Thursday, January 31, 2013

The start of the year

Well it is the start of the school year and moody me is of course aprehensive.

Aprehensive because fear we (wife, I & family) my slip into the same rut as last year.

There is of course the busyness that comes with kids - shopping, sport, taxi driving and so on.

The rut is the social calendar that my wife keeps.  It seems to me that she hears of something and it gets added to the social calendar.  My time is filled up by her.

Last night (Wednesday)  in bed she said "I have just found out that XYZ meeting is on tomorrow (Thursday) night do you mind if I go". 

Now up until that conversation I was feeling pretty good.  Thursday night was already spoken for driving one child to a sporting commitment and I was intending to stay and watch.  There was an implied expectation that I would attend said XYZ meeting because it is for an event that we are both involved in and that meant that someone would have to organise our child to be transported to and from the sporting commitment.  All possible.

Well that just caused me stress.
To me what could have been better would have been:-
"I (wife) am going to XYZ meeting tomorrow night"
and even better would have been
"I (wife) am going to XYZ meeting tomorrow night and you are taking [child] to sport"
You see what would have made it better is not having questions.

It appeals to my submissive self not to have to think.  Well not to think at the sort of social calendar level.  I am quite happy and able to think and act within the limits set.  So I do not need to be told how to take the child to sport or even what time and so on.

Now back to the stress.  I think a key reason for me feeling stress was that last year in particular I had felt especially moody and we had played a little with the idea of submission but not much and so even though I find the submissive position quite comforting, it feels like she is not into it and just goes about her business oblivious to the effect on others.

What I am trying to say is that the stress was caused by memories of the past rather than the actual present.

Anyway the outcome of that was I am taking the child and she is going to the meeting.

The outcome that was not really addressed was having a cordiall discussion about how to approach this.  It would have been nice if she had understood that if she were simplt to tell me rather than ask me it would be less stressful and actually fun in a way.

In other totally unrelated thing though that does relate to the power of mothers, It was australia day here in oz and of course people had parties.  Somehat truncated this year because of some wild weather.  However we attended a lunch get together recently and met up with a family where I had known the father in my uni days.  Introduced to his wife and two daughters 8 and 10yo.  Children came and went and played and ours like most had soft drink.  Their kids had water.  It transpires mum has decreed no softdrink for their children.  Ever!.  "they know they are not allowed" the mother said.  Ah the power of mothers I thought.  As she said this, one of the daughters stood beside her and did the pout and then ran off to play. 

I thought we were pretty strict with our kids in that regard.  We don't have soft drinks except on special occasions.  Partys ok but as a general drink.  In that our kids are not allowed just to go buy a coke.  And this can be tough if their friends drop into the shops on the way home from school and purchase soft drink. But no soft drink ever.  wow. 

What of course appealed to me was that in conversation it was the mothers decision.  Husband just went along with it. 

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