Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Just another day

I feel like I am becommimg a sexless being.
Abstinance combined with old age I guess. Maybe it's use it or loose it.  Anyway no hard on this morning.  Not aroused now.  Actually a bit of mild depression.

Monday, March 27, 2017

A weekend goes by

It's now Monday and the weekend went by.  No sex as was to be expected.

Weirdly I'm kind of relaxed about it.  There is still a dull but less ache but interestingly also I think no morning erection.  certainly once I was fully awake through to mid morning here at work no erection and weirdly, I'm not worried. 

I do hope I have not lost the ability but weirdly I'm not worrying about it.

As MrBill commented on my previous post, I would love for my wife to regain her libido.  I would love to lie on my back with an erection and have her ride me and for her to orgasm and me to have to not orgasm.  Some pain like nipple clamps or a whipping before would be great.

I have been more overtly saying to her that when Easter comes and my abstinance period is over that I would be open to continuing.  I've said that i really would prefer sex to be when she wants it and is turned on and not just something she does because she thinks I "need relief".  Sex like that just makes me feel weak.

Friday, March 24, 2017

All day ache

Balls aching all day.

The weird thing is that I don't any longer have that feeling of worry about never being able to "do it" again.

I had a conversation with my wife last night asking whether she would let me cum once we had gotten to the end of lent.  She kidnly said "We'll see".

I said I was scared

she asked why and I said that I was worried she might never let me cum again.

She said something referring to the NFP men who have to abstain.  I said that I admired their strength.  She said well you may get your wish.

We also talked about only getting to cum on special occasions like my birthday, our wedding aniversery and christmas.

I said that what I would really like is for her to be (and I forget the exact words) but that she be on board and enthusiastic and intentional whichever way.  If she wanted me to have sex with her all the time and not abstain then I wanted her to want that.  What I don't want is a "take it or leave whatever don't care" atmosphere. 

So I am aprehensive because that could mean abstaining for another couple of months.

But also It's something I'd like to do in a weird masochistic sort of way.  It would be interesting to connect with other men who abstain for extensive periods of time.  I'm hardly likely to get onto facebook and say "hey guys, which of you gets no sex and loves it"

And ache they do

Sitting standing driving.
A dull ache

It's kind of nice in a way but I'd rather something else now.

It's also fun in a abandoned sort of way in my mind to think I've now abstained 4 weeks.  I know it's a petty thing but in a way I feel like a bit of a failure in life.  Even though objectivly I think others would say I've done OK.  House paid off, kids are happy and healty, at school or uni and doing well.  But my wife is detached.  No libido.  No spark of sexual energy.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

The balls ache

So my balls are aching.

I mentioned this to my wife who said well it's past two weeks.  I guess my gut feel is that the testosterone has dropped thus reducing the feeling of urgency to have sex but maybe the engine is still producing and storing seamen. My assumption is that with extended abstinance that that will drop off.

Asked the wife this morning, when it comes to touching her, and remember she is not a physical touch person
would she like me to never touch her,
wait to be invited to touch her,
ask to rouch her or
just touch her

She said just touch gently.  OK.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

She likes the space

I'm trying very hard to not sub from the bottom and not to get grumpy.

The wife is
a) not sexual
b) Very self centred and feels she must be in control
c) does not listen to me or the kids.
d) does not talk about her feelings

But I think she is trying to be a bit more engaged.

Each morning recently she has been a bit more physical.  Hugging cuddling and so on.

On the kinky side, I assume as a result of now 3 weeks abstinance, my balls ache.

The other fun thing this morning was that when we were cuddling, I got turned on and started to rub against the materass and she said "Stop!".  It was nice to hear her be so definate.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Just another day

Pretty relaxed today.
Maybe the testtosterone is dropping off.
4 weeks or so to go until the end of lent which is how long I am abstaining for.
My wife has been nice and definite in resisting my desires for sex.