Thursday, October 11, 2012

The power of wait

A person by the name of  Frank Partnoy has written a book called Wait - the art and science of delay.

In many circumstances the person who delays the longest is the one with the most power.

This resonated with me because I usually feel the need to immediatly justify my decisions by explaining them to someone.  In the family context, I would explain them to my wife.

Girls learn a bullying technique where they freeze someone out.  Wives of course can ignore their husbands indefinately - In light of this book, that is a demonstration of power. 

I on the other hand have never been able to ignore my wife.  I always want contact.  I want physical contact.  I want to talk with her.  I want to do things with her.  I feel the need to confess, apologise, discuss.  There have been times when I have been angry or sulked and tried to give her the cold shoulder treatment but I have not been able to keep it up.  Even for a day when I am at work.  I end up texting her an apology or going home at lunvh time with a bunch of flowers.

So I guess in a way, this confirms her as the more powerful person in the relationship and that is fine and actually nice to put a label on it.

But I suspect that there maybe some value in me waiting too.

For example anonomous in their comment on this post of mine pointed out that my frustrations have been going on for years and that "If your goal is to please her, it sounds like maybe you need to take some time to listen and figure out what she wants - which she probably won't tell you directly".
And that sounds like good advice.

and in a recent response to this post, subservetoher askes "Have you considered or discussed with your wife the idea of you going into chastity?" and again it seems that the idea of time or waiting frees up space in the relationship. 


  1. Actually, I hadn't thought of it quite like that. My guess is you'd like a little forward movement in the realization of your desire to serve and perhaps worship your wife. Would she be willing to look at some material on the subject of chastity devices? Of course, you could be bold, go out and buy one, give her the key as you show it to her and tell her she's the reason you're alive and you're here for her pleasure and authority. It takes the hemming and hawing out of the equation which she seems to do and believe my you'll be listening to everything she has to say very quickly with a device on. You'll also be right there to worship and serve your lady. Just my 2 cents, friend.

  2. Hi subservetoher,
    Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I suspect that a conversation that involved chastity devices would be seen by her as just too weird. When in the past I have tried to have conversations with her about her controling or making [big ticket] decisions for me she will respond with comments about self control. I suspect that as time progresses we may end up with some kind of chastity but unlikely that she would go for a piece of hardware. but you never know. Every now and then she pulls out a surprise.