Tuesday, July 16, 2013

recognising who is in charge

The wife and I have been seeing a marriage councillor off and on for a couple of months.

The councillor wanted to see us separately and yesterday my wife went.

She had double booked herself having agreed to pick up a friends kids from daycare.  I left work early to collect them and then to baby sit.  Things that I am more than happy to do.

When my wife got home I asked how it had gone and so said OK.  I did not want to push the discussion because what she and the councillor talk about is their business.  My wife did however say that they had talked about how I (husband) believed that someone should be in charge and that my wife thought that marriage was a partnership 50:50.

Now my contention here is that we don't have a 50:50 partnership.  If she sees that something should be done a certain way then it is done that way.  If it is something she does not care about or does not know about then it gets done my way.  ie 0:100 or 100:0.  I guess that averages out to 50:50.

I get to configure her computer, back it up, sort out bugs.
She decides
when and where we holiday.
What we eat and when.
What is purchased.
How the house looks, is cleaned.....

Now even though I tend to be a moody.  Right now not moody.  Feeling great actually.  Quite happy to 'be submissive' to go along with whatever she wants.

I just wish that she would recognise that she is in charge and makes the decision instead of pretending that we have this 50:50 thing.

Now she may wish me to take more responsibility.  If that is the case then she needs to let me take responsibility.


  1. I understand your feelings. I am living in the same kind of relationship. Does your wife read your blog?


  2. Hi Appy,
    This blog is secret. Frankly I think it would freak her out.
    I have a blog shared just with her where I try to communicate with her but she does not read it. I have encouraged her to read it. She knows about it but I guess its just too dam negative.

    I believe that one of our biggest problems is communication. I have told her that I am struggling to find a way to communicate with her. I would be happy to communicate by whatever method worked for her.

  3. hi. i am new to this posting thing. also i am new to the D/s or wlm relationship. but i want to give you a dominant womans perspective. this sounds like you are having a really hard time explaining to her that you need to be submissive to her and to what extent. the question is, is your wife leading your marriage because she is dominant, or at least closet dominant? or is she leading without wanting to because you wont lead? from the few things ive read it sounds like your wife has dominant tendencies. just remember in society, we women have been taught that good women take the submissive role, so it isnt easy to combat this even if your wife is naturally dominant. your post sounds like you recognize their is communication problem, and it is likely that your wife recognizes this also. women are very smart you know, and sensitive to the needs of our family members. she likely knows there is something on your mind and she may even know what it is no matter how much you have or havent told her. here is a really important question, how much does your wife know about wlm relationships? has she read any other blogs or have any idea of what this lifestyle is about? i ask this because i had absolutely no idea this lifestyle was a possibility at all until recently. dominant women will tend to submerge there leadership skills and domination needs in order to fit into society. if your wife is very aware of the way life could be for you two, then she should have some intuition and recognize the submissive signs in you. if you think she definitely knows all this already then its time to bolster your courage and have a serious and honest talk about how your relationship should go from now on. let her know that you will accept whatever decision she makes, and if she wants you to lead the family with her, you will, but tell her that you believe she is the best at it and that you would prefer she did it and that you would wholeheartedly serve her and help her in the endeavor. either way let her know the decision on where the relationship goes is her choice but you want her to know about this possible lifestyle that is actually your preference to be subservient.