Balls aching all day.
The weird thing is that I don't any longer have that feeling of worry about never being able to "do it" again.
I had a conversation with my wife last night asking whether she would let me cum once we had gotten to the end of lent. She kidnly said "We'll see".
I said I was scared
she asked why and I said that I was worried she might never let me cum again.
She said something referring to the NFP men who have to abstain. I said that I admired their strength. She said well you may get your wish.
We also talked about only getting to cum on special occasions like my birthday, our wedding aniversery and christmas.
I said that what I would really like is for her to be (and I forget the exact words) but that she be on board and enthusiastic and intentional whichever way. If she wanted me to have sex with her all the time and not abstain then I wanted her to want that. What I don't want is a "take it or leave whatever don't care" atmosphere.
So I am aprehensive because that could mean abstaining for another couple of months.
But also It's something I'd like to do in a weird masochistic sort of way. It would be interesting to connect with other men who abstain for extensive periods of time. I'm hardly likely to get onto facebook and say "hey guys, which of you gets no sex and loves it"
Friday, March 24, 2017
And ache they do
Sitting standing driving.
A dull ache
It's kind of nice in a way but I'd rather something else now.
It's also fun in a abandoned sort of way in my mind to think I've now abstained 4 weeks. I know it's a petty thing but in a way I feel like a bit of a failure in life. Even though objectivly I think others would say I've done OK. House paid off, kids are happy and healty, at school or uni and doing well. But my wife is detached. No libido. No spark of sexual energy.
A dull ache
It's kind of nice in a way but I'd rather something else now.
It's also fun in a abandoned sort of way in my mind to think I've now abstained 4 weeks. I know it's a petty thing but in a way I feel like a bit of a failure in life. Even though objectivly I think others would say I've done OK. House paid off, kids are happy and healty, at school or uni and doing well. But my wife is detached. No libido. No spark of sexual energy.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
The balls ache
So my balls are aching.
I mentioned this to my wife who said well it's past two weeks. I guess my gut feel is that the testosterone has dropped thus reducing the feeling of urgency to have sex but maybe the engine is still producing and storing seamen. My assumption is that with extended abstinance that that will drop off.
Asked the wife this morning, when it comes to touching her, and remember she is not a physical touch person
would she like me to never touch her,
wait to be invited to touch her,
ask to rouch her or
just touch her
She said just touch gently. OK.
I mentioned this to my wife who said well it's past two weeks. I guess my gut feel is that the testosterone has dropped thus reducing the feeling of urgency to have sex but maybe the engine is still producing and storing seamen. My assumption is that with extended abstinance that that will drop off.
Asked the wife this morning, when it comes to touching her, and remember she is not a physical touch person
would she like me to never touch her,
wait to be invited to touch her,
ask to rouch her or
just touch her
She said just touch gently. OK.
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
She likes the space
I'm trying very hard to not sub from the bottom and not to get grumpy.
The wife is
a) not sexual
b) Very self centred and feels she must be in control
c) does not listen to me or the kids.
d) does not talk about her feelings
But I think she is trying to be a bit more engaged.
Each morning recently she has been a bit more physical. Hugging cuddling and so on.
On the kinky side, I assume as a result of now 3 weeks abstinance, my balls ache.
The other fun thing this morning was that when we were cuddling, I got turned on and started to rub against the materass and she said "Stop!". It was nice to hear her be so definate.
The wife is
a) not sexual
b) Very self centred and feels she must be in control
c) does not listen to me or the kids.
d) does not talk about her feelings
But I think she is trying to be a bit more engaged.
Each morning recently she has been a bit more physical. Hugging cuddling and so on.
On the kinky side, I assume as a result of now 3 weeks abstinance, my balls ache.
The other fun thing this morning was that when we were cuddling, I got turned on and started to rub against the materass and she said "Stop!". It was nice to hear her be so definate.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Just another day
Pretty relaxed today.
Maybe the testtosterone is dropping off.
4 weeks or so to go until the end of lent which is how long I am abstaining for.
My wife has been nice and definite in resisting my desires for sex.
Maybe the testtosterone is dropping off.
4 weeks or so to go until the end of lent which is how long I am abstaining for.
My wife has been nice and definite in resisting my desires for sex.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Research into Abstinance
Spent some time searching for information on sexual abstinance
The Natural Family Planning and Catholics seem to be the most serious or vanilla about this. Obviously plenty of fem dom stuff but I was kind of more interested in stuff that would hopefully be less likly to be the dreams of old men.
