Thursday, January 29, 2015

Glimpses of what is possible

Every now and then I get glimpses of what is possible.

We had sex last night.  Long and slow.  I was very attentive and she stayed awake. 

Pardon my sarcastic negativity but I think she is lazy when it comes to sex and disinterested when it comes to me.  So she has a tendency to fall asleep on me. 

As it progressed I was aroused and so was she.  Gentle touching and even some talk on her part.  She guided my hand to just touch but not stroke her bottom.  I asked if she would like me inside her and she said yes.  At this stage I was on top.  I gently pushed.  She asked me if I like lube.  I told her that for me it makes no difference either way but that I observed that with her that in the past she seemed more likely to reach orgasm if we did not use lube.

Now I don't know whether using lube meant that it was more of a quickie for me. 

There is this balancing act as I see it in that without lube she can suffer some pain and we sure know she is not into pain.  Perhaps no lube forces us to go slow.  Perhaps it forces her to engage. Perhaps even she actually has to endure a little pain in order to get aroused.  I know that sounds odd and at odds with present societal views but maybe.

Anyway I'm on top and in and I ask if she would like to roll over and she says yes and we do.  Got that :)
Now again in the last few years pretty much the only way she reaches orgasm is with her on top.  She is not into talking during sex so I stay quiet and she does cum.  She relaxes on top of me which I love.  After a few minutes and a minute is a long time.  I feel her move from that after glow relaxation to just slightly more alert and so I start to move insider.  Sometimes she will cum a second time.  One advantage of me holding off is that she does get that opportunity for a second cumming :)

I ask if I can come and she smiles and says "not tonight".  Well I almost blew off then.

She said leave it.  Its time to sleep.

This morning the love continued and we had sex again.  This time when I asked she said "imagine you cum now and not for the next year"  Wow that brought me on in a nanosecond. 

I sit here writing this feeling good.  No depression.  A feeling of apprehensive sexual tension.

I will enjoy the feeling while it lasts.:)

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

interesting link

Depression Councillor and all that

Lets see.

While she was out that night sleeping at a friends house, I chucked out my kinky stuff. 
Plastic pants,
Plastic mattress cover.
Butt Plug,
Two canes.
A length of electrical flex that she would sometimes whip me with.
4 lengths of rope that could be used to tie someone to the bed.  And on a couple of occasions I tied her to the bed and once maybe she tied me down.  But it was always such a half arsed effort.  I basically figured she was disengaged and lazy when it came to sex.
A vibrating cock ring thing that incidentally she had bought.
Some balls that "we" had bought but she would never wear.  Well she did once or twice but in later years there was always an excuse (not to wear them).
A corset that we had bought for her and that she had worn a couple of times but always ungraciously and seemed determined to be unhappy about.  It was an elephant in the room in a way.  I figured while it was there she would see it as a reminder of my kinky self or something.

Interestingly I had a chat to the couple where she slept the night and she arrived while the wife was out but with whom she had traded text messages and obtained permission to stay.  She said nothing to the husband and went to the spare bedroom.  In the morning she got up and left without saying anything to either of them.  Sounds like she is depressed too.

I went and saw a counsellor.  He diagnosed me as depressed.  We wait to see how things progress there.

After a week of frustrating interactions with the wife, we finally had sex last night where both of us orgasmed.  It involved plenty of foreplay touch that I love and she needs.  So maybe, just maybe.....

I hope the councillor is kink aware and kink friendly.  We touched briefly on sex but not much.  I have resolved to be open and honest and try and get best value for my money.  Its costing me around $100/hr and that's after medicare rebate.  We wait and see.

Friday, January 16, 2015

She left me

We had what I thought was a disagreement.  Not major.  Not minor.

She said she was going to sleep the night elsewhere.

She took some stuff and left.

She came back in the morning but still the act was done.  The line crossed. 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Pretty Quiet

Nothing much happening. 

Wife is away but as a treat, before she went, she made the bed with a plastic sheet just under the bottom sheet.  Quite crinkly.  Its summer here so somewhat sweaty.  A kinky turn on for me.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Braces fetish

Radom surfing the net.  Found that there are people who have a fetish for braces on their teeth.  Fascinated.  Turned me on.  I think I will add that fetish to my repertoire.

When I find some more links, I will post them here for fun

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


To be honest, I was feeling frustrated.  Life in general as well as sex life and husband - wife relationship.  A discussion along these lines with my wife.  Some points I raised were that on the one hand she does not want to be "dominant" and on the other not "submissive" and there was some discussion of a book we had read a while back called the "diary of a submissive".  I also noted that she did not seem to want to flirt with me nor indicate what that I was doing was good for her and what was not. 

I guess I felt like we were going no where.  Not making an effort.  Not communicating.  Not thinking of the other.  A lot of "not".

On the other hand I know that when I do not have orgasm, that I have more energy and more motivation to help around the house and to turn her on.  The frustration was partially along the lines that she did not seem to want to be turned on even though I was doing what I thought were the right things - house work as preparatory atmosphere setting and gentle stuff in the bed room.

I have in the past encouraged her to cane / spank / whip me and tried to communicate to her that physical pain is not all bad.

Anyway that night she said to me put a plastic bag on and lie face down on the bed.  This means slip a plastic bag with a little baby oil in over my penis.  It's a way we have to engage in mutual masturbation without messing the bed.  She got the cane from where it lies mostly unused behind the dresser and brought it down across my bum.  Wow!

Again and again.

What to do I thought.  Luckily for me she did exactly the right thing.  The treat continued.  In a submissive mindset for me anyway is that I do not want questions.  I just want to be told.  She said "This will continue until you cum"

What a treat.  The pain of the cane and sometimes she would stop and run the end of the provocatively along my inner thigh.  As I would hump up and down on the bed it was interesting that normally I could cum in a second thinking about such a caning but in that moment the pain seemed to stop me from being able to cum.  I was drenched in sweat, humping away and the cane was swishing down and cracking on my bum and the pain was both exquisite and terrible at the same time.  But I could not cum.  (getting old I guess).

Finally she said "I'm getting tired, put your hands down and cum or there is nothing for a month".  I put my hands under me around my penis.  The cane came down hard a few more times and I finally managed to mentally deal with the confusing signals and explode in to the plastic bag. 

Drenched in sweat I lay there.  She lay beside me.  I rolled over.  Kissed her gently on the lips and thanked her.  We lay there on our backs hand in hand and drifted off to sleep.