Friday, July 21, 2017

Not wat Dom sub should be

I've been reading a fair bit on the internet and really I do not think the sub thing I am doing is working or healthy.

It seems to me that essentially my wife is simply not interested in me.

I have tried all sorts of things and being submissive is one of them.

But it has not made the relationship any more intimate.

When I read about submission on the net there are two people and two roles.
The dominant who cares for and loves their submissive.
The submissive who loves the dominant and does whatever to please the dominant. 

I am quite happy to be submissive but she has to show a bit if emotion.  A bit of care.

So feeling very very alone here

Thursday, April 20, 2017

stress

So we had sex and that was good.
Now she's on her period and says I have to wait.
Ah now that was fun.

In other news, I'm at work early and stressed.  Too many deadlines and not enough time.  So here I am wasting time on displacement activity.

I so wish the boss would come into work, stand me up and have me bend over the table and cane me.

Then tell me which one of the gazillion things I have to do I should do first and give me a deadline and if I don't make it, I would be caned again.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Sex ahhh

She had been on holidays for the last week and before that I had been abstaining from sex for lent.  The main reason though to abstain was to try to give her space to get interested in sex again.

She got back and she offerred sex.
We did it.
Started with me on top,
rolled over and she worked herself up
I was so so so close and I asked if i would be allowed to cum and she said yes.
After abstaining for 6 weeks boy was I ready but I would have enjoyed it if she'd said "no".
Any interest is good interest.


So we did it and it was good.
I wonder where to from here.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Happy to receive instructions

The wife is away on holiday on her own.
The washing machine died.

We have a front loader and I actually hate it because you can't open the door to add that last item and so on.  So I text me wife and inform her it is broken and she says she's happy for me to sort it out.  I clarify that she is OK that I buy a new one and she says yes.  This left me in a quandry because her text could easily have been interpreted to mean buy whatever washing machine I wanted.  So I considered to go out and buy a new top loader.  But instead I sent back a text to clarify and she said "10kg front loader".

I mused to myself that this is actually fun.  She has now given the specific instructions and even though the detail is at odds with my preferences, I am very happy to make it happen.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Calming down

Home alone and it was harder to not be emotional.  Yesterday I went through a range of emotions from almost angry that our love seems so sparse or maybe that I'm doing the abstiance thing because I am sick of boring sex.  Some feeling of pointlessness.

Last night and today i was much calmer.

Maybe a goal could be to be unemotional like she seems to be when it comes to sex.

anyway I'm feelong OK and now at work.

Monday, April 10, 2017

The ache and desire

Ohh my balls ache.  ache ache.

My wife has gone away for a week and it is interesting how much harder it is to not masturbate.

Before she went we talked about resuming sex when she gets back after Easter.

The discussion points included
I had been much calmer this time (She used to give me sex because she did not like me grumpy)
I said I felt that if she gives me sex because she thinks I need release then that just makes me feel weak.
She had enjoyed not having sex.
She said that she might try through till june (5 months)

Wow. 

I am both excited and aprehensive at the same time.

I want to have sex.
I want to see if I can abstain.

Friday, April 7, 2017

about a week to go

So almost at Easter and that is when I may get to orgasm.

I would love for my wife to be more intentional about some tease associated with sex. 

I don't think that my abstiance has done much.  I was hoping some space would facilitate her getting her libido back but no.

Anyway, I'm pretty calm about it.  Much more so than in the past.  Almost a feeling that if she were to leave then I'm over it.

We just had a weeks holiday away.  It was quite pleasant.  To give her her due, she did put some effort into stroking and teasing me but It's quite mechanical in a way.  Like she feels it's her duty to do it but can't and won't connect emotionally.

She is going away on her own for a week so we will see how she feels on her return.