Anyway before I got to those who practice long term abstinance, it seems that abstinance has been studied a bit. There are conflicting opinions on whether it causes problems. Prostrate issues is cited. It seems though that opionions differ. So my take was that really there is no statistically significant evidence that there is a problem with long term sexual absinance.
Next there were a few university studies where they had measured testosterone levels for a few weeks after an orgasm and while abstaning. As I understood it, about a week after orgasm, the body goes into testosterone creation overdrive in an attempt to prompt the body into seeking sex and that about the two week point, the testosterone has dropped back to 'normal' and then if abstinance is maintained the level drops further.
Now that seems to correlate with my personal experience in regard to desparation or sex drive. I'm now at or just past the 2 week mark and the physical pressure is definately less.
Onto the NFP people. So they believe that one should not use condoms or other birth control.
As a generalisation, it seems that the happily married couple start off with all good intentions where they track her cycle and he gets about a week of sex every month. But that of course means he is facing that testosterone spike every month. So every month he has to resist and go through the hardest emotional barrier. It seems that either they give up or start using contraceptives or do something to provide releif or a small dedicated group stick with it. Those tht stick with it tend to go for full or near full abstinance. He might get a treat every so often maybe once or twice a year.
I think that it is a mutually agreed decision but that the wives tend to be in the determined to support him category. It seems that they are sensitive to the mans needs and give lots of encouragement but equally they kind of are very clear "no sex" baby!.
I guess my wish would be that my wife would be more engaged. I have shown her some of the forums and pointed out the wives are proactive in being supportive and physically intimate.
At present my mariage is a bit cold. The wife is not "engaged". she's always too busy and too tired and bla bla excuse excuse. And I'm just not interested in sex with her while thats the dynamic.
The Natural Family Planning and Catholics seem to be the most serious or vanilla about this. Obviously plenty of fem dom stuff but I was kind of more interested in stuff that would hopefully be less likly to be the dreams of old men.
Anyway before I got to those who practice long term abstinance, it seems that abstinance has been studied a bit. There are conflicting opinions on whether it causes problems. Prostrate issues is cited. It seems though that opionions differ. So my take was that really there is no statistically significant evidence that there is a problem with long term sexual absinance.
Next there were a few university studies where they had measured testosterone levels for a few weeks after an orgasm and while abstaning. As I understood it, about a week after orgasm, the body goes into testosterone creation overdrive in an attempt to prompt the body into seeking sex and that about the two week point, the testosterone has dropped back to 'normal' and then if abstinance is maintained the level drops further.
Now that seems to correlate with my personal experience in regard to desparation or sex drive. I'm now at or just past the 2 week mark and the physical pressure is definately less.
Onto the NFP people. So they believe that one should not use condoms or other birth control.
As a generalisation, it seems that the happily married couple start off with all good intentions where they track her cycle and he gets about a week of sex every month. But that of course means he is facing that testosterone spike every month. So every month he has to resist and go through the hardest emotional barrier. It seems that either they give up or start using contraceptives or do something to provide releif or a small dedicated group stick with it. Those tht stick with it tend to go for full or near full abstinance. He might get a treat every so often maybe once or twice a year.
I think that it is a mutually agreed decision but that the wives tend to be in the determined to support him category. It seems that they are sensitive to the mans needs and give lots of encouragement but equally they kind of are very clear "no sex" baby!.
I guess my wish would be that my wife would be more engaged. I have shown her some of the forums and pointed out the wives are proactive in being supportive and physically intimate.
At present my mariage is a bit cold. The wife is not "engaged". she's always too busy and too tired and bla bla excuse excuse. And I'm just not interested in sex with her while thats the dynamic.
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Another day of abstinance
Deep breath.
There is a kind of feeling of "will I ever be able to do IT again".
I kind of tenseness. I have to shrug and roll my shoulders.
I had a talk to my wife this morning asked if she was enjoying not having sex and she said "yes very much so"
I asked what she would like to do sex wise after lent and she said "oh a couple of times a week". I said think about why. We know I don't *need* it and we know your enjoying not doing it. Maybe there are other options like we could do it if you felt like it but otherwise not do it. Or we could continue with abstinance. Yes I want sex but I also want you to not feel pressured.
There is a kind of feeling of "will I ever be able to do IT again".
I kind of tenseness. I have to shrug and roll my shoulders.
I had a talk to my wife this morning asked if she was enjoying not having sex and she said "yes very much so"
I asked what she would like to do sex wise after lent and she said "oh a couple of times a week". I said think about why. We know I don't *need* it and we know your enjoying not doing it. Maybe there are other options like we could do it if you felt like it but otherwise not do it. Or we could continue with abstinance. Yes I want sex but I also want you to not feel pressured.
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