Thursday, May 24, 2012


In my recent post titled random thoughts a couple of respondents commeted that the women may not be so keen to enter the FLR realm because they perceive it to require effort.

And indeed I would agree.

Upon reflection though I realise that anything worthwhile requires effort.

Now couple this with another observation and that is romance.  Romance requires effort.

I think we get a few years into a relationship and we get lazy.  Then the relationship gets stale.

Another poster has a mentioned on their blog the five love languages.

Last year my wife and I read this book and I agree with it.  Part of the story is as I read it that when we are first in a relationship we do everything for the other person and some of those things speak their love language.  Then over time, we unintentionally get lazy and end up really only doing for them the things that we think appeal to them but in fact we speak our love language.  ie we actually do for them the things that we see as loving rather than doing the things that speak love to them.  Then when one reads the book, one is challenged first to think then to try to work out their love language and then to speak it & do it.

Of course all that requires effort.

Now as read blogs.  blogs off all sorts.  It seems that bloggers are willing to put in effort.  maybe i do not put in the right effort or consistent effort.

The challenge of course though all of this is either how does one communicate to the wife that FLR does not mean effort or yes it means effort on her part but it is worthwhile effort.

Now I would rather the second as to me no effort also equates to no value.


  1. All very true. It does require effort, and what is wrong with that is what we all are thinking I'm sure. Any marriage requires effort to make it work - too many people give up because they expect it to naturally flow and work fine, and when that isn't reality, they bail.

    So on the effort issue and why does it require so much convincing, I think it comes back to mainstream versus "different". Majority of women are afraid of "different". Marriage counseling sure they can relate to that because it is so common. Reading a book such as the 5 Love Languages, sure that seems OK because it is mainstream/normal marital tune-up kind of stuff.

    However, enter the FLR realm, and all of a sudden the brakes are on, because that is not mainstream and expected. Too different. Fear of not following the norm.

    I think its a common thread amongst us males interested in FLRs that we will spend any amount of time trying to come up with the surefire way to convince our wives to embrace this lifestyle, or in other words, put in some kind of effort. I think many of the females involved would prefer that the whole topic went away so life could just be "normal". I think they miss out on alot of intimacy and closeness because of this.

  2. Agree wholeheartadly. I think our relationship could be a lot more intimate. Just she seems to have some blocks.