Monday, January 7, 2013

She is on holiday

Nothing interesting to report.  Pretty depressing actually.

She is on holiday.
I am at work.

From my perspective she is disconnected.
I suggested to her that she could give me some instructions but that has fallen on deaf ears.

I think I am in this weird space.  Our marriage is in this weird space.

She just does not have any sexual drive.
Well not with me anyway.

Recently she read "Diary of a submissive"
I thought that was good.
We had a little discussion about it recently.
There is a chapter toward the end of the book where the woman in the case of the book, the submissive one, went away for work.  After a week or so he boyfriend / dominant instructed her to go to her bag and see what was in the side pocket.  Turns out chop sticks and rubber bands.  He instructed her to put the rubber bands on pairs of chop sticks and put them on her breasts.  Pain.  And that is all my wife took from reading that chapter.  She did not take that he (the dominant) had done some preparating in advance and then while they were away, he decided the timing. 

Nope not my wife.  She is away and her mind is away.
She is not thinking about sex, or me.  She is in the moment.

And given that she is at the beach and I am in the burbs well who can blaim her.

And that is pretty depressing and shows really how low our mariage is in her list of priorities.


  1. Sir I suggest that you need to focus on your wife. Love her for her vanilla self, unconditionally. I believe you're letting your fantasy get in the way of your marriage.

    From previous posts I get the feeling your wife may have some anxiety that she is not living up to who you want her to be. This is a lot of pressure, and can quickly weigh on her self confidence and your marriage.

    I asked before what you were going to do if she did not want the kink. Now, I believe you are in a position where you have to choose what is more important for you: D/s Or Your marriage.

    If your marriage is important, then maybe you can focus on learning what her fantasy is and making it come true. A part of any successful marrisge, even if it is not D/s, is learning to serve your wife. Study her, find what interests her, learn about her, and loveher. Unconditionally- even if she will never be your fantasy girl.

    With whatever happens, I wish you and your wife the best and hope you find happiness.

  2. You mentioned these things in previous post:

    A calm household. No arguing children. No fighting with the children.
    Candle light
    Tickling on the shoulder
    Plain old fashioned sex with one on top and one under and both coming together. Use lubricant if required.

    Are you working on those? I suggest you do that instead of being depressed about feeling like she is disinterested.

    Does she like a massage, foot rub, bath in candlelight, toes painted? Have you tried an extended phase of keeping the bathrooms clean and doing other household chores so that she notices she doesn't have to do them?

    I'm nowhere near where I want to be in this journey, but these sorts of things make most women happy.

    I would focus on things other than BDSM and clear kink and instead pamper her. Every small step in the right direction is a step. Plan for it to evolve over years and don't expect it to be quick.

    The fact that you and your wife can have a conversation about your needs and likes is good. Many can't. You have to find common ground.

  3. My wife is away too, also on the beach.

    I can empathize with yuo because I also get these pesky feelings of abandonment and lack of attention.

    Hang in there, don't push too hard and thank her for whatever she does to appease your kink, no matter how small, even if all she does is sticking it out with you and not leaving.

    Good luck, my fellow traveller.