Thursday, October 21, 2010


I am male.
I have been married to my wonderful wife for over 15 years.
We have great kids.
Sex is boring.
Life is frustrating.
She is controlling but not in a deliberate way.
She just does her organising and the rest of us tag along.
For a long time, this meant tension and stress on my part.
I would want to do one thing. She would organise something else.
I felt that I never had any time.

So I have decided to try a new path.
I have read about wife lead mariage (WLM)
It is however in the context of BDSM which my wife is not into in any way shape or form.
So a problem I have is how to get her to intentionally lead.


  1. I have not commented on a blog before, so yours is the first. When I first stumbled across your blog, I thought that I was reading about myself. My wife of 20 plus years and I are compatible in every way except sex - so it is frustrating, and I know exactly how you feel. Tell me, are you practicing "stealth submission" or does your wife know about your deep desire for her to lead?

    If we are indeed similar, you have had countless conversations with your wife in this matter that range from the subtle to the obvious. I, like you have made the statement that : "I can't change my wife, but I can control my own actions". Consequently some time ago most , If not all of my actions were based around pleasing and minimizing my wife's stress levels. This methodology worked well for about 1 month as I grew selfishly resentful that she did not actively "engage" me in this lifestyle. It was though I was dancing (to use a metaphor that I hate) by my self. In my case, I was looking or hoping for some type of WLM /BDSM acknowledgment from her for my efforts, but all I got was vanilla.

    I'll keep reading you to see how it progresses .. good luck

    - Occams Rasor

  2. My actual intention is to comment on your post "No Value" but to be sure my comment is going to be totally relevant I'm reading your blog from the beginning and will comment as I go.

    As far as WLM and BDSM goes I think that some of the BDSM aspects are the single most significant reason why most women shy away from it. In our case we've decided that it's far more fun to take the parts that work for both of us and use them to our relationships benefit rather than trying to take something we reads about in a book and mold ourselves to fit what worked for someone else.

  3. Hi Naked Husband,

    I think you are right about the women shying away from the BDSM aspects. It is like they are controlling naturally but do not wish to be recognise that in some way.

  4. Hi
    I found interesting your life stance. I found it interesting because it is also ours.

    We have a vanilla life and I subservient to my wife. I do everything for it to be a princess. Even she has a boyfriend because I'm not manly. But we like each other very much, decided I would take a more feminine at home

  5. Hi,
    This is the first time I've ever commented on a blog, and I'm grateful that I've found you here. I've skimmed through some of your posts this afternoon, and I am looking forward to the time when I can read each one through completely. You see, through your willingness to share your feelings, I'm hoping to better understand my husband's submissive desires. I've been with him for 7 years, and it has just begun to dawn on me that he's submissive. He has been giving me hints for many years, but I've been completely clueless until last week when something led me to the idea. I know that he is depressed and that he has been craving attention and understanding from me that he hasn't received. He is not able to open up to me right now, but I'm hoping if I understand him better, he will feel safe to open up to me.
    All my best,