I think that women are too far too subtle for men.
Maybe one of the reasons I have gravitated to this submissive idea is that perhaps I am looking for a clearer interface with my wife. She says, He does. Nice and clear.
Do this -> Yes mam -> get sex. get attention. Get reward. Nice and straightforward.
Maybe the relationship was stale, boring and this was my way, however clumsy, of trying to spice it up.
I think though that women like to be romanced. For the guy to think and do and plan little things and big things to show his interest in her. I suspect that she sees the concept of the submissive man as at odds with getting romanced. I suspect that she will think that an end result of a FLM will be that unless she commands a set of actions that they will not happen and anyway how romantic is it anyway if she has to ask me to do romance. But I suspect that she sees that scenario in a FLM type relationship.
I was listening to the radio last night and they had women phoning in and discussing sex. Must have boosted their male audience. I was amazed at the number of women in their 20's who said that they had sex but had never had an orgasm. They were phoning in to find out what they needed to do to have an orgasm. My answer to that is simple. Tell the boy not to orgasm until he has gotten her to orgasm. But still the interesting thing was if they do not have orgasm's, then what drives them to have sex?
I think that many women make sacrifices to please their husbands and this seems at odds with the FLM idea where the guys want the woman to have enjoyment just for herself and that as a consequence we get enjoyment anyway. On this line, when we were first married, we both came from pretty concervative christian backgrounds and we would practice her submitting. Bad habbit for both of us as it made for what I call lazy sex. Basically I would initiate sex and she would submit. No chance of her reaching orgasm of course. In I go and cum. Its quick and it demonstrates sacrifice, submission. I suspect though that it affected us both long term. I forgot how to romance her and she associated sex with duty. Now I am trying to change that but ingrained thoughts and actions are hard to change.
I know some couples who are in an FLR that still seem romantic. The sub can still romance his/her partner by doing things that he thinks she'll like.
ReplyDeleteThoughtful post. I was reading it and when you mentioned the word 'romance' it struck a cord. We've been working on upgrading a home and I read your post to my Domme and told her, "we don't do that much anymore". Sad comment for me to make but true. And the burden to change it is on me, not her, even if she is in charge. The reason I believe that is because it's the duty of the submissive one to please the dominant one. As a sub, finding ways of romance, in addition to doing those 'chores' around the house really should be a part of a submissive man's day.
ReplyDeleteI need to do a better job at that. Thanks for bringing this to mind.
I think many women equate femdom with extra work, and like you, I don't think that to be the case. If, however, we become lazy, then the woman's observation is correct ... it is more work for them. Maybe we should be submitting in a way that appeals to women ...not just our fantasy.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I read the rules by which you are trying to live ... Has it improved your submissive experience? -- The Purple Crayon
I don't see that a man submitting to his wife is at odds with her getting romanced. Doing things for his wife such as massages, pedicures, handling as many chores as possible, surprising her with gifts, listening to her, making her coffee, etc. are all romantic in their own way. There is no reason doing typical FLR behaviors shouldn't be romantic. The wife can still have the power to make decisions and expect behaviors from the husband.
ReplyDeleteIf we're trying to identify what is difficult for so many women to accept about being in charge and entertaining her husband's wishes to be in an FLR, my opinion is it is more related to some of:
1) It isn't mainstream and traditional
2) On the surface it requires effort.
3) Related to (2), there is a fear that it needs to be effort all the time, an always "on" kind of thing, when in fact we know that there are times where real life can be in the way.
4) I guess related to (1), it seems weird to them, and they worry that their man is a pushover versus the traditional view of a strong and protective man for his wife.
By the way, regarding lack of comments, can't pinpoint why you'd not receive as many as you like, other than perhaps some of your posts are more of a blurting of your thoughts/status and don't ask for opinion. I'm not a big comment person myself. I do think your views are very unfiltered and sometimes are quite blunt and to the point, but I mean that in a good way. Just raw thoughts and feelings related to all of this, which is good.
Hi guys thnks for the replies,
ReplyDeletejust in response,
AnonymousMay 23, 2012 11:19 PM
"can't pinpoint why you'd not receive as many as you like, other than perhaps some of your posts are more of a blurting of your thoughts/status and don't ask for opinion"
Thats true. I guess I mainly use this blog as a way of "blurting" / venting and I guess that does not engender a response. A pity I guess but that is the way it seems to be. Thanks for the observation.
A couple of responders have mentioned "requires effort". Upon consideration I would agree. I think maybe the challenge is how she can see that effort as worthwhile. I think a whole topic in its own right.
Mind you I think that romance requires effort. Hang on any long term relationship requires effort. Then throw in kids and you need huge effort.
Thanks again guys.