Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Yes No

So I have stayed off the topic of submission.
Hopefully she is at least a little OK with inflicting pain on me during sex.

It is kind of strange to realise that I am a masochist.  Also submissive mind you.

I recall in high school that in our english class we were reading a book.  I do not remember the name of the book.  There was a character in the book who it was suggested may have allowed himself to be beaten because he enjoyed or was atleast aroused by being beaten.  The term masocist was mentioned.  Incidentally I learned the word existentialst in that class too.

I recall being amazed that someone could be aroused by pain.  Just could not relate to it.

Yet looking back, I know I was certainly intrigued by discipline, power, pain and so on.  I did not get aroused by pain and as I said could not relate to the idea of being aroused by it.  At the same time, I was OK with it.  For example, even though I was scared stiff of getting the cane, I would willingly trade up from a detention to getting the cane.  It was almost a shrug of the shoulders sort of thing.  Like I knew it would hurt and hurt a lot and leave 4 or 6 very dark bruises.  Actually the bruises were a mark of honour.  But to me it was preferable to some long drawn out detention sitting writing lines or whatever.

So now it is kind of weird to admit to myself that I am aroused by pain and not being disgusted with myself either.

As an aside, this morning, I hinted at sex with my wife who responded by saying "no you can wait a few days". 

It is weird I know that would like her to tie me face down on the bed and whip me.  It is weird that I want it to hurt.  I want her to do it hard.  As hard as she possibly can and harder.  But I do not want anyone else to do it.  strange.

She got her short boy style hair cut. 
Funny I find it very sexy.  I like to run my hands up the back and feel it slightly prickly and also to see and feel her ears.
I guess it represents power in some traditional sense.
Maybe it is just the juxtaposition of the sexes.

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