Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Decisions decisions decisions.

So I have been trying to take a tread lightly approach.

Yes I still have my kinks and my drive to be submissive.  Yes I would love her to be the dominatrix that really is not within her.

So I figure that I will try to do my best to show her that my submission creates space for her.  My logic goes like this:  we all have to make an effort in life and in a family.  If I do nothing around the house, then she has to put in effort cleaning and wot not.  If I do that then she of course is freed up to do other things.  A part of what I am doing is simply not to argue with her.

Well we are out with friends last night and they ask if we would like to get together for a day in a few weekends time.  My wife turns to me and says "you decide dear"

This I do not want to do.  Not just because I am trying to be submissive.  It just really made me feel uncomfortable.  I am quite happy at work to decide on stratgic matters or trivial matters.  On hiring or firing a staff member.  But at home.... well I just couldn't.  I just locked up.  My mind was racing.

What else is on that day and the days either side? 
Does that even matter anyway? 
What sport and music other commitments do the kids have? 
Are there any kids birthday parties? 
Where's my phone and even if I had access to my google calendar what if there is something missing that I forgot to enter?  O please dear don't make me make that decision.  You do it.

Cripes I sound pathetic.

For so long she has controlled the social calendar.  For so long I have gone along with it and that was hard and mentally I think I changed to cope with that.  In a way I think my thinking is well OK control everything.  I can sexualise that.  Bring it into my fetish and then it does not stress me.  In fact it rewards me.  A seritonan hit to hear you decide those sorts of decisions.

And the end result you ask.  Well I couldn't decide and we went away to think about it. 

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