.

So last night she is in bed early.  This in its self is amazing.  And I do confess to have been feeling a little down.  A little moody, needy.

We snuggle and I ask if she would like me inside her and she says "no".  This was not what I wanted to hear.  I really wish that she would enjoy sex more.  I back off and we just snuggle and she tells me that she has a rash down there.  It is really hot here right now.  She is talking about buying bike pants to use as undies. 

Then she said to put some lube on and get on top.  I have an electric candle on my bedside table.  I switched it on and used the half light to find and apply the lube.  I got on top and pushed in gently.  It was obviously a bit painful for her.  I was very gentle.

I was hoping she would push me over but she didn't.
I was very hard and really wanted to cum.
This was getting dangerous for my mood.  It could have been one of those almost pointless sex sessions that to me feels like masturbation.  So I did say that I think we should roll over and we did.

Then with her on top she was putting in effort and that is I think part of the (her) problem.  I think she finds it really hard to get turned on.  A lot of effort.    Cripes I was so so close.  While we were doing it I was wishing she would warn me not to cum.  But she didn't.  Then she came.  Then she lay on my chest and teased me by tightening her mussels around my still very hard penis.  oh God.  (yes I do go to church)

BTW I once saw a photo of a church sign that said "Going to church is more than lying in bed and screaming Oh God"

then I asked Can I cum and she said "Of course" pause
Blast I thought.  She does not listen.  She not only does not get it but she does not listen to me when I tell her how I am feeling.  You know 'they' complain that men do not share their feelings.  Well women don't hear men's feelings when they do speak them. pause continues "Not".

"What" I said "I'm confused"

"Well don't be confused.  This is what you wanted.  You are not going to cum tonight"

Now I am even more turned on than ever and really really ready to blow.  "O come on I said.  I am so turned on" and she said "That's nice.  lets keep you that way for a bit longer.  You can hold on cant you".  All this time she is on top and tightening herself on me.  I was so so stimulated.

"yes" I say.

She slid off and lay beside me.  I handed her the old nappy we use to clean up and she wiped herself.  Then I wiped me.

We lay there.  No top sheet (Did I say it's real hot here).  I saw my flagpole in the half light and reached over and switched off the candle.  "How long" I ask.  No answer.  In the silence I could hear her breathing.  She had fallen asleep. 

I was wide awake as one would be.  But happy.

So does she get it.?  Partially I think but only superficially.  My thoughts anyway.  Yours are invited.