Thursday, August 8, 2013


It seems we have a tension.

On the one hand, as a generalisation, women seem to want a strong leading man.  Physically strong, take the initiative, on the ball, competent and so on.  At the same time, they are controlling, some say manipulative, want their own way.

So for some of us, me in particular, we transition to being what I call submissive.

I hope some traits stay - Physically fit and healthy, competent, on the ball.

But we make a change to I guess taking less initiative.  Not no initiative.  I guess I see it as more reactive.  Trying to ascertain what she wants and doing it.

At the same time I think guys like things black and white.  So it is nice when I know exactly what she wants.  What is difficult is when I am unsure.

Then I couple that with a bit of kinkiness for want of a better word.  A desire to be spanked.  To be bossed around. 

Perhaps it is because I have felt ignored by her as it seems we have drifted apart in our marriage and that any attention is good attention.  So beat me is better than ignoring me.

But it seems that she has difficulty with all of this.  Kink is too too strange.  Taking the lead in a overt way is not her thing.  in fact recently she was involved with several teams that were predominantly female and two of these teams fell apart.  From my fly on the wall position, I think it was because neither team had an obvious visible structure or formality about it.  So when issues rose up, there was no obvious process or structure to deal with it.  And as a part of that, no obvious leader.  No chairperson.  In fact one of these groups seemed to go through a process of electing one chair person after another and then effectively termiting the chair person until they resigned out of frustration and eventually the team imploded.

So on a personal front, I am left in this sort of no mans unsatisfied land where I just go with the flow.  Living her social calendar and dreaming of something more edgy (which s what I am doing now).  Pouring my heart out in this blog and my other one for her that she never reads anyway.

On the proactive side, I try to ensure I put a lot of effort into things around the house.  TV is a killer so I try to make sure I do not sit in front of it.  I make rules for myself.  Kind of wishing she would make an impose them.  Like - no TV, only eat what is provided - no seconds. 


Interestingly as I write this on the topic of any attention is good attention.  I met a mother once who used to send her daughter to our Friday night church youth group in the skimpiest miniskirts and tight tops.  Now I am all in favour of girls in short skirts but this was a very awkward situation.  I was uncomfortable, the girl was clearly uncomfortable and others were uncomfortable.  When I spoke to the mother about it her position was basically her daughter needed to be noticed.  To be unnoticed meant she was ordinary, boring, a nothing and the mom was sure not going to let that happen. 


  1. I understand exactly what you are saying. I am in the same situation. I want to be me, but she is seemingly not interested in that; or worse, she is apathetic to it. I have always done most of the tasks in and around the house. All I have really done is put a label on it. The word "submissive" stands in the way. I understand she needs to be who she is, but why can't I be who I am?

  2. Seems like a synergy here. I think the word submissive does stand in the way.