Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Isn't it strange

my wife does not know about this blog.  It is my place to pour my heart out.  To sound out ideas and thoughts.  To write goals for myself and so on.

So I have been trying to be submissive to the extent of not arguing with her.  But for now I have given up on the overt kinky stuff.  No mention of submission even in the bed room.  No asking for sex either though.  I want to try and get her used to enjoying sex and then maybe see if she would like to try something.

It does seem that she would like us to cum together so I suspect it will be a while before we try the chastity thing.  Although I do find that if I abstain then I do have more energy.  Energy I especially need in the evenings to be helpful arround the house putting kids to bed etc.  Last night at 2am I woke to hear one of them coughing so I got up and delt with it. 

The issue I guess that goes through my mind at the moment is on the one hand the idea of being submissive turns me on.  That to me needs her to engage in a conscious was as the leader.  She really does lead but not consciously as far as I can see.  She does what comes naturally with out really thinking about it.  She organises the social calendar and I tag along.  She decides on the meals and buys the food.  So she makes all these decisions that define our life but it is like we are both on auto pilot. 

My worry is will we run out of fuel and just fall out of the sky.

I do not want to be a family that just stays together because of the kids.
I want her to want me.  To love me.  I want to be able to do things that she likes and enjoys.  yet I feel I am walking on egg shells most of the time.

Anyway enough of that morbid self reflection.  I am just getting myself depressed.

On with the topic I started with - "Isn't it strange"

Isn't it strange that I wrote a post about teen girls and short skirts.  Now I have always thought that girls look better in skirts especially short ones.  And of course my wife knows that.  Well blow me over if yesterday she wore a short skirt.  I assume she must have seen me looking.  I did try hard not to stare.  Who knows.  Maybe my attention to her is being rewarded.  Isn't it strange.



  1. You are not really in stealth mode are you? She knows that you wish to submit to her? I think you might show her how you wish to derve her, by doing things to help her like doing the grocery shopping from her list, washing her hair for her, doing the laundry, cooking, etc. Offer to help her more, and keep telling her how important it is to you that you contribute to her having a better life. Do this without expecting to get something in return. The happiness of his dominant should be the ultimate goal for the submissive.

  2. Hi MsNaydi,
    Your last sentance is I agree the essence of it. She should be happy and her happiness should be my primary goal. I think that I have gotten distracted along the way by wishing to feed my fetish & kinky side in a selfish way.

    You are correct, this is not stealth mode. She knows I am kink and she knows I like power exchange although she probably would not be familia with that phrase and she knows I would like her to take overt charge especially sexually with tease & denial, spanking, bossing me around and so on.

    I guess what I am trying to do is be submissive in a low impact way. I suspect she sees sumbissive as more work for her. She once said as part of a conversation on submission that "I do not want another child".

    So I guess I am trying to firstly help out more as you suggest but also whenever she asks me to do something, that I do it, I do it well and I do it completely. Not the sort of half finished result that a teenager might do if that makes sense.

  3. Dear submanhub
    I fully agree with MsNaydi. Your ultimate goal should be to serve your Mistress, make her life easier even at the expense of your suffering. You may try things like cleaning the house without being told or really doing a great job cleaning the bathrooms. Offer her a foot massage. Cook dinner one night AND do the dishes. Rent a movie that is her favorite and sit at her feet. You are not strange at all. All men would be much happier and fulfilled if they realized women are superior to us and our role toward them should be servitude and devotion

    Servant hubby rob

  4. I think you put your finger right on the problem, submanhub. You ARE trying to feed your kink/fetish in a selfish way. You want the pain and humiliation, without considering your wife.

    Apparently she does not share the same kinks and fetishes you have. If she tried to accommodate yours, without really enjoying it, it amounts to just MORE work and obligation for her. That is why she would say, "I don't want another child." You would just be one more person whose needs and desires she would have to put before her own. I totally understand this...many women have the same feelings.

    Being the leader in a relationship/family, does carry with it a lot of responsibility and a lot of work. It is not always fun and games to be responsible for everything.

    Sexually, you need to make sure she is completely relaxed and rested. You need to make sure you provide romance for her. You need to make sure SHE has an orgasm or several, and wait patiently for your own release.

    Picture this: You have bathed her, smoothed lotion all over her skin, massaged her feet, washed and dried her hair...and she is purring. Then you offer to use your mouth to bring her an orgasm. She says yes. You do your best work, and then hold her as she falls asleep. Then you slip off to finish your housework before coming back to bed, where you will be ready to give her another orgasm if she desires one, first thing in the morning. I am sure you can see where, if you are patient, you can make her crave you and love you even more than she already does.

    You have asked for nothing in return. That is key. Anyway, I think you can bring her great satisfaction if you are truly dedicated and determined to do so.

  5. Submanhub,

    I am sure I can't add anything more pertinent than has already been said by MsNaydi but I wanted to chime in and give you a fist bump as a fellow struggler. I am on your same path with the exception that I have not had the courage to be as bold as you on the kink talk side of things with my wife. My wife has all of the traits of a Dominate woman without the explicit acknowledgement of it. As for me, I only recognized my submissive nature and my need to serve her after she, after many years of marriage, accepted my offer to pleasure her without any consideration of me at all. She allowed me to bring her to orgasm with my fingers and mouth, spent over an hour on her body before she melted into my arms and with her head lying on my chest drifted off to sleep. Me lying there totally aroused, untouched in any way, stayed awake in ecstasy. That is when I began serving her every need. I now do absolutely everything that I can identify that will relieve her of chores or responsibility around the house and with the kids. No mention of what I am looking for from her. Just doing, doing, doing. Drawing baths, laundry, dishes, house work, yard work, auto upkeep, etc. Offer foot rubs every night. She refuses them more often than she accepts. I have gotten into this routine firmly and to the point that she totally expects this of me. That being said, for a long time it was fulfilling because I was longing for her overt expression of domination over me. I want to hear her words of dominance. Want to be told that I am expected to serve. For the longest time this was frustrating for me. It was a time of introspection for me and a time that I grew to recognize that my satisfaction comes exclusively from submitting, serving and pleasing her. Had I not experienced the sexual denial from her while pleasing her, I would probably still be in my state of undiscovered submissiveness. I am grateful she unlocked that side of me. Hopefully some day she will lock me in a chastity device and firmly declare that she has taking control of my orgasms as well.

    She has responded positively in several ways, but has a long ways to acknowledge her rightful place of dominance over me.

    And yes, she too does not want another child to tend to. I make sure to be self sufficient, proactive and a strong provider and defender of her. I prefer to look at my self as a knight that will fight to the death for her and offer her my neck willingly if she should so choose.

    Anne's submissive

  6. A big part of the issue for me that I have come to appreciate from talking to my wife is the fantasy world I have created by looking at porn and reading erotica. All of which fail to acknowledge the points made by MsNadyi. My wife has made it very clear that everything I have proposed just creates additional work for her, and takes all the fun out of any play we might do. I am currently working on a list of things that are about and for her that I can do. My goal is that with time she will start to see the change and we can pursue an alternative lifestyle together.

    Anne's submissive, how long did you do all the things you highlighted for your wife before she started to notice the change in you?

    Anne's submissive and submanhub, I admire the self-control you have as it relates to pleasuring yourself. I am not there and use chastity on my own while traveling and alone to help remind me of my goals.

    submanhub, you mentioned that you tried not to stare when your wife wore her short skirt, but maybe she wanted you to stare. I was also wondering if you complimented her on how nice she looked in the skirt. She may have worn it hoping to see/hear your reaction. I know my wife has dressed up a couple times for me just to hear my positive comments and reenforce my feelings towards her.


  7. Jon,

    I am sure my wife noticed fairly quickly, probably within a month noticed that her cloths showed up ironed and in her closet without her touching them from the time she dropped them on the floor after wearing them. (We live very near or work place and I go home at lunch and do a lot my chores so she walks into our home with a lot of things already done). This goes for the other tasks as well, like dishes, chores, kid management, etc. The thing that I thought was notable was that after about 3 months, she began to accept the fact that now owned these duties. Prior to that time she would say things like "you don't have to do that" or "I will clean up the kitchen shortly" or "I can take care of that". She used to be very busy around the house. Now she will kick off her pumps when she gets home, sit down, and do the things she wants to do. Often checking emails, reading her work related papers or watching some TV. I take those opportunities to overtly serve her very quietly in her presence. I will walk over to her and very subtly (so as not to disturb) pick up her shoes, and her blaze and take them upstairs and put them away. I like for her to see me do things that are personally and somewhat intimately focused directly on her. I offer to bring her a drink, or a snack, again to simply put her in a relaxed environment and to make her comfortable. I try to time my preparation for bed to match hers so I am done and able to run her bath for her.

    Regarding self pleasure, once I discovered my rightful place as her dedicated submissive husband I completely stopped masturbating. Prior my paradigm shift this understanding I would masturbate often. Now it is left up to my wife to bring me to orgasm. I sometimes wear a tight cock ring just for a constant reminder that I am owned by my wife. It helps to keep my main focus the main focus during the day. I also will use a chord or leather lace to restrain my cock and balls, tying my cock down over my balls so that if I get aroused I can not get fully hard. This also helps me to stay in the proper state of mind. She does not practice tease & denial (she doesn't know what it is even) but I would love it if she did. I have referred to her as my Mistress on occasions when I think it is appropriate but not often.

  8. Wow. Thanks guys and girls for the feed back and comments.

    Just a clarification. I tried not to stare at the teenager in the short skirt. My wife would I hope enjoy me staring at her in a short skirt. Although I think drooling would be considered poor form. (grin).

    Anne's sub,
    A couple of quotes that really resonated with me

    "She does not practice tease & denial (she doesn't know what it is even) but I would love it if she did."
    "I was longing for her overt expression of domination over me. I want to hear her words of dominance."
    Me too.

    Your comments are right on the button and I thank you for the clarity.

    Servant hubby rob,
    "...make her life easier even at the expense of your suffering.."
    Ah yes but I think what I crave in a way is both. Make her life easier and have some overt physical suffering